The truth is...

-it has everything to do with dance.

-it has everything to do with my near future and the uncertainty i am taken over with.

-it has everything to do with the people around me and how i've been acting towards them.

-it has everything to do with ma mere and her severe state.

-it has everything to do with the anxiety eating away anything ( Read more... )

I'm not ready for any of this ( Read more... )

I thought I knew what was going on. But the more I see on here and the more hints that are being dropped my way, the more I feel like things are being kept from me on purpose. Maybe I really don't want to know. Maybe, I just want to drop all of this and go somewhere else. With people who won't strain my every thought. Where I can be who I want to ( Read more... )

i'm lost  in all of this fucking turmoil.
i'm lost in everyone's problems, fears, and judgments.
i'm lost in everyone else's new lives they seemed to have formed behind my eyes.
i'm lost in myself and what i want to be but can't quite reach.
i'm lost in my feelings for you and what's happening.
i'm lost in what i want for the future.
am i only thinking ( Read more... )

i never have a chance anymore to write down my thoughts. it really upsets me. but i'll get here soon enough. i don't know if anyone else has been updating regularly or more often than me but i miss everyone here. i miss updates on lives and stories. i miss letting my thoughts out too ( Read more... )

I guess what I thought was worth it isn't enough anymore. All the stress, anguish, tears, and pain I put out for you wasn't enough. I've always done more than I thought was expected. Now, I come to realize that my attempts at healing didn't make a difference. You didn't believe in my efforts, in me, or my words. I'm just another person to you ( Read more... )

i think everyone got something positive out of retreat. except me. i just felt worse when i left. why? idk.

I had no school today. I have two papers to write, at least one I should get started on, and a test to study for. I woke up fucking late. Just what I despise doing. 11:40. It's already 2:38, school would be out by now and all the time I had home to take advantage of and get work done is gone. Do I have anything accomplished? Of course not. Only my ( Read more... )

Reading recent stories, remembering memories of the past, listening to certain music; all of it makes me think of you.
I think of you almost every day. I think of the thoughts we've shared together and the hard times we've been through.
Now I just feel alone. Yes, that's quite a dramatic response but I can't describe it any other way. I have had ( Read more... )

Ma Mere has 2-3 months left. Maybe a few more weeks. Dad was told by some doctor today. I don't understand any of this. Why? Why? She has been happy and healthy up until a few months ago when cancer came out of fucking no where and tore everything apart. Why does someone's life have to end so painfully? WHy does someone's life have to end in a few ( Read more... )