I accidentally bought and drank half of a mellow yellow.

I am a computer genius. I changed the ink cartridges in my printer.

I'm obsessed with lying about my personal life in my classes.

People in general: ugly.

There isn't really a good place to stand in my shower.

Could I be a high school art teacher, too? I am just as kooky and ridiculous as any art teacher I ever had, and I could teach kids how a tree that is small is in the background but a polar bear or space ship that is bigger is in the foreground.

And it would be funny, because all the examples I would draw would be really shitty.

I had a hot pocket for dinner last night and I really liked it. Hot pockets are readily available to me with my meal plan. I'm a little worried about what is going to happen to me now that I really like readily available hot pockets.

I like your glasses. Did you get them at Urban Outfitters?
I like your necklace. Did you get it at Forever21?
I like your tank dress. Did you get it at American Apparel?

(Why do girls at SIU always want to know if I buy my shit where they buy their shit/online window shop? So that we can be twins? If it is the twins thing, then that is O.K.)

"I think everyone should suck everyone's dick."

Sometimes I'm like, "Haha funny. Come on google, you know that I meant www.freeporn.com and not www.freeporn.co/. Stop being such a smartass."