i think i have finally realized a way out of all of this. now just the courage to do it.

dude.....baked and playing with this website is amazing.
REACH OUT AND TOUCH MARY....love it.

so i got to hang out with jordan tonight. no matter how many months we are apart and no matter how often we get to talk while he is away we always find ourselves falling right back into this amazing friendship. That is so awesome to me. Jordan is such a one of a kind find. No one is like him and he could never be replaced. He is so loyal to his ( Read more... )

today i woke up and realized i dont love you. A reality briefly denied. I fought to stay above water. My lungs filling and you slipping away. Hate. More comfortable. all of this was just a detour. A short departure from the feelings that i knew would slither back inside. Seeing what it all meant, i decided to abandon you. Simple. Easier to live ( Read more... )

i never saw myself as a person who would be okay with telling a stranger what was going on in my head. I always thought it a sign of weakness. Dont ask me why. Now i am one of those people. I dont know if it is helping yet....i cant even figure out what is wrong, but i have to start somewhere and i guess it is here. I dont know how this is all ( Read more... )

yesterday was a really hard day. i felt jittery and down all day and could not get over some really terrible thoughts from the night before. M. came over and we went back to the alessi house for some talking time. I couldnt pretend like i was happy and M. knew it. He took me home and the whole way there i kept wondering if he was the type of ( Read more... )

fuck is by far my favorite word. not especially dignified, but i love the versatility of it. I need to get out of here. Things have been shady to say the least and i miss the days when i could trick myself into normalcy you know? or at least what i thought was normal. Fuck

I hate when the kids go back up to school. It usually takes a week for me to get readjusted. It feels like all the people that i have the best connection with and the most love for all of the sudden are just ripped away from me. Although i guess sometimes it is a good thing for me mentally when they leave too....it makes me a lot more ( Read more... )

Last night i needed babysitting! We got to the bars around 9ish and everyone kept buying me drinks! Mike the carpenter was GOOD times as always....lots of shots with mike. M. was pretty good with me...he got mad at me for a while, and i think still is pissed about it, but not enough to talk about it. works for me. That was a downer, M. being ( Read more... )

So last night M and leds took me out for my 21st at midnight. I hate how now no matter how old i get i will have a memory of M during one of those milestone birthdays. Fitting. Tonighth the kids and i are going to get to the bars early because oh yes...we are going DANCING later. I am very excited. God so tired still from last night tho....and ( Read more... )