I went to see Pineapple Express today, and I was really expecting for 'Paper Planes' to be playing throughout the entire movie, like a two hour music video.

They didn't play it once. Not even in the credits.

I haven't felt very talkative lately.

A statement that is frightening if the car is moving, but very dull when the car is parked in a driveway.

All of you pussies are going to end up dead.

It would be funny if we threw a big neon-themed party where we didn't let people in unless they were wearing all bright colors. We could make a huge deal about it so that everyone would be annoyed and anxious to party. Then it would be obnoxious if we only allowed black and white photography. Suckers.

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I know that we're at war and all, but when someone says they want to "bring the troops home", I still think maybe they want to ejaculate inside of me.

• Sell flowers all day.
• Run up the stairs with Ben Leddy yelling "Hip! Hip! Hip!"
• Drink, dance, play.
• Lie in bed and listen to Dashboard Confessional like you were fifteen years old.
• Wake up Shailee and make her listen to your poetry.
  

When people on the highway flash their brights to warn you about that ax murderer in your backseat, how do they know it is not just Andy Hudson or somebody, and you're not just taking him out for Mexican food?

The call is coming from the back of the tandem bike.