I'm Tired

[bewildered_am_i]

*Sigh* I hate it when I've got so much I could say, but I can't find the words to say it. Its late, and I'm so tired, but when I lie down all I do is toss and turn. I hate it. I've been in such a gloomy state of mind lately. I feel a little like some caged creature scratching and clawing at the wall of my prison. Ah well, I've rewritten this same

Comments

[femaleulysses]

Lacy, I think the Church is something you were drawn into, and never truly belonged to. There is too much of you, of your personality at stake.

Remember that God loves you just the way you are, and that I love you too. If you ever need to talk, I'm only a phone call away.

[princessrache]

Although I don't know the whole story, I have to politely disagree with your friends above statement. When I first happened upon you on livejournal I saw something amazing in you that drew me to you, God placed that there. God has great plans for your life, but He can't fulfill them if you admittingly choose to live in rebellion. I'm not an expert, but I do work with the youth group at my church. Perhaps you feel this way because deep down you know your living below your calling. Just a thought...Alright, well I'm here if you ever want an old person to talk to, lol. Take care and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[bewildered_am_i]

Thanks so much for commenting. I'm always glad to hear from you, lol and I'm sure you aren't old. I'm not sure where I stand right now and I don't know what road I'll choose, but I'm not closing my mind to anything. I just need a bit of time to figure out a few things. Thanks for the prayers. =)

[femaleulysses]

Unfortunately, princessrache and I are going to have to continue to respectfully disagree. Lacy, you're not rebelling. You're not living below your calling. You're struggling to find yourself and to touch the parts of you that contradict the church, and those parts remain beautiful and crucial to who you are.

I've talked to you about this, and I have gathered that your religious questions have nothing to do with rebellion, but with attempts to counteract some serious suppression. You have an honest love for god, an honest desire to please god, but you have questions on how he truly wishes you to live your life.

I dunno, I just can't buy into the idea that you're rebelling. Your quest to know yourself and to find god in your own way seems very honest to me.

[bewildered_am_i]

Thanks Lena. =) It's so good to know I've got a friend who understands what I'm struggling so hard to do. I'm still unsure of so many things, but it is to be expected. Thanks again for being a great friend.

[cscbrick23]

I think too often we equate God with Religion. They are very separate sometimes! I know I haven't said much, but I can promise you that I've wondered some pretty similar things to what you're wondering. Sometimes it helps to take a step back completely from your own life, and look objectively at how a number of different religions view the same God.

It worked out for me, that I dated a Jewish boy for a long time, and the relationship ended a few months before i started to question myself. I spent a lot of time reading about judaism while I was in that relationship, and when I started to realize that my own religion was not quite fitting, I was able to look around at all different types to see what felt more comfortable. I never turned away from Christianity, but I did turn to another church which was better for me.

Remember, you can change your church without changing your beliefs.

[femaleulysses]

Holly's right. And honestly, you don't even necessarily need church- as long as your religious needs are satisfied. If you do need church, there are many, many MANY brands to choose from.