"dreams" & "linger" by the cranberries will alwaysalwaysalways have a special, secret place in my heart. nothing could change that.

so.

i change a lot. surprise surprise. its strange for me to reach a point of contentment in my life. i get so happy at times that i begin to expect things to go wrong. my relationship right now is. ideal. _my_ ideal ( Read more... )

i'll tell you what i want right now. i want to lay in bed with you. we'll listen to elliott smith & hold each other. skin touching skin. we'll talk, too. & probably laugh. eventually sing. we'll wake up, go our separate ways. there will be no expectation. just a night amidst a number of other nights that could have been just as meaningless. but ( Read more... )

i feel like talking to someone tonight. but really, i wouldnt be able to. conversation is so difficult when you r e a l l y just want to pass the time. ive got this anxiety building up inside of my body. an effect of the drastic increase of hormones inside of my body, i'm sure. it will be wonderful to live with a woman. our periods will become a ( Read more... )

i can't write in here anymore. everything seems forced. i am beginning to dislike the internet. i need real life relationships. i need facial expressions & laughter. i need to see your face.

the end.

my grandmother is dead. my grandmother is dead. ive always felt guilty that i dont mourn the dead the way that everyone else does. i don't sob & wonder how i'm going to go on. i don't dwell on my loss or suffocate it in any way. i cradle it. i spend time alone & i think. i celebrate the life, the full life that just ended. & i make plans for my own ( Read more... )

there is a cricket singing in this apartment. david dondero is singing upstairs. my grandmother is dying. have you ever watched a body deteriorate? become nothing but a pile of flesh? eyes rolling to the back of the head, lips gasping for air whenever youre considered "awake"? i have. she & i reconciled, i guess i just figured we were both being ( Read more... )

there is a finished mosaic picture frame on my kitchen table. i adore it, its my first. being creative makes me ob_SCENELY_ happy ( Read more... )

this morning is beautiful. the sky is a blanket of gray. drops of rain fell on my shoulders while i was walking to the laundry room.

now, i'm listening to fevers and mirrors. music is inching its way back into my life. this album is so wonderful. so perfect for right now. is solitude a state of mind ( Read more... )

ive been listening to the long winters all morning. three years ago when i bought this album, i couldnt stand it. now, i am semi-enjoying it. change, hm ( Read more... )

we had decided that yesterday would be for cleaning. i sang along to the get up kids as i attempted to create some sense of organization in my tiny, cluttered, but truly functional. space. something to write home about. i actually like the album more now. than when i was in high school ( Read more... )