Hey everyone. I believe I owe a couple of you an apology. I've got about 30,000 missed phone calls over the past two weeks. It's not personal AT ALL. As many of you know, I am prone to bumbling of the highest degree. I'm not Mr. Smooth at all. I tend to do stupid things. Keeping this in mind, let's look at the odds of me accidently leaving my phone ( Read more... )

It takes a lot to get me down. I'm a pretty go with the flow guy most of the time, and when shit goes down, I can usually handle it without too much drama ( Read more... )

So my New Year's Resolution was to get back on the diet and loose 30 more lbs. So far so good, but last night I had a dream in which I found myself in the ladies' bathroom at publix sneaking Crunch Bars out of a brown paper bag. The dream ends with my manager busting in (why didn't I lock the door you say? Why am I in the ladies bathroom. It's a ( Read more... )

Do that memory thing everyone's been talking about.

Good or bad, either one works. What do you remember most about me?

My phone is temporarliy out of order, due to a mishap involving my sister's stupid freind and some juice, so until I get that replaced, if anyone needs to contact me use the home phone. Danka.

Phrase your response in the form of a question:

Y: Yes
B: No
A: Maybe

Can Jim speak German?

Y: Ja
B: Nein
A: Bitte, wo ist der toileten?

Can Peter Puppy have a bite of your ice cream sandwich?
Y: Yes
B: No
A: Over my dead body

There seems to be a lot of fear that strikes people when they are told that it's time to pick what they have to do for the rest of their lives. They have to think about their health and retirement plans, the various benefits, salaries and a whole other set of various nightmares in order to reach a decision about how they're going to spend their ( Read more... )

Grocery Shopping Tip for August 16, 2005 ( Read more... )

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4734507.stmRead more... )

When no one's looking, when there's no one besides me at a stoplight, when I have the windows up, and it's real late, I jam out to Brittany Spear's Toxic. And when I say I jam out, I mean I jam the motherfucking fuck out.

Now you all know. Somebody hold me.