talking to you is like smacking into a plate glass door you didn't notice was closed - it comes out of nowhere and knocks you breathlessly to the floor at which point you hurt like hell, you're incredibly humiliated and angry at yourself.

i do not measure my self worth based on my sexual endeavours.  or how many girl virginities i've witnessed ( Read more... )

 wait.  what?
more like
what?!?
that is like me talking about stuff for an hour
and then you turning to me after i'm done and saying
"you know that one thing you said about 23 minutes in? well, that was cool."
why even bother saying that at all?  why not just say nothing instead.
i hate so much how this makes me angry.
because i'd rather feel nothing at ( Read more... )

 i can't seem to escape highschool in my dreams.  highschool and you.  they're more like nightmares.  or just memories of my past.

i've lost my words again.  and i know why.  it's not fair of you to hold them hostage like that but they can't be spoken - or else they might be true.  i can't breath/cough/sputter/choke them out and it's causing me harm - it's causing nothing but excuses.  there's no where left to run and hide and scream them out so you don't hear.  and if they ( Read more... )

 again again again.  these fucking dreams don't stop.  still about you, not directly sexual but still.  you got thrown out of class for trying to help me and i gave the principal a piece of my mind.  i woke up in tears - a delerious mess.  why do i still fight for you?
so i did the only logical thing i could think of;
dragged myself out of bed, a ( Read more... )

 you're there in my dreams.  you are the object of my desire there and i seek you out.  after enough dreams i get to have you, or at least, just a taste but as soon as it begins... i become half lucid.  shit shit shit.  i'm dreaming so, quick, fuck him.  quick quick before i overthink this and he fades away into some random stranger.  it starts but ( Read more... )

i was just reading my own entries from the past ( Read more... )

all day long i have been writing this entry over and over in my head - which seems silly because first off, it hasn't improved one bit and second, it doesn't really seem all that worth thinking about all day long.  or maybe it is and that's the whole point ( Read more... )

i don't even think i have anything to write ( Read more... )

maybe 1 time is enough ( Read more... )