gaaaaah

[bcegda]

disgustingly, overwhelmingly nervous & stuff

it's like there's 2 me's operating at the same time - one who initiates stuff, and the other who balks/regrets/wants to retreat from it all, and it's a constant battle

when i was a child i had serious behavioural problems in school, Kindergarten. Apparently I would steal kids lunches, picked fights,

Comments

[tailofkasahara]

You might hang on to her - maybe she'd appreciate being given something better to do than gunk up the works.

[bcegda]

even when she's doing stuff that's good or forward moving or constructive or interesting (because there are things she is capable of) the crummy wimpy Alicia part wants to put on the brakes

[tailofkasahara]

The trick is to get the two of them in cahoots. Maybe they both like Bowie with thin-crust pizza, or Stockhausen over Manhattans.

[bcegda]

hmmm... i think the only thing they both like is an IV drip of dark roast and the occasional obscene coffee/chocolate drink

hmmm... never heard Stockhausen... (homework)

[grittypeasant]

I relate to this in many ways. Not because I ever acted up, but because I keep inventing new names to call myself. Pretty much every time I move to a new house or join a new club or job I have to come up with a new name to call myself. Obviously every time I join a new website i have to come up with a new username. This is like that. My legal name stays the same, but I recognize "where I know someone from" by what they call me.

This is all made much more awkward by the fact that I'm terrible at coming up with names.

[bcegda]

that's interesting because I've never generally been one to change my name/identity, just that one time

I can see the merit in it

[grittypeasant]

Hmm, actually I've never created an alternate identity. Just names. Who I was and how I behaved always stayed the same. But somehow I've always been afraid of people who knew me from one place connecting me to another place.

One time a guy I knew in real life tracked me down to a website many of us were on, and I felt so exposed and overwhelmed. He was basically a nice guy but I felt incredibly vulnerable and scared. That's one of the reasons why I definitely changed my name when I came to this website and tried to get all my friends to not call me by the old name they knew me as before. It's hard to change people's minds about your name though. A few times recently someone called me by the old name and inside I was all like "SHHHHHH!!! He might hear you!"

[bcegda]

ooooopsies I had done that!!!!!!! called you by the old name...... same with ratty but she don't seem to mind

i guess from that perspective my names changed all the time, same as avatar, I remember having like 14 usernames in 43things and PC

this is the one that has most stayed for some reason