Sugar and Pepper (55)
FIFTY-FOUR
* FIFTY-FIVE *
01.
His step-father had bid him farewell that morning. With a grave expression on his face, Mr. Matsumoto had shook his hand and then silently averted his gaze. He grabbed his jacket and headed to work.
Satoshi had also bid his farewell to Jun.
Only his mother accompanied him from then.
She rode with him in the taxi to the airport. Most of his luggage had been sent ahead and he only had a tote bag with him. The drive to the airport seemed short to him unlike the other time.
In the end Satoshi was already waiting to board his flight. In the lobby, his mother sat beside him quietly and Satoshi stared off into the distance, his mind blank. Soon his mother began to shake, but he did not notice until she could no longer contain her sniffling. He realized she was crying when the small noises left her throat.
"I'm coming back," Satoshi weakly told her.
Even though he'd attempted to comfort her, his mother wouldn't be appeased. She continued to cry into her hands.
"I'm sorry, Satoshi," she said. "I love you. I'm sorry."
Overhead, his flight was announced. Mrs. Matsumoto sprang up and Satoshi did as well. She embraced him tightly.
"Forget about us. Live a good and long life. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better mother to you," she said.
Satoshi watched her for a few prolonged precious seconds. Then he nodded and when his flight was called again and the announcer urged him to board he bowed low to his mother. She cried even after he disappeared from her view.
02.
In his seat by the window, Satoshi read the final parting messages from Kazunari, Masaki, Miyuki, and Sho on his phone. His mobile phone would no longer work when he reached his father, but he wanted to keep the data he had on it. He turned it off and stowed it away. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper in his pocket.
Jun had given it to him. It was the contract of their promise many months ago the night of Jun's birthday when he'd won their batting challenge. Satoshi had promised his younger brother any favor he asked for. Because they'd remembered it the night before, Jun had found it that morning.
Next to the written promise and their thumb prints were Jun's request: [ When you come back, never leave me again. ]
Satoshi clutched the piece of paper to his heart as the plane took off.
03.
His father and his secretary waited for him at his arrival. Mr. Ohno had always looked grim, but the dark expression on his dark face was even scarier than Satoshi remembered. Pulling his tote bag along, he reached them and politely inclined his head in greeting to both his father and secretary.
For the next four years, this was how his life would be, but he knew that being with Jun had changed him. Even though he had to shoulder the coldness, he'd never go back to being the same again. He'd never return to living that colorless life.
Without a word to him, his father turned and walked out of the airport lobby expecting his secretary and Satoshi to follow.
04.
The secretary took the passenger seat next to the driver while Satoshi settled in the back with his father.
The grim expression on Mr. Ohno's face had softened and he instead wore a contemplative look.
Satoshi watched out the car window as they drove to his new home for the next few years. He thought that at least in his father's home he would have the sunny housekeeper to keep him positive. In reality, he preferred her company to his father and his secretary.
As they rounded a curve into busier traffic, suddenly his father reached across the seat and placed his hand over Satoshi's. The unfamiliar touch and shock of it startled Satoshi and he glanced at his father.
Mr. Ohno's eyes were downcast in contemplative silence, but an unmistakable sadness gleamed in their depths.
Only once in Satoshi's life had he seen his father this way and it was the night his father had returned home in a drunken state. He felt anxious.
05.
"Go tidy up your room then come out. Come to my study. I need to talk to you," his father said when they reached their destination.
In his room, Satoshi sat on his bed and pulled out his phone again to reread the messages that his friends had sent and Jun's last messages to him. They gave him strength. He couldn't contact Jun yet because he still had to get a new mobile service, one that allowed international calls, and he didn't have a desktop at hand.
His father's tone had made him wary and Satoshi took a deep breath as he stared at a picture of his younger brother on his phone to calm him down. Doubt clouded his confidence. What if he couldn't get used to this life? How had he lived before he had Jun?
06.
Satoshi's nerves were on edge when he left his bedroom and knocked on his father's study.
"Come in," Mr. Ohno said.
Tentatively, Satoshi stepped into the enclosed room. He looked down at his feet and waited for his father to initiate.
"Take a seat," Mr. Ohno said.
Satoshi did as his father bid and to his surprise his father did not move to take a seat himself, instead choosing to stand in front of him. His heart pounding with nervousness in his chest, Satoshi warily tilted his head back to watch his father's face that was yet again overcome with grimness.
"Even though you did wrong, you are my son, Satoshi," Mr. Ohno began quietly, staring straight into his eyes to make sure he'd been heard and understood. "From now on it'll just be the two of us again. We don't need your mother's family."
Satoshi blinked rapidly, his mind reeling from his father's statement. He had declared his intentions months ago. He thought his father understood. "I'm going back when I finish with school," he said quietly. The pounding of his heart thundered harder, drumming against his chest.
The lips of his father's thinned and he stepped back with a hiss. He paced the room once and then twice before he stopped in the middle of the room. "Satoshi, your mother's husband called me last month. What you had with their son is...was an abomination."
Satoshi reviewed his words with deliberation. His step-father had called his father. Their son, his step-father's and his mother's son, was Jun. Then he understood.
Their parents knew. They had known for at least a month.
To them and everyone else, what Jun and he had was not right.
Satoshi froze. His mind had drowned out his surroundings in that moment of truth. He should have seen this coming.
Mr. Matsumoto had been trying to warn him.
He should have known.
They had not been careful.
"J-jun..." he stuttered, calling the one person that mattered to him the most in that moment.
"From this day forth, all connections with that family will be severed," Mr. Ohno stated as a matter of fact. "That boy is only a child. He will not understand. But you will. You must." His father was adamant. "We will never meet them again, Satoshi. Your mother and I will not allow it to happen."
Satoshi stared into the blank space in front of him. His mother had wished him a good life and farewell. She had been crying when he boarded his plane. She knew she had been letting him go. Satoshi clutched at his chest. He couldn't breathe. Because Jun and he had believed differently. Jun was his life. Jun was his one and only happiness. Why couldn't he keep that one thread of hope?
"I only have you left, Satoshi. As your father, I will not leave you, but I must guide you on to the right path," his father said. "And you must move on. We will start a new life here. I have sold our house in Japan. We will no longer go back to that place. You will be happy here."
It was not true, Satoshi thought. He fell onto his knees and keeled over. Screams that did not seem like his own filled his ears; unfamiliar screams that were horrified, anguished, and broken.
* *
FIFTY-SIX
* FIFTY-FIVE *
01.
His step-father had bid him farewell that morning. With a grave expression on his face, Mr. Matsumoto had shook his hand and then silently averted his gaze. He grabbed his jacket and headed to work.
Satoshi had also bid his farewell to Jun.
Only his mother accompanied him from then.
She rode with him in the taxi to the airport. Most of his luggage had been sent ahead and he only had a tote bag with him. The drive to the airport seemed short to him unlike the other time.
In the end Satoshi was already waiting to board his flight. In the lobby, his mother sat beside him quietly and Satoshi stared off into the distance, his mind blank. Soon his mother began to shake, but he did not notice until she could no longer contain her sniffling. He realized she was crying when the small noises left her throat.
"I'm coming back," Satoshi weakly told her.
Even though he'd attempted to comfort her, his mother wouldn't be appeased. She continued to cry into her hands.
"I'm sorry, Satoshi," she said. "I love you. I'm sorry."
Overhead, his flight was announced. Mrs. Matsumoto sprang up and Satoshi did as well. She embraced him tightly.
"Forget about us. Live a good and long life. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better mother to you," she said.
Satoshi watched her for a few prolonged precious seconds. Then he nodded and when his flight was called again and the announcer urged him to board he bowed low to his mother. She cried even after he disappeared from her view.
02.
In his seat by the window, Satoshi read the final parting messages from Kazunari, Masaki, Miyuki, and Sho on his phone. His mobile phone would no longer work when he reached his father, but he wanted to keep the data he had on it. He turned it off and stowed it away. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper in his pocket.
Jun had given it to him. It was the contract of their promise many months ago the night of Jun's birthday when he'd won their batting challenge. Satoshi had promised his younger brother any favor he asked for. Because they'd remembered it the night before, Jun had found it that morning.
Next to the written promise and their thumb prints were Jun's request: [ When you come back, never leave me again. ]
Satoshi clutched the piece of paper to his heart as the plane took off.
03.
His father and his secretary waited for him at his arrival. Mr. Ohno had always looked grim, but the dark expression on his dark face was even scarier than Satoshi remembered. Pulling his tote bag along, he reached them and politely inclined his head in greeting to both his father and secretary.
For the next four years, this was how his life would be, but he knew that being with Jun had changed him. Even though he had to shoulder the coldness, he'd never go back to being the same again. He'd never return to living that colorless life.
Without a word to him, his father turned and walked out of the airport lobby expecting his secretary and Satoshi to follow.
04.
The secretary took the passenger seat next to the driver while Satoshi settled in the back with his father.
The grim expression on Mr. Ohno's face had softened and he instead wore a contemplative look.
Satoshi watched out the car window as they drove to his new home for the next few years. He thought that at least in his father's home he would have the sunny housekeeper to keep him positive. In reality, he preferred her company to his father and his secretary.
As they rounded a curve into busier traffic, suddenly his father reached across the seat and placed his hand over Satoshi's. The unfamiliar touch and shock of it startled Satoshi and he glanced at his father.
Mr. Ohno's eyes were downcast in contemplative silence, but an unmistakable sadness gleamed in their depths.
Only once in Satoshi's life had he seen his father this way and it was the night his father had returned home in a drunken state. He felt anxious.
05.
"Go tidy up your room then come out. Come to my study. I need to talk to you," his father said when they reached their destination.
In his room, Satoshi sat on his bed and pulled out his phone again to reread the messages that his friends had sent and Jun's last messages to him. They gave him strength. He couldn't contact Jun yet because he still had to get a new mobile service, one that allowed international calls, and he didn't have a desktop at hand.
His father's tone had made him wary and Satoshi took a deep breath as he stared at a picture of his younger brother on his phone to calm him down. Doubt clouded his confidence. What if he couldn't get used to this life? How had he lived before he had Jun?
06.
Satoshi's nerves were on edge when he left his bedroom and knocked on his father's study.
"Come in," Mr. Ohno said.
Tentatively, Satoshi stepped into the enclosed room. He looked down at his feet and waited for his father to initiate.
"Take a seat," Mr. Ohno said.
Satoshi did as his father bid and to his surprise his father did not move to take a seat himself, instead choosing to stand in front of him. His heart pounding with nervousness in his chest, Satoshi warily tilted his head back to watch his father's face that was yet again overcome with grimness.
"Even though you did wrong, you are my son, Satoshi," Mr. Ohno began quietly, staring straight into his eyes to make sure he'd been heard and understood. "From now on it'll just be the two of us again. We don't need your mother's family."
Satoshi blinked rapidly, his mind reeling from his father's statement. He had declared his intentions months ago. He thought his father understood. "I'm going back when I finish with school," he said quietly. The pounding of his heart thundered harder, drumming against his chest.
The lips of his father's thinned and he stepped back with a hiss. He paced the room once and then twice before he stopped in the middle of the room. "Satoshi, your mother's husband called me last month. What you had with their son is...was an abomination."
Satoshi reviewed his words with deliberation. His step-father had called his father. Their son, his step-father's and his mother's son, was Jun. Then he understood.
Their parents knew. They had known for at least a month.
To them and everyone else, what Jun and he had was not right.
Satoshi froze. His mind had drowned out his surroundings in that moment of truth. He should have seen this coming.
Mr. Matsumoto had been trying to warn him.
He should have known.
They had not been careful.
"J-jun..." he stuttered, calling the one person that mattered to him the most in that moment.
"From this day forth, all connections with that family will be severed," Mr. Ohno stated as a matter of fact. "That boy is only a child. He will not understand. But you will. You must." His father was adamant. "We will never meet them again, Satoshi. Your mother and I will not allow it to happen."
Satoshi stared into the blank space in front of him. His mother had wished him a good life and farewell. She had been crying when he boarded his plane. She knew she had been letting him go. Satoshi clutched at his chest. He couldn't breathe. Because Jun and he had believed differently. Jun was his life. Jun was his one and only happiness. Why couldn't he keep that one thread of hope?
"I only have you left, Satoshi. As your father, I will not leave you, but I must guide you on to the right path," his father said. "And you must move on. We will start a new life here. I have sold our house in Japan. We will no longer go back to that place. You will be happy here."
It was not true, Satoshi thought. He fell onto his knees and keeled over. Screams that did not seem like his own filled his ears; unfamiliar screams that were horrified, anguished, and broken.
* *
FIFTY-SIX