I think this might be an opportunity, a chance, a moment just for me.  But I'm plagued with thoughts of insecurity and dillusion and what if.  I'm almost positive it's all in my mind, but I think I want this... or for the moment, this is all I want.  Syntax ( Read more... )

This is going to backfire.  I hate not being able to feel.  I hate how my heart freezes up, I hate how I feel no empathy, I hate how I can’t make my heart feel.  This is going to blow up in my face and yet I cannot be bothered to hack away at the ice to find something to give, and I can’t… don’t want to say that I don’t feel anything back.  I’m a ( Read more... )

These days I drink apple juice and eat olives like they’re hot chips and I love fried pineapple on everything and I wonder if this change means anything, or something or nothing at all.  I go to the gym and I eat healthy: a piece of fruit and veggies everyday.  I read often and not just my prescribed reading for class, I read novels I’ve been ( Read more... )

I’m not ready.  I don’t want to suspend my life for yet another year.  I feel as though I’ve regressed.  It feels as if I’m suffering a mid-life crisis and have reverted to acting like a teenager.  Except of course I haven’t got enough money to buy a cool sports car or a beach front property, instead I’ve got the angst, I’m overly emotional, I’ve ( Read more... )

I love days like this.  Days like these are days I live for.  Give me 30 degree days, where I can drown in my own pool of sweat and then swirl and dive around in Sydney’s pristine beaches all day.  Then give me the cool summer breeze, where I can chillax on my bed and act like a girly girl as I cry my eyes out as I admire [watch] the brilliant ( Read more... )

Your heart is racing, the weather is humidity central, the people are all packed together in one of Sydney’s tiniest streets, with djs playing on every corner.  You move your body to the smooth, bass of fusion dj-ed by the never disappointing, always electrifying, exhilarating, but most of all exalting music, you move your body even though there ( Read more... )

 
It starts with being drop-kicked from the plane that is flying you ever so slowly away from this feeling, the plane you took forever to board, the plane that took forever to take off.  And you fall into the ice, cold sea - that it’s such a shock to the system.  You freeze, you struggle, and suddenly you realise it’s the same old tide all over ( Read more... )

I wonder about endings.  I wonder why, no matter how much warning we have, they still feel so abrupt, sudden, unexpected.  I have yet to have an ending I am completely satisfied with, or if I have, it eludes my memory at this present time.  I feel like I’m drifting with the tides, no control, just following the ebb and flow, of gravity, of the moon ( Read more... )

At first everything feels so airy, so light.  Then the warmth, the instant heat floods you, your eyes see red.  And just as suddenly as heat overwhelms you cold paralyses you.  The world starts to sway from side to side and you feel light-headed, and you might even mistake that feeling for something akin to heatstroke, like you have spent too long ( Read more... )

It’s one of those moments where everything in my life is perfect; I’ve had an amazing week with the best friends in the world: We saw JT on Wednesday and it was totally mind-blowing to see a top end production with the latest technology being used - I can no longer just enjoy a show, I have to notice everything set wise, light wise, sound wise, AV ( Read more... )