dangerously close [2/2]
← part 1
Last night, after the fateful encounter and ungraceful goodbye with Chanyeol, Yifan called Minseok over and told the whole story, just so that he could have Minseok tell Luhan and Jongdae, because Yifan thought it might be important for the research but he really didn’t want to accidentally weep in front of Luhan or Jongdae. It was a good call, because Yifan was apparently a little sad about the whole Chanyeol thing (again)-sad enough to cry in front of Minseok. Minseok sat there patting his back lightly, trying to hug Yifan but Yifan didn’t like hugs, and Yifan didn’t really want to ever touch Minseok anymore.
Yifan snaps out of the thought of his failure in relationship and social interaction in general when he hears someone calls out his name. “Yifan, right?”
Yifan swears that he has chosen the one farthest, least known coffee shop in town, just so that he can limit the conversation he has to make to one simple line of “caramel latte, please”. So it is with great displease that he briefly glances up and says “Yeah” before going back to his book, hoping the other guy will feel offended and leave him alone.
To his horror, he instead gets a hand shoved in front of his face, and Yifan really doesn’t know what to do with it. Is he supposed to touch it? A high five, maybe? Fist bump? Yifan decides that the required social norm is probably a handshake (but what does he know), and he grudgingly holds the soft hand (it’s really soft, okay, it has to be noted) and shakes it. Yifan’s eyes find the other person’s face and meet a pair of pretty eyes, a kind smile, and feathery blond hair.
“I’m Joonmyeon,” he says. “Oh wait, sorry, I need to do that again.” He lets go of Yifan’s hand and repeats, “I’m Joonmyeon.”
Yifan shoots him a questioning look, and the Joonmyeon guy grins. “I’d like to remember that I’ve introduced myself to you,” he says.
“You know?” Yifan asks before he can stop himself.
Joonmyeon gestures at a seat in front of Yifan. “May I?”
Yifan hates that he’s too polite for his own liking, and nods. “Jongdae told me,” Joonmyeon explains as he seats himself. “Oh, I’m his brother,” he adds quickly when he realizes Yifan still looks confused. “He told me about Luhan’s experiment, and I saw you once when I picked him up from the lab, we’re pretty close.”
“Oh,” Yifan responds.
Joonmyeon looks at him with interest. “Wow, you’re really as quiet as Jongdae says.”
Yifan shrugs.
“Fascinating,” Joonmyeon says, more to himself than to Yifan. He snaps out of his own thought and looks at Yifan. “I major in psychology,” he explains, “and I’m really curious about how you feel after all those.”
Yifan winces-psychologists irk him. His childhood was filled with sessions after sessions with random psychologists trying to determine what was wrong with him, why he wasn’t talking as much as other children, so he supposes he has the right to hate the profession.
“Not a fan of psychologists, I see,” Joonmyeon says in an amused tone.
Yifan wonders how obvious he is to everyone else, but he assumes it’s useless to think about it now, so he simply shakes his head.
“Bad childhood?” Joonmyeon guesses.
This guy reads me like a book. “You’d make an amazing psychologist,” Yifan comments.
Joonmyeon laughs. Yifan finds it melodious. (Excuse me, what?) “Why, thank you.”
Yifan doesn’t say another word, and Joonmyeon doesn’t either. Yifan goes back to reading, stealing glances at Joonmyeon out of curiosity. He notices that Joonmyeon doesn’t fidget on his seat or fumble with his phone like most people do when Yifan traps them into an awkward silence. Instead, he pulls a book out of his backpack and starts reading as well.
Yifan appreciates silence, and he appreciates people who let him have it. He decides that Jongdae’s brother is a very tolerable person, and that he has found his favorite psychologist so far-one that does not ask too many questions.
Joonmyeon seems to remember something, and he looks up and Yifan is flustered because he doesn’t want Joonmyeon to know he’s been staring. Joonmyeon shoots him an understanding smile that makes Yifan blush. “Jongdae told me about what happened with your ex,” Joonmyeon tells him. “I hope you’re okay.”
Yifan waits for Joonmyeon’s questions, because aren’t psychologists supposed to be the ones with questions you never really want to answer? But the other guy just looks at him with sincere concern for a moment before going back to his book.
It is alarming, Yifan believes, when he hears himself speak instead. “I just feel stupid about it,” he mumbles. He notices Joonmyeon raises his head to look at him. And his mind yells in disapproval as he continues, “Like, it shouldn’t have to have happened, you know?”
“It’s normal,” Joonmyeon comments calmly, and Yifan is confused, because ‘normal’ isn’t something psychologists normally associate with him. “It’s normal to want someone in your life, Yifan. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yeah?” Yifan asks, smiling thankfully.
Joonmyeon nods. “I worry about your condition, though,” Joonmyeon adds carefully. “It’s a lonely life you’re leading.”
Yifan snorts. “Nothing new there.”
Joonmyeon reaches out his hand and patted Yifan lightly on his arm. Yifan cringes, remembering what happened with Chanyeol, because he quite likes Joonmyeon’s company. For someone who claims to have trust issues, he has been trusting way too many people way too quickly lately. Joonmyeon pulls his hand back and gives him an encouraging smile.
“Oh, I need to go now,” Joonmyeon says as he checks his watch. He rummages his bag for a piece of paper and writes something down. “It’s my number if you want it,” he pushes the paper to Yifan. “If you’re ever too lonely.”
And with a smile and a small wave, Yifan stares at his favorite psychologist walking out of the cafe, thinking what am I doing? Why am I making new friends?
And why does it feel so good to not be alone?
*
Yifan is never too lonely after that. In fact, he has way too many people making commotions in his days. Luhan has been a little more delicate with him after the Chanyeol incident, but only as delicate as he can get (which still means loud voices and insensitive remarks, only a little less frequent). Jongdae asks him questions that actually sound like they’re important for the research, and Yifan fights the urge to suggest that Jongdae take over the experiment. Minseok still comes to his dorm with food (noticeably more ice cream and chocolates lately, and Yifan is thankful) and tries to hug him from time to time (he never succeeds).
Yifan is watching absently as Luhan scribbles on his research notes when a familiar blond enters the lab and waves at his direction. Yifan waves back instinctively, but he hears Jongdae’s “Over here, hyung!” from behind him, and he withdraws his hand in embarrassment.
Joonmyeon greets everyone before approaching Yifan, a playful smile on his face. “I was waving at you, FYI,” he comments. Yifan starts finding the floor very appealing to look at. “I never get that call. You’re never lonely, huh?”
“Well,” Yifan mumbles and beckons at Minseok hugging Luhan from behind and Jongdae yelling (“Ew, hyung not here!”) at them. “They’re pretty loud.”
Joonmyeon chuckles. Yifan thinks Joonmyeon’s eye smile is very attractive. (Get a hold of yourself, Wu Yifan!) “That’s true.”
Yifan goes back to staring at his shoes, and he realizes that Joonmyeon is currently studying his face. Yifan tries his best to ignore the weird feeling he has every time he thinks of Joonmyeon looking at him, because seriously? He’s only seen the guy once before, and as good looking as Joonmyeon is (gloriously gorgeous), he’s not the type to believe in love at first sight. But maybe, just maybe, it’s true that there’s a first time for everything.
“Actually, it’s probably my fault,” Joonmyeon suddenly says with a sheepish grin. Yifan makes an effort to look at Joonmyeon and wonders what the smaller guy is at fault for other than causing these unfamiliar feelings inside him. “I should know that you’re clueless about vague hints and just ask for your number.”
“Huh?”
“Can I please have your number?” Joonmyeon asks, shoving his phone to Yifan’s hand. “And while we’re at it, also a dinner?”
*
Joonmyeon makes the best dinner company, Yifan thinks, as he laughs softly at Joonmyeon’s story on their third dinner. Yifan would like to say that it’s their third date, but Yifan isn’t sure and he knows nothing about romance, and Joonmyeon always says “Can I take you to dinner” whilst Chanyeol used to say “Let’s go out on a date”. Chanyeol’s was a lot easier to understand.
Joonmyeon stops talking and Yifan is uncertain what to do, because he’s as useless in small talks as he is in understanding physical hints or micro expressions. Joonmyeon has a glint in his eyes as he rests his chin on one hand, looking directly at Yifan. “What?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyeon replies. “I just wish I don’t have to blatantly tell you that I consider this a date.”
Yifan is amazed at how Joonmyeon always knows what’s on his mind, and Yifan likes it a lot, because that means he doesn’t have to talk. Yifan smiles in amusement. “I’m glad you clear that up."
“Three dates are enough, don’t you think?”
“Enough for what?” Yifan asks worriedly. Does Joonmyeon want to stop having dinner with him? But this feels so nice.
“For me to start calling you my boyfriend?” Joonmyeon grins. He reaches for Yifan’s hand and Yifan flinches because no, not again. “Don’t worry, I’ll count to 10 and let go,” Joonmyeon’s voice is as soft as his hand.
Yifan squeezes Joonmyeon’s hand tightly and then lets go. Joonmyeon looks slightly disappointed, and Yifan smiles at his direction. “I need you to remember this,” he says. “Yes, three dates are enough.”
Joonmyeon beams happily at Yifan, both hands grabbing Yifan’s and releases them every ten seconds or so. Yifan’s mind is all sorts of chaos right now, because the joy in him is undeniable, and Yifan sort of probably really likes Joonmyeon in every single way. But a voice in his mind keeps saying what are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing.
Joonmyeon picks up one of Yifan’s hand and presses his lips on it. Yifan is confused, yet inexplicably blissful, but the voice in the back of his mind insists on not letting him be.
He’s just going to forget you.
*
Yifan is peacefully eating his cheerios when a smack lands on the back of his head. He grunts and chokes as Minseok takes the seat across from him and puts his face way too close to Yifan’s, blinking cutely. “A little birdie told me you’re dating,” Minseok singsongs when he’s done making fun of Yifan choking.
Yifan groans an ugh and backs away. “Tell little birdie to get off my case.”
Minseok simply laughs it off and watches as Yifan takes a spoon after another. “Do you think it’s a good idea?”
Yifan observes Minseok’s concerned expression and sighs. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Why do you do it?”
“I’m just...” Yifan pauses. Why did he do it? “I like the way he makes me feel?” Yifan says hesitantly. “He doesn’t make me think that I’m a cold guy that doesn’t know how to mingle, you know? He makes me feel normal, like I belong.
“If I were a socially awkward penguin, he’d be Antarctica,” Yifan continues. “Only warmer.”
Minseok watches him with wide eyes. “Wow,” he breathes. “I’ve never heard you talk that much.”
I’ve never talked that much. Yifan pulls his hair out as he wonders what he’s going to do, since Minseok only asks because he knows, and Yifan knows, that this relationship is bad news and another heartbreak waiting to happen, but Yifan feels so utterly amazing with Joonmyeon by his side. And how does life work without Joonmyeon? He doesn’t even want to remember.
They both ponder in silence, not having anything to say to make it feel better, not knowing what to do. “You’ll figure something out,” Minseok finally voices. But his words are stained with doubt, and Yifan understands.
“Yeah,” Yifan mutters silently. “We will.”
*
They lay in bed side by side, wanting to press their bodies together but stay inches apart just so Joonmyeon doesn't forget. Yifan is sure that this is the most comfortable he has ever been with anyone. Joonmyeon lets him have the silence he needs, but he speaks up at all the right time, saying all the right words, and Yifan wishes he could give Joonmyeon half of what the smaller man has given him. Yifan doesn't say much-he only nods and smiles, but lately Joonmyeon has made him laugh a lot more than he ever did in the 22 years before he met Joonmyeon. Yifan doesn’t understand why this works-he is certain that any other people in this world would have left him already, because what good does it do Joonmyeon by staying with him? Joonmyeon is flawless, and Yifan is all flaws.
And as he puts one arm under his head and stares at the ceiling, Yifan muses, "Why do you stay?"
He glances to his side and finds Joonmyeon shifting to face him, humming in response.
"You're... perfect," Yifan sighs. "And I, I can't even talk to people properly. I can't even touch you!" Yifan is frustrated and he regrets everything. Why was he so confident about not needing anyone? Why did he agree to help Luhan? Why didn't he meet Joonmyeon sooner?
Joonmyeon rolls on top of him and Yifan's breath hitches. Joonmyeon whispers "It's okay, it's okay, I won't let myself forget you" and uses his thumb to wipe the tears trickling down Yifan's cheek.
They are dangerously close right now, and it's dangerous that Yifan doesn't really mind. All he wants is for Joonmyeon to touch him and never let go. But Joonmyeon inches away and props himself up on his arms, hovering above Yifan. "You're gorgeous," Joonmyeon says, tracing his finger on the lines of Yifan's face.
"You say you hate people, but you help them anyway," Joonmyeon continues, smiling as he lifts up his hand and starts brushing Yifan's hair. "I've seen you around campus. You help people when they can't reach the books on the top shelves in the library."
Yifan remembers the times he spent in the library, trying to distance himself from people and stay away from noises. And sometimes, not so often, he finds some people standing on their tiptoe, trying to pick up books that are out of their reach. Yifan helps them because he can, and he doesn't need to speak to do so.
Joonmyeon pulls his hand away and carefully lowers his face to Yifan's neck, tracing his jaw line with the point of his nose. Yifan inhales sharply as Joonmyeon's skin touches his. Dangerously close. "I've seen you around campus," Joonmyeon whispers when he reaches Yifan's ear. "You pick up things people drop, and go out of your way to return it to the owner."
It was just one time, or probably two, Yifan thinks, that he found a student ID left on the table one day when he was having lunch. It was exam week, and Yifan imagined the owner would have so much trouble if he didn't have his student ID. So he went to the administration office to find out where one Oh Sehun was having his exams, and he went two buildings and three flights of staircase away from his own class to return it to the boy. And the clumsy brunet was thankful, so thankful, that he bowed repeatedly to Yifan and Yifan was flustered. Yifan remembers vaguely now, about the black haired teacher's assistant in the classroom, the one that, now that Yifan thinks of it, looked exactly like Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon shakes his head as he pulls away from Yifan. “You’re nicer than you think, Yifan,” he says as he smiles at Yifan, pinching his cheek lightly. Yifan lets out a small laugh. “And I applaud your courage, ignoring your fear of social contact to help others.
“You’re gorgeous," Joonmyeon repeats, tracing the same lines in the same manner he did when he said it the first time.
"You said that already," Yifan murmurs. But he’s smiling, because he is thankful, and he knows he will never really deserve Kim Joonmyeon in his life. But Joonmyeon wants him, and Yifan thinks it’s okay to be selfish for once and not let Joonmyeon know he can do better.
Yifan strokes Joonmyeon’s arm lightly, cautiously counting in his head. “Thank you,” he says. And as he pulls Joonmyeon down on the 12th second, he hugs him and buries his face on the crook of Joonmyeon’s neck, breathing, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
23, 24, 25... Dangerously close. And he moves away, leaving a sighing Joonmyeon on the bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
*
Luhan is in the mood for celebration-his latest progress report is submitted, and his professor is absolutely thrilled with how his research is going. Yifan isn’t a fan of celebrations in any kind, so when he receives Luhan’s invitation, he immediately texts back a no. His phone buzzes violently in response, Luhan’s name flashing on the screen.
“Yeah,” Yifan answers the call lazily.
Yifan is shocked to find another familiar voice answering. “Hey, Yifan.”
“Joonmyeon?”
“Yeah. Uh,” Joonmyeon hesitates. “You probably don’t want to come here, but Luhan hyung insists I force you to.”
It’s probably a bad idea, but Yifan will gladly go anywhere Joonmyeon is. “Text me the address,” he says. And he’s definitely regretting it, when in ten minutes he finds out what Luhan’s idea of celebration is.
A bar.
Wu Yifan and bars don’t really go together. One, Yifan has the lowest possible tolerance of social situations, and two, he has an even lower tolerance of alcohol. Three, he has an impossibly insatiable love for liquor, and he always ends up blacked out and hungover the day after.
Yifan enters warily, the view of the crowd hurting his head already. He is searching around in near panic, trying to find anyone he knows, when a hand snakes around his waist. A familiar blond stands on his side with an understanding smile. “You okay?” Joonmyeon asks.
Yifan shakes his head. “Better now.”
Joonmyeon leads him to a corner of the bar, where on one table Luhan seems to be eating Minseok’s face, and Jongdae laughs hysterically at them. “They’re a little drunk,” Joonmyeon explains.
“Oh.”
“Yifan hyung!” Jongdae waves his hands wildly at him. “We’re here, we’re here!”
Yifan seriously doubts that he wants to be sitting where two people are doing unspeakable things to each other while another one is manically laughing at nothing in particular. Joonmyeon understands, of course, so after Yifan is done sending his congratulatory thumb-up at Luhan (Yifan! This is all thanks to you!), and after he saves Yifan from Luhan trying to kiss him, Joonmyeon drags Yifan to one of the bar stools and asks the bartender to serve him a drink. Yifan takes a gulp of his drink and watches as Joonmyeon approaches his little brother and whispers something in his ear. Whatever he says, it must be miraculous, because Jongdae stops bouncing and cheering loudly, and settles elegantly on his seat. Joonmyeon ruffles his brother’s hair and Jongdae flashes him a content grin.
“That’s incredible,” Yifan comments when Joonmyeon takes the seat next to him.
Joonmyeon laughs. “I’ve been his brother for over 20 years. I know how to handle a drunk Jongdae.”
“What did you tell him?” Yifan asks curiously.
Joonmyeon finishes his drink before answering. “Jongdae, Baekhyun’s here, behave.”
“Baekhyun?” Yifan mulls over the somewhat familiar name.
“The campus choir’s pianist,” Joonmyeon replies. “Jongdae’s had a crush on him since forever, long story.”
Yifan chuckles as he notes this important detail in case he needs to handle Jongdae later in life.
Joonmyeon’s the best companion for everything, Yifan thinks, as they easily fall into a conversation about Luhan and his research, about Minseok and his soccer team, about Jongdae wanting to continue Luhan’s research for his own thesis. They talk about Joonmyeon’s experiment and its progress, about Yifan’s final art project and what it’s about. They talk about anything, really-he could talk about the weather and it still won’t be boring if it’s with Joonmyeon.
The bartender is quick to refill Yifan’s glass every time it goes empty, and Yifan downs his drinks absently while listening to Joonmyeon tell one story after another. Joonmyeon tells the best stories, and he is a beautiful sight. Yifan doesn’t mind sitting in a bar all day every day, he thinks, if it means being able to enjoy Joonmyeon like this. Joonmyeon stopped drinking maybe three glasses ago, and Yifan realizes that he might have had one drink too many.
“You don’t drink?” Yifan asks. His voice sounds weird even to himself-it’s slurred and ends in an unnaturally high pitch. Yifan thinks he’s most probably drunk.
Joonmyeon shakes his head lightly. “I need to drive a few drunks home,” he says, raising an eyebrow at Yifan.
“That’s probably a good idea,” Yifan answers as he laughs loudly.
“Why, aren’t you a friendly drunk,” Joonmyeon comments, seemingly pleased at this development. “We should drink more.”
Yifan nods aggressively. “I love alcohol,” he says, and it’s one more fact Joonmyeon knows about him now, and Yifan doesn’t mind. He can tell Joonmyeon everything. “I just wish I’m better at holding it.”
Joonmyeon laughs wholeheartedly, and Yifan wants to hear it more and more. “And you talk more, too! We need to get drunk everyday from now on.”
“Can’t say no to that,” Yifan answers as he finishes another glass.
Yifan finds himself lost in another pleasant conversation with Joonmyeon, and he once again confirms that Joonmyeon is indeed the best company. It’s 1:30 AM when a relatively sober Minseok comes up to them and complains about having an early class the next morning. “Also, he looks like hell,” he tells Joonmyeon, gesturing at Yifan.
Yifan tries to tell him that he most likely still looks stunning despite looking like hell, but what comes out of his mouth is a string of incoherent noise, and Yifan thinks it’s probably best for him to go home. Joonmyeon seems to agree-he fetches his drunken brother and together with Minseok, they somehow manage to cram three drunks on the backseat of Joonmyeon’s car.
They arrive at Yifan’s dorm, and Joonmyeon leaves Jongdae asleep in the car to take Yifan to his room. Yifan attempts to walk straight but can’t and leans to Joonmyeon, who tries his best to balance the taller guy without touching him. Through much struggle they finally reach the door to Yifan’s room, and with his blurred vision Yifan watches the blond try to fish the key out of Yifan’s pocket. Joonmyeon opens the door and pulls Yifan inside. Yifan notices the soft features of Joonmyeon’s face-his skin is so white, Joonmyeon is so beautiful. Yifan looks into the kind eyes that widens in shock-Joonmyeon is such a sight. He looks at Joonmyeon’s pink lips, and how close it is with his own.
And with no warning, Yifan realizes that he’s cornering Joonmyeon to a wall, Joonmyeon’s warm lips meeting his own, and Yifan thinks it’s more intoxicating than all the alcohol he had that day.
*
Yifan wakes up on his couch with a splitting headache the next day. He sits down with his hands on his head, trying to remember last night. Last night. And his mind goes no, no, no, no, no, please tell me it’s not true.
No, Yifan thinks, it must be a dream, because what? Why? No. Impossible.
Loud bangs come from his door, and it’s the worst, because his hangover is real and his hatred for impolite strangers banging on his door is even realer. Yifan groans and grunts as he drags himself to open the door.
“You fucker!” Yifan is merely able to blink as a punch lands on his face. He falls to the floor, one hand covering the stinging pain on his cheek.
Jongdae grabs him by the collar, looking disheveled and furious, yelling at him. “Why would you do that?” he hisses. “He’s been nothing but good to you, hyung, why would you do it?”
Yifan can only stare in regret as Jongdae slumps weakly to the floor and starts sobbing. It’s not a dream. “He woke up finding his pictures with you, and he ran to my room,” Jongdae chokes, “asking hysterically, who is this person, who is this person, why am I hugging him, why can’t I remember.”
Jongdae’s voice drops into a whisper as he continues, “He’s crying, asking why he looks so happy.
“And if I were happy, why don’t I know who it is,” Jongdae ends with a wail. And Yifan’s heart breaks once more, a lot worse than the way it broke when he was with Chanyeol.
Jongdae's sobs and wails eventually die down. They both sit in silence, until finally Jongdae murmurs, “Kiss him once more, hyung.”
Yifan lifts his head, uncertain if he hears it right. Jongdae just looks at him with desperation in his eyes. “I’ll try to remove everything-your pictures together, the things you gave him, the notes about you, I don’t know,” Jongdae stutters. “Let’s make him forget you and never remember.”
*
“Hello,” Joonmyeon greets him with bleary eyes.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Jongdae mumbles and steps out of the room. He stops before closing the door behind him and looks at his brother. “You sure you’re okay, hyung?”
Joonmyeon nods weakly and the door closes.
“Hi,” Yifan answers and carefully steps toward Joonmyeon. “I’m sorry.”
“Who are you?” Joonmyeon blurts. “What are we?”
Yifan doesn’t feel like explaining-Yifan doesn’t want to remember the things he wants to forget, the things he knows Joonmyeon will forget again in a moment. Joonmyeon looks so vulnerable and ruined and Yifan curses himself for breaking him. He wipes the tears on Joonmyeon’s cheek and pulls him into a hug. Joonmyeon doesn’t resist, he wails into his shoulder, begging repeatedly, I want to remember you, I want to remember you, I want to remember you.
Yifan’s heart breaks over and over again with every hitched breath Joonmyeon makes, and he can’t take it anymore. He tilts up Joonmyeon’s chin, and gently kisses him.
It’s nothing like their blurred first kiss-it’s their last kiss and Yifan wants to remember, even if it’s for nothing. Yifan wants to remember how soft Joonmyeon’s lips are. He doesn’t want to forget the way Joonmyeon shyly tilts his head to fit their lips better. Yifan wants to be able to recall the flipping of his stomach, the warm sensation in his heart, when Joonmyeon whines against his lips. Yifan wants to ignore the warm wetness on his cheek as his tears and Joonmyeon’s tinge their kiss. Yifan wants the kiss to never end, but Yifan knows Joonmyeon will forget him in a matter of seconds, and he needs to be gone before Joonmyeon opens his eyes.
So Yifan pulls away and goes for the door, yanking it open and mutters a silent goodbye to Jongdae, not even caring that tears are running down his face for everyone to see.
*
Yifan steps in hesitantly into the administration office, a bouquet of azaleas on his hand. He asks for a certain Kim Joonmyeon and the receptionist directs him to the teacher’s assistant’s desk, where he finds the blond he’s looking for. Yifan fixes his blazer and the name tag he purposely wear before going towards Joonmyeon, inhaling deeply.
“Hi.”
“Well, hello,” Joonmyeon looks up and squints a little, “Yifan. What brings you here?”
“You.”
He smiles slightly and hands the bouquet to Joonmyeon. “I just need to give you this.”
Joonmyeon stares at him incredulously, but to Yifan’s relief he just smiles. “Um, okay?” he says uncertainly, and Yifan knows Joonmyeon knows the meaning of his flower. “Thank you.”
Yifan nods and walks away.
Back at Yifan's room, a tab about the language of flower is opened in his browser.
Azalea: Take care of yourself for me.
fin.
note:
in my defense, this is (1) the first krisho ive ever written (2) my longest fic ever (3) my first time writing in present tense
so... i hope it's okay? haha
Last night, after the fateful encounter and ungraceful goodbye with Chanyeol, Yifan called Minseok over and told the whole story, just so that he could have Minseok tell Luhan and Jongdae, because Yifan thought it might be important for the research but he really didn’t want to accidentally weep in front of Luhan or Jongdae. It was a good call, because Yifan was apparently a little sad about the whole Chanyeol thing (again)-sad enough to cry in front of Minseok. Minseok sat there patting his back lightly, trying to hug Yifan but Yifan didn’t like hugs, and Yifan didn’t really want to ever touch Minseok anymore.
Yifan snaps out of the thought of his failure in relationship and social interaction in general when he hears someone calls out his name. “Yifan, right?”
Yifan swears that he has chosen the one farthest, least known coffee shop in town, just so that he can limit the conversation he has to make to one simple line of “caramel latte, please”. So it is with great displease that he briefly glances up and says “Yeah” before going back to his book, hoping the other guy will feel offended and leave him alone.
To his horror, he instead gets a hand shoved in front of his face, and Yifan really doesn’t know what to do with it. Is he supposed to touch it? A high five, maybe? Fist bump? Yifan decides that the required social norm is probably a handshake (but what does he know), and he grudgingly holds the soft hand (it’s really soft, okay, it has to be noted) and shakes it. Yifan’s eyes find the other person’s face and meet a pair of pretty eyes, a kind smile, and feathery blond hair.
“I’m Joonmyeon,” he says. “Oh wait, sorry, I need to do that again.” He lets go of Yifan’s hand and repeats, “I’m Joonmyeon.”
Yifan shoots him a questioning look, and the Joonmyeon guy grins. “I’d like to remember that I’ve introduced myself to you,” he says.
“You know?” Yifan asks before he can stop himself.
Joonmyeon gestures at a seat in front of Yifan. “May I?”
Yifan hates that he’s too polite for his own liking, and nods. “Jongdae told me,” Joonmyeon explains as he seats himself. “Oh, I’m his brother,” he adds quickly when he realizes Yifan still looks confused. “He told me about Luhan’s experiment, and I saw you once when I picked him up from the lab, we’re pretty close.”
“Oh,” Yifan responds.
Joonmyeon looks at him with interest. “Wow, you’re really as quiet as Jongdae says.”
Yifan shrugs.
“Fascinating,” Joonmyeon says, more to himself than to Yifan. He snaps out of his own thought and looks at Yifan. “I major in psychology,” he explains, “and I’m really curious about how you feel after all those.”
Yifan winces-psychologists irk him. His childhood was filled with sessions after sessions with random psychologists trying to determine what was wrong with him, why he wasn’t talking as much as other children, so he supposes he has the right to hate the profession.
“Not a fan of psychologists, I see,” Joonmyeon says in an amused tone.
Yifan wonders how obvious he is to everyone else, but he assumes it’s useless to think about it now, so he simply shakes his head.
“Bad childhood?” Joonmyeon guesses.
This guy reads me like a book. “You’d make an amazing psychologist,” Yifan comments.
Joonmyeon laughs. Yifan finds it melodious. (Excuse me, what?) “Why, thank you.”
Yifan doesn’t say another word, and Joonmyeon doesn’t either. Yifan goes back to reading, stealing glances at Joonmyeon out of curiosity. He notices that Joonmyeon doesn’t fidget on his seat or fumble with his phone like most people do when Yifan traps them into an awkward silence. Instead, he pulls a book out of his backpack and starts reading as well.
Yifan appreciates silence, and he appreciates people who let him have it. He decides that Jongdae’s brother is a very tolerable person, and that he has found his favorite psychologist so far-one that does not ask too many questions.
Joonmyeon seems to remember something, and he looks up and Yifan is flustered because he doesn’t want Joonmyeon to know he’s been staring. Joonmyeon shoots him an understanding smile that makes Yifan blush. “Jongdae told me about what happened with your ex,” Joonmyeon tells him. “I hope you’re okay.”
Yifan waits for Joonmyeon’s questions, because aren’t psychologists supposed to be the ones with questions you never really want to answer? But the other guy just looks at him with sincere concern for a moment before going back to his book.
It is alarming, Yifan believes, when he hears himself speak instead. “I just feel stupid about it,” he mumbles. He notices Joonmyeon raises his head to look at him. And his mind yells in disapproval as he continues, “Like, it shouldn’t have to have happened, you know?”
“It’s normal,” Joonmyeon comments calmly, and Yifan is confused, because ‘normal’ isn’t something psychologists normally associate with him. “It’s normal to want someone in your life, Yifan. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yeah?” Yifan asks, smiling thankfully.
Joonmyeon nods. “I worry about your condition, though,” Joonmyeon adds carefully. “It’s a lonely life you’re leading.”
Yifan snorts. “Nothing new there.”
Joonmyeon reaches out his hand and patted Yifan lightly on his arm. Yifan cringes, remembering what happened with Chanyeol, because he quite likes Joonmyeon’s company. For someone who claims to have trust issues, he has been trusting way too many people way too quickly lately. Joonmyeon pulls his hand back and gives him an encouraging smile.
“Oh, I need to go now,” Joonmyeon says as he checks his watch. He rummages his bag for a piece of paper and writes something down. “It’s my number if you want it,” he pushes the paper to Yifan. “If you’re ever too lonely.”
And with a smile and a small wave, Yifan stares at his favorite psychologist walking out of the cafe, thinking what am I doing? Why am I making new friends?
And why does it feel so good to not be alone?
*
Yifan is never too lonely after that. In fact, he has way too many people making commotions in his days. Luhan has been a little more delicate with him after the Chanyeol incident, but only as delicate as he can get (which still means loud voices and insensitive remarks, only a little less frequent). Jongdae asks him questions that actually sound like they’re important for the research, and Yifan fights the urge to suggest that Jongdae take over the experiment. Minseok still comes to his dorm with food (noticeably more ice cream and chocolates lately, and Yifan is thankful) and tries to hug him from time to time (he never succeeds).
Yifan is watching absently as Luhan scribbles on his research notes when a familiar blond enters the lab and waves at his direction. Yifan waves back instinctively, but he hears Jongdae’s “Over here, hyung!” from behind him, and he withdraws his hand in embarrassment.
Joonmyeon greets everyone before approaching Yifan, a playful smile on his face. “I was waving at you, FYI,” he comments. Yifan starts finding the floor very appealing to look at. “I never get that call. You’re never lonely, huh?”
“Well,” Yifan mumbles and beckons at Minseok hugging Luhan from behind and Jongdae yelling (“Ew, hyung not here!”) at them. “They’re pretty loud.”
Joonmyeon chuckles. Yifan thinks Joonmyeon’s eye smile is very attractive. (Get a hold of yourself, Wu Yifan!) “That’s true.”
Yifan goes back to staring at his shoes, and he realizes that Joonmyeon is currently studying his face. Yifan tries his best to ignore the weird feeling he has every time he thinks of Joonmyeon looking at him, because seriously? He’s only seen the guy once before, and as good looking as Joonmyeon is (gloriously gorgeous), he’s not the type to believe in love at first sight. But maybe, just maybe, it’s true that there’s a first time for everything.
“Actually, it’s probably my fault,” Joonmyeon suddenly says with a sheepish grin. Yifan makes an effort to look at Joonmyeon and wonders what the smaller guy is at fault for other than causing these unfamiliar feelings inside him. “I should know that you’re clueless about vague hints and just ask for your number.”
“Huh?”
“Can I please have your number?” Joonmyeon asks, shoving his phone to Yifan’s hand. “And while we’re at it, also a dinner?”
*
Joonmyeon makes the best dinner company, Yifan thinks, as he laughs softly at Joonmyeon’s story on their third dinner. Yifan would like to say that it’s their third date, but Yifan isn’t sure and he knows nothing about romance, and Joonmyeon always says “Can I take you to dinner” whilst Chanyeol used to say “Let’s go out on a date”. Chanyeol’s was a lot easier to understand.
Joonmyeon stops talking and Yifan is uncertain what to do, because he’s as useless in small talks as he is in understanding physical hints or micro expressions. Joonmyeon has a glint in his eyes as he rests his chin on one hand, looking directly at Yifan. “What?”
“Nothing,” Joonmyeon replies. “I just wish I don’t have to blatantly tell you that I consider this a date.”
Yifan is amazed at how Joonmyeon always knows what’s on his mind, and Yifan likes it a lot, because that means he doesn’t have to talk. Yifan smiles in amusement. “I’m glad you clear that up."
“Three dates are enough, don’t you think?”
“Enough for what?” Yifan asks worriedly. Does Joonmyeon want to stop having dinner with him? But this feels so nice.
“For me to start calling you my boyfriend?” Joonmyeon grins. He reaches for Yifan’s hand and Yifan flinches because no, not again. “Don’t worry, I’ll count to 10 and let go,” Joonmyeon’s voice is as soft as his hand.
Yifan squeezes Joonmyeon’s hand tightly and then lets go. Joonmyeon looks slightly disappointed, and Yifan smiles at his direction. “I need you to remember this,” he says. “Yes, three dates are enough.”
Joonmyeon beams happily at Yifan, both hands grabbing Yifan’s and releases them every ten seconds or so. Yifan’s mind is all sorts of chaos right now, because the joy in him is undeniable, and Yifan sort of probably really likes Joonmyeon in every single way. But a voice in his mind keeps saying what are you doing, what are you doing, what are you doing.
Joonmyeon picks up one of Yifan’s hand and presses his lips on it. Yifan is confused, yet inexplicably blissful, but the voice in the back of his mind insists on not letting him be.
He’s just going to forget you.
*
Yifan is peacefully eating his cheerios when a smack lands on the back of his head. He grunts and chokes as Minseok takes the seat across from him and puts his face way too close to Yifan’s, blinking cutely. “A little birdie told me you’re dating,” Minseok singsongs when he’s done making fun of Yifan choking.
Yifan groans an ugh and backs away. “Tell little birdie to get off my case.”
Minseok simply laughs it off and watches as Yifan takes a spoon after another. “Do you think it’s a good idea?”
Yifan observes Minseok’s concerned expression and sighs. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Why do you do it?”
“I’m just...” Yifan pauses. Why did he do it? “I like the way he makes me feel?” Yifan says hesitantly. “He doesn’t make me think that I’m a cold guy that doesn’t know how to mingle, you know? He makes me feel normal, like I belong.
“If I were a socially awkward penguin, he’d be Antarctica,” Yifan continues. “Only warmer.”
Minseok watches him with wide eyes. “Wow,” he breathes. “I’ve never heard you talk that much.”
I’ve never talked that much. Yifan pulls his hair out as he wonders what he’s going to do, since Minseok only asks because he knows, and Yifan knows, that this relationship is bad news and another heartbreak waiting to happen, but Yifan feels so utterly amazing with Joonmyeon by his side. And how does life work without Joonmyeon? He doesn’t even want to remember.
They both ponder in silence, not having anything to say to make it feel better, not knowing what to do. “You’ll figure something out,” Minseok finally voices. But his words are stained with doubt, and Yifan understands.
“Yeah,” Yifan mutters silently. “We will.”
*
They lay in bed side by side, wanting to press their bodies together but stay inches apart just so Joonmyeon doesn't forget. Yifan is sure that this is the most comfortable he has ever been with anyone. Joonmyeon lets him have the silence he needs, but he speaks up at all the right time, saying all the right words, and Yifan wishes he could give Joonmyeon half of what the smaller man has given him. Yifan doesn't say much-he only nods and smiles, but lately Joonmyeon has made him laugh a lot more than he ever did in the 22 years before he met Joonmyeon. Yifan doesn’t understand why this works-he is certain that any other people in this world would have left him already, because what good does it do Joonmyeon by staying with him? Joonmyeon is flawless, and Yifan is all flaws.
And as he puts one arm under his head and stares at the ceiling, Yifan muses, "Why do you stay?"
He glances to his side and finds Joonmyeon shifting to face him, humming in response.
"You're... perfect," Yifan sighs. "And I, I can't even talk to people properly. I can't even touch you!" Yifan is frustrated and he regrets everything. Why was he so confident about not needing anyone? Why did he agree to help Luhan? Why didn't he meet Joonmyeon sooner?
Joonmyeon rolls on top of him and Yifan's breath hitches. Joonmyeon whispers "It's okay, it's okay, I won't let myself forget you" and uses his thumb to wipe the tears trickling down Yifan's cheek.
They are dangerously close right now, and it's dangerous that Yifan doesn't really mind. All he wants is for Joonmyeon to touch him and never let go. But Joonmyeon inches away and props himself up on his arms, hovering above Yifan. "You're gorgeous," Joonmyeon says, tracing his finger on the lines of Yifan's face.
"You say you hate people, but you help them anyway," Joonmyeon continues, smiling as he lifts up his hand and starts brushing Yifan's hair. "I've seen you around campus. You help people when they can't reach the books on the top shelves in the library."
Yifan remembers the times he spent in the library, trying to distance himself from people and stay away from noises. And sometimes, not so often, he finds some people standing on their tiptoe, trying to pick up books that are out of their reach. Yifan helps them because he can, and he doesn't need to speak to do so.
Joonmyeon pulls his hand away and carefully lowers his face to Yifan's neck, tracing his jaw line with the point of his nose. Yifan inhales sharply as Joonmyeon's skin touches his. Dangerously close. "I've seen you around campus," Joonmyeon whispers when he reaches Yifan's ear. "You pick up things people drop, and go out of your way to return it to the owner."
It was just one time, or probably two, Yifan thinks, that he found a student ID left on the table one day when he was having lunch. It was exam week, and Yifan imagined the owner would have so much trouble if he didn't have his student ID. So he went to the administration office to find out where one Oh Sehun was having his exams, and he went two buildings and three flights of staircase away from his own class to return it to the boy. And the clumsy brunet was thankful, so thankful, that he bowed repeatedly to Yifan and Yifan was flustered. Yifan remembers vaguely now, about the black haired teacher's assistant in the classroom, the one that, now that Yifan thinks of it, looked exactly like Joonmyeon.
Joonmyeon shakes his head as he pulls away from Yifan. “You’re nicer than you think, Yifan,” he says as he smiles at Yifan, pinching his cheek lightly. Yifan lets out a small laugh. “And I applaud your courage, ignoring your fear of social contact to help others.
“You’re gorgeous," Joonmyeon repeats, tracing the same lines in the same manner he did when he said it the first time.
"You said that already," Yifan murmurs. But he’s smiling, because he is thankful, and he knows he will never really deserve Kim Joonmyeon in his life. But Joonmyeon wants him, and Yifan thinks it’s okay to be selfish for once and not let Joonmyeon know he can do better.
Yifan strokes Joonmyeon’s arm lightly, cautiously counting in his head. “Thank you,” he says. And as he pulls Joonmyeon down on the 12th second, he hugs him and buries his face on the crook of Joonmyeon’s neck, breathing, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
23, 24, 25... Dangerously close. And he moves away, leaving a sighing Joonmyeon on the bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
*
Luhan is in the mood for celebration-his latest progress report is submitted, and his professor is absolutely thrilled with how his research is going. Yifan isn’t a fan of celebrations in any kind, so when he receives Luhan’s invitation, he immediately texts back a no. His phone buzzes violently in response, Luhan’s name flashing on the screen.
“Yeah,” Yifan answers the call lazily.
Yifan is shocked to find another familiar voice answering. “Hey, Yifan.”
“Joonmyeon?”
“Yeah. Uh,” Joonmyeon hesitates. “You probably don’t want to come here, but Luhan hyung insists I force you to.”
It’s probably a bad idea, but Yifan will gladly go anywhere Joonmyeon is. “Text me the address,” he says. And he’s definitely regretting it, when in ten minutes he finds out what Luhan’s idea of celebration is.
A bar.
Wu Yifan and bars don’t really go together. One, Yifan has the lowest possible tolerance of social situations, and two, he has an even lower tolerance of alcohol. Three, he has an impossibly insatiable love for liquor, and he always ends up blacked out and hungover the day after.
Yifan enters warily, the view of the crowd hurting his head already. He is searching around in near panic, trying to find anyone he knows, when a hand snakes around his waist. A familiar blond stands on his side with an understanding smile. “You okay?” Joonmyeon asks.
Yifan shakes his head. “Better now.”
Joonmyeon leads him to a corner of the bar, where on one table Luhan seems to be eating Minseok’s face, and Jongdae laughs hysterically at them. “They’re a little drunk,” Joonmyeon explains.
“Oh.”
“Yifan hyung!” Jongdae waves his hands wildly at him. “We’re here, we’re here!”
Yifan seriously doubts that he wants to be sitting where two people are doing unspeakable things to each other while another one is manically laughing at nothing in particular. Joonmyeon understands, of course, so after Yifan is done sending his congratulatory thumb-up at Luhan (Yifan! This is all thanks to you!), and after he saves Yifan from Luhan trying to kiss him, Joonmyeon drags Yifan to one of the bar stools and asks the bartender to serve him a drink. Yifan takes a gulp of his drink and watches as Joonmyeon approaches his little brother and whispers something in his ear. Whatever he says, it must be miraculous, because Jongdae stops bouncing and cheering loudly, and settles elegantly on his seat. Joonmyeon ruffles his brother’s hair and Jongdae flashes him a content grin.
“That’s incredible,” Yifan comments when Joonmyeon takes the seat next to him.
Joonmyeon laughs. “I’ve been his brother for over 20 years. I know how to handle a drunk Jongdae.”
“What did you tell him?” Yifan asks curiously.
Joonmyeon finishes his drink before answering. “Jongdae, Baekhyun’s here, behave.”
“Baekhyun?” Yifan mulls over the somewhat familiar name.
“The campus choir’s pianist,” Joonmyeon replies. “Jongdae’s had a crush on him since forever, long story.”
Yifan chuckles as he notes this important detail in case he needs to handle Jongdae later in life.
Joonmyeon’s the best companion for everything, Yifan thinks, as they easily fall into a conversation about Luhan and his research, about Minseok and his soccer team, about Jongdae wanting to continue Luhan’s research for his own thesis. They talk about Joonmyeon’s experiment and its progress, about Yifan’s final art project and what it’s about. They talk about anything, really-he could talk about the weather and it still won’t be boring if it’s with Joonmyeon.
The bartender is quick to refill Yifan’s glass every time it goes empty, and Yifan downs his drinks absently while listening to Joonmyeon tell one story after another. Joonmyeon tells the best stories, and he is a beautiful sight. Yifan doesn’t mind sitting in a bar all day every day, he thinks, if it means being able to enjoy Joonmyeon like this. Joonmyeon stopped drinking maybe three glasses ago, and Yifan realizes that he might have had one drink too many.
“You don’t drink?” Yifan asks. His voice sounds weird even to himself-it’s slurred and ends in an unnaturally high pitch. Yifan thinks he’s most probably drunk.
Joonmyeon shakes his head lightly. “I need to drive a few drunks home,” he says, raising an eyebrow at Yifan.
“That’s probably a good idea,” Yifan answers as he laughs loudly.
“Why, aren’t you a friendly drunk,” Joonmyeon comments, seemingly pleased at this development. “We should drink more.”
Yifan nods aggressively. “I love alcohol,” he says, and it’s one more fact Joonmyeon knows about him now, and Yifan doesn’t mind. He can tell Joonmyeon everything. “I just wish I’m better at holding it.”
Joonmyeon laughs wholeheartedly, and Yifan wants to hear it more and more. “And you talk more, too! We need to get drunk everyday from now on.”
“Can’t say no to that,” Yifan answers as he finishes another glass.
Yifan finds himself lost in another pleasant conversation with Joonmyeon, and he once again confirms that Joonmyeon is indeed the best company. It’s 1:30 AM when a relatively sober Minseok comes up to them and complains about having an early class the next morning. “Also, he looks like hell,” he tells Joonmyeon, gesturing at Yifan.
Yifan tries to tell him that he most likely still looks stunning despite looking like hell, but what comes out of his mouth is a string of incoherent noise, and Yifan thinks it’s probably best for him to go home. Joonmyeon seems to agree-he fetches his drunken brother and together with Minseok, they somehow manage to cram three drunks on the backseat of Joonmyeon’s car.
They arrive at Yifan’s dorm, and Joonmyeon leaves Jongdae asleep in the car to take Yifan to his room. Yifan attempts to walk straight but can’t and leans to Joonmyeon, who tries his best to balance the taller guy without touching him. Through much struggle they finally reach the door to Yifan’s room, and with his blurred vision Yifan watches the blond try to fish the key out of Yifan’s pocket. Joonmyeon opens the door and pulls Yifan inside. Yifan notices the soft features of Joonmyeon’s face-his skin is so white, Joonmyeon is so beautiful. Yifan looks into the kind eyes that widens in shock-Joonmyeon is such a sight. He looks at Joonmyeon’s pink lips, and how close it is with his own.
And with no warning, Yifan realizes that he’s cornering Joonmyeon to a wall, Joonmyeon’s warm lips meeting his own, and Yifan thinks it’s more intoxicating than all the alcohol he had that day.
*
Yifan wakes up on his couch with a splitting headache the next day. He sits down with his hands on his head, trying to remember last night. Last night. And his mind goes no, no, no, no, no, please tell me it’s not true.
No, Yifan thinks, it must be a dream, because what? Why? No. Impossible.
Loud bangs come from his door, and it’s the worst, because his hangover is real and his hatred for impolite strangers banging on his door is even realer. Yifan groans and grunts as he drags himself to open the door.
“You fucker!” Yifan is merely able to blink as a punch lands on his face. He falls to the floor, one hand covering the stinging pain on his cheek.
Jongdae grabs him by the collar, looking disheveled and furious, yelling at him. “Why would you do that?” he hisses. “He’s been nothing but good to you, hyung, why would you do it?”
Yifan can only stare in regret as Jongdae slumps weakly to the floor and starts sobbing. It’s not a dream. “He woke up finding his pictures with you, and he ran to my room,” Jongdae chokes, “asking hysterically, who is this person, who is this person, why am I hugging him, why can’t I remember.”
Jongdae’s voice drops into a whisper as he continues, “He’s crying, asking why he looks so happy.
“And if I were happy, why don’t I know who it is,” Jongdae ends with a wail. And Yifan’s heart breaks once more, a lot worse than the way it broke when he was with Chanyeol.
Jongdae's sobs and wails eventually die down. They both sit in silence, until finally Jongdae murmurs, “Kiss him once more, hyung.”
Yifan lifts his head, uncertain if he hears it right. Jongdae just looks at him with desperation in his eyes. “I’ll try to remove everything-your pictures together, the things you gave him, the notes about you, I don’t know,” Jongdae stutters. “Let’s make him forget you and never remember.”
*
“Hello,” Joonmyeon greets him with bleary eyes.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Jongdae mumbles and steps out of the room. He stops before closing the door behind him and looks at his brother. “You sure you’re okay, hyung?”
Joonmyeon nods weakly and the door closes.
“Hi,” Yifan answers and carefully steps toward Joonmyeon. “I’m sorry.”
“Who are you?” Joonmyeon blurts. “What are we?”
Yifan doesn’t feel like explaining-Yifan doesn’t want to remember the things he wants to forget, the things he knows Joonmyeon will forget again in a moment. Joonmyeon looks so vulnerable and ruined and Yifan curses himself for breaking him. He wipes the tears on Joonmyeon’s cheek and pulls him into a hug. Joonmyeon doesn’t resist, he wails into his shoulder, begging repeatedly, I want to remember you, I want to remember you, I want to remember you.
Yifan’s heart breaks over and over again with every hitched breath Joonmyeon makes, and he can’t take it anymore. He tilts up Joonmyeon’s chin, and gently kisses him.
It’s nothing like their blurred first kiss-it’s their last kiss and Yifan wants to remember, even if it’s for nothing. Yifan wants to remember how soft Joonmyeon’s lips are. He doesn’t want to forget the way Joonmyeon shyly tilts his head to fit their lips better. Yifan wants to be able to recall the flipping of his stomach, the warm sensation in his heart, when Joonmyeon whines against his lips. Yifan wants to ignore the warm wetness on his cheek as his tears and Joonmyeon’s tinge their kiss. Yifan wants the kiss to never end, but Yifan knows Joonmyeon will forget him in a matter of seconds, and he needs to be gone before Joonmyeon opens his eyes.
So Yifan pulls away and goes for the door, yanking it open and mutters a silent goodbye to Jongdae, not even caring that tears are running down his face for everyone to see.
*
Yifan steps in hesitantly into the administration office, a bouquet of azaleas on his hand. He asks for a certain Kim Joonmyeon and the receptionist directs him to the teacher’s assistant’s desk, where he finds the blond he’s looking for. Yifan fixes his blazer and the name tag he purposely wear before going towards Joonmyeon, inhaling deeply.
“Hi.”
“Well, hello,” Joonmyeon looks up and squints a little, “Yifan. What brings you here?”
“You.”
He smiles slightly and hands the bouquet to Joonmyeon. “I just need to give you this.”
Joonmyeon stares at him incredulously, but to Yifan’s relief he just smiles. “Um, okay?” he says uncertainly, and Yifan knows Joonmyeon knows the meaning of his flower. “Thank you.”
Yifan nods and walks away.
Back at Yifan's room, a tab about the language of flower is opened in his browser.
Azalea: Take care of yourself for me.
fin.
note:
in my defense, this is (1) the first krisho ive ever written (2) my longest fic ever (3) my first time writing in present tense
so... i hope it's okay? haha