Well the anger cooled, as it always does, so I don't want to hurt anyone anymore, but I don't want to do much of anything.

After writing my last entry I did something drastic, I looked up some depression places and chose one close to me, filled in their enquiry form, so I couldn't back out after I pressed send. Today I got an e-mail back, I am so ( Read more... )

Right now I would just love to hurt someone. I am feeling irrationally angry... why? Well that's why its irrational  , I have nothing to be angry at yet I am near boiling point and have been for... 2 days. I feel like Scott is baiting me, trying to piss me off more and more by saying stupid crap and getting pissed with me being pissed, like I ( Read more... )

Well after the promise of getting clothes when I went to Vegas, I got one T-Shirt and 2 Skirts and then told later that if I wanted more I should of gotten more.... WTF? The way I remember it, I got sad because there was no women ones in my size and Scott tried to make me buy mens ones.... seriously its like when he tries to make me roll on leather ( Read more... )

Been slowly getting bored of Netflix, there are only so many things on there that you want to watch, and with limited TV channels you can't really just sit down and watch something because there is usually nothing on that I would like to watch.

anyway

Yesterday turn the TV on and the tv has lost all reception, just screens of snow - WTF? Where the ( Read more... )

VEGAS WAS FREAKING AWESOME
It's kinda depressing being back home.... back to the old nothing......

Now I just have to get rid of this cold thing I have had since I got back, & recover from what the antibiotics did to me.... SUCKS MUCH that it killed all the good bactreria in my body... and now I have to wait it out.... tablets & cream although I don ( Read more... )

Trying to let some of the old go.....

I have moved the NCC Message Board cuz we found a new domain for the NCC database, so its a good time to 'upgrade' this move is doubling as an Activity Check, anyone that doesn't sign up for the new board gets made inactive. I send e-mail to Jen & Eclipse and I need to send one to Stage. It will break my heart ( Read more... )

I can't help but think that somehow Scott's pulled a fast one on me. Almost like he said and did everything he did just to make me seem OK again. He's not booked an appointment with any kind of therapist and I was sure that he had promised to do it, but I suppose if I ask hes gonna be all "I am doing fine on my own" or be pissed off about money ( Read more... )

Apart from the fact its probably blocked from Scotts work.... I'd almost suspect he read my LJ and then just told me everything I wanted to hear. I hate mis-trusting him, and I want to beleive that this time he's really gonna do something about it, because now we have both voiced that its an addiction and he needs help. I have also told him that ( Read more... )

Been up all night.

I tried to go back to bed, and I started to cry, so I rolled over and he was still awake. It was ok until he decided he would try to explain why he lied about it/did what he did. Apparently since we moved here nothing has felt right and he was numb.... so he did it to feel something.

I immediately rolled away but he wouldn't stop ( Read more... )

Why the hell NOW?
Why the FUCK do I not have anyone to talk to?

WHY NOW? WHY DID I HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING??

FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUUCK.

I want out of this house so bad, I want to be able to scream and rant and cry and just have someone who can listen, and maybe try to help me to understand get over this.....

BUT

I had to say something, but WHY THE FUCK DID HE ( Read more... )