I wonder if anyone even still reads this thing but I needed to vent and it's 10 AM so I've got no one to talk to. I feel my life is spiraling out of control again. Although I remain is constant control, molding my life, I often feel I let go and it's those moments I let go that shit gets out of control. Right now, I'm knee deep in the game and if ( Read more... )

OK so, sorry for all you loyal LJ readers but I usually stop posting on this thing when I feel better because I'm out doing stuff. Right now though, I feel like shit. Things with me and Carrie fell through because she cannot get past the fact that although Pete and I are best friends and are extremely similar, when it comes to women, we're ( Read more... )

I have returned faithful LJ readers. I am in much better spirits now, especially now that I am on Lexapro. This little ass pill about half the size of a dime, makes me normal again. I'm somewhat confident again, I'm not lazy and depressed anymore. I have the same goals I used to have before I got depressed: Getting in shape so I can be sexy again, ( Read more... )

Yeah I know I just wrote one like a few hrs ago but shit's gotten worse since then and so I need an outlet. NIckie talked to me again today telling me how she got wasted last night and yadda yadda yadda. I told her I tried to be her friend, I really did, but all I can think about is how much I love her and so I cannot be her friend. The past few ( Read more... )

You know, I've realized that I've been up and down the past few months. I'm perfectly fine and normal until my mind starts thinking of all the bad shit that's happened to me. Now, I don't PURPOSELY do that, it just happens and the thoughts overpower any other thoughts, i.e. if I try to think of a party I went to instead of mom laying on the floor ( Read more... )

Just got home, went to check LJ and shit and saw this new My LJ feature... Pretty pimp, allows me to post and see what u bitches are postin at the same time, AND see my comments u peoples leave me. At last, I can LJ it up in laziness mode. Oh, and givin me all my friends' birthdays is fuckin sweet, cuz even though I know them if u give me a trivia ( Read more... )

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||| 43% Stability |||||||||||| 50% Orderliness |||||||||||| 43% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||| 36% Mystical |||||||||| 36% Artistic || 10% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 83% ( Read more... )

So, I moved home from Tallahassee to Cape Coral for various reasons. Besides being robbed in Tallahassee, not feeling safe or trusting anyone, and bombing out of FSU, I moved home to be with friends and family that can help me finally get over Nickie and move on w/ my life and shit, maybe I'll meet a nice girl back home to date. One can only hope ( Read more... )

So, once again I got high tonight and started contemplating my life and the decisions I've made and the tribulations I've been through... It hit me tonight that I am sooo stuck on Nickie and became SO dependent upon her because of my mom's death. And now, it's like, I go to use Nickie as my crutch and she's not there so I fall, and I feel like I ( Read more... )

Sunny brought up a point about trust issues. I've ALWAYS had trust problems because I always end up trusting the wrong people who use my information I confide into them against me or they hurt me somehow. After Nickie's death (cuz she's dead to me) I realized that she and I had gotten reallllllly close. I always talk about how much of me people ( Read more... )