i bathed for two and a half hours when i got home from school. i still don't totally feel clean. but i never really minded being dirty to begin with, i clean mostly because other people do and expect me to as well ( Read more... )

thoughts.

very tired ones. about boys and men and friends and future.

very tired.

distance and sex? older men, body hair, piercings, chefs.

sleep will come soon. i will not.

i have stress induced insomnia. or it could be that bottle of dr. pepper i drank an hour ago.

it also feels like friday night, not thursday. and it feels like it should be a lot later. uhg. uhgggggggg.

i feel like primal screaming but everyone is sleeping. damn this world, damn it all ( Read more... )

my fear is going to eat me. there is no cure for fear ( Read more... )

today was weird. i felt weird all day ( Read more... )

okay i've got to write down my thoughts in a public place on this jesus tomb thing so i don't forget ( Read more... )

okay so i totally just realized today that we leave for Britain in two weeks ( Read more... )

i am struggling to find a deep consideration for people. it's like a piece of lead on my chest ( Read more... )

my internal conflict has manifested itself externally. My spine no longer wants to be part of my body and my brain no longer wants to be in my skull. Wouldn't it be weird if I had a brain tumor? I would laugh. Honestly, I would. I'd get out of the catskan and they'd be like "you have a tumor" and I'd just sit there and laugh and laugh. Wow, I feel ( Read more... )