Worthless Self...

[bassoonwraith]

I got an email today in my WWU account saying that Phillip Thomas had posted a response to my question on FaceBook. Once again I feel the sensation like a knife in the heart as I read his words

"Francine asked me to"

Phillip will be the TA again at Merrowstone this summer. Tara will graduate at the end of Spring quarter and is still waiting to hear

Comments

[the_minion_]

:P Silly I care. I know we haven't talked in ages but I haven't stopped caring (as odd as that may sound considering).
You know, I still haven't heard you play on your own but I know that U have heard your amazing. :P
And I know it's hard but your really only as worthless as you let yourself be. I know it's overused and can sound cheesy, but you really are as worthless as you make herself, the better you feel about yourself, the less worthless you will start to feel again.
I'll listen as best I can, I'm a good listener :D Even if we were to get really upset with each other, you could still ask me to listen and I will. Just remember that.

-hugs-

[bassoonwraith]

Thanks, cheesy as it may sound this your comment made me cry in a good way ^_^

And I never stopped thinking about you either, it's hard to forget someone as close as we use to be

[the_minion_]

I'm glad I made you cry in a good way ^_^

I think out of everyone I missed you the most. We really were just that close, I think we had a similar mindset that you really can't find with many others.
Only other person I've felt understands to that extent is the gal who has the other half of my brain. Of course she lives further away then Portland but it's a fun 7 hour drive. Shirley lives over there in a house too. I go to one of the houses down there to escape sometimes.

I think I have a list of things somewhere online of what I've loved and missed the most in my last 5 years. Memorable moments and whatnot.

Started looking at classes offered in general too. How bad is that xD
My dad is so excited that I want to start up school again and will likely to much better. He was a little frustrated when I stopped this quarter but I really needed time to breath and figure a few things out.

Mmm.....So much more I could say but I Should probably leave it at that for now. xD

[the_minion_]

I was listening to Up by Shania Twain and wanted to remember to tell you to listen to it. If you don't mind a little country...she does have a popish version of it too, scary xD

[bassoonwraith]

Shut up by Simple Plan is also good ^_^

[the_minion_]

Hehe. It is. Maybe I will make a list of fun songs for you. I do that when I need a pick me up because listening to depressing songs makes it worse and at the time sometimes it's hard to not just let yourself do that (guilty of it myself). A friend in Oregon who you'd love taught me that.

[bassoonwraith]

Shirley or someone else?

[ryoohki179]

Hun, I do care. Probably more than you could think, or are even possibly willing to accept.

I just don't know what to do since you're so mad at me. As far as I can tell I'm being blamed for a lot of things, and I'll admit, many of them I probably deserve to be blamed for... possibly all, I don't know, but you have to remember, I was under a lot of stress too (and yes, I know it wasn't anywhere close to as much as you, but everyone has their limits and you are a hell of a lot stronger than I could ever be).
However I also don't know if trying to talk to you will push you further away or not, cause in my experience that tends to be the general reaction whenever I try that specific approach - I'm horrible with words even at the best of times (I don't even like to think about what I sound like when I'm upset), as we all know quite well, and therefore only tend to make matters worse...

[bassoonwraith]

well for starters, and this isn't me being mad, you could grow up, act like an adult, stop imitating everyone, and stop playing the victim. Maresha and I are sick of it. You are responsible for you, so knock off the whole drama queen routine. You're life is a lot easier than you think.