ok, so....what did you guys get me for my b-day, huh huh? I know it was 2 days ago but it doesnt matter, its still in the same month as when it happened, anyway, i had an awesome time in NY, i would have to say that chinatown is my favorite place up there, i have no idea what theyre sayin but, it was still cool. ive got a wicked toothache, im ( Read more... )

we take too much pride in this weakened oh so human character we build for ourselves. much more painful than a videogame, this life stirs on and on in hopes to rectify whatever situation it falls into. oh, we look to save ourselves from god knows what and we try to achieve goals that are completely unattainable. we are so fucked up and judge others ( Read more... )

it's one of those days. mr perfect haunts me endlessly today. every perfect person reminds me that i am the antithesis of this standard perfection. here is the ruler. there is me. this makes watching the television a bit more difficult than i had originally anticipated. i set down everything, slowly come to a halt, and silently scream. i think all ( Read more... )

i dont believe in god or fate or an afterlife, but somehow i manage to live on quite happily. this is only a recent revelation after the death of a friend. it isn't one birthed from cynicism, depression, pessimism, nihilism or the sort, but one of sheer belief stamped across my eyelids. of course, i also believe beliefs are constructed and ( Read more... )

day two. no drugs. trying to sleep sober. one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi. i have an entire drawer of mississippis in my head, all accounted for. i startle awake at eighty mississippi only to start over at one again. the daytime isnt much better. i say, i say, i see daylight where there is no daylight. sunstreaks, crawling ( Read more... )

ive been laying in bed for about an hour now. just staring at the ceiling. i've been trying for the past hour and fifteen minutes to muster a tear up to convince myself that i am, contrary to popular belief, human. i've abandoned this quest, it's pretty hopeless. everything i've said and done for the past few months has been the standard, computed ( Read more... )

tomorrow is an adventure waiting to happen. convince yourself, tell yourself this and it makes the perfunctory routines of daily life less painful. alarm > bathroom > work > feed > work > feed > sit > sleep > alarm. what happens in those moments? what happens between these fateful events? caffinated rushes? birthday cakes? anecdotes so boring you' ( Read more... )

i went to a church today and i prayed for something to believe in. it's really like talking to yourself with an excuse;

socially acceptable temporary bouts of insanity.

i prayed to the obviously anorexic, but totally blissed out guy nailed to the 2x4 for a friend with infinite patience. i wonder if he was blissed out with ( Read more... )

i dont pay attention to the colors in front of me anymore, they never serve to function or form anything. there are too many expectations for who i am. who am i?
i am anger, petulance, and sarcasm. slow witted frustration rolling off the tongue. i'll give you words of freedom and justification. words to turn and wrap back around me like a ( Read more... )

every sunday i visit an eighty-five year old lady named blue, or at least this is what i call her. her hair's so white it's blue and her face is in a constant state of distress. it is as if wrinkles were ironed into her face from birth and have only deepened during the great chasm of her life. i drive into downtown through the hustling bustling ( Read more... )