Ye-es. A rough week for me. I haven't been eating or sleeping normally. I wake up four or five times a night. This morning I had nightmares about not being ready for work on time. I was saved from this becoming a reality only because a homie called and asked for something. Man. Monday sucked ass. I found myself randomly driving around in Urbana. ( Read more... )

Someone called me timid this weekend. They're right. I'm a mouse in my own little world. I'm very quiet until you get to know me, and then I never shut up. I can hide my moods - but usually I don't. I lie, cheat, and deceive.

This does not mean that I don't take risks I shouldn't, and get my heart smooshed on occasion.

Yesterday was such an occasion ( Read more... )

Funny thing happened yesterday. Two out of the three water signs who corrupted my perspective called me. It was weird. Maybe it had to do with the phases of the moon.

BTW, I'm going to start blaming the alignment of the planets for everything that happens from now on, good or ill. That and my Vampire Tarot deck, even though I haven't really attuned ( Read more... )

Focus. Nothing else has ever mattered more. Sure, life doesn't make sense. But ... you can't hold still. Adapt or die and fucking GET ON YOUR HAMSTER WHEEL AND LIKE IT. No more of this trippy escapist shit. The constant irritation that is reality must be embraced. Kinda like celibacy, sobriety, and shirts made out of nettles.

About love. I hate ( Read more... )

The time of wallowing in angst over (that guy) is OVER! He has been officially let go. Relegated to the past. Yep. (nods firmly) And even if whatever the hell is going on now doesn't work out, it will be okay. Because the real problems I had with "guys" stemmed from a problem with me. And I can DEAL with that. And I am. Therefore, life is good now ( Read more... )

So they sent four of us to New Jersey for a combat lifesaver course that's going to have basically nine-to-five hours for a week.

... this course can be taught in two days. One if you really really trust the person who's supposed to give you an IV.

So. What the hell is there to do within twenty minutes of Fort Dix in the meantime? This isn't a ( Read more... )

It just occured to me that I know a lot of words but actually say very little of importance. I have very few opinions of my own. I am a spineless prat.

I ordered Hellsing and a couple of Tamora Pierce books over the internet. Man, Amazon.com is so cool. I probably shouldn't have, because the price for unfucking my finances is living on $500 for the ( Read more... )

What has the world come to? I love the military. I hate the military. I hate relationships. I'm lonely. Was I ever good enough, will I ever BE, and whose standard am I using and why the fuck do I care? Life is sort of like those containers you fill with colored sand with the intention of layering it, only a toddler got a hold of the damned thing ( Read more... )

Feeling less sure of myself than usual. Just in general. I've been thinking about Star Wars lately and I've decided that the whole series so far is about Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader. Failed my first APFT last week. The part of me that really SHOULD care about stuff like that, doesn't. This means that I'm flagged and can't go TDY - which means, ( Read more... )

Actually, aside from the fact that I can't use my molars to chew right now, and the act of eating is slow and painful and decidedly more trouble than it's worth, and the fact that the government has still not unfucked my pay, life is pretty damned good ( Read more... )