Part of me says, "Damn right you should be resentful! You work and she slobs around all day!"
The smarter part of me looks at what you wrote, "She and I have talked about this and while she does sometimes make an effort housework just doesn't seem her talent" and sees a house-cleaner in your future.
What are her reasons for not wanting to work outside the home? Heck, even a home-office job can restore some semblance of order to a life spent doing not much of anything around the house.
About two years ago she lost her job in a reorg and since my job pulls in the bucks and I relocate, her getting into another office job seemed frustrating for her. Why join an office when we might be moving in a year and it would hurt her resume or worse, join another organization which oozes with disfunction. I think we get along better now that she isn't stressed out about work and she will run errands for me and does the grocery shopping and bills. She tried working from home for a while, but she is very social and the isolation was very hard on her. By no expectations being placed on her professionally, she has been much happier emotionally, but is still isolated because most of her friends either have kids or are working. We have talked about depression and she agrees there may be a touch of that going on. Our both getting older is also playing a factor with mid-life changes. The maid problem is that most will not do laundry and can't do the organization that we need. Have talked about getting a live-in, but uncertain
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I dated a guy who was the exact same way -- lazy, took a few months to even start looking for a job after he lost the one he had, played video games all day... I finally broke up with him after a day where I drove up (he lives an hour and a half away from me) and he slept the entire day I was there. No thanks -- you knew I was coming. Suck it up and be a good host.
Maybe you guys can find a social group that meets every once in a while? I, too, am a social person, and while I can do fine on my own, I definitely feel better when I'm around other people. Otherwise, maybe you can look into therapy -- for just her, or couples' counseling, or whatever.
What an ass. I can see why you broke up with him. Your idea of finding a social group is a very good one. Do you have any suggestions? We are fairly strong as a couple and I love her very much, but I just want both the house and her to look good. I think it is official. I am a Neanderthal. *beats head with nearby stick*
Why join an office when we might be moving in a year and it would hurt her resume or worse, join another organization which oozes with disfunction.
Ehhhh. . . .those sound like pretty flimsy excuses to me. Consider this: her resume is going to look bad when there's this BIG time frame showing that she wasn't employed. The prospective employer will ask, "So what did you do from 2004 to 2008?"
I would agree if we lived in a location with a lot of professional opportunities, but we don't. There are two major employers in the area: the university and the bank. Can't recall if you were a pilot or not, your profile doesn't mention, but if so it would be like our leaving the airlines and remaining the area with our options being cargo or random charter or teaching. Not a lot of attractive choices. I feel a bit guilty about bringing her out here and I want her to be happy. I guess I am just wanting more of a happy house-frau and less of a former business exec who does occasional housework.
Has your girlfriend ever considered a direct-sales home business? This type of job could move with you wherever you go and there are tons to choose from depending on what interests you. I sell Cookie Lee Jewelry at home parties and love it. It's a great way to get out of the house, meet new people, and make some extra spending money, too.
Good idea. She is doing a touch of that with her volunteer work. No money involved for her but she gets to help people and be a tad social which is something although not nearly enough.
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Part of me says, "Damn right you should be resentful! You work and she slobs around all day!"
The smarter part of me looks at what you wrote, "She and I have talked about this and while she does sometimes make an effort housework just doesn't seem her talent" and sees a house-cleaner in your future.
What are her reasons for not wanting to work outside the home? Heck, even a home-office job can restore some semblance of order to a life spent doing not much of anything around the house.
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I dated a guy who was the exact same way -- lazy, took a few months to even start looking for a job after he lost the one he had, played video games all day... I finally broke up with him after a day where I drove up (he lives an hour and a half away from me) and he slept the entire day I was there. No thanks -- you knew I was coming. Suck it up and be a good host.
Maybe you guys can find a social group that meets every once in a while? I, too, am a social person, and while I can do fine on my own, I definitely feel better when I'm around other people. Otherwise, maybe you can look into therapy -- for just her, or couples' counseling, or whatever.
Good luck!
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Ehhhh. . . .those sound like pretty flimsy excuses to me. Consider this: her resume is going to look bad when there's this BIG time frame showing that she wasn't employed. The prospective employer will ask, "So what did you do from 2004 to 2008?"
M_P
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