Sugar and Pepper (50)
FORTY-NINE
* FIFTY *
01.
Jun woke after the fourth time his alarm rang and when he sat up, he was surprised to find Satoshi asleep on the floor in his futon. Not only was his brother still asleep and had slept through four times his alarm rang even, his brother had pulled out the futon and his bedding in the middle of the night. They had not slept in separate beds since Christmas.
Uneasy, Jun washed and dressed for school. He grabbed his school bag and at the door turned back to view his still sleeping brother. He thought he should wake Satoshi up. He didn't want to leave without saying something first, but his brother might not even want to see him. Why else would he sleep on the floor? It was Valentine's Day and Satoshi had given his chocolates away. Maybe his brother was angry at him about something.
With a heavy heart and confused, Jun hoisted his bag over his shoulder and closed the bedroom door softly to not wake his sleeping brother.
02.
His friends were waiting for him when he reached school.
"We didn't peek," they told him and crowded around him as he went to his shoe locker.
"This is not a game," Jun grumbled, not in the mood for their light-hearted play or the atmosphere. They only snickered. He opened his locker and saw that a few boxes of chocolates had already been stuffed inside. Around him, his friends began counting.
"Six! I won the bet!" one of them bellowed, pumping a fist into the air. "You have to kiss each other!"
Jun slammed his shoe locker shut and glared at them. They all blinked in surprise at his anger. He didn't explain himself and trudged away.
There was only one box of chocolates he wanted and he wouldn't get it. Why did Satoshi do it? His confusion turned into fury at himself for not understanding.
03.
Before midday, Jun had already been called out once and he wasn't in the mood to go through it again. When the bell rang for lunch, he was out of his classroom door. He remembered that last year he had taken refuge with Satoshi. His brother had always found the most isolated places to hide. This year he couldn't do the same.
He unintentionally loitered while searching for a place to go. In the hall, a group of girls stopped him. One of them, surrounded by her friends, was pushed forward and she opened her mouth to speak.
Jun quickly stepped back. "I'm sorry, I forgot something."
He knew it was cowardly. It wasn't even like him to reject her so coldly, but today he just couldn't do it. He almost ran from the group of girls.
04.
In a stall of the boy's bathroom, Jun sat on the seat and sighed unhappily up at the ceiling. His friends had messaged him and asked him about his location, most likely pestered by some other girl for his whereabouts, but he refused to reply. If one of them knew where he was now, they'd laugh at him. Even those girls would find it funny: Matsumoto Jun hiding in the bathroom.
He pulled out his phone and looked at it. He wanted to call and talk to his brother. But after what had happened that morning, he wasn't sure. Satoshi was angry at him for some reason. Maybe that was why he'd given the chocolates Jun had exclusively asked for away. What had he done wrong?
He bowed over his phone, unable to answer his own questions and to ask his brother for the answers that might hurt him.
05.
The same girl he had rejected in front of her friends in the hall found the courage to come between classes. Jun still wasn't in the brightest of moods, but her tenacity astounded him and he would have despised himself even more if he didn't give her at least an opportunity to say something.
They moved around the corner out of view from his classroom and his bothersome friends.
Awkwardly, she presented him with a box of chocolates. "I wanted to give you this," she murmured. "I know you don't like me, but I want you to have it. I made this thinking about Matsumoto-kun. I don't need anything else. It will make me happy if you take it."
Jun felt like a jerk as she waited with her chocolates. He would be an asshole for accepting her chocolates without accepting her feelings along with it, even if she said otherwise, but he would also be an asshole for not taking her thoughtfulness into consideration. Even then rejecting everything from her would be the better option because he knew he should not give her hope at all, but Jun couldn't do it. He understood her feelings. She had even approached him twice, despite the way he'd embarrassed her in front of her friends.
Against his better judgement, Jun took the chocolates. "I'm sorry," was all he could say.
She smiled anyway and shook her head. "Thank you. Matsumoto-kun is very kind."
Jun knew at that moment that he had made the wrong decision. He was not kind at all. The box of chocolates weighed heavily in his hands.
06.
He had baseball club, but he didn't go. He leaned against the side of the shoe lockers after most of the students had left and in the silence he thought about his day. He'd fumed in the morning and afternoon because he hadn't the courage to ask Satoshi what he wanted to know. In the process, he'd hurt the many people who had approached him or tried to. The girl had said he was kind, but he wasn't at all. He was selfish and cowardly because of that selfishness.
Jun whisked out his phone and looked at it again. He and his brother had avoided each other for too much and too long every single time they were confused. He owed it to himself, his older brother, and the people around him to talk about it instead of skirting around the issue once again. There was no point in going around and never learning from his mistakes. Someone had to give way.
Jun dialed and pressed the phone to his ear. After two rings, the call was picked up. Silence greeted him and Jun found himself tentatively asking, "Satoshi?"
"Jun," his brother said quietly.
The small buzz of his voice and the gentleness of it eased into Jun and he relaxed. The tension and anger he'd felt all day fell away with just the simple call of his name and he wondered why it was that he'd always waited so long to talk things out with his brother.
Jun took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry I was cold to you last night."
"I lied. It was my fault," Satoshi answered him and Jun was surprised. "I didn't give the chocolates to Aiba-chan. I still have them. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Jun knew the chocolates didn't matter. Valentine's Day didn't matter. Having Satoshi with him was most important. "I don't care about that anymore," he said. "I just want to spend the rest of the day with you. Will you go on a date with me later when I'm done with club?" They lived together, but since the senior exams they had not gone out much. His own father had had the privilege of almost an entire day with Satoshi and Jun thought it was his turn.
"Okay," Satoshi replied quietly and the softness of his voice brought a small smile to Jun's lips. The older boy planned to keep his promise from the day before and he added in a small murmur, "I'll come to pick you up."
"I'll wait for you," Jun said.
* *
FIFTY-ONE
* FIFTY *
01.
Jun woke after the fourth time his alarm rang and when he sat up, he was surprised to find Satoshi asleep on the floor in his futon. Not only was his brother still asleep and had slept through four times his alarm rang even, his brother had pulled out the futon and his bedding in the middle of the night. They had not slept in separate beds since Christmas.
Uneasy, Jun washed and dressed for school. He grabbed his school bag and at the door turned back to view his still sleeping brother. He thought he should wake Satoshi up. He didn't want to leave without saying something first, but his brother might not even want to see him. Why else would he sleep on the floor? It was Valentine's Day and Satoshi had given his chocolates away. Maybe his brother was angry at him about something.
With a heavy heart and confused, Jun hoisted his bag over his shoulder and closed the bedroom door softly to not wake his sleeping brother.
02.
His friends were waiting for him when he reached school.
"We didn't peek," they told him and crowded around him as he went to his shoe locker.
"This is not a game," Jun grumbled, not in the mood for their light-hearted play or the atmosphere. They only snickered. He opened his locker and saw that a few boxes of chocolates had already been stuffed inside. Around him, his friends began counting.
"Six! I won the bet!" one of them bellowed, pumping a fist into the air. "You have to kiss each other!"
Jun slammed his shoe locker shut and glared at them. They all blinked in surprise at his anger. He didn't explain himself and trudged away.
There was only one box of chocolates he wanted and he wouldn't get it. Why did Satoshi do it? His confusion turned into fury at himself for not understanding.
03.
Before midday, Jun had already been called out once and he wasn't in the mood to go through it again. When the bell rang for lunch, he was out of his classroom door. He remembered that last year he had taken refuge with Satoshi. His brother had always found the most isolated places to hide. This year he couldn't do the same.
He unintentionally loitered while searching for a place to go. In the hall, a group of girls stopped him. One of them, surrounded by her friends, was pushed forward and she opened her mouth to speak.
Jun quickly stepped back. "I'm sorry, I forgot something."
He knew it was cowardly. It wasn't even like him to reject her so coldly, but today he just couldn't do it. He almost ran from the group of girls.
04.
In a stall of the boy's bathroom, Jun sat on the seat and sighed unhappily up at the ceiling. His friends had messaged him and asked him about his location, most likely pestered by some other girl for his whereabouts, but he refused to reply. If one of them knew where he was now, they'd laugh at him. Even those girls would find it funny: Matsumoto Jun hiding in the bathroom.
He pulled out his phone and looked at it. He wanted to call and talk to his brother. But after what had happened that morning, he wasn't sure. Satoshi was angry at him for some reason. Maybe that was why he'd given the chocolates Jun had exclusively asked for away. What had he done wrong?
He bowed over his phone, unable to answer his own questions and to ask his brother for the answers that might hurt him.
05.
The same girl he had rejected in front of her friends in the hall found the courage to come between classes. Jun still wasn't in the brightest of moods, but her tenacity astounded him and he would have despised himself even more if he didn't give her at least an opportunity to say something.
They moved around the corner out of view from his classroom and his bothersome friends.
Awkwardly, she presented him with a box of chocolates. "I wanted to give you this," she murmured. "I know you don't like me, but I want you to have it. I made this thinking about Matsumoto-kun. I don't need anything else. It will make me happy if you take it."
Jun felt like a jerk as she waited with her chocolates. He would be an asshole for accepting her chocolates without accepting her feelings along with it, even if she said otherwise, but he would also be an asshole for not taking her thoughtfulness into consideration. Even then rejecting everything from her would be the better option because he knew he should not give her hope at all, but Jun couldn't do it. He understood her feelings. She had even approached him twice, despite the way he'd embarrassed her in front of her friends.
Against his better judgement, Jun took the chocolates. "I'm sorry," was all he could say.
She smiled anyway and shook her head. "Thank you. Matsumoto-kun is very kind."
Jun knew at that moment that he had made the wrong decision. He was not kind at all. The box of chocolates weighed heavily in his hands.
06.
He had baseball club, but he didn't go. He leaned against the side of the shoe lockers after most of the students had left and in the silence he thought about his day. He'd fumed in the morning and afternoon because he hadn't the courage to ask Satoshi what he wanted to know. In the process, he'd hurt the many people who had approached him or tried to. The girl had said he was kind, but he wasn't at all. He was selfish and cowardly because of that selfishness.
Jun whisked out his phone and looked at it again. He and his brother had avoided each other for too much and too long every single time they were confused. He owed it to himself, his older brother, and the people around him to talk about it instead of skirting around the issue once again. There was no point in going around and never learning from his mistakes. Someone had to give way.
Jun dialed and pressed the phone to his ear. After two rings, the call was picked up. Silence greeted him and Jun found himself tentatively asking, "Satoshi?"
"Jun," his brother said quietly.
The small buzz of his voice and the gentleness of it eased into Jun and he relaxed. The tension and anger he'd felt all day fell away with just the simple call of his name and he wondered why it was that he'd always waited so long to talk things out with his brother.
Jun took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry I was cold to you last night."
"I lied. It was my fault," Satoshi answered him and Jun was surprised. "I didn't give the chocolates to Aiba-chan. I still have them. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Jun knew the chocolates didn't matter. Valentine's Day didn't matter. Having Satoshi with him was most important. "I don't care about that anymore," he said. "I just want to spend the rest of the day with you. Will you go on a date with me later when I'm done with club?" They lived together, but since the senior exams they had not gone out much. His own father had had the privilege of almost an entire day with Satoshi and Jun thought it was his turn.
"Okay," Satoshi replied quietly and the softness of his voice brought a small smile to Jun's lips. The older boy planned to keep his promise from the day before and he added in a small murmur, "I'll come to pick you up."
"I'll wait for you," Jun said.
* *
FIFTY-ONE