dangerously close [1/2]
joonmyeon/yifan | past!chanyeol/yifan slight!luhan/minseok
pg-13 | ~8.1k
“If I were a socially awkward penguin, he’d be Antarctica,” Yifan continues. “Only warmer.”
“Hi.”
“Well, hello,” Joonmyeon looks up and squints a little, “Yifan. What brings you here?”
“You.”
*
Wu Yifan is the very embodiment of trust issues-he has exactly one friend, loathes social contacts, and never really talks about his thoughts and secrets with anyone. It also helps that he has a permanent bitch face that keeps people away. Wu Yifan believes, with all his rigid heart, that human beings are completely capable of living on their own, that soul-mates and other-halves are bogus concepts invented by greeting cards companies. He went through the whole nine yards of being in love, and once is definitely enough for the heartbreak he had to handle.
He surprised himself, too, that he was even able to feel heartbreak. It involved Chanyeol cheating on him, followed by three full days of silent sobs and deep regrets. He lived perfectly fine on his own for eighteen years, and he just had to fall in love. He just had to open up to another person, and look what that got him to. Never again.
He’s not exactly blaming Chanyeol for the way he is right now. Chanyeol was a jerk for cheating on him, sure, but Yifan has always been this way, really. Chanyeol just perhaps made it a little worse. It must have been hard to (try to) love someone like him, with all his inability to express happiness, or love, or anything, for that matter-Yifan just doesn’t have the human skill of translating what he feels into his face. Besides, it’s been years since the whole Chanyeol thing, so it shouldn’t matter anymore. Chanyeol is just a memory that he sometimes bumps into on the hallways of their college. He’s just a part of the past that helps him understand that no, he doesn’t need a love life.
Yifan is the embodiment of trust issues, but if he’s about to trust anyone in this life, it’s Minseok.
“It’s kinda risky, Yifan,” Minseok tells him. “But I think it’s perfect for you.”
Yifan frowns before answering, “I trust you.”
“Well that’s a lot coming from you,” Minseok looks sincerely flattered. “Thanks?”
Yifan shrugs. “So how does this work?”
“Basically Luhan needs someone who doesn’t mind people forgetting him,” Minseok explains. “I instantly thought of you.”
“And you trust this Luhan?” Yifan realizes as the words come out of his mouth that it’s probably a stupid question. It’s his boyfriend, duh.
Minseok seems to think the same thing, because he merely rolls his eyes at Yifan. Minseok continues with his lackluster explanation. “He’s experimenting with brain waves or touches or whatever, let’s just go to him and let him explain?”
Yifan cringes at the thought of having to listen to a person talk about things and do things to him, but Minseok’s face looks like a bun with a pair of eyes blinking adorably at his direction. And with a sigh, he mutters, “Let’s go.”
*
The Luhan guy is a very different person from Minseok. He’s bubbly and talks way too much for Yifan’s liking. Yifan thinks he’s already regretting meeting him.
“So if this works,” Luhan says excitedly, “You’ll be able to make people forget about you just by touching them!”
I would definitely use it on you first. “Cool,” Yifan comments.
Luhan appears a little hurt that Yifan doesn’t share his excitement, but Minseok pats him on the back and he relaxes. “But this could mean that you’ll have absolutely no chance at new relationships whatsoever,” Luhan says hesitantly.
“Not a problem.”
“You’re sure about this?” Minseok asks him worriedly. If in the near (or more likely far) future Yifan regrets this decision, it will be on him.
Yifan nods. This is getting boring.
Minseok and Luhan exchange a look, share some telepathic message that Yifan fails to understand, and Luhan continues, “So I’m just going to stick some electricity to your brain and it will probably hurt a little and then it should work!”
Yifan’s mind shuts down at the word electricity. “Okay, no,” he turns around and goes for the door. But he swears Luhan is a cartoon character, because somehow he manages to reach the door before Yifan does and blocks him.
“It is one hundred percent safe,” he says with a stupid grin.
“That’s what everybody says,” Yifan retorts.
“I am not everybody.”
“You sure aren’t,” Yifan grumbles. “Look, I don’t do electrocution, okay.”
And with that he grabs Luhan off the ground and moves him away from the door, leaving a gaping Luhan and Minseok without another word.
*
Meeting Luhan will always be the biggest regret of Yifan’s life, he believes, because for days after that, Luhan seems to be using his cartoon power to appear out of nowhere wherever Yifan goes.
Luhan’s voice calls his name when Yifan is cautiously hiding behind a pillar in the hallway, and he instinctively runs in a random direction. And of course he bumps into someone, and of course that someone is Chanyeol.
“Oh, hey!” Chanyeol actually seems excited to see him. “Yifan! It’s been forever!”
Chanyeol is happy as always, and Yifan thinks it won’t hurt to smile a little. “Hey.”
“What are you doing, man?” Chanyeol searches to the direction Yifan is running from.
“Avoiding trouble,” Yifan answers as he looks back to make sure Luhan isn’t still following him.
Chanyeol smiles. “You know, a word of advice,” he says, “Maybe talk to him? He probably has a lot to explain.”
Yifan blinks. Chanyeol is long forgiven, but Yifan realizes that he’s never heard of Chanyeol’s part of the story. Not that he wants to hear it, but Chanyeol probably needed to say it. Maybe it’s not fair for him, too.
“Sorry,” he murmurs.
Chanyeol looks amused at this reaction, and Yifan wonders if he should have let Luhan have him instead of having this conversation. “It’s okay,” Chanyeol finally says with a laugh. “But we should hang out sometime.”
“Sure,” Yifan manages a smile.
“I think someone’s looking for you,” Chanyeol nods at something behind him, and Yifan knows that Luhan has finally caught up.
Yifan groans and runs away from Luhan, but only after he smiles at Chanyeol and mumbles a small “Thank you.”
*
Yifan figures, after almost a week of avoiding Luhan, that it’s probably better to have Luhan mess with his brain than to have to run from the guy every day. That messes with his head, too, anyway. So he texts Minseok and asks him to take him to Luhan.
“Didn’t think you’d cave this fast,” Minseok smirks as they walk to Luhan’s lab.
“Your boyfriend is frighteningly relentless,” Yifan whines. “If his thing works I can use it on him.”
Minseok laughs. “Sounds like a solid plan.”
Luhan welcomes them with a wide grin and ushers Yifan to his station. Yifan keeps his calm when Luhan tells him to lay down on a bed and starts sticking weird cables on his temples. His heart starts pounding weirdly when Luhan clacks on his computer and mutters “this should work, it’s one hundred percent safe” over and over again. But it is when Luhan finally yells “are you ready?!” and starts the whole process without waiting for Yifan’s answer that his body goes completely numb and pained at the same time.
Yifan tries not to scream as his vision blurs into a blinding white light, and he tries to keep still as his whole body feels wild current running inside. He screams. And he jerks. And he’s seeing white, and he probably faints.
*
It feels like the worst hangover of his life, only worse because he doesn’t even get the alcohol. Yifan opens his eyes to find Luhan and Minseok staring at him worriedly. Yifan fights the enormous urge to punch Luhan in the face, because he still needs the guy to make sure he’s alright. After that, definitely, a punch on the face.
“You’re alive!” Luhan cheers with a relief that gets Yifan thinking about how safe the procedure really was.
He props himself up on his elbows and shakes his head to get rid of the headache, but it only makes it worse. “Did it work?”
“Oh right, the experiment!” Luhan widens his eyes, and Yifan feels sorry for the entire planet about the possibility of Luhan graduating as a neuroscientist. “I don’t know, let’s try it out.”
Luhan calls out a small guy with round glasses to come to his station, and he introduces him to Yifan. “This is Jongdae.”
The guy bows politely and Yifan nods. “Yifan.”
“Okay so now,” Luhan seems unsure. “I don’t know, shake hands?”
Jongdae obediently walks to Yifan and offers his hand, which Yifan shakes briefly. Jongdae retreats, and Luhan stares at him. “So,” he starts. “Do you know who this is?”
Jongdae frowns. “What are you talking about, hyung?” he asks. “It’s Yifan-ssi, you just introduced us.”
Luhan groans and Yifan joins in. All those pain for nothing, because of course Luhan’s experiment doesn’t work, what does he expect?
Jongdae gapes at the pool of frustration in front of him. “Uh... did I do something wrong?”
Minseok pats his back sympathetically and explains Luhan’s experiment as well as he can (“Luhan does things with brains and waves and touches and stuff and you aren’t supposed to remember Yifan”). And Jongdae lets out an ooh and nods.
“Hyung, hyung, can I help you with it?” Jongdae shakes Luhan, who was crouching on the floor with a defeated expression on his face. He immediately jumps up and holds both Jongdae’s hands in his.
“Will you? Will you? Yes please Jongdae I know you’re a genius! Or something,” Luhan blabbers. They proceed to speaking gibberish about brains and brain waves and touches and stuff. Yifan stares at them in disbelief, wondering why he even does this.
Minseok sits next to him on the bed and nudges. “How are you feeling?”
“Destroyed.”
Minseok laughs. Yifan continues watching Jongdae and Luhan go over notes like mad scientists, pointing at Yifan and making weird hand gestures at some point, and he wonders if Luhan provides some kind of compensation, because Yifan assumes that test subjects usually get compensations. Luhan and Jongdae approach him a few minutes later.
“So,” Luhan starts. “Jongdae thinks that the key is in the touch.”
Yifan scoffs. “You don’t say.”
“I’m not done yet,” Luhan scowls. “So the only memories you will be erasing are the ones that happen when you touch.”
Yifan tries to process, but he can’t comprehend. Blame the hangover thingy. He tilts his head in confusion and Luhan grabs his hand.
“Here, hold Jongdae’s hand and tell him something he doesn’t know,” Luhan says while forcing Yifan’s hand onto Jongdae’s. Yifan has serious issues with telling people things, so this is an extremely hard time. He can’t tell things to Jongdae, but he really doesn’t want to hold hands any longer than he has to.
“Um, Minseok hyung likes to look in the mirror and call himself Xiumin because he thinks it’s cool, but it’s not,” Yifan says as he hurriedly retracts his hand from Jongdae’s. Minseok growls and Luhan raises his eyebrows at him. “Now what?” Yifan mumbles.
“Now, that information was processed in my head when I was touching you,” Jongdae offers an explanation. “So my mind associates it with your touch, and it should be erased the next time we touch.”
“Go on then, touch him again!” Minseok yells.
“What’s the rush, Xiumin hyung?” Jongdae smirks at the older boy. “Wait I need to write this down before you erase my memory. Is it Siumin with an S, or Xiumin with an X?”
Minseok groans and manhandles Jongdae to Yifan, forcing them to touch somehow. Yifan feels a weak current upon contact, and Jongdae jerks a little and steps back, shaking his head. “Whoa.”
“Jongdae, do you know anyone named Xiumin?” Luhan asks promptly, excited to see the result of his experiment.
“What? No,” Jongdae frowns. “What kind of name is that?”
Minseok hides his face in shame while Luhan laughs wholeheartedly and Jongdae looks at the two of them with questions in his eyes. Yifan smiles and keeps his thought to himself. This actually works.
*
Yifan’s plan to make Luhan forget him is obviously not going to work now, and instead Luhan has asked him to come every now and then so that he can examine how his new “power” is working. Jongdae has been remembering and forgetting most of the things that Yifan tells him over the course of a week, and Yifan is starting to think that Luhan should be testing Jongdae’s brain instead of his.
Luhan has also decided to take Jongdae as his research assistant, which gives Jongdae extra credits for his studies. Jongdae is elated and works hard to live up to this title, and Luhan thinks he is being too generous. But Yifan thinks that Jongdae is the one giving too much, because if he were Jongdae, he would have taken Luhan’s research and make it his own. Luhan seems to understand nothing about his own research, anyway.
“So, Jongdae,” Luhan stares at his junior with a pen tucked behind his ear, holding a notepad on one hand while the other hand fixes his glasses. Yifan can practically feel the sexual frustration seeping from Minseok who is fidgeting in his seat. “Do you forget other things when Yifan touches you? I mean, other than the things he says.”
Jongdae scratches his head with both hands. “Luhan hyung,” he starts, already sounding frustrated. “You realize you’re asking me if I remember what I forget?”
Yifan, along with Minseok and Luhan, pause for a moment and go aah at the same time. Jongdae is the genius.
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “From what I read though, if your notes are in any way reliable,” Jongdae muses, “It shouldn’t mess with the memories not related to his touch.”
Luhan nods solemnly and Yifan starts to marvel in the possibility that it’s actually Jongdae’s experiment instead of Luhan’s. “And? What else did you learn?”
Yifan lets out a snort, but Jongdae dutifully continues, “But I think you can erase yourself completely from the other person’s memory if you hold him for too long.”
This actually piques Yifan’s interest. Oh how many people is he willing to touch for too long just so that they won’t bother him ever again in this life. Luhan pops up on top of his list. “Is that so?”
“Yes,” Jongdae answers quickly. He pulls out a note from his pocket and skims the contents. “Says here if you hold a person for more than 30 seconds. Also, if you kiss someone,” he adds with a frown. “Luhan hyung, your fascination with tragic love stories is totally messing with your research.”
Luhan merely shrugs. “Sounded like a good idea then.”
“Wait. So if I hold Minseok hyung for more than 30 seconds now, he’ll forget about me?” Yifan asks worriedly. Minseok has been a lot of help in his lonely life. Yifan doesn’t really fancy losing him.
Jongdae tilts his head, looking at Luhan for answer, because Luhan should know. “I guess?” Luhan answers uselessly. Luhan doesn’t know. “Better safe than sorry.”
Minseok pouts at the new reason Yifan can use to deny him skinship. Meanwhile Yifan silently notes in his head to keep his hands away from Minseok. 30 seconds.
*
Two days later, no Luhan summoning him to the lab, and Yifan lays peacefully in his bed, switching between channels before deciding to watch Gordon Ramsey yell at arrogant cooks. Five minutes into serving time, and Yifan’s phone vibrates on top of his bedside table. Yifan frowns. His phone is pretty much futile since he only has Minseok and, now, Luhan and occasionally Jongdae texting him, but he doesn’t think anyone ever calls him. Except...
“Hello?” Yifan picks up after three seconds of wavering. “Chanyeol?”
“Yifan!” Chanyeol chirps. “Are you free right now?”
“Uh, I guess?”
“Great! How about that hang out you promised me?”
Yifan makes unintelligible sounds that Chanyeol somehow translates as a yes, and the next thing he knows there’s an impatient knock on his door, a tall redhead grinning at his direction, and he is taken to a rather empty burger joint across the street from his dorm. Yifan shifts uncomfortably on his seat, taking bites of his turkey burger way too fast, choking himself.
Chanyeol stifles a laugh. “Relax, Yifan.”
Yifan grunts. Hanging out has never been his idea of relaxation. Chanyeol starts making small talks about life and how it has been since the last time they met. He mentions his regrets about the way things ended between them. He laughs as he tells him how stupid he feels now, about the way he threw away everything that reminded him of Yifan. Yifan makes small humming sounds just to let Chanyeol know he’s listening, and Yifan knows Chanyeol knows not to be offended, because it’s just the way he is. But Yifan should know of Chanyeol’s hidden agenda when Chanyeol stares dreamily in his direction, or when he leans forward to wipe mayonnaise off the corner of Yifan’s lips, or when he casually grabs Yifan’s hand again and again, most probably because he forgets about doing it every time he does it.
Twenty minutes into the conversation, Yifan runs out of burgers and milkshakes to help him avoid having eye contact with Chanyeol, and Chanyeol has given up talking and basically just sits there staring at Yifan. Yifan should know something’s going on, but he is clueless about micro expressions and human gestures, and that will forever be the death of him. Yifan finds Chanyeol’s eyes fixed on him, and he coughs. “I should get going.”
Chanyeol doesn’t answer. “Can we get back together?” he blurts instead.
Yifan is not sure he heard it right-he doesn’t want to know that he heard it right, because what? Why? Go away. Once is enough, and never again. Random words sprout out inside his mind, and he fails to mention any of them, it seems, because Chanyeol repeats his question, looking deeply in his eyes, “I’m sorry about the last time,” he says. “Can we try again? Can we get back together?”
Yifan panics and tries to run for it, but Chanyeol knows, Chanyeol knows he’s a runner, so he’s ready and he grabs Yifan by the wrist and says with a sigh, “Yifan, please.”
“Chanyeol, let go of my hand,” Yifan tries to wriggle his hand out of Chanyeol’s grasp as his head involuntarily starts counting. 1, 2, 3...
“No, Yifan,” Chanyeol replies firmly, his grip on Yifan’s hand getting stronger instead. 9, 10, 11. “I need you to stop running.”
“Chanyeol, please,” Yifan begs, still trying to pull his hand off Chanyeol’s. 15, 16, 17. “Let go.”
“Just answer the question,” Chanyeol says. 21, 22, 23. “Then I’ll let go.”
Yifan doesn’t have the time to think of his real answer. It’s more likely a no, but what if he does want to try again? What if Chanyeol is the only person in the world that can stand him? What if infinitely, he wants someone in his life? But what if he says yes, and what if Chanyeol breaks his heart again? Too many questions, not enough time. Yifan counts inside his head, and he knows his seven-seconds is up, and he looks at Chanyeol, who is still looking back at him with hope in his eyes, and Yifan muses, maybe he has more than thirty seconds after all.
Yifan opens his mouth to (probably) answer, and Chanyeol lets go of his hand, looking around. It buys Yifan some more time to think, and he thinks, maybe, maybe he’ll answer with a no. “Yes,” he tells Chanyeol. And his head goes on a feat of protests.
Chanyeol turns his head back to Yifan, eyes wide in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“Yes,” Yifan repeats slowly, his voice barely a whisper.
Chanyeol stares at Yifan, an awkward almost-grin in his face, and he goes, “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused.”
And as Yifan scolds himself for being a fool, and denies that no, his heart isn’t breaking, Chanyeol isn’t breaking his heart again, Chanyeol continues, “Who are you?”
part 2 →
pg-13 | ~8.1k
“If I were a socially awkward penguin, he’d be Antarctica,” Yifan continues. “Only warmer.”
“Hi.”
“Well, hello,” Joonmyeon looks up and squints a little, “Yifan. What brings you here?”
“You.”
*
Wu Yifan is the very embodiment of trust issues-he has exactly one friend, loathes social contacts, and never really talks about his thoughts and secrets with anyone. It also helps that he has a permanent bitch face that keeps people away. Wu Yifan believes, with all his rigid heart, that human beings are completely capable of living on their own, that soul-mates and other-halves are bogus concepts invented by greeting cards companies. He went through the whole nine yards of being in love, and once is definitely enough for the heartbreak he had to handle.
He surprised himself, too, that he was even able to feel heartbreak. It involved Chanyeol cheating on him, followed by three full days of silent sobs and deep regrets. He lived perfectly fine on his own for eighteen years, and he just had to fall in love. He just had to open up to another person, and look what that got him to. Never again.
He’s not exactly blaming Chanyeol for the way he is right now. Chanyeol was a jerk for cheating on him, sure, but Yifan has always been this way, really. Chanyeol just perhaps made it a little worse. It must have been hard to (try to) love someone like him, with all his inability to express happiness, or love, or anything, for that matter-Yifan just doesn’t have the human skill of translating what he feels into his face. Besides, it’s been years since the whole Chanyeol thing, so it shouldn’t matter anymore. Chanyeol is just a memory that he sometimes bumps into on the hallways of their college. He’s just a part of the past that helps him understand that no, he doesn’t need a love life.
Yifan is the embodiment of trust issues, but if he’s about to trust anyone in this life, it’s Minseok.
“It’s kinda risky, Yifan,” Minseok tells him. “But I think it’s perfect for you.”
Yifan frowns before answering, “I trust you.”
“Well that’s a lot coming from you,” Minseok looks sincerely flattered. “Thanks?”
Yifan shrugs. “So how does this work?”
“Basically Luhan needs someone who doesn’t mind people forgetting him,” Minseok explains. “I instantly thought of you.”
“And you trust this Luhan?” Yifan realizes as the words come out of his mouth that it’s probably a stupid question. It’s his boyfriend, duh.
Minseok seems to think the same thing, because he merely rolls his eyes at Yifan. Minseok continues with his lackluster explanation. “He’s experimenting with brain waves or touches or whatever, let’s just go to him and let him explain?”
Yifan cringes at the thought of having to listen to a person talk about things and do things to him, but Minseok’s face looks like a bun with a pair of eyes blinking adorably at his direction. And with a sigh, he mutters, “Let’s go.”
*
The Luhan guy is a very different person from Minseok. He’s bubbly and talks way too much for Yifan’s liking. Yifan thinks he’s already regretting meeting him.
“So if this works,” Luhan says excitedly, “You’ll be able to make people forget about you just by touching them!”
I would definitely use it on you first. “Cool,” Yifan comments.
Luhan appears a little hurt that Yifan doesn’t share his excitement, but Minseok pats him on the back and he relaxes. “But this could mean that you’ll have absolutely no chance at new relationships whatsoever,” Luhan says hesitantly.
“Not a problem.”
“You’re sure about this?” Minseok asks him worriedly. If in the near (or more likely far) future Yifan regrets this decision, it will be on him.
Yifan nods. This is getting boring.
Minseok and Luhan exchange a look, share some telepathic message that Yifan fails to understand, and Luhan continues, “So I’m just going to stick some electricity to your brain and it will probably hurt a little and then it should work!”
Yifan’s mind shuts down at the word electricity. “Okay, no,” he turns around and goes for the door. But he swears Luhan is a cartoon character, because somehow he manages to reach the door before Yifan does and blocks him.
“It is one hundred percent safe,” he says with a stupid grin.
“That’s what everybody says,” Yifan retorts.
“I am not everybody.”
“You sure aren’t,” Yifan grumbles. “Look, I don’t do electrocution, okay.”
And with that he grabs Luhan off the ground and moves him away from the door, leaving a gaping Luhan and Minseok without another word.
*
Meeting Luhan will always be the biggest regret of Yifan’s life, he believes, because for days after that, Luhan seems to be using his cartoon power to appear out of nowhere wherever Yifan goes.
Luhan’s voice calls his name when Yifan is cautiously hiding behind a pillar in the hallway, and he instinctively runs in a random direction. And of course he bumps into someone, and of course that someone is Chanyeol.
“Oh, hey!” Chanyeol actually seems excited to see him. “Yifan! It’s been forever!”
Chanyeol is happy as always, and Yifan thinks it won’t hurt to smile a little. “Hey.”
“What are you doing, man?” Chanyeol searches to the direction Yifan is running from.
“Avoiding trouble,” Yifan answers as he looks back to make sure Luhan isn’t still following him.
Chanyeol smiles. “You know, a word of advice,” he says, “Maybe talk to him? He probably has a lot to explain.”
Yifan blinks. Chanyeol is long forgiven, but Yifan realizes that he’s never heard of Chanyeol’s part of the story. Not that he wants to hear it, but Chanyeol probably needed to say it. Maybe it’s not fair for him, too.
“Sorry,” he murmurs.
Chanyeol looks amused at this reaction, and Yifan wonders if he should have let Luhan have him instead of having this conversation. “It’s okay,” Chanyeol finally says with a laugh. “But we should hang out sometime.”
“Sure,” Yifan manages a smile.
“I think someone’s looking for you,” Chanyeol nods at something behind him, and Yifan knows that Luhan has finally caught up.
Yifan groans and runs away from Luhan, but only after he smiles at Chanyeol and mumbles a small “Thank you.”
*
Yifan figures, after almost a week of avoiding Luhan, that it’s probably better to have Luhan mess with his brain than to have to run from the guy every day. That messes with his head, too, anyway. So he texts Minseok and asks him to take him to Luhan.
“Didn’t think you’d cave this fast,” Minseok smirks as they walk to Luhan’s lab.
“Your boyfriend is frighteningly relentless,” Yifan whines. “If his thing works I can use it on him.”
Minseok laughs. “Sounds like a solid plan.”
Luhan welcomes them with a wide grin and ushers Yifan to his station. Yifan keeps his calm when Luhan tells him to lay down on a bed and starts sticking weird cables on his temples. His heart starts pounding weirdly when Luhan clacks on his computer and mutters “this should work, it’s one hundred percent safe” over and over again. But it is when Luhan finally yells “are you ready?!” and starts the whole process without waiting for Yifan’s answer that his body goes completely numb and pained at the same time.
Yifan tries not to scream as his vision blurs into a blinding white light, and he tries to keep still as his whole body feels wild current running inside. He screams. And he jerks. And he’s seeing white, and he probably faints.
*
It feels like the worst hangover of his life, only worse because he doesn’t even get the alcohol. Yifan opens his eyes to find Luhan and Minseok staring at him worriedly. Yifan fights the enormous urge to punch Luhan in the face, because he still needs the guy to make sure he’s alright. After that, definitely, a punch on the face.
“You’re alive!” Luhan cheers with a relief that gets Yifan thinking about how safe the procedure really was.
He props himself up on his elbows and shakes his head to get rid of the headache, but it only makes it worse. “Did it work?”
“Oh right, the experiment!” Luhan widens his eyes, and Yifan feels sorry for the entire planet about the possibility of Luhan graduating as a neuroscientist. “I don’t know, let’s try it out.”
Luhan calls out a small guy with round glasses to come to his station, and he introduces him to Yifan. “This is Jongdae.”
The guy bows politely and Yifan nods. “Yifan.”
“Okay so now,” Luhan seems unsure. “I don’t know, shake hands?”
Jongdae obediently walks to Yifan and offers his hand, which Yifan shakes briefly. Jongdae retreats, and Luhan stares at him. “So,” he starts. “Do you know who this is?”
Jongdae frowns. “What are you talking about, hyung?” he asks. “It’s Yifan-ssi, you just introduced us.”
Luhan groans and Yifan joins in. All those pain for nothing, because of course Luhan’s experiment doesn’t work, what does he expect?
Jongdae gapes at the pool of frustration in front of him. “Uh... did I do something wrong?”
Minseok pats his back sympathetically and explains Luhan’s experiment as well as he can (“Luhan does things with brains and waves and touches and stuff and you aren’t supposed to remember Yifan”). And Jongdae lets out an ooh and nods.
“Hyung, hyung, can I help you with it?” Jongdae shakes Luhan, who was crouching on the floor with a defeated expression on his face. He immediately jumps up and holds both Jongdae’s hands in his.
“Will you? Will you? Yes please Jongdae I know you’re a genius! Or something,” Luhan blabbers. They proceed to speaking gibberish about brains and brain waves and touches and stuff. Yifan stares at them in disbelief, wondering why he even does this.
Minseok sits next to him on the bed and nudges. “How are you feeling?”
“Destroyed.”
Minseok laughs. Yifan continues watching Jongdae and Luhan go over notes like mad scientists, pointing at Yifan and making weird hand gestures at some point, and he wonders if Luhan provides some kind of compensation, because Yifan assumes that test subjects usually get compensations. Luhan and Jongdae approach him a few minutes later.
“So,” Luhan starts. “Jongdae thinks that the key is in the touch.”
Yifan scoffs. “You don’t say.”
“I’m not done yet,” Luhan scowls. “So the only memories you will be erasing are the ones that happen when you touch.”
Yifan tries to process, but he can’t comprehend. Blame the hangover thingy. He tilts his head in confusion and Luhan grabs his hand.
“Here, hold Jongdae’s hand and tell him something he doesn’t know,” Luhan says while forcing Yifan’s hand onto Jongdae’s. Yifan has serious issues with telling people things, so this is an extremely hard time. He can’t tell things to Jongdae, but he really doesn’t want to hold hands any longer than he has to.
“Um, Minseok hyung likes to look in the mirror and call himself Xiumin because he thinks it’s cool, but it’s not,” Yifan says as he hurriedly retracts his hand from Jongdae’s. Minseok growls and Luhan raises his eyebrows at him. “Now what?” Yifan mumbles.
“Now, that information was processed in my head when I was touching you,” Jongdae offers an explanation. “So my mind associates it with your touch, and it should be erased the next time we touch.”
“Go on then, touch him again!” Minseok yells.
“What’s the rush, Xiumin hyung?” Jongdae smirks at the older boy. “Wait I need to write this down before you erase my memory. Is it Siumin with an S, or Xiumin with an X?”
Minseok groans and manhandles Jongdae to Yifan, forcing them to touch somehow. Yifan feels a weak current upon contact, and Jongdae jerks a little and steps back, shaking his head. “Whoa.”
“Jongdae, do you know anyone named Xiumin?” Luhan asks promptly, excited to see the result of his experiment.
“What? No,” Jongdae frowns. “What kind of name is that?”
Minseok hides his face in shame while Luhan laughs wholeheartedly and Jongdae looks at the two of them with questions in his eyes. Yifan smiles and keeps his thought to himself. This actually works.
*
Yifan’s plan to make Luhan forget him is obviously not going to work now, and instead Luhan has asked him to come every now and then so that he can examine how his new “power” is working. Jongdae has been remembering and forgetting most of the things that Yifan tells him over the course of a week, and Yifan is starting to think that Luhan should be testing Jongdae’s brain instead of his.
Luhan has also decided to take Jongdae as his research assistant, which gives Jongdae extra credits for his studies. Jongdae is elated and works hard to live up to this title, and Luhan thinks he is being too generous. But Yifan thinks that Jongdae is the one giving too much, because if he were Jongdae, he would have taken Luhan’s research and make it his own. Luhan seems to understand nothing about his own research, anyway.
“So, Jongdae,” Luhan stares at his junior with a pen tucked behind his ear, holding a notepad on one hand while the other hand fixes his glasses. Yifan can practically feel the sexual frustration seeping from Minseok who is fidgeting in his seat. “Do you forget other things when Yifan touches you? I mean, other than the things he says.”
Jongdae scratches his head with both hands. “Luhan hyung,” he starts, already sounding frustrated. “You realize you’re asking me if I remember what I forget?”
Yifan, along with Minseok and Luhan, pause for a moment and go aah at the same time. Jongdae is the genius.
Jongdae rolls his eyes. “From what I read though, if your notes are in any way reliable,” Jongdae muses, “It shouldn’t mess with the memories not related to his touch.”
Luhan nods solemnly and Yifan starts to marvel in the possibility that it’s actually Jongdae’s experiment instead of Luhan’s. “And? What else did you learn?”
Yifan lets out a snort, but Jongdae dutifully continues, “But I think you can erase yourself completely from the other person’s memory if you hold him for too long.”
This actually piques Yifan’s interest. Oh how many people is he willing to touch for too long just so that they won’t bother him ever again in this life. Luhan pops up on top of his list. “Is that so?”
“Yes,” Jongdae answers quickly. He pulls out a note from his pocket and skims the contents. “Says here if you hold a person for more than 30 seconds. Also, if you kiss someone,” he adds with a frown. “Luhan hyung, your fascination with tragic love stories is totally messing with your research.”
Luhan merely shrugs. “Sounded like a good idea then.”
“Wait. So if I hold Minseok hyung for more than 30 seconds now, he’ll forget about me?” Yifan asks worriedly. Minseok has been a lot of help in his lonely life. Yifan doesn’t really fancy losing him.
Jongdae tilts his head, looking at Luhan for answer, because Luhan should know. “I guess?” Luhan answers uselessly. Luhan doesn’t know. “Better safe than sorry.”
Minseok pouts at the new reason Yifan can use to deny him skinship. Meanwhile Yifan silently notes in his head to keep his hands away from Minseok. 30 seconds.
*
Two days later, no Luhan summoning him to the lab, and Yifan lays peacefully in his bed, switching between channels before deciding to watch Gordon Ramsey yell at arrogant cooks. Five minutes into serving time, and Yifan’s phone vibrates on top of his bedside table. Yifan frowns. His phone is pretty much futile since he only has Minseok and, now, Luhan and occasionally Jongdae texting him, but he doesn’t think anyone ever calls him. Except...
“Hello?” Yifan picks up after three seconds of wavering. “Chanyeol?”
“Yifan!” Chanyeol chirps. “Are you free right now?”
“Uh, I guess?”
“Great! How about that hang out you promised me?”
Yifan makes unintelligible sounds that Chanyeol somehow translates as a yes, and the next thing he knows there’s an impatient knock on his door, a tall redhead grinning at his direction, and he is taken to a rather empty burger joint across the street from his dorm. Yifan shifts uncomfortably on his seat, taking bites of his turkey burger way too fast, choking himself.
Chanyeol stifles a laugh. “Relax, Yifan.”
Yifan grunts. Hanging out has never been his idea of relaxation. Chanyeol starts making small talks about life and how it has been since the last time they met. He mentions his regrets about the way things ended between them. He laughs as he tells him how stupid he feels now, about the way he threw away everything that reminded him of Yifan. Yifan makes small humming sounds just to let Chanyeol know he’s listening, and Yifan knows Chanyeol knows not to be offended, because it’s just the way he is. But Yifan should know of Chanyeol’s hidden agenda when Chanyeol stares dreamily in his direction, or when he leans forward to wipe mayonnaise off the corner of Yifan’s lips, or when he casually grabs Yifan’s hand again and again, most probably because he forgets about doing it every time he does it.
Twenty minutes into the conversation, Yifan runs out of burgers and milkshakes to help him avoid having eye contact with Chanyeol, and Chanyeol has given up talking and basically just sits there staring at Yifan. Yifan should know something’s going on, but he is clueless about micro expressions and human gestures, and that will forever be the death of him. Yifan finds Chanyeol’s eyes fixed on him, and he coughs. “I should get going.”
Chanyeol doesn’t answer. “Can we get back together?” he blurts instead.
Yifan is not sure he heard it right-he doesn’t want to know that he heard it right, because what? Why? Go away. Once is enough, and never again. Random words sprout out inside his mind, and he fails to mention any of them, it seems, because Chanyeol repeats his question, looking deeply in his eyes, “I’m sorry about the last time,” he says. “Can we try again? Can we get back together?”
Yifan panics and tries to run for it, but Chanyeol knows, Chanyeol knows he’s a runner, so he’s ready and he grabs Yifan by the wrist and says with a sigh, “Yifan, please.”
“Chanyeol, let go of my hand,” Yifan tries to wriggle his hand out of Chanyeol’s grasp as his head involuntarily starts counting. 1, 2, 3...
“No, Yifan,” Chanyeol replies firmly, his grip on Yifan’s hand getting stronger instead. 9, 10, 11. “I need you to stop running.”
“Chanyeol, please,” Yifan begs, still trying to pull his hand off Chanyeol’s. 15, 16, 17. “Let go.”
“Just answer the question,” Chanyeol says. 21, 22, 23. “Then I’ll let go.”
Yifan doesn’t have the time to think of his real answer. It’s more likely a no, but what if he does want to try again? What if Chanyeol is the only person in the world that can stand him? What if infinitely, he wants someone in his life? But what if he says yes, and what if Chanyeol breaks his heart again? Too many questions, not enough time. Yifan counts inside his head, and he knows his seven-seconds is up, and he looks at Chanyeol, who is still looking back at him with hope in his eyes, and Yifan muses, maybe he has more than thirty seconds after all.
Yifan opens his mouth to (probably) answer, and Chanyeol lets go of his hand, looking around. It buys Yifan some more time to think, and he thinks, maybe, maybe he’ll answer with a no. “Yes,” he tells Chanyeol. And his head goes on a feat of protests.
Chanyeol turns his head back to Yifan, eyes wide in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“Yes,” Yifan repeats slowly, his voice barely a whisper.
Chanyeol stares at Yifan, an awkward almost-grin in his face, and he goes, “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused.”
And as Yifan scolds himself for being a fool, and denies that no, his heart isn’t breaking, Chanyeol isn’t breaking his heart again, Chanyeol continues, “Who are you?”
part 2 →