The last month or two has completely sucked on all fronts. ALL FRONTS ( Read more... )

Jeeezuss. I cant go on in dailup like this anymore. I get the urge to write (rare these days) and I spend 20 minutes screwing around before LJ comes up. I cannot afford one of those fancy cell phone cards you plug in (60 + a month) and i cannot get the satellite because my house has a metal roof and according to govt. regulation it cannot be ( Read more... )

Bloody hell. The world is absolutly falling apart. I cannot even begin to comment on the crap going on in the middle east, north africa, japan and the strange religeous zealotry thats taking this fucking country by storm. The world picture is riddled with doom and I simply havent got the energy to fight it beyond the obvious recognization that its ( Read more... )

Hmmmm. Ive tried writing a few times since my last post buuuut...Ive been so goddamned frazzled nothing intelligable has come out. I dont expect to be in posession of great literature today either, but I thought Id take a stab at a minor outline of life for the last wee bit. Most of it has sucked. Its now February. I havent a clue when I wrote last ( Read more... )

Im having my usual early season mental breakdown. not even winter yet. wait till i nearly blow my brains out in january. always a fucking treat.Im not joking. its been like this since I can remember. And no- lighting wont solve it. Nor will a bunch of stupid hippy herbs or meditation. Winter makes me dangerous. Always has. Always will ( Read more... )

The last few weeks have been wreaked with physical ailment. A flu ran through us all. First it was Scrumpy then it hit me and the other 2 kids and finally my dad and steve. Im still recuperating 2 weeks on as I have had no rest. My life, unfortunately, does not allow for R&R. Among other things Lulu, who had been bitten by a rattlesnake over a ( Read more... )

Ok so its been a whirlwind since I last wrote anything. Ill skip the details. Its Ok, you know when life gets a bit slow I tend to marinate in my own melancholic juices and focus on stupid shit that will culminate one way or another regardless of my input. Either steve loves me or he doesnt. Not a whole helluva lot I can do about it except keep on ( Read more... )

uggghhh. Spending my time reading between the lines, analyzing sighs and body language and feeling very fucking uncomfortable. The worst part is I dont feel comfortable in my own skin. I have always been me, never a game player. Now I am reading someone else and trying to awkwardly fit in to the gap thats there. Maybe hes just depressed because his ( Read more... )

Somehow
I mistakenly killed you
with my enthusiasm.

No, I did not
Literally kill you.
No blood
No coagulating visceral reflex
No powder burns
nor congealing
just
a slow
recoil.

And quiet.

That is all that it takes
apparently.
Odd thing is:
You are not dead
but I am dead to you.

Bleh. I feel like puking. Like really letting go and spewing everygoddamn thing that has hit my stomach since I hit "adulthood" whatever the fuck that is. Problem: Im not actually physically nauseous just psychically ( Read more... )