Comments | bestfishes: The Main Thrust

bestfishes

The Main Thrust

Aug 13, 2006 15:03

When Nehemiah and I first began writing Brick by Brick, Erica gave me a book entitled The Musical Theatre Writer's Survival Guide by David Spencer. After reading a few chapters, I decided that this would be my musical theatre bible and haven't deviated from that position since. In Chapter 12 (Acceptable Margins, or: Proper Playscript Formatting), ( Read more... )

Comments 12

starfishattack August 13 2006, 23:10:14 UTC

I got a bit confused by the flashback within a flashback, which I think might not come across clearly with your "meanwhiles" and "back at"s. You might want to make that a little clearer. Then again, maybe it was just me.

I am very excited to see this show go into production!

bestfishes August 14 2006, 03:11:37 UTC

Gabe, thank you so much for helping me with this. Your outside perspective is invaluable.

Instead of clarifying, I decided to omit the fact that the song takes place in an additional flashback. I think it's a lot clearer in the script, because Leonard non-verbally participates in "Too Late" and then takes center stage in "Damn The Beast".

Please let me know if you agree with this decision.

starfishattack August 15 2006, 16:08:54 UTC

Yup, it's much clearer now. Definitely. I've only read 3/4 of Act 1 thus far. I can't wait to read the rest!

troublelover August 13 2006, 23:40:57 UTC

are you doing this at slc?!

can you wait until senior year?!

bestfishes August 14 2006, 04:25:20 UTC

Yes, we're planning on trying to get it produced at SLC.

Part of me would really like to wait until next year, especially because people like you, Amanda and Jillian won't be around to take part in it. But Nehemiah and I have been working on this project for nearly a year now, and I think it's ready for a reading in the fall. If that goes well, we'll be making revisions and going for a full production in the spring.

upthekidsget August 14 2006, 01:05:42 UTC

Such a beautiful synopsis! I agree that the only point of confusion was between the initial scene with Leanord and Lenore and then the jump to Rowena. Other than that it all sounds wonderful! So exciting!!!

bestfishes August 14 2006, 02:56:37 UTC

Amanda, thank you for taking the time to help. You've been so helpful throughout this process.

Was it confusing because it wasn't clear that Lenore was a ghost? Was the transition just bad? If you could be more specific that would be great.

orangeophelia August 14 2006, 01:05:45 UTC

Youreally need to make it clearer at the beginning that Lenore is a ghost, even if the audience doesn't find out until slightly later on. It very much confused me in thr synopsis in the kind of way that made me want to stop reading. After I figured out what was going on, I didn't encounter any more problems, and I think the rest is well done.

bestfishes August 14 2006, 03:59:31 UTC

Aly, thank you very much for your articulate response. I made some changes to the above synopsis, so it would be great if you could let me know if it's more effective now.

Again, thank you very much for you help!

orangeophelia August 14 2006, 05:13:53 UTC

Yay, much better.

moneypenny August 14 2006, 14:36:59 UTC

I think this is very well written. Informative, objective, and succinct. My only suggestion is to watch for the occasional editorializing -- "she leaves him in the dust" is an example. Obviously, I also can't speak to its relationship to the actual show, not knowing the material.

One little thing I noticed -- the song title "Your Toast." I assume it's supposed to be "You're Toast," i.e., you are toast. Unless it's a song about one of the characters' pieces of toast, which I suppose is not impossible, but does not fit in as neatly with the synopsis.

Let me know when you'll be getting in on Thursday. I'll send an e-mail. I had a lot of fun with you the other evening, I'm glad we're getting to hang out before you go back to SLC.

Love,
Emily

bestfishes August 15 2006, 02:43:35 UTC

I agree. It's been wonderful that we've been able to share some good times together this summer, and I'm really excited about meeting you and Nehemiah on Thursday.

In terms of the synopsis, I found your observations helpful, so thank you! I wouldn't want any extraneous comments or expressions to distract from the story.

As for "Your Toast", the song is a small play on words. Otto is a wine connoisseur, and the chorus is a toast to Leonard:

LEONARD: What shall we drink to?

OTTO: How quickly you forget, Leonard, 'twas I who toasted us last time. I do believe it is your toast.

LEONARD: Yes, but that's never stopped you before.

OTTO: So true!
A TOAST TO MY HEALTH
AND A TOAST TO MY TOAST TO MY HEALTH
AND A TOAST TO YOUR HEALTH AS WELL.
FAR AS I CAN TELL
YOU CAN TRUNCATE, APPEND OR CHANGE IT,
HOWEVER YOU LIKE IT MOST.
THIS IS AFTER ALL YOUR TOAST!

Of course, by the end of the song, when Otto quits, "Your Toast" takes on a whole new meaning.