I am sitting in my apartment trying to think of what to write. Last year, two years ago, I put on music, closed my eyes and took myself back to a time free from worry. But now, all of my sentences are abrupt, repetitive, a struggle ... as every year is the same dream, emotion, wish, goal. Something ( Read more... )

Today, I was listening to a Wagner opera - and started wondering how anybody has any time to listen to a 4 hour opera anymore, not to mention listening to it several times, over and over, as many times as needed, until one understands it. Because understanding takes repeated listening, viewing, reading - and not just the cursory, instantaneously, ( Read more... )

Most people value others for who they are, the contributions that they make, what they do. My long-lost ex used to think that I was a puff of air - not really anything myself, but determined solely by those around me. A chameleon. A phantom. Something that exists only in the context of the identity of another ( Read more... )

For most of the evening I sat, in my office, listening to Beatles albums on my computer, closing my eyes, and imagining a long-gone childhood ... a childhood of vinyl records - the smell, the popping, the soothing sounds of rough songs, imperfections, a feeling of leather jackets and acoustic guitars and microphones ... a childhood of my father ( Read more... )

I want to appreciate everything as though I'm an expert in the field. I don't know if it's the actual desire to transcend general sentiments, boredom with what most people observe, or a need to understand how people think who have the ... ability ... to perceive subtleties, to know what people know who know a lot ( Read more... )

I am overwhelmed at the amount of information I see (or tangentially come into contact with) on a daily basis. A new podcast - more facebook updates from friends - news stories that perpetuate and ramble and add and combine until they fall off some sort of information cliff ( Read more... )

People do things. Things. They do them. I always wonder how - how they have time - both to think of the things to do, and then to do those things that they think of. I never do things - mostly because I have nobody ever telling me what to do - and it's always too much effort thinking of something to do, coming up with something creative, ( Read more... )

Maybe I don't know you; maybe you're just some random person who happened to stumble along, finding my journal, and feeling the need to comment ... maybe you're just one individual out of a million that I wouldn't recognize on the street, if I were to see you, if you were to appear above the multitude of faces, undisguised, I wouldn't even ( Read more... )

Recently, I've been listening to "Quartet for the End of Time" by Oliver Messiaen. Over and over again ... moment by moment. Everything I do is like that - repeating - stand up, sit down, walk around ( Read more... )

I just played "Happy Birthday" on my bass. It took me four tries to figure out the notes. I must be aging too quickly ( Read more... )