LJ Idol Season What?!, Week 1 - "Jayus"

[beautyofgrey]

At the stoplight
the belt on my car
--the one I took to be fixed yesterday--
begins to squeal again.

First a light
whiffle whifflebeneath the hum of the heater

Comments

[sweeny_todd]

*hugs* I have had days like that

[beautyofgrey]

Those days seem to be often with this car. :P One day, I'mma gonna fix all the stuff that's wrong with it.

[kickthehobbit]

I really like this. I've definitely been there myself.

[beautyofgrey]

Thank you! And I'm sorry! :P

[similiesslip]

I really love this poem. That woman in red probably complains about how boring her life is and how she rarely feels alive.

::hugs::

[beautyofgrey]

Thank you, dear. Looking back over it, there are definitely lines that are rushed and need much tweaking, but for the limited time that I had, I'm just glad it conveys what I want it to. :D

((Hope you are doing better.))

[furzicle]

My two favorite lines:

Doesn't she know that the scars
make us who we are? (Especially amusing to me since you are actually referring to a beat up car!)

and the window's frozen tight
beneath winter's double pane.

This one had me wanting for the line: "endlessly waiting for the end of winter." (As I know you are.)

PS: This was fabulous!

[beautyofgrey]

Thank you! Those are some of my favorite lines as well. Although the chocolate pudding bit, too, as that did indeed happen amongst all the other shenanigans.

And yes, winter needs to leave.

[furzicle]

PSS: This was NOT "bad poetry"!