Josue is alive and free.


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21 years of self-care.  Though not always easy, always rewarding.

A breakthrough on dreaming

May 1st.  After ~35 years of disconnection from dreaming and the dream world, I am finally reintegrating and recovering the ability to acknowledge and become aware of my dreams.

People just don't lose access to their dreams without reason.  I am one of ( Read more... )

Ok, a lot of non-PC language coming, and that’s ok. Most of it will be understood by the intended audience/demographic ( Read more... )

Life is fill of problems and challenges.  The moment we open our eyes we begin work to decipher the information around us/ incoming stimuli.

Deciphering Incoming Stimuli is a problem.  We have finite cognitive resources, so we use heuristics to help us cut down our cogload and allocate more time to problem solving vs. scanning incoming stimuli.

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Imagine a Monster who is gentle, loving, empathetic walks into a room of white blonde women with blue eyes, long gowns, and debutant-approved heels.

That Monster is done.

Our brains work by ingesting sensory inputs from the world (environment) and quickly interprets and OUTPUTs --> an evaluation and a set of actions available to us.

The process ( Read more... )

Death Narcissism
Blegh.  When I found my 'self,'  I found him dead.

There are two maxims that come to mind as I write this and work through recovering my capital S, Self.  The first is: "there's no healing without feeling."  All of my therapy sessions with my therapist have been useful, still there are three that really stand out for me.

The first ( Read more... )

I'm returning to expressing myself via longer-form media.  Short form or image based social media tools limit me, to the point where it feels like small talk, and if you know me, you know I despise Small Talk!  It's not rewarding to me, it literally offers little value other than playing into vapid social conventions (eventhough, some social ( Read more... )

It's Thursday May 28th, 2020 1:58am; although I've been up since 8 am of Wednesday the 27th.  I can't sleep, so many thoughts and emotions tethering at the same time.

A black man was killed by the misuse of force in Minneapolis; nothing new, except it was caught on video camera and bystanders were unsuccessfully calling the officer to release the ( Read more... )

I started my 21 days of keto two days ago, on Monday.  It's wednesday today and I feel pretty stressed.  My anxiety is up, I couldn't sleep last night.  I believe it is a sugar withdrawal.  I've cut all sugars down and am running on minimal amount of carbs per day (<30g).  Yesterday I had very few carbs and my body wasn't digging that.

I'm hanging ( Read more... )