Today, I...

...bought a shotgun.

...walked three blocks from where i parked my car to my apartment in downtown birmingham near all the clubs on a saturday night with my shotgun slung over my shoulder wearing a shirt that says "Trust me...I'm a doctor".

Current Terror Alert Level

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"BUT if this is for real.  You don't know anything about science.  You're probably not ever a doctore. And if you are, you're probably a dentist--some kind of weird boob dentist." ~on the hate-mail page of http://www.internetmammogram.net/ (from the people who brought you Leave a comment  1 

"so its a friday night and you're trying to figure out what to do. now, you can go to the big football party...and they're gonna have all kinds of drugs - beer and alcohol...maybe some pot. or you can go to the bible study... where there's probably not gonna be any refreshments. i know which one i'm gonna pick ( Read more... )

"some day i hope you get the chance to live like you were dying"

i thought the whole idea behind living like you're dying is that there isnt going to be a 'some day'

...what the hell, tim?

...and everyone should go vote to put my mug on a Jones Soda bottle: JonesSoda.com

"Pour me something tall and strong,
Make it a hurricane before I go insane.
It's only half past twelve but I dont care,
It's 5 o'clock somewhere"

sorry Alan, but its not...
there's a 4:30 and a 5:30, but no 5 o'clock.

i was just informed that to foreigners, americans smell like old cheese... b/c we eat so much dairy.

now i feel bad for complaining about europeans who dont wear deodorant...

:( i smell like old cheese

i just saw a commercial for a refrigerator with a television on its door ( Read more... )