I must now acknowledge that the blueprint is adversarial.  It was always adversarial.  It might always be adversarial.  The execution is something else (and sometimes has been something else), but not always.  I want it to be something else.  I want the blueprint to be something else, too, but maybe I like it the way that it is.  Tears sometimes ( Read more... )

. . . which is why I couldn't stop laughing--she laughed along, which surprised me, considering what a foul mood she's been exhibiting all week long ( Read more... )

 I'm not entirely sure why I've been feeling so bad all this time; there's no good reason other than the choice of the course to run.  And I chose the course to run based entirely on a logic advanced by those offering the choice and those benefiting from the choice.  Yet, "no good deed goes unpunished."  Well FUCK THAT SHIT ( Read more... )

I feel an agreeable and pleasant ringing in my left ear when I think about striking him ( Read more... )

This probably started the night that I spanked Jones, which was a perfectly harmless event.  He and 7 were telling me about the trip to Fort Lauderdale while I squeezed lemon after lemon, and pushed the correct buttons at the lower right and upper left of the gun pad.  He just kept flashing his eyes at me, over and over, while he let all his ( Read more... )

When he walked out of the refuge of his study into the world and looked about him, he saw a place of torment, where creatures of prey perpetually thrust their claws into the quivering flesh of the doomed, defenseless children of light.

Expectation means that this organism is hell-bent on self-destruction; it means salt.  Such a fragile portion of my self, in my undulating naivete, do I leave extended for the guillotine.  There is no brake fluid in the valves, although I add it according to the service manual at regular intervals.  So while there is the assurance that I ascertain ( Read more... )

Hide.

Pack.

Move.

Build.

Heal.

Live.

[there's blood everywhere]

The cycles are accelerating right now, and that's not good.  Over a recent 48 hour period, the bile amassed so rapidly that a literal retreat ensued and pressed towards a frightening material recoil.   What is remarkable is the astonishingly random nature of the resentment.  "Congratulations!  You are our one millionth customer!"  It could be ( Read more... )

He woke me up with his hand on my back and I could still hear myself howling and screaming.  He told me later that I had been carrying on for at least five minutes, if not longer.  Neither of us slept for another hour ( Read more... )