Sugar and Pepper (54)
FIFTY-THREE
* FIFTY-FOUR *
01.
As always Satoshi climbed into bed and waited for Jun to finish with his bath. But when Jun came in half an hour later, instead of the bed Satoshi was curled on his side on the ground at the foot of the bed. Alarmed, Jun quickly dropped to his knees beside him.
"Satoshi, what's wrong?" he asked.
Satoshi shook his head. He couldn't stop being anxious about tomorrow. His gut seemed to be in a knot. It couldn't be undone. Wanting the comfort of his brother, he opened his arms and Jun naturally fell into them. They huddled together on the ground.
"I'm leaving," Satoshi murmured, disbelieving that his departure was less than twenty-four hours away.
His face pressed against the older boy's shoulder, Jun hummed his acknowledgement. "I will call you every night even if I have to stay awake later," he said. "I'll tell you everything. I'll speak a lot. And you must tell me as much as you can, too."
"Promise?" Satoshi asked.
"I promise," Jun replied.
"Jun," Satoshi murmured.
"Yes?" the younger boy answered.
"Jun," Satoshi repeated.
"Hm?" Jun answered with a sound.
But Satoshi only repeated his name, "Jun."
Jun understood his quiet sadness and hid his face in the crook of the older boy's neck. He tightened his arms around the lean body, strong enough that the curve of their bodies were imprinted on each other's. Tonight was their last, at least until a very long time. He did not want to ever forget the scent and feel of his brother.
Because even if they could still call each other, message each other, chat and watch the other from beyond a screen, it still wasn't the same as having the other person there. It wasn't the same as holding on to and nestling against the familiar warmth of someone important. It wasn't able to keep loneliness away.
02.
They could not sleep that last night and instead laid wide awake holding each other and reminiscing.
"Every time I saw you, you ran away."
"Jun's baseball form was just too cool."
"I wanted to go to the summer festival with you. Do you still have the keychain I gave you?"
"You wanted the sketchbook."
"We went to the batting center after my birthday party. I won a favor from you."
"Jun was the best looking prince charming."
"We couldn't be together on Satoshi's birthday."
"We saw the snowfall together. It was beautiful."
"Let's do that again," Jun said. "One day."
Satoshi nodded.
03.
Morning came at last and then daylight. With eyes tired from the lack of sleep, Jun and Satoshi watched each other. When the time came, they slowly got up to wash and dress for the day.
They held hands as they walked to school together for the last time as two young students.
"It's not the end. We shouldn't act like it is," Jun told Satoshi with a self-pitying laugh.
But even so, one neighborhood before they reached their school Jun stopped them. He embraced Satoshi tightly and they stood still for one moment. And then they broke apart.
04.
In the gym, despite the solemn expressions of most of the teachers, the atmosphere was abuzz with contained excitement. The older students sat silently in their dark uniforms with a thin piece of rolled paper clutched in their hands. Speakers went on stage and left. A slideshow with background music played on screen. Students, teachers, and staff watched with varying smiles on their faces.
At last, the headmaster returned to the podium. They were declared graduated. All at once, happy cheers erupted throughout the gym. The surge of voices filled the room.
Among the students, Satoshi tried to quell the quick beating of his heart.
05.
"Here, Ohno-san," Miyuki said and gave him back his yearbook with a smile on her face.
He took it and clutched it to his chest. He couldn't believe that he might never see her again. At least Jun was his brother, but no one else here was a certainty. This day would close one of the most miraculous chapters in his life; the one most significant for him so far.
"Ohno-san, you look like you might cry," Miyuki said.
He shook his head and the tears sank back in. He smiled at her. "Thank you, Ooshima-san," he murmured.
She smiled at him, that same smile with her beady eyes. Satoshi inclined his head at her and turned. He walked out to meet his mother waiting for him.
06.
It would only be his mother and him at the end. Even Jun would not be there to see him off. All he'd done as they walked to school was hold Jun's hand tightly and wish with all his heart that he wouldn't have to leave.
With heavy steps, he left the building. Excited students were scattered around the grounds, some with their parents, some with their friends, some surrounding their favorite teachers, and he tried not to look at any of them. Satoshi walked on.
"Satoshi!"
He turned just as Jun threw his arms around him. Desperately, Satoshi clutched at his younger brother's uniform. Even though they were not alone, and a few of the others glanced at them curiously, it did not matter who saw them.
Jun pulled back, just a bit, and watched his brother closely. Both of their eyes were swollen red.
"Please don't forget," Jun said. "Call me or send an email. Anything. So I can contact you when I can."
Satoshi's head bobbed up and down.
Jun sniffed and swallowed a sob. He asked in a bare whisper, "Satoshi, can you tell me that you love me?"
It had taken his younger brother to ask for Satoshi to realize that those very simple words had never left his lips before. Even though Jun had always told him, he himself had never said it. His tears finally did fall then, but Satoshi smiled at his younger brother.
"I love you, Jun," he said at last.
* *
FIFTY-FIVE
* FIFTY-FOUR *
01.
As always Satoshi climbed into bed and waited for Jun to finish with his bath. But when Jun came in half an hour later, instead of the bed Satoshi was curled on his side on the ground at the foot of the bed. Alarmed, Jun quickly dropped to his knees beside him.
"Satoshi, what's wrong?" he asked.
Satoshi shook his head. He couldn't stop being anxious about tomorrow. His gut seemed to be in a knot. It couldn't be undone. Wanting the comfort of his brother, he opened his arms and Jun naturally fell into them. They huddled together on the ground.
"I'm leaving," Satoshi murmured, disbelieving that his departure was less than twenty-four hours away.
His face pressed against the older boy's shoulder, Jun hummed his acknowledgement. "I will call you every night even if I have to stay awake later," he said. "I'll tell you everything. I'll speak a lot. And you must tell me as much as you can, too."
"Promise?" Satoshi asked.
"I promise," Jun replied.
"Jun," Satoshi murmured.
"Yes?" the younger boy answered.
"Jun," Satoshi repeated.
"Hm?" Jun answered with a sound.
But Satoshi only repeated his name, "Jun."
Jun understood his quiet sadness and hid his face in the crook of the older boy's neck. He tightened his arms around the lean body, strong enough that the curve of their bodies were imprinted on each other's. Tonight was their last, at least until a very long time. He did not want to ever forget the scent and feel of his brother.
Because even if they could still call each other, message each other, chat and watch the other from beyond a screen, it still wasn't the same as having the other person there. It wasn't the same as holding on to and nestling against the familiar warmth of someone important. It wasn't able to keep loneliness away.
02.
They could not sleep that last night and instead laid wide awake holding each other and reminiscing.
"Every time I saw you, you ran away."
"Jun's baseball form was just too cool."
"I wanted to go to the summer festival with you. Do you still have the keychain I gave you?"
"You wanted the sketchbook."
"We went to the batting center after my birthday party. I won a favor from you."
"Jun was the best looking prince charming."
"We couldn't be together on Satoshi's birthday."
"We saw the snowfall together. It was beautiful."
"Let's do that again," Jun said. "One day."
Satoshi nodded.
03.
Morning came at last and then daylight. With eyes tired from the lack of sleep, Jun and Satoshi watched each other. When the time came, they slowly got up to wash and dress for the day.
They held hands as they walked to school together for the last time as two young students.
"It's not the end. We shouldn't act like it is," Jun told Satoshi with a self-pitying laugh.
But even so, one neighborhood before they reached their school Jun stopped them. He embraced Satoshi tightly and they stood still for one moment. And then they broke apart.
04.
In the gym, despite the solemn expressions of most of the teachers, the atmosphere was abuzz with contained excitement. The older students sat silently in their dark uniforms with a thin piece of rolled paper clutched in their hands. Speakers went on stage and left. A slideshow with background music played on screen. Students, teachers, and staff watched with varying smiles on their faces.
At last, the headmaster returned to the podium. They were declared graduated. All at once, happy cheers erupted throughout the gym. The surge of voices filled the room.
Among the students, Satoshi tried to quell the quick beating of his heart.
05.
"Here, Ohno-san," Miyuki said and gave him back his yearbook with a smile on her face.
He took it and clutched it to his chest. He couldn't believe that he might never see her again. At least Jun was his brother, but no one else here was a certainty. This day would close one of the most miraculous chapters in his life; the one most significant for him so far.
"Ohno-san, you look like you might cry," Miyuki said.
He shook his head and the tears sank back in. He smiled at her. "Thank you, Ooshima-san," he murmured.
She smiled at him, that same smile with her beady eyes. Satoshi inclined his head at her and turned. He walked out to meet his mother waiting for him.
06.
It would only be his mother and him at the end. Even Jun would not be there to see him off. All he'd done as they walked to school was hold Jun's hand tightly and wish with all his heart that he wouldn't have to leave.
With heavy steps, he left the building. Excited students were scattered around the grounds, some with their parents, some with their friends, some surrounding their favorite teachers, and he tried not to look at any of them. Satoshi walked on.
"Satoshi!"
He turned just as Jun threw his arms around him. Desperately, Satoshi clutched at his younger brother's uniform. Even though they were not alone, and a few of the others glanced at them curiously, it did not matter who saw them.
Jun pulled back, just a bit, and watched his brother closely. Both of their eyes were swollen red.
"Please don't forget," Jun said. "Call me or send an email. Anything. So I can contact you when I can."
Satoshi's head bobbed up and down.
Jun sniffed and swallowed a sob. He asked in a bare whisper, "Satoshi, can you tell me that you love me?"
It had taken his younger brother to ask for Satoshi to realize that those very simple words had never left his lips before. Even though Jun had always told him, he himself had never said it. His tears finally did fall then, but Satoshi smiled at his younger brother.
"I love you, Jun," he said at last.
* *
FIFTY-FIVE