party has already begun. invitation has been sent out. we'll masquerade surrounded by the brilliant red. you're welcome to attend at any time. i'll be waiting for our dance. our previous dances were amazing. i'll never leave, for that would be rude as i am the host.

i never should have left long beach. the sun would still be shining, summer warmth would treat everything so differently. winter is so cold in santa barbara. i wont walk out until you know, here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. you are my only one, i let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do. you are my only, my only one ( Read more... )

happy birthday, mommy, i love you

shhhhhhh. the movie is starting, dont add your own soundtrack, i need to focus.

coming back from the dead is possible, reincarnation and miracles.

it's time to work on my problems for a change, not someone elses.

went out to the field today and there were some guys working on the field, reseeding it and what not. they were just some regular gardner guys, i dont mean to be racist or anything, but they were those typical mexican gardners you always hear about. made me think a lot, oddly enough. the kind of work they do. i was looking at their faces as they ( Read more... )

revelations, realizations, rationalizations.

i do NOT want to go back, i just want to stay here and hide forever. because that's what im doing...hiding.

when i sit down and think, i think a lot. people close to me know that. too much, probably. but one thing i think about a lot is normalcy. i know that technically there's no such thing but just work with the accepted view of normalcy. sometimes it seems so attractive to me, mostly the times when things are bad. normal is better than bad, so it's ( Read more... )

last evening in the car, thoughts ( Read more... )

a lot goes in this thing i have they call a mind. good, bad, neutral...lots. most of it isnt understandable, even by me. a lot of it rushes by so fast that they just outrun me. the ones i have been abel to catch, though, i am truly thankful for. there is so much in this world to be thankful for, FOR EVERYONE. no matter how bad it ever seems, there ( Read more... )