it's not as easy as willing it all to be right
sehun/kai (chanyeol/baekhyun, sehun/baekhyun)
pg-13
Sehun thinks everything is easy with Luhan. He’s a little bewildered by everything because he had never considered being part of some pop group so everything is new and he’s apprehensive and has too many questions that he’s sure will just annoy the trainees who have worked so hard just to get into the program. He’s grateful when Luhan takes him under his wing. Luhan is warm and accommodating and patient, and doesn’t seem to mind that Sehun is quiet and withdrawn. Luhan is the one to draw him out of his shell, nudging him along to go talk to the other trainees.
“They don’t bite,” he promises.
///
He’s wrong because Chanyeol does bite.
Sehun’s not sure why Chanyeol goes around sinking his teeth into people’s shoulders like he’s teething, but it’s only one of the aspects of his personality that makes him strange. Chanyeol keeps most of his biting contained to Baekhyun and together, they are both loud and just a little short of being outright obnoxious. Sehun likes them because they lighten the mood but it takes too much energy to be around them constantly, so he lets them buy him snacks and bubble tea, even lets Chanyeol occasionally latch on to his shoulder when he’s too tired to kick him away, but otherwise tries to steer clear.
When Jongdae joins them, he manages to fit into their weird duo and they’re even louder as three people. Sehun doesn’t know how Jongdae hangs out with them without feeling like some kind of third wheel, but all three of them are strange and bordering-on-inappropriate with each other, so Sehun tries not to think about it.
///
When Tao asks him to help him with his dancing, Sehun is happy to comply.
“Why don’t you ask Jongin?” he asks. He hasn’t really talked to Jongin besides quick greetings before he runs off to avoid being alone with him. (Luhan finds this hilarious since Jongin is the only one there who’s his age, but there’s something so serious and intense about him- Sehun is sure Jongin thinks he’s a joke.)
Tao shrugs and mutters something that includes the word ‘intimidating.’ Sehun laughs because Tao hangs out with Wu Fan, and as serious as Jongin is, he can’t imagine that he’s more intimidating.
///
Jongdae is so pleasantly normal when you manage to pry him away from Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Sehun likes him because he thinks he’s the most compliant one of his hyungs. Jongdae laughs at this and says he has obviously never spent any time with Junmyeon.
Which is true.
Junmyeon always seems like he’s a second away from a breakdown. Sehun tries to talk to him but he always seems so stressed out that Sehun decides it’s best to leave him alone.
“Did you want something?” Junmyeon finally asks, following Sehun after he sees the younger boy open his mouth to say something before he closes it and scampers away.
Sehun shakes his head. “I was just checking to see if you were okay.”
Junmyeon smiles. “I’m fine.” Sehun likes how calming Junmyeon’s voice is. “Are you okay? I know we don’t talk and that’s mostly because you seem to be doing fine, but I’m here if you need anything.”
“Okay,” Sehun says. “Me too. I’m here.”
Junmyeon’s smile brightens. “Cute,” he says in a way that’s not patronizing.
///
It’s only when he hangs out with Kyungsoo that Sehun realizes he has misread things with Luhan. Kyungsoo is also warm and friendly and that’s how he is to everyone. Luhan is the same, he treats everyone the same way he treats Sehun, and Sehun had mistaken that warmth for something else.
He’s a little disappointed when he figures out that there’s nothing there, or rather there is, but it's entirely one-sided. He’s glad he catches it before he does something embarrassing.
///
“I feel like you have the wrong impression of Jongin.”
Sehun is slumped down on the floor, his head pressed against Kyungsoo’s thigh. The rest of them are scattered around the practice room during the break, but Sehun can still see Jongin running through the routine, although his movements are more muted.
“I don’t have any impression of him.” It’s mostly true.
“You don’t like him?”
“I don’t anything him.”
Kyungsoo glances at him. “I think indifference might be worse.”
“Should I like him?” Sehun scoots up so he can lean against Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“Yes,” Kyungsoo says decisively.
Sehun laughs. “Why?”
“Because he likes you.”
Sehun blinks at that. “What?”
Kyungsoo shrugs. “Or he wants to like you. He asks me why you won’t talk to him.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That you’ll come around. It took you awhile to talk to the rest of us.” Kyungsoo turns to him, his face serious. “I feel like you may think he’s the favourite and maybe you’re right. But I feel like you think he doesn’t deserve it and you’re wrong. Jongin works hard.”
It’s not entirely true. He does think Jongin is the favourite, but Sehun knows it’s not without deserving it. Still he says, “Harder than everyone else?”
Kyungsoo puts his hand on top of Sehun’s, smiling a little. “Hard enough that you shouldn’t hold it against him.”
When their break is over and they’re called to take their places, Sehun moves into position next to Jongin, who glances at him in the mirror. Sehun catches it and gives him a small smile.
Jongin blinks and misses his cue to start.
///
Sehun is wrong. He thinks it had been easy with Luhan, but everything- everything- is so much easier with Jongin.
Their friendship is made up of inside jokes and stupid pranks- Sehun appreciates that Chanyeol and Baekhyun never get mad when they’re the victims but Kyungsoo, on the other hand, regrets playing mediator for the two of them. It’s made up of weakly made tea and coffee, before they give up and make pitiful faces until someone gives in and takes them out for bubble tea. It’s made up of private dance practices- sometimes Yixing joins them and it’s so satisfying to Sehun to see the three of them move to the music, but he likes it best when it’s just the two of them.
Their friendship is made up of pushing each other to be better. Jongin is the only one who understands when Sehun isn’t satisfied with “good” or “great,” he knows what it’s like to want to be perfect, or close to it. Jongin is trained but dancing has always been something that Sehun does for fun. He pushes himself now and on his best days, he can keep up with Jongin but never better. (He secretly thinks that no one gets to be better than Jongin.)
Their friendship is made up of a lot of push and pull, and Sehun knows he does most of the pushing. Jongin isn’t usually compliant with people, but he is with Sehun, so it means he gets the brunt of his temper when Sehun is angry, but he also gets most of Sehun’s smiles.
///
When Luhan asks him if he wants to go get bubble tea, Sehun agrees even though he and Jongin were supposed to stay back to keep practicing. It’s just been so long since he has gone out with Luhan.
“Are you mad?”
Jongin’s face is blank. “No, he’s your best friend. I get it.”
“What? He’s not my best friend, that’s-” Sehun stops short and blinks at Jongin in confusion. “That’s you.” He feels perplexed. He’s not sure how Jongin can possibly think he’s closer to Luhan than he is to Jongin.
“Oh.” Jongin looks like he doesn’t know what to say to that. “You too.”
Sehun laughs and wonders why it feels like they’re confessing to each other. “Loser,” he adds in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness.
It works and Jongin laughs.
“Come with us,” Sehun says.
“No, it’s fine,” Jongin says. “Go hang out with Luhan. We’ll catch up later.”
///
Fanservice isn’t new to Sehun, or particularly hard either. He’s surprised when the fans hone in on him and Luhan, but he obliges. It’s not hard to cling on to Luhan at the airport, because they’re all scattered and he doesn’t know where Jongin is, and the crowd intimidates him a little.
Luhan squeezes his hand comfortingly and just like that, it’s easy. It’s easy to brush his arm against Luhan’s or have Luhan put an arm around him. He doesn’t think twice about it and as long as it makes the fans happy, he’s willing to oblige.
///
Jongin says he’s moping, and Sehun supposes he is. Now that they’ve officially debuted, it’s quieter than usual. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are still too loud and Sehun is grateful most of the time, but he still misses the rest of them.
Sehun hums noncommittally. “Don’t you miss them too?” He shifts so that Jongin’s head is resting on his shoulder comfortably.
“Yes,” Jongin says. “It’s weird being cut down to six.” He looks up. “I’m glad you’re in my six.”
Sehun smiles. “Me too.”
“Quiet down, maknaes,” Baekhyun complains from the back of the van. “Some of us are trying to sleep.”
Sehun laughs with Jongin. “Sorry, grandpa.”
///
The stages seem bigger without the rest of them and he doesn’t think it’s fair that the M members have worked so hard but don’t get to perform as much. Luhan messages him a lot and says they’re fine, he tells Sehun it’s nice to be home. What about Jongdae and Minseok? Sehun asks and Luhan says they’re working hard but it’s not what Sehun means.
He’s happy when they come back after two months because they’re supposed to all perform together for a music festival. He’s doting over Jongdae, who swats him away because, “You’re not the hyung, Sehun!” and he’s squeezing Luhan tight when Jongin arrives back at the dorm with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo.
Sehun smiles at Jongin over Luhan’s shoulder, and Jongin gives him a small smile back before he goes to greet the rest of them.
///
He goes to find Jongin who has made himself scarce and finds him in his room. “What are you doing here?”
Jongin shrugs. “Just tired.”
There’s a tone in his voice that Sehun can’t identify. “Move over.”
Jongin blinks at him. “Why?”
“Because I want to hang out with you,” Sehun says. “And you’re being lame so I guess we’re taking a nap because apparently we’re eight.”
Jongin laughs. “You don’t have to keep me company.”
“Didn’t you just hear me? I said I want to. The rest of them are all old and boring.”
Jongin gives him a strange look, and Sehun wants to ask him what that look is, but then Jongin slides over to make room for him.
///
When Jongin injures his waist, he ignores all of them and holes himself up in his room. He’s laying on his bed with his eyes squeezed shut when Sehun goes to check up on him.
Sehun manages to squeeze in next to him because he doesn’t want to make Jongin move. He doesn’t know what to do or say, so they just lay there together.
After awhile, he hears a sniffle. “This really fucking hurts.”
Sehun reaches down to find Jongin’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
Jongin shifts until he can rest his head on Sehun’s shoulder and they fall quiet again.
“Thanks,” Jongin says finally.
Sehun doesn’t know why he’s thanking him, he hasn’t done anything. He doesn’t say anything though. He just rests his free hand on the side of Jongin’s neck and he pretends he doesn’t notice when Jongin leans into the touch.
///
Jongin starts clinging to Sehun after that. Sehun doesn’t mind being the one Jongin leans on or the one who has to wrap an arm around Jongin’s waist.
“Sorry,” Jongin mumbles when he leans in too heavily and almost topples the two of them over.
“Don’t worry about it.” Sehun places both his hands on Jongin’s waist to steady him. “Okay?”
Jongin glances down to where Sehun’s fingers have managed to find bare skin. “Fine,” he says.
He’s running late one morning and when he tumbles out of his room, dragging a hoodie over his head, he sees Kyungsoo helping Jongin and he’s not sure why he’s so annoyed by the way Jongin holds on to Kyungsoo’s arm.
///
The first time they have to perform together after Jongin hurts himself, Sehun has to try hard not to flinch when Luhan’s touches his arm or his shoulder when it’s their turn to talk. Luhan gives him a surprised look but Sehun ignores it because he doesn’t know why he feels weird and why he suddenly doesn’t want Luhan touching him.
“Are you okay?” Luhan asks him when they’re backstage.
“Fine,” Sehun says, glancing around and noticing that Jongin still isn’t back from wherever he ran off to after their set was done.
Baekhyun looks distracted when Sehun asks him if he’s seen Jongin. When Sehun follows his eye line to see why Baekhyun isn’t paying attention to him, he sees Chanyeol joking around with Wu Fan.
“Are you okay?” Sehun asks, because Baekhyun has this look on his face.
Baekhyun finally turns to him and smiles. “I’m fine. Sorry, I haven’t seen Jongin.”
Sehun has seen that look before but he’s not sure where. He doesn’t like it.
///
Sehun keeps an eye on Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who both seem fine and are still annoying to Sehun who doesn’t care to see them making eyes at each other over breakfast. The only thing that’s different is that whenever M is around, Baekhyun gets that same look on his face and he detaches himself from Chanyeol and latches on to Kyungsoo and Jongdae.
Chanyeol doesn’t notice, which annoys Sehun because he thinks Chanyeol should know when his best friend was so obviously upset about something. He’d notice if Jongin was put off.
“Hyung, are you okay?” he asks him when he finds Baekhyun alone.
Baekhyun looks puzzled. “Sure, why?”
“You seem a little…” Sehun doesn’t know how to finish that sentence because he still has no idea what that look means. “Distracted.”
Baekhyun smiles. “I’m just tired,” he says. He laughs when Sehun leans in to rest his head on his shoulder. “Are you worried, Sehun? Because I’m pretty sure that’s my job as the hyung.”
Sehun shrugs. “You and Chanyeol have always been the most useless hyungs.”
Baekhyun laughs and elbows him slightly. “Insolent.”
Jongin appears from the kitchen, a bag of chips in his arms. He blinks at the two of them before he sits down on the other couch.
Sehun frowns. “Why are you sitting over there? Come sit here,” he says, pointing to the free spot beside him.
“No,” Jongin says, shortly.
Sehun notices Baekhyun stiffen underneath his shoulder before he gently dislodges Sehun and stands up. “I’m going to go read in my room,” he says. He glances at Jongin, who still looks annoyed and gives Sehun a look.
Sehun blinks because he has no idea what Baekhyun is trying to say. Baekhyun sighs and just shakes his head before he leaves the two of them alone.
“Jongin, come on.”
Jongin snorts. “So you can steal my chips? No thanks.”
Sehun rolls his eyes before he gets up and gracelessly plops himself down on Jongin’s lap, wrestling the chips away from him.
“Selfish,” he says, breaking off a piece of chip that Jongin has halfway to his mouth.
“You’re such a brat,” Jongin complains but he laughs when Sehun whacks him in the face with the bag and the tension drains out of his body.
///
Jongin seems both distressed and distracted lately, but when Sehun asks him what’s wrong, he says it’s just his waist bothering him. Sehun thinks he’s moving fine, but he knows Jongin always pushes himself so he leaves it. Baekhyun is starting to act strange too, although he’s not sure what that’s about either because he insists he’s fine too.
///
Sehun is alone in his room because Junmyeon is out with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, and because Jongin is a wuss who had given in after three hours of gaming and gone to bed. They hadn’t heard from Baekhyun for most of the evening, and Sehun assumes the older boy had called it an early night.
He’s fiddling around on his phone when he hears it. At first he’s not sure what it is, so he ignores it. He has just started playing Temple Run when he recognizes the tell-tale signs of someone crying.
He can count the number of times he’s seen or heard Jongin cry on one hand. Plus Jongin didn’t cry alone, when he cried he looked for comfort and Sehun’s usually on the receiving end of that.
His stomach twists uncomfortably when he realizes it has to be Baekhyun.
He quietly pads over to Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s room. The crying is even more noticeable now that he’s right outside the door. He knocks on the door quietly. “Hyung?”
There’s no answer, just more crying, so Sehun pushes the door open and frowns when he sees Baekhyun curled around a pillow.
“Hyung?” Sehun tries again, softly walking towards the older boy. He touches Baekhyun on the shoulder. “Are you okay? Are you sick? Should I get you something?”
He almost misses when Baekhyun shakes his head because his whole body is moving but he sees it.
“What’s wrong?”
Sehun chews on his lower lip because he has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He has only ever had to deal with Jongin crying because he assumes as the youngest of the group, he’s the last person any of them will turn to. Jongin never needed him to do anything besides just be there, and occasionally hold his hand or pat him on the back if he was particularly upset.
Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, but his crying gets quieter even though Sehun can still hear it.
He wonders how long it will be until Junmyeon gets home with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Chanyeol, he thinks. Maybe he should call and ask them to hurry back. Chanyeol would know how to deal with this.
“Are you sure I can’t get you anything? Should I call Chanyeol hyung? I’m sure-”
“No!” Baekhyun uncurls a little and turns towards him, his face red and flushed. “Don’t call him.”
Sehun stands there, staring at Baekhyun, who always looks so beautiful on stage and fresh off it, who is always bright smiles and crinkled eyes. He looks like a mess right now and it’s almost unfair how there’s still something in his face that’s attractive.
“Don’t call Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says again, before he turns back to curl himself around the pillow again.
Sehun is confused because he feels like Chanyeol would be the only person Baekhyun would want to see. When he’s upset, Jongin is the only person he wants to be around, the only person who is allowed to see that side of him.
“Okay.”
After an awkward two minutes of standing there, watching Baekhyun cry and wondering if he should leave, Sehun gets into the bed next to Baekhyun.
He presses his body close to Baekhyun and slides his hand on top of the one Baekhyun has curled into a fist.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, pressing in closer. It’s a little uncomfortable because he thinks Baekhyun is too warm, but he tightens his hold on Baekhyun’s hand until it unclenches.
They’re both still awake when Baekhyun’s crying slowly winds down before he stops completely. Sehun is tracing patterns on the back of Baekhyun’s hand, before the older boy turns his palm up and squeezes Sehun’s hand lightly.
Sehun leans closer as he nuzzles his nose into the back of Baekhyun’s neck because he knows he’s ticklish. He smiles when Baekhyun lets out a giggle and tries to squirm away, but Sehun holds onto him.
Baekhyun sighs as he squeezes Sehun’s hand again.
“Are you fighting with Chanyeol?”
Baekhyun shakes his head. “No. Don’t tell him I was crying, okay?”
“Okay.” Sehun pulls his hand free and rests it on Baekhyun’s waist. “What’s wrong then?”
“Nothing.” Baekhyun sighs again. “I think…I don’t know. I’m just tired, and upset because of it.”
Sehun knows that feeling, but he doesn’t believe Baekhyun anyway. “Is this because of Wu Fan?” He feels Baekhyun freeze under his fingers, but he doesn’t say anything. “They’re just…he misses Wu Fan because they’re best friends and they don’t get to see each other a lot. But he doesn’t-” Sehun sits up, resting his weight on his elbows so he can look at Baekhyun. “You should see the way Chanyeol looks at you.”
Baekhyun turns to face Sehun, and he smiles sadly. “You should go to bed.” He pats Sehun on the face. “I feel better.”
“Are you sure?”
Baekhyun nods and his smile deepens a bit. “Yeah, thanks.” When Sehun doesn’t move and just studies him, he laughs. “What? What are you loo-”
Sehun cuts him off by pressing their lips together. It’s nothing big, just a soft press of lips and if it was Jongin, maybe Sehun could have written this moment off. But it’s Baekhyun, who’s dating Chanyeol and he knows he’s overstepped.
“Sehun-”
“Goodnight, hyung,” Sehun says, before he slips off the bed and out the room.
///
Sehun doesn’t sleep well. He’s annoyed with himself because why did he kiss Baekhyun? He feels shitty because he knows Baekhyun is already confused, and Chanyeol- urggghh- Sehun groans into his pillow. Hurting Chanyeol was like kicking a puppy with one eye.
Junmyeon is fast asleep in his bed when Sehun sleepily tumbles out of their room. He finds Chanyeol in the kitchen, making coffee, and he can tell by the older boy’s stunted movements that he’s still half-asleep.
“Morning,” Chanyeol mumbles when he notices him. He smiles sleepily when he sees Sehun making a face at the coffee pot. “I’ll make you tea.”
“Thanks, hyung.” Sehun sits at the counter, resting his head on his arms as he watches Chanyeol move around the kitchen.
“Want anything to eat?”
Sehun groans and shakes his head. “Too early.”
Chanyeol laughs. “For you maybe. Why are you up so early? We usually never see you before noon when we have a day off.”
Sehun shrugs. “Can’t sleep.”
Chanyeol raises an eyebrow as he sets down a cup of tea in front of Sehun. “Something wrong?”
“No.” He pauses and then adds, “Not with me.”
Chanyeol leans against the counter across from him, taking a sip from his own cup. “Jongin?”
Sehun smiles a little because he supposes Jongin is the obvious guess. “No, not Jongin.” He drags his fingers across the counter in small, circular movements. “It’s Baekhyun hyung.”
Chanyeol looks surprised. “Baekhyun?”
It’s stupid, Sehun thinks, because Chanyeol, who is oblivious to most things, is usually attuned to Baekhyun and how he feels and what he needs. It’s both annoying and amusing to Sehun. But Chanyeol is completely unaware when it comes to Baekhyun and Wu Fan.
“You should talk to him.”
“Did he say something?” Chanyeol asks, confused.
“No,” he answers, which is true. Baekhyun hadn’t said anything. “He was really upset last night. I think it might have to do with Wu Fan.” He glances at Chanyeol, who just looks more confused, and he hurriedly adds, “He hasn’t said anything, okay? I don’t want you to think he’s telling people except you, but it’s just kind of obvious.”
Chanyeol looks like he’s at a loss for words, which is fine because Sehun is done with this conversation.
///
Sehun chokes on his water when Jongin tells him that Baekhyun and Chanyeol aren’t together anymore.
“You’re lying,” he says, patting at his shirt with tissues.
“Why would I lie about this?” Jongin demands, handing him more tissues. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”
Sehun had noticed. He’d noticed that Chanyeol and Baekhyun weren’t spending as much time together, but he’d chalked that up to M members being around and Chanyeol being stupid because he’s practically pinned to Wu Fan over the last two days.
“How do you know?” Sehun slinks down to the floor, laying on his back
.
Jongin flops down next to him and after shifting Sehun around, he rests his head on Sehun’s stomach. “Kyungsoo told me.”
Sehun snorts. “Fuck off. That means Baekhyun told him and Kyungsoo wouldn’t spill it out to a gossiper like you.”
“I’m not a gossiper. Is that even a word?”
“You told me.”
Jongin turns his face towards Sehun’s, looking a bit doleful. “You’re my best friend.”
Sehun pouts at him because he doesn’t like it when Jongin makes him feel bad.
Jongin laughs and reaches out to lift the corners of Sehun’s lips. “Don’t pout,” he says quietly. His hand lingers on Sehun’s face before he pulls it away and the smile is back on his face. “I walked in on Baekhyun talking to Kyungsoo, and he was upset, so I bullied the information out of Kyungsoo.”
“Does he know why Chanyeol broke up with him?” Sehun hopes it wasn’t because of him. He had wanted to help because he doesn’t ever want to see Baekhyun look like he had that night.
“Baekhyun is the one who broke up with Chanyeol.”
Sehun stares at him. “What?”
Jongin shrugs. “That’s what Kyungsoo said.”
Sehun is floored.
“Hey.” Jongin pulls on his hand and locks their little fingers together. “Are you okay? You seem upset.”
Sehun shakes his head and brings Jongin’s hand up to meet his so he can drop the rest of his fingers in between Jongin’s. “Just surprised.”
///
If Jongin hadn’t told him, Sehun would have figured it out himself anyway. Chanyeol spends most nights on the couch now, and he walks around the dorm like a zombie. Baekhyun doesn’t look as miserable, but he’s subdued and clearly not happy.
Sehun doesn’t understand what happened.
The only time Chanyeol smiles and laughs anymore is when they’re doing shows and performing. Baekhyun gets away with it because his stage presence has always been more intense than his actual personality. They’re both still good at playing up the fanservice, but when Baekhyun actually touches him, Chanyeol’s expression always drops for a split-second and Sehun hopes that none of the fans pick up on it.
“Barf,” Jongin mumbles behind Sehun as they watch Chanyeol and Baekhyun laugh at something Junmyeon has said and then Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol’s arm, leaning against him a little.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo chides.
“What? It’s gross. Chanyeol hates this, but he has to stand there and pretend they’re still super close. It’s awful, I can’t stand to watch this.”
Sehun feels an arm go around his waist.
“Come on, Sehun,” Jongin says, his fingers not-so-subtly pulling at the hem of Sehun’s top so he can rest his fingers against the patch of skin revealed. “Let’s put them out of their misery.”
///
Sehun walks into the bathroom and is surprised to find Baekhyun inside.
“Sorry, hyung,” he says, about to step back out when he notices the way Baekhyun is struggling with the zipper at the back of his top. They’re ridiculous tops, Sehun knows, and Jongin always has to help him out of his but Sehun likes the way Jongin’s fingers ghost along his skin as he pulls down the zip. “Do you want me to get that?”
Baekhyun turns and Sehun sees that his eyeliner is smudged and his eyes are red. He just nods in reply.
Sehun shuts the door behind him and steps in closer. Baekhyun watches him from the mirror, but he doesn’t say anything as Sehun reaches up and pulls on the zipper. He watches as more and more pale skin is exposed and it’s so different from Jongin’s darker skin, but just as fascinating. The zipper is all the way down now and Sehun knows he should step away, but he stays put.
Baekhyun is still watching him and Sehun swallows before he reaches back up and pushes the top off Baekhyun’s left shoulder, his fingers grazing the skin there.
Baekhyun still doesn’t say anything, he just looks defeated and unhappy, and Sehun can’t stand it anymore. So he spins the older boy around roughly and crashes their lips together.
Baekhyun lets out a small whimper, and it doesn’t take much to work his mouth open. Baekhyun grabs fistfuls of Sehun’s shirt, and his own top is sliding off so Sehun pulls away briefly to yank the stupid thing off completely.
He presses Baekhyun against the sink, fingers digging into his hips and lips moving messily against his as he kisses Baekhyun harder.
He shouldn’t be doing this, he thinks, because he doesn’t even like Baekhyun the way he should be liked. He thinks of how unhappy Chanyeol is and he just shouldn’t be doing this.
All of a sudden, he feels sick because all he can think is Jongin Jongin Jongin.
Their bodies press together and they both jerk away instinctively.
Baekhyun looks at him and his face crumples a little. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I can’t…we can’t do this.”
Sehun sighs and drops his forehead against Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I know,” he says, because he does. “Why did you break up with him?”
“Because I don’t like how insecure being with him makes me feel,” Baekhyun says. “It’s not fair to him. He hasn’t done anything wrong, not really.”
Sehun pulls away. “Try harder,” he says. “Chanyeol does. You should try harder for him.”
Baekhyun studies him. “Sehun, do you- do you like me?”
Sehun can’t bring himself to answer because he doesn’t know how to say no without sounding like an asshole, so he just looks back at him. “Does it matter?” he finally manages. “You like Chanyeol.”
Baekhyun looks distressed again. “I’m sorry,” he says again.
Sehun shrugs. “It’s okay,” he says. “Why are you doing this to yourself? And Chanyeol? He’s obviously upset and you still like him.”
Baekhyun shakes his head. “I can’t expect him to keep trying so hard, it’s not fair. He’s going to get tired eventually and leave.”
“That’s such a cop-out, hyung. You can’t just break up with him because you think he’ll do it later on. You don’t get to decide what’s fair to him.” Sehun frowns. “You need to have a little faith. It’s stupid for both of you to be hurt when you still like each other. Just…get over it.”
Baekhyun looks surprised, but Sehun is too annoyed to care anymore.
///
Sehun has worked himself into full-fledged irritation by the time he sneaks into Jongin and Kyungsoo’s room and pokes Jongin awake.
Jongin blinks at him in confusion for a few seconds, before he rolls over to his side and peels off the corner of his blanket to make space for Sehun next to him. Sehun crawls in beside him and lets Jongin pull the blanket back down over the two of them.
“You okay?” Jongin mumbles sleepily into his hair.
“Yeah.”
Jongin presses in closer and buries his nose in Sehun’s neck. “Sure? You’re sort of radiating anger. You’re interrupting my REM cycle.”
Sehun laughs. “Sorry,” he says, and he feels Jongin’s lips curve into a smile against his neck.
“Made you laugh.”
Something inside Sehun aches because everything is so simple and easy with Jongin. He reaches around behind him until he finds Jongin’s arm and pulls it around him, as he pushes himself closer towards Jongin. “You’re my best friend,” he says quietly, intertwining their fingers together.
Jongin laughs, still sounding tired and sleepy. “You too.”
part ii