Sugar and Pepper (44)
FORTY-THREE
* FORTY-FOUR *
01.
Jun had already contemplated leaving his baseball club's Christmas party at nine. He figured being there for two hours was enough to stop his club mates from complaining. He was wrong and they called him a party-pooper. He obligatorily stayed for another hour just to cheer them up, but no one could force him to stay after that, not even their sweet manager.
At ten at night on the dot, Jun skipped out of the reserved room and made his way home. He didn't think Satoshi would already be back from his night out with Sho, but in his heart he hoped his brother was.
02.
Sho stumbled against Satoshi as they left the Square. He looked lifeless and his entire body sagged forward. He ended up badgering the older boy with his shoulder as he walked unsteadily and rammed into his side.
"Sho-kun," Satoshi called out to him finally.
"Sorry. I'm going home first, senpai," Sho mumbled without looking up from his feet.
If Satoshi hadn't witnessed the scene outside the gym between Kazunari and Sho a few months earlier, he would've been concerned about his junior who was usually full of confidence and intelligence. He didn't know what to make of the younger boy's reaction now, and he knew it was none of his business, but Kazunari had cried so much on that day that Satoshi had to speak.
"You rejected him," he mumbled.
Sho perked up and glanced at him.
Satoshi stood his ground and took a deep breath. He repeated stronger the second time, "You rejected Nino, Sho-kun."
Sho's eyes widened, wondering how he knew so much, and he moved away from his upperclassman warily, but then he realized that of course Kazunari would have told Satoshi something at least and he deflated again.
"I know. I'm fine," he responded under his breath. "Sorry, senpai."
Sho increased his pace and left Satoshi behind.
03.
They had not come far from the Square before Sho had run off so Satoshi was not surprised when he ran into Kazunari moments later in front of a store along the way towards his house. He was only bemused to know that Masaki wasn't with the younger boy.
"Aiba-shi went home, if you're wondering," Kazunari told him when he caught Satoshi silently looking around them trying to figure out where the taller boy had gone. As he spoke he absently rubbed at his cheek, causing Satoshi to wonder if he was unsettled by Masaki's touch that both Satoshi and Sho had witnessed earlier. "Why're you out here alone, Oh-chan?" Kazunari asked.
"I, um," Satoshi started and became tongue-tied. He didn't know if he should talk about Sho. At least the freshman was no longer in sight. When Kazunari frowned at him, Satoshi slowly answered, "I'm going home."
"Where's Matsumoto?" Kazunari asked. "Don't tell me you let him go to that Christmas party?"
As always, Satoshi felt like he was under interrogation when speaking to his underclassman. "You know about the party?" he asked weakly, uncertain why he should actually feel so defeated talking about it.
Kazunari scoffed and crossed his arms. "I was a former member of the baseball club. Of course they invited me. But I don't waste my time with such boring stuff. I can't believe you're not spending Christmas Eve with Matsumoto though."
"I..." Satoshi said and couldn't find an excuse. He couldn't tell Kazunari that Jun and he were no longer like that anymore. All because of his own fault. It wasn't right that he asked for Jun's time when he meant nothing to his brother.
Kazunari saw his discomfort and sighed. "Go home. He's probably home by now anyway. I have to get going, too. I work tomorrow."
Satoshi nodded, grateful to be let off. But he waited for Kazunari to leave first. His underclassman turned to walk away, paused, and turned back.
"Oh yea. Merry Christmas, Oh-chan," he said.
The abrupt words surprised Satoshi and he could only stare in return as Kazunari smirked at his reaction and went on his way.
Once he was alone again, Satoshi knew he should have responded back with the same. It had been said with honesty and well intentions. It sent a flood of warmth through him and despite how his night with Sho had ended, he was suddenly glad to have met with Kazunari.
04.
The Matsumoto house was dark and silent when Satoshi reached home. He thought maybe Jun had not yet returned. What if Jun was having so much fun with his friends and classmates he had forgotten about coming home? The unhappy scenario wore Satoshi down.
He entered the house through the side door and then went straight into the sitting room. Still bundled up in his jacket, he went out to sit on the veranda. The air outside at home was not as cold as by the wharf and he was able to sit on the cold wooden boards. He wanted to wait for Jun. He wanted to see his brother before he went to sleep.
If possible, he wanted to be the first person to tell his brother "Merry Christmas" as soon as the twenty-fifth of December came around. Satoshi pulled out his phone and saw that it was two minutes to midnight. He tilted his head back to look up at the cloudy night sky. It might snow tomorrow. He hoped for it.
As he waited and sat, his phone rang and Satoshi picked up on Sho. Maybe Sho had reached his own home and wanted to make sure he did the same. But he didn't expect to hear sniveling from the other line.
"Sho-kun?" he asked quietly into the phone.
He heard breathy whimpers and sniffs and in a moment of understanding, Satoshi knew his underclassman was crying. He couldn't do anything, could only press his ear to the phone and listen to the younger boy's heart-wrenching sobs.
At last Sho mumbled into the line. "S-senpai, will I forget Kazunari?"
With that one question, despair and anguish set in upon them. Satoshi curled up, his knees pressed to his chest. He wrapped his other arm around his legs and propped his chin on the knobs of his knees. He spoke truthfully, "I...I don't know."
"I couldn't like him. I had to move on," Sho cried and muffled thuds poured in from the line as he beat at his chest and his aching heart as if he could beat the regret out of him. "B-but it hurts..."
Sho broke into uncontrollable, gasping sobs.
Satoshi bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as the heartbreaking sounds washed over him.
Sho spoke no more and Satoshi did not interrupt him. He listened to the younger boy's sobs until it finally died down and the early morning of the twenty-fifth came.
05.
Later Satoshi sat alone on the veranda, his phone shut off beside him, and he thought about his own problems. If only caring for someone else could be made simple. If only two hearts connected meant nothing else mattered. Jun was his half-brother and yet Jun was everything to him; Jun made his world a better place. Satoshi had told himself that he was okay with how they were now, but if on top of that he had to forget the feelings he had, the feelings that he treasured and made his memories precious, he didn't think that was possible.
Unknowingly, he clawed at his chest as his breathing became shallow. Even the thought of letting go, permanently, caused his breath to come short. It was impossible. He never wanted to forget Jun.
Small, white dots appeared at the edge of his vision and Satoshi glanced up at the sky. He saw that snow was falling. Fluffy white snowflakes swirled about him slowly, beautifully. Satoshi gasped at the beauty of it.
06.
Jun awoke and saw that the floor of his bedroom was still empty. Satoshi was not yet home. Concerned about his brother's long absence, he moved over to the window to pull back the curtain and see if he could see anyone in the distance. He was surprised to see that snow was falling.
Clenching his teeth and throwing his arms around himself in an attempt to keep out the chill, Jun made his way downstairs. He saw that the curtains over the veranda were open. Someone sat outside in the darkness. He recognized his brother's hunched outline.
Jun walked over and went out.
Satoshi looked up from where he sat on the icy wooden boards. One arm was outstretched, palm faced up. He smiled up at Jun as small snowflakes landed on his open palm and melted against his skin. His cheeks were red from the cold, but he did not care.
"Jun, it's snowing," Satoshi murmured.
His childish innocence washed over Jun and caused his heart to beat rapidly against his chest. Despite the cold, the younger boy crouched down beside his older brother and also stretched out his arm with his palm faced up. His tilted his head back to watch the dark, cloudy sky as his brother was doing. Snowflakes fell around him, slowly twining around his vision in a circular, tunnel motion.
It gathered around the both of them softly.
"It's snow," Jun murmured back to Satoshi as if it were their first time seeing it.
He smiled up at the sky, his heart thudding against his chest and his brother's warmth beside him, a reassurance in the crisp coldness.
* *
FORTY-FIVE
* FORTY-FOUR *
01.
Jun had already contemplated leaving his baseball club's Christmas party at nine. He figured being there for two hours was enough to stop his club mates from complaining. He was wrong and they called him a party-pooper. He obligatorily stayed for another hour just to cheer them up, but no one could force him to stay after that, not even their sweet manager.
At ten at night on the dot, Jun skipped out of the reserved room and made his way home. He didn't think Satoshi would already be back from his night out with Sho, but in his heart he hoped his brother was.
02.
Sho stumbled against Satoshi as they left the Square. He looked lifeless and his entire body sagged forward. He ended up badgering the older boy with his shoulder as he walked unsteadily and rammed into his side.
"Sho-kun," Satoshi called out to him finally.
"Sorry. I'm going home first, senpai," Sho mumbled without looking up from his feet.
If Satoshi hadn't witnessed the scene outside the gym between Kazunari and Sho a few months earlier, he would've been concerned about his junior who was usually full of confidence and intelligence. He didn't know what to make of the younger boy's reaction now, and he knew it was none of his business, but Kazunari had cried so much on that day that Satoshi had to speak.
"You rejected him," he mumbled.
Sho perked up and glanced at him.
Satoshi stood his ground and took a deep breath. He repeated stronger the second time, "You rejected Nino, Sho-kun."
Sho's eyes widened, wondering how he knew so much, and he moved away from his upperclassman warily, but then he realized that of course Kazunari would have told Satoshi something at least and he deflated again.
"I know. I'm fine," he responded under his breath. "Sorry, senpai."
Sho increased his pace and left Satoshi behind.
03.
They had not come far from the Square before Sho had run off so Satoshi was not surprised when he ran into Kazunari moments later in front of a store along the way towards his house. He was only bemused to know that Masaki wasn't with the younger boy.
"Aiba-shi went home, if you're wondering," Kazunari told him when he caught Satoshi silently looking around them trying to figure out where the taller boy had gone. As he spoke he absently rubbed at his cheek, causing Satoshi to wonder if he was unsettled by Masaki's touch that both Satoshi and Sho had witnessed earlier. "Why're you out here alone, Oh-chan?" Kazunari asked.
"I, um," Satoshi started and became tongue-tied. He didn't know if he should talk about Sho. At least the freshman was no longer in sight. When Kazunari frowned at him, Satoshi slowly answered, "I'm going home."
"Where's Matsumoto?" Kazunari asked. "Don't tell me you let him go to that Christmas party?"
As always, Satoshi felt like he was under interrogation when speaking to his underclassman. "You know about the party?" he asked weakly, uncertain why he should actually feel so defeated talking about it.
Kazunari scoffed and crossed his arms. "I was a former member of the baseball club. Of course they invited me. But I don't waste my time with such boring stuff. I can't believe you're not spending Christmas Eve with Matsumoto though."
"I..." Satoshi said and couldn't find an excuse. He couldn't tell Kazunari that Jun and he were no longer like that anymore. All because of his own fault. It wasn't right that he asked for Jun's time when he meant nothing to his brother.
Kazunari saw his discomfort and sighed. "Go home. He's probably home by now anyway. I have to get going, too. I work tomorrow."
Satoshi nodded, grateful to be let off. But he waited for Kazunari to leave first. His underclassman turned to walk away, paused, and turned back.
"Oh yea. Merry Christmas, Oh-chan," he said.
The abrupt words surprised Satoshi and he could only stare in return as Kazunari smirked at his reaction and went on his way.
Once he was alone again, Satoshi knew he should have responded back with the same. It had been said with honesty and well intentions. It sent a flood of warmth through him and despite how his night with Sho had ended, he was suddenly glad to have met with Kazunari.
04.
The Matsumoto house was dark and silent when Satoshi reached home. He thought maybe Jun had not yet returned. What if Jun was having so much fun with his friends and classmates he had forgotten about coming home? The unhappy scenario wore Satoshi down.
He entered the house through the side door and then went straight into the sitting room. Still bundled up in his jacket, he went out to sit on the veranda. The air outside at home was not as cold as by the wharf and he was able to sit on the cold wooden boards. He wanted to wait for Jun. He wanted to see his brother before he went to sleep.
If possible, he wanted to be the first person to tell his brother "Merry Christmas" as soon as the twenty-fifth of December came around. Satoshi pulled out his phone and saw that it was two minutes to midnight. He tilted his head back to look up at the cloudy night sky. It might snow tomorrow. He hoped for it.
As he waited and sat, his phone rang and Satoshi picked up on Sho. Maybe Sho had reached his own home and wanted to make sure he did the same. But he didn't expect to hear sniveling from the other line.
"Sho-kun?" he asked quietly into the phone.
He heard breathy whimpers and sniffs and in a moment of understanding, Satoshi knew his underclassman was crying. He couldn't do anything, could only press his ear to the phone and listen to the younger boy's heart-wrenching sobs.
At last Sho mumbled into the line. "S-senpai, will I forget Kazunari?"
With that one question, despair and anguish set in upon them. Satoshi curled up, his knees pressed to his chest. He wrapped his other arm around his legs and propped his chin on the knobs of his knees. He spoke truthfully, "I...I don't know."
"I couldn't like him. I had to move on," Sho cried and muffled thuds poured in from the line as he beat at his chest and his aching heart as if he could beat the regret out of him. "B-but it hurts..."
Sho broke into uncontrollable, gasping sobs.
Satoshi bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as the heartbreaking sounds washed over him.
Sho spoke no more and Satoshi did not interrupt him. He listened to the younger boy's sobs until it finally died down and the early morning of the twenty-fifth came.
05.
Later Satoshi sat alone on the veranda, his phone shut off beside him, and he thought about his own problems. If only caring for someone else could be made simple. If only two hearts connected meant nothing else mattered. Jun was his half-brother and yet Jun was everything to him; Jun made his world a better place. Satoshi had told himself that he was okay with how they were now, but if on top of that he had to forget the feelings he had, the feelings that he treasured and made his memories precious, he didn't think that was possible.
Unknowingly, he clawed at his chest as his breathing became shallow. Even the thought of letting go, permanently, caused his breath to come short. It was impossible. He never wanted to forget Jun.
Small, white dots appeared at the edge of his vision and Satoshi glanced up at the sky. He saw that snow was falling. Fluffy white snowflakes swirled about him slowly, beautifully. Satoshi gasped at the beauty of it.
06.
Jun awoke and saw that the floor of his bedroom was still empty. Satoshi was not yet home. Concerned about his brother's long absence, he moved over to the window to pull back the curtain and see if he could see anyone in the distance. He was surprised to see that snow was falling.
Clenching his teeth and throwing his arms around himself in an attempt to keep out the chill, Jun made his way downstairs. He saw that the curtains over the veranda were open. Someone sat outside in the darkness. He recognized his brother's hunched outline.
Jun walked over and went out.
Satoshi looked up from where he sat on the icy wooden boards. One arm was outstretched, palm faced up. He smiled up at Jun as small snowflakes landed on his open palm and melted against his skin. His cheeks were red from the cold, but he did not care.
"Jun, it's snowing," Satoshi murmured.
His childish innocence washed over Jun and caused his heart to beat rapidly against his chest. Despite the cold, the younger boy crouched down beside his older brother and also stretched out his arm with his palm faced up. His tilted his head back to watch the dark, cloudy sky as his brother was doing. Snowflakes fell around him, slowly twining around his vision in a circular, tunnel motion.
It gathered around the both of them softly.
"It's snow," Jun murmured back to Satoshi as if it were their first time seeing it.
He smiled up at the sky, his heart thudding against his chest and his brother's warmth beside him, a reassurance in the crisp coldness.
* *
FORTY-FIVE