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[bigblankhole]

i rollerbladed for an hour, did 30 minutes of ab work, and took Ania for a walk for an hour and half. I ate 1/3 of a cup of chicken fried rice.. about 300 calories. (I'm rounding up just b/c that's what I do) I need to eat another hundred but I had some gatorade. So I'm sure I reached my minimum of 400. I know I didn't yesterday.....so i made a

Comments

hi

[anonymous]

i have read your posts on the community page for a while and i think youre doing great. i am so proud of you for trying to better your life. truly i admire it. and i admire that marilyn monroe is your icon. she was the most beautiful woman ever. and she was a size 14. i wish more people knew that. i feel for you in a way i can't really explain. i am extremely overweight and have insulin resistance/ polycystic ovary disease. i am trying to cope with this in a healthy manner but lack motivation. your drive to do better (though in an area almost completely opposite from mine) inspires me. i don't dream of being skinny, i dream of being healthy. i wish you could see that you are beautiful. look at marilyn, she was healthy and stunning, but not a size zero. i wish more girls knew that. good luck with everything you do, and i know it is overwhelming, it is for me too, so take things slowly, baby steps is key. don't set goals that seem unrealistic or scary, don't even set goals if they intimidate you. just take it one bite, one walk, one

Re: hi

[bigblankhole]

you are amazing.. thank you so much for your comment. I"m trying very hard to get better. It's a long process but I'm managing. You're free to comment on whatever you what. I promise that I will take things slow and attempt to get better :)One day at a time :)
Thank you again
~Madison

Re: hi

[anonymous]

I know from reading your posts that you are strong, i can just tell. and i can tell by the things you talk about (jason, your puppy...) that there is so much love around you and so much life. and i see you trying to help people when they post about wanting to end their lives and you try to talk them out of their suicidal thoughts. i know from this that you value life. and how could you not when you have so much good in it. but it saddens me to know that you are still working out. i know it is easy to start and then not want to stop, but you just have to stop. you have to think of jason, and your puppy and you. because by continuing down that road, you are attempting suicide and are no different than anyone else. you don't realize who you are hurting when you hurt yourself. i am the same way. we need to change for ourselves and those we love. we need to value life, i know you can. you can.

[pumababe]

Hi, it's me... I'm posting here because I'm really worried about you. Are you at home by yourself most of the time? I read the series of posts between you and redbracelet about all the exercize and calorie-burning you've been doing... I know it's crazy, I don't even know anything about you outside of what you post on LJ, but if something happened to you, I'd be really upset. I guess because for me, who's still relatively healthy, it's easy for me to just write off everything I do as some kind of vanity thing that isn't really dangerous, but with you I can see how dangerous this disease really is, and what might happen to me. You are too skinny, I'm sure you know it--and regardless of how much you weigh, you're still unhappy. What's the difference if you're unhappy because you're 70-some pounds or 170? You will be beautiful no matter how much you weigh. You are not fat and you are not ugly... I know people probably tell you that all the time (like Jason) and you might write it off as them saying it because they love you and

[bigblankhole]

thank you so much... that means so much to me. I always call this disease a monster. Because it is.. it takes over and consumes you. It's all you think about and controls your life. It's the worst thing in the world.. I freaked out b/c I had chips and salsa tonight. I'm trying not to.. i'm talking to people online but it's so hard.. OMG... it's so hard. Thank you for your care. I don't know what I'd do without you girls. You're amazing...

[__imtheonly1__]

hey hun--im sorry, its 2 days after the u wrote ur entyry and it seems to me as though everone beat me to ((hugs)) and just being there for u, u ever feel that way? like a competition? i dunno sometimes i feel like im trying to compete with ppl to help..for example u, i feel like i am in a competition with all the other ppl who left comments on ur journal--im a freak so i dunno why, lol..anywyas ive been inrecovery for 8 weeks and ive only gained 11 lbs, ive probably lost alot in the past week cause of the stress but like ive said before recovery isnt about weight at the beginnig, in the beginning u need to foucs on the emotionial aspects of why your holding on to this disorder--my therapists keeps telling me that it oculd take me a long time to come to grips as to why i held onto it, why it was a "safe" place, dont analyze life she tells me, jsut live life but really take in everyhting--think about ur past and ur future and try to figure out wat u need to work on--i kno im not making senes--i guess my point is you need to really

[bigblankhole]

sometimes I do.. like I have the people that really mean a lot to me and I wanna be there to comfort them whenever they're having a tough time. So you're not the only freak around here :) You're making a lotta sense, I dunno why you're doubting your advice.. it's very good. I do need to stop counting and worrying about my weight. I threw out my scale.. that's why i don't know exactly how much I weigh. I want to completely forget about weight and calories and eat to just enjoy food. Redbracelet and I have "carefree" as our motivation word. We want to be carefree and not worry about anything weight wise anymore and carefree was the perfect word to describe how we want to feel. I was so glad to hear you're doing better.. it really made me smile. Take care of yourself and thank you :)
~Madison