Thoughts on the first four chapters/64 pages of Fifty Shades of Grey
After mortifying National Poetry Month by spending it reading the Twilight series* (worst sentence from the fourth book: "Beyond words, I shrieked a growl at him"; best part: the last third, when Bella had agency and confidence and action happened), I thought it would be appropriate to continue now with Fifty Shades of Grey, since it is another extremely popular book that has been panned by fandom and about which I'd like to form my own opinions, and since it began life as a Twilight fic. A Twilight AU, I'd assume, in which Isabella "Bella" Swan-->Anastasia "Ana" Steele meets vampire student Edward-->dom businessman Christian and instantly falls for his godly beauty and inexplicable sexy power, feelings are returned much to the consternation of Native American werewolf Jacob Black-->Hispanic photographer José Rodriguez**, and readers are left to insert themselves into one of the lead roles, possibly while wondering what the foundation is for the characters' mutual obsession. (I'm pretty sure Bella would have felt way more secure about Edward's love for her if their relationship had been based on anything more than love at first sight.)
My expectations are basically that Fifty Shades will be shoddily written, the relationship will be unhealthy in that it borders on abuse instead of consent (and therefore it will make me itch to point those mainstream readers to dozens of fics and Kink Bingo metas and whatnot that show and/or explain what safe and hot dom/sub relationships can look like), the sex will eventually be constant and the prose flowery... and that there will be something appealing about some aspect of it, because it has appealed to thousands of women.
.
So, okay, I'm four chapters in and the text hasn't thrust me out yet. So to speak. The prose is best read at a skim, the dialogue's often as vapid as watching kids put on an ad libbed play, and there are whole scenes that should have been cut, but it's interesting to study the signs of transition from fanfic to novel.
My biggest issues so far are that the relationship took off way too quickly and again with no foundation or reality to it, and that the hero is already flashing danger signs that the heroine alternately misses or chooses to ignore.
Christian has far more money and power than Ana; he's a world-class businessman and she's a college senior; he is, to hear her tell it, obscenely attractive, while she's ordinary; and he's older (although this reader wishes he were middle-aged rather than 26 or 29 or whatever). Her attraction to him is understandable enough, although as with Twilight it would be nice if the initial rush of a crush were later substantiated with the guy's actual personality traits etc. But what does he see that's special in Mary Sue? Now, the story could absolutely have been written wherein she piques his interest, especially as it is a fantasy of a day-to-day woman getting a dream guy. Maybe she can hold up her end of the conversation. Maybe she's one of the only people who stands up to him amid a sea of lackeys. Maybe she reminds him of someone. Maybe he wants to "slum it" for a lark. Many more options. But no. We get only a few hints of a reason during their introductory conversation-she asks more interesting questions than the script she's given-and then, poof, he's smitten and following her places. You know, while telling her he's too dangerous and the wrong man for her because he's a vampire.
It's disappointing. Like many, I know what it's like to want to be found interesting by someone I find interesting. Like many, I know what it's like to feel the push-pull of attraction and fear/naïveté that Ana feels. Like many, I know what it's like to nurse a powerful crush and wonder if or why the object of it will return the sentiment. But to make the realization of that fantasy satisfying-for me, at least-you have to take your time in the setup. And EL James blew it.
(Plotwise, I also stalled on the first few pages. Ana meets Christian because her newspaper editor roommate gets the flu and needs someone to interview him for her because he's so hard to schedule. The hell? You send your English major roommate instead of one of your fellow reporters? And you don't give her any background on the guy or advise her on how to conduct an interview? And you don't contact him to alert him of the change? Ugh ugh ugh, the way the interview "concluded" makes my head hurt.)
But okay, anyway, since we don't get enough insight into what this man sees in this girl, we are left mostly to conclude that he likes how vulnerable she is. His behavior screams predator. He sees her blush, stammer, and trip around him; says she seems nervous around men; takes advantage of the fact that she's out of her element; follows her to her home city and finds out where she works; asks her probing questions about her (lack of) connections nearby, the fact that none of the guys in her life are her boyfriend, and her lack of plans after graduation; and traces her cell phone when she calls him because he apparently thinks she needs to be rescued from being drunk. We've at least gone a step up from Twilight in that the roommate says he's creepy and too much for her and because one time Ana thinks, "Stalker"... but then she says she doesn't mind because it's him. So.
Or rather, her subconscious thinks, "Stalker." If you ask me, if you're thinking something clearly while you're awake, you are thinking it consciously, not subconsciously. But I didn't raise the red flag until the next page, when "My subconscious is figuratively tutting and glaring at me over her half-moon specs."
If that happens much more, I am quitting.
I suspect that it will happen much more. I hear there is also an inner goddess.
As a reward when I'm done, maybe I will make a print of the cover of Fifty Shades of Chicken for the kitchen.
(For what it's worth, the scene in the hardware store where he buys kinky supplies and she thinks he's doing home reno DIY was funny.)
.
*and by watching The Raven, in which, following the recent Hollywood trend of transforming 19th century literary and political figures into action heroes, Edward Norton John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe helps a Baltimore constable catch a serial killer whose murders mimic Poe's short stories. Ugh, it was even worse than I was braced for. Especially after the opening few shots promised beautiful cinematography. I was all set to request it for festivids and invite the vidder to trick everyone into thinking the movie was good.
**For facepalming on that last name choice and for general amusement, see http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/tag/fifty_shades_of_drinking, earliest post
ETA: part two of the review here
My expectations are basically that Fifty Shades will be shoddily written, the relationship will be unhealthy in that it borders on abuse instead of consent (and therefore it will make me itch to point those mainstream readers to dozens of fics and Kink Bingo metas and whatnot that show and/or explain what safe and hot dom/sub relationships can look like), the sex will eventually be constant and the prose flowery... and that there will be something appealing about some aspect of it, because it has appealed to thousands of women.
.
So, okay, I'm four chapters in and the text hasn't thrust me out yet. So to speak. The prose is best read at a skim, the dialogue's often as vapid as watching kids put on an ad libbed play, and there are whole scenes that should have been cut, but it's interesting to study the signs of transition from fanfic to novel.
My biggest issues so far are that the relationship took off way too quickly and again with no foundation or reality to it, and that the hero is already flashing danger signs that the heroine alternately misses or chooses to ignore.
Christian has far more money and power than Ana; he's a world-class businessman and she's a college senior; he is, to hear her tell it, obscenely attractive, while she's ordinary; and he's older (although this reader wishes he were middle-aged rather than 26 or 29 or whatever). Her attraction to him is understandable enough, although as with Twilight it would be nice if the initial rush of a crush were later substantiated with the guy's actual personality traits etc. But what does he see that's special in Mary Sue? Now, the story could absolutely have been written wherein she piques his interest, especially as it is a fantasy of a day-to-day woman getting a dream guy. Maybe she can hold up her end of the conversation. Maybe she's one of the only people who stands up to him amid a sea of lackeys. Maybe she reminds him of someone. Maybe he wants to "slum it" for a lark. Many more options. But no. We get only a few hints of a reason during their introductory conversation-she asks more interesting questions than the script she's given-and then, poof, he's smitten and following her places. You know, while telling her he's too dangerous and the wrong man for her because he's a vampire.
It's disappointing. Like many, I know what it's like to want to be found interesting by someone I find interesting. Like many, I know what it's like to feel the push-pull of attraction and fear/naïveté that Ana feels. Like many, I know what it's like to nurse a powerful crush and wonder if or why the object of it will return the sentiment. But to make the realization of that fantasy satisfying-for me, at least-you have to take your time in the setup. And EL James blew it.
(Plotwise, I also stalled on the first few pages. Ana meets Christian because her newspaper editor roommate gets the flu and needs someone to interview him for her because he's so hard to schedule. The hell? You send your English major roommate instead of one of your fellow reporters? And you don't give her any background on the guy or advise her on how to conduct an interview? And you don't contact him to alert him of the change? Ugh ugh ugh, the way the interview "concluded" makes my head hurt.)
But okay, anyway, since we don't get enough insight into what this man sees in this girl, we are left mostly to conclude that he likes how vulnerable she is. His behavior screams predator. He sees her blush, stammer, and trip around him; says she seems nervous around men; takes advantage of the fact that she's out of her element; follows her to her home city and finds out where she works; asks her probing questions about her (lack of) connections nearby, the fact that none of the guys in her life are her boyfriend, and her lack of plans after graduation; and traces her cell phone when she calls him because he apparently thinks she needs to be rescued from being drunk. We've at least gone a step up from Twilight in that the roommate says he's creepy and too much for her and because one time Ana thinks, "Stalker"... but then she says she doesn't mind because it's him. So.
Or rather, her subconscious thinks, "Stalker." If you ask me, if you're thinking something clearly while you're awake, you are thinking it consciously, not subconsciously. But I didn't raise the red flag until the next page, when "My subconscious is figuratively tutting and glaring at me over her half-moon specs."
If that happens much more, I am quitting.
I suspect that it will happen much more. I hear there is also an inner goddess.
As a reward when I'm done, maybe I will make a print of the cover of Fifty Shades of Chicken for the kitchen.
(For what it's worth, the scene in the hardware store where he buys kinky supplies and she thinks he's doing home reno DIY was funny.)
.
*and by watching The Raven, in which, following the recent Hollywood trend of transforming 19th century literary and political figures into action heroes, Edward Norton John Cusack as Edgar Allan Poe helps a Baltimore constable catch a serial killer whose murders mimic Poe's short stories. Ugh, it was even worse than I was braced for. Especially after the opening few shots promised beautiful cinematography. I was all set to request it for festivids and invite the vidder to trick everyone into thinking the movie was good.
**For facepalming on that last name choice and for general amusement, see http://sabinetzin.dreamwidth.org/tag/fifty_shades_of_drinking, earliest post
ETA: part two of the review here