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Twenty years ago, I swore I'd never share this journal with anyone.
Two months ago, I changed my mind. -
Advice for the bride and groom
At my cousin's bridal shower this weekend we were asked to fill out "Advice for the Bride and Groom" cards. I texted Anthony to ask what he would say ("Listen closely to more than just words") so I wrote that down, and also included the advice my grandma gave me when I was seventeen ("Marry someone you can tell anything to"), and then added my own ( Read more... ) -
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I was pregnant for seven weeks. On Friday we heard the heart beat thumping steadily at 116 beats per minute, saw the little peanut-sized baby clear as day on the ultrasound screen. Saturday I started spotting, then cramping, then bleeding. I knew what was happening but a trip to the ER confirmed it. The ultrasound tech at the hospital said "I don't ( Read more... ) -
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Sitting in the back of a brightly lit room, thinking of darker times and contemplating that gloom ( Read more... ) -
we see it's in our own hands but we just don't understand
Lauren and I broke up. Lauren and we broke up? I don't know how you say it. In polyamory there's a theory that there's no such thing as a break up; the end of every relationship is just supposed to be a "transition" to a different kind of relationship and/or friendship. I've clung tightly to this theory because what's so bad about a transition? ( Read more... ) -
In Memory of Poppy
Eulogy for Stanley Malinowski
2/9/1932 - 1/22/2013My heart is at ease today as we gather together to remember the life of my grandfather, Stanley Malinowski, because I know he is finally at peace. At the moment of his passing, for as sad as I was, I also felt relieved. I truly felt as though a great weight had been lifted. We all know how he has ( Read more... ) -
still never thought I'd see this day
10/10/2012: One year since I got off methadone :) -
love will tear us apart
I fell in love with Amy thirteen years ago today. Thirteen years. It was an act that stopped me in my tracks, and at the same time set my world spinning into a violent rotation that wouldn't cease for many years and tears to come.
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This weekend I will be going to my grandmother's house for the last time. I don't know what the exact word is to describe what I'm feeling as I countdown the days until we depart for Florida: devastated, heart-broken, bittersweet, nostalgic. I'm toeing the edges of a sadness I can't quite justify, trapped in the state of feeling lost and loss at ( Read more... ) -
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This is how it all started. This is where I lost you.I was barely nineteen-years old. I look back now and think, What did I know at nineteen? I know I thought that because my brain was capable of operating on a different vibration than the majority of my peers, that I was somehow more attuned to the world around me -- I resonated on a level that ( Read more... )