I wonder if I will ever fall in love again. I mean I have loved people since you and been with people since you but I feel like it doesn't quite "hit" like it did the first time. maybe that is true of everything - hearing a new song, doing a new drug, visiting a new city, eating a meal at a new restaurant, reading a new book. maybe the first is ( Read more... )

been home with covid since monday. haven't been working much even on jewelry things. in other (better news) I quit smoking weed over a month ago. I realized it really wasn't serving me or even bettering me. I guess I just had to let go of the idea that if am not recreationally using drugs (any kind) that I "won't be fun" - it is funny how our ( Read more... )

I legitimately have no purpose in life

I quit weed for like 6 days before I gave up. Debbie died. I couldn't take it sober. But now I have to give it up again -- it isn't serving me. The only thing I enjoy about it is being numb. But I have spent too much time being numb. And I don't really enjoy it anymore. So I am trying to stop for the next month and see how I feel. 

I want to unblock D and talk to him but for what? He humiliated me. Not only that but he did it without even thinking of me, his friend of many years, who offered him unconditional love and support with no reciprocation. He did it like it was EASY to do. No remorse at all. Even after the fact. Why would I want to talk to someone like that? Even if ( Read more... )

taking a break from smoking weed. quit saturday. the first few days always feel weird.. adjusting to sleeping and eating has been hard but I'm just trying to make it a week and see how I feel emotionally ( Read more... )

Things have been so much better. Transitional periods can be so rough. Like the adult version of growing pains. But we have to grow.. or want to grow. What is the point of life if you are not forever evolving? I haven't been taking my meds which probably isn't helping but I am so over being on antidrepressants. That shit just makes me numb to ( Read more... )

I'm so miserable. I thought leaving would fix things. I would be happier. Depression has a hold on my soul and I just want it back. I know in that version of reality, I have to be sober but being sober means... facing everything. I can't do that.

After working on and off at the same job for the last 10 plus years, I left. It doesn't feel really real. I'm a creature of habit I guess. Not anymore though. On to better. Onto being my own boss. Just hope you're watching over me Baba. Just hope you can see me.

you all eyes / big and brown / so much hidden in a look / but nothing hidden at all / you are who you said you were / so why couldn't I believe you? / I guess my flaw is seeing the best in people when they've proven there is none