move along, nothing to see here....

[azazl]

I really have nothing to complain about. life is its normal pace of shit interrupted by occasional rosebuds. my only complaint is me. and thats fucking pathetic and it just becomes a negative feedback loop wherein I hate myself a little more each day just for being me. And I dont really know why, all of a sudden, when life isnt that bad, I should

Comments

stymied

[anonymous]

Please don't think I'm ignoring today's journal....I just don't know where to start. I probably shouldn't say anything, but it's difficult to stop my mouth. Believe me, Shavaun, I don't wish you any bad stuff, but you are so very self possesed that you could use something to "really" worry about....and I don't mean your mother, because that's an on going scenario that you have learned to deaal with so well, that it has ceased to take the focus away from yourself. I suddenly recall somethig I read in a fortune cookie...word. "Think not of what you wanted and didn't get. Think instead of that which you didn't want and didn't get." Nobody gets by without a shitload of tragedy in their lives, and I hate to say it, but one day you will look back at this as the "good times", when your kids and your man were al healthy and in love with their gal. Learn to enjoy is in spite of having to deal with the main pain in your ass....yourself. Hell, I love you, why can't you?

Re: stymied

[azazl]

I can only come up with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. Mental shit always catches you sooner or later...triggers are everywhere. I just had a long conversation with my oldest freind and the subject of my brother came up. Apparently someone on FB mentioned him and now im frantically trying to track down the ghost of someone whose been dead since 1983. Crazy shit. I wish he was here.