Comments | billy_gerardluv: I remember

billy_gerardluv

I remember

Apr 24, 2019 21:05

I believed it
With my whole heart
I SAW him
I HEARD him
It was so real to me
That I put myself in serious danger sometimes
Because it was really happening to me
I was so frightened
More than I wasn't
So my mind had to do acrobatics
To make sense of it all
To save it from shutting down
Completely
There was a large chunk of my life
Where I didn't know
My mind ( Read more... )

Comments 10

billy_gerardluv April 25 2019, 12:55:58 UTC

Some stories have happily ever afters, my baby. You have found yours. With your earth boy and your mama that you searched so hard for, with the help of your best friend Usagi-san.
I know things are a bit scary right now, but our Moon Baby is as tough as they come, and papa will work so hard to get you to see that and to help you feel happy again. I believe in the moon, and I think you do, too, so I will put my trust in her to pull you back to where you belong. I love you so much, my baby, and I am sorry you are feeling so yucky. I hope you can still have a good day.

billy_gerardluv April 25 2019, 15:59:38 UTC

Thank you papa. My Batsu is making sure that I am having a good ish day. How is Rudy doing? I just talked to them and they said you look MISERABLE! I am so sorry! I hope I can feel better. I just wish it didn't even happen but...everyone seems to think it was necessary. I don't like it one bit... I just keep thinking that I'm an adult and you don't just adopt an adult unless they're fucking retarded or you've raised them all your life and never did it before. And it just seems stupid to me... I don't know... I just don't like how it's making me feel to think about it. But I do love you and I hope you can have an ok day and Rudy can feel better.

billy_gerardluv April 25 2019, 16:51:17 UTC

Oh baby, I wish you didn't think it was stupid to adopt someone as an adult. Love is love, no matter how old you are. You are my baby and I want the world to know it. I hope you want the world to know that I am your papa, too. You are in a negative mindset right now, so I think it is a bit difficult for you to see these beautiful things for what they are. Niro wants me to add that even he doesn't think it is stupid to be adopted as an adult. If you feel it, and it feels good, then you should do it. That is what he thinks, and so do I. I hope that very soon, you can get your mind back to a good place so that you aren't feeling so yucky anymore, about things that normally make you feel so happy. I will get my happy Moon Baby back, you mark my words ;)
Rudy says thank you for thinking of him. He is struggling a lot, but we're leaving at 2:30 so he is holding onto that. I love you so much, baby. Never forget that.

billy_gerardluv April 25 2019, 18:37:35 UTC

my batsu said i was supposed to be all along, even when i was a baby and it's not very fair that i couldn't find you until i was this old. so...i think that he's probably right about that. it's not like it just happened that day. it was supposed to be all along but it was hard to find you and i didn't happen to until i was already grown. so it's really not anyone's fault except for maybe yagi's because i maybe could have found you when i was fuckin fourteen or something but whatever. i guess he just had to be a fucking asshole. i hope so too, papa, because i don't want to feel like this anymore. and i don't want to act like this, either. it feels bratty and i don't want to be a brat. my kaz said he thinks i'm bratty sometimes, but he said he doesn't think this is bratty, but it still feels like it and i hate it. thank you for believing that i can get back to that. i want to. i really do. i want to stop thinking things like this. and also i had an accident today. like...an old time hebi-san accident. i think it's probably just because ( ... )

billy_gerardluv April 25 2019, 18:53:22 UTC

I think that is true, too. Why else did you feel so strongly about finding your mama elsewhere? It wasn't something born from trauma, I don't believe that at all, not for this. You knew the parents you were supposed to have were out there and you didn't stop until you found them. Well... As for Yagi, I won't say much else other than what you have already said! My poor, sweet baby :( Papa is so sorry you are feeling that way. This isn't bratty at all, this is something entirely different and those of us who love you so much can clearly see that. Just focus on Batsu and what he brings out in you, that is where you will find your way back, I am almost sure of it. Because Batsu IS a part of you, and a part that makes you so YOU :) As for hebi... well, again, not dwelling on it, if possible, would be best. Again, just continue focusing on that beautiful love you have with Batsu ( ... )