"I've wanted you since you fell into my office."
Through Chapter 14/page 250 (the halfway mark); or, In which Christian makes a proposal and Ana makes a choice.
( First post about the book here)
I don't know what to think anymore.
The writing is still terrible:
Dear EL James:
subconscious ≠ conscience
necrophilia ≠ somnophilia*
rotating ≠ circling**
*As in: "We didn't-?" / "Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive."
**As in: "slowly he inserts his thumb inside me, rotating it around and around, stroking the front wall of my vagina." That requires what we call a robot wrist.
Also: You can't grin and bite your lip at the same time. You can't have your eyes fly wide open as you blink rapidly. You can't simultaneously pull out your earbuds and freeze.
"Oh my," "holy shit," "oh shit," "holy fuck." This book is like the world's worst villanelle. George Takei is now voicing all the oh mys in my head; once my brain made the connection, I couldn't un-hear him. …This means George Takei is joining us every three pages.
There is constant blushing and lip biting on Ana's part and gasping from both of them.
Characterization is inconsistent and/or Christian Grey has a mood disorder. More on that later.
So many LOLWTF moments:
There's still no substantial justification for their relationship:
"Then why me? I really don't understand."
"Anastasia, I've told you. There's something about you. I can't leave you alone."
The anthropomorphized subconscious and inner goddess continue to baffle this reader and undermine the rest of the story by being so ridiculous. Just a few for reference:
I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious-she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his.
My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.
My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word "ho."
My subconscious glares at me, wagging her long, skinny finger, then morphs into the scales of justice to remind me he could sue if I disclose too much.
And there are many moments of ew:
But here's the thing. There is INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT.
Like the occasional legitimate LOL:
It's a beautiful May morning, Seattle at my feet. Wow, what a view. Christian Grey is fast asleep. Wow, what a view.
Like moments of effective sexiness (IMO):
"I like this harness." (When Christian straps Ana into a helicopter seat, before she learns what he's thinking about.)
Sudden elevator kiss with body pressure against the wall.
When Christian asks permission for each thrust the first time they have sex: "More?" "Yes." "Again?" "Yes."
"He gently pulls my pigtail. 'I love these,' he whispers. '[But] they won't protect you.'"
The idea of now-no-longer-a-virgin-sexcapades as "basic training."
Like how Christian (briefly, sigh) backs away from the rule-setting and consent-seeking when he finds out exactly how inexperienced Ana is.
I have, BTW, added 15 years to Christian's age because it better suits my tastes and his comportment. Which, whoops, keeps throwing me off because I'm like, oh God, your father is going to freak out when he meets your new boyfriend because he's so much older than y-oh wait, no he's not.
Speaking of Christian Grey. Random Darfur reference in Chapter 5. Shady business dealings? No, second Darfur reference a few chapters later, combine with his hangups about not wasting food, reach conclusion: humanitarian aid. Page 237: Ana finally makes the connection when Christian discusses hunger and a global hunger-eradication mission he's been working on. ANA HAS APPARENTLY STILL NOT GOOGLED CHRISTIAN GREY.
All right, so then there was the first sex scene.
I have feelings about first-time sex scenes in fic. (As in, the first time one of the characters has had sex.) There is a mix of sexiness, nervousness, realism, sense of discovery and eventual satisfaction that I like best in such a scene. (When it's a consensual act, that is.) Less with the spoofing, everything-goes-wrong type, and less with the overwrought "after my maidenhead was breached, the most wonderful ache began to build deep inside my most private blah blah" stuff. This scene... did not do well.- Virgin shaming, awesome. "I just don't understand. You're twenty-one, nearly twenty-two. […] How have you avoided sex? Tell me, please." DEAR AMERICA, NOT EVERYONE [WHO WENT TO COLLEGE] HAS HAD SEX BY THE END OF COLLEGE.
- Aaaand, apparently they don't care about STDs.
- He thrusts in all at once without stretching her beyond one finger. After saying he was going to make an exception and "make love" instead of "fuck" on account of Ana being a virgin.
- This does not detract from her enjoyment of the night.
- He goes slow for the second round.
- More disappointment from a reality check perspective: She comes three times, easily, once while only having her breasts touched.
- See above re: Christian has a robot hand.
+/- At least there is only one "my sex." The flowery language is instead in the exaggerated arousal and climaxing. Then all the usual long-fingered, long-legged, apex of my thighs, etc. etc., coming-on-command glory.
+ This is the only example I can recall where someone else describes early-experience penetration as feeling like a pinch.
I had to go re-read the third part of "Bend It" (Arthur/Eames gymnast AU) afterward; one of my favorite first-time sex scenes in fic.
As for the arrangement being negotiated between them, I can't seem to get a grasp on it yet, but I think it's maybe not as bad as I'd feared. It doesn't help that Ana's opinions on the situation change every two paragraphs and Christian can't hold onto the same mood for more than a few lines of conversation.
Not good: There's kink shaming/boundary policing in the portrayal of Ana's discovery of Christian's sexual preferences. He likes dominance, bondage and whips, but like any "sane person," he wants nothing to do with electricity play, breathplay, piercing, gynecological instruments or watersports.
Good: The contract he sends her is thorough, however embarrassing it is to read. Could be a lot worse way to introduce mainstream readers to dom/sub lifestyle and BDSM. Still, would rather Ana better know herself and Christian before agreeing to submit to him totally for three months.
Not Good: Appendix 3 (Soft Limits). Checking yes or no to a list of kinks is not a fair arrangement in this particular case. You can't ask Ana to define her likes and dislikes and plan to stick with that for three months when she hasn't tried anything on the list. Also, it doesn't seem like a bright idea to put "other" on a limits checklist. Twice.
Good: Ana replies to the proposed contract with thoroughness and a healthy dose of hesitance/skepticism/push-back.
Not Good: I just, I don't get the impression that Ana's curious about bondage, pain or submission. She's going along with it because she wants Christian. That is sad.
Teachable Moment: 'I feel a familiar faint stab of envy. Kate has found herself a normal man, and she looks so happy.' Ana, the word you're looking for is not "normal," it's "compatible."
Not Good: "God, I'd like to give you a good hiding. You'd feel a lot better, and so would I." How the hell do you know she'd feel better?! You barely know her. She's never tried it.
Okay, I'm going to quote a lot now, because it was like watching a tennis match for a couple of chapters trying to figure out if this negotiation was being depicted responsibly.
Good: "Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust," he continues. "If you don't trust me-trust me to know how I'm affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you-if you can't be honest with me, then we really can't do this." YES. Thank you for finally making this point. So, obviously what you need to do before finalizing and signing a three-month contract is to get to know each other better and earn that trust.
Two lines later: "So it's quite simple, Anastasia. Do you trust me or not?" UGH. YOU DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER.
Good or Not Good? "Did you have similar discussions with, um… the [other] fifteen [women with whom you've done this]?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because they were all established submissives. They knew what they wanted out of a relationship with me and generally what I expected. With them, it was just a question of fine-tuning the soft limits, details like that."
Ana is not an established submissive. She doesn't know if she's at all a submissive. You can't enter into a three-month contract with defined limits, hard or soft, with someone who's never tried anything before and expect it to end well if this is supposed to at all reflect the real world. Why can't you just carry on with a less structured experimental period first and draft a contract once you have a better sense of each other and Ana's desires? I don't get it. I don't get whether this exchange is supposed to be showing that Christian is being responsible because he knows Ana needs to have a more in-depth conversation or if it's supposed to make us want to smack him because he's taking an arrangement that worked with experienced women and trying to foist it on someone totally naïve because it's something he wants.
Along the same lines (this power & knowledge imbalance): "It's a calculated guess based on years of experience. I'm right, aren't I?"
I flush and stare down at my hands. That's what I'm hindered by in this game of seduction. He's the only one who knows and understands the rules. I'm just too naïve and inexperienced. My only sphere of reference is Kate, and she doesn't take any shit from men. My other references are all fictional…
How will this lead to informed consent?
Good: Ana rightfully leaves dinner after talking through her desired contract revisions to think everything over, and she doesn't know what she wants to do. She seems fairly self-aware.
'What if I do say yes, and in three months' time he says no, he's had enough of trying to mold me into something I'm not? How will I feel? I'll have emotionally invested three months, doing things I'm not sure I want to do. And if he then says no, agreement over, how could I cope with that level of rejection? Perhaps it's best to back away now…'
Good or Not Good? "I could make you stay," he threatens.
"Yes, you could easily, but I don't want you to."
[…] "You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all 'yes, sir,' 'no, sir.' I thought you were a natural-born submissive. But quite frankly, Anastasia, I'm not sure you have a submissive bone in your delectable body." […]
"You may be right," I breathe.
"I want the chance to explore the possibility that you do," he murmurs […] "I don't know any other way, Anastasia. This is who I am."
…I just don't know. I may not know until the whole book is over.
For now, their relationship seems summed up in this cute little exchange:
"You don't know much," he murmurs.
"You know all the wrong things."
Also:
"If I do this thing… will he be my boyfriend? Go out to bars, the cinema, bowling even, with him?" No, Ana. He will not. And that's not because he likes dominance; it's because he is a billionaire and you are a college student.
IN CONCLUSION
This is going to go one of two ways: Ana will learn she loves being submissive and masochistic, exploding inner goddess climaxes everywhere; or, as friends have hinted will occur, she'll tolerate Christian's whims until she convinces him to be "normal" and "vanilla" and to make love instead of "fuck… hard," to have a relationship instead of a sex contract, to teach him to accept affection, the poor wounded soul. An interesting third path would have been if they tried it and she didn't like it and he didn't care to be anything other than what he is and that was that, failed mistress #16; Ana then goes on with her life understanding more about herself and what she wants, and she applies that to future partners, should she seek future partners. Something tells me that is not the story we are in for.
...Something tells me future updates won't be this in-depth.
ETA: part three (of three) here
( First post about the book here)
I don't know what to think anymore.
The writing is still terrible:
Dear EL James:
subconscious ≠ conscience
necrophilia ≠ somnophilia*
rotating ≠ circling**
*As in: "We didn't-?" / "Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive."
**As in: "slowly he inserts his thumb inside me, rotating it around and around, stroking the front wall of my vagina." That requires what we call a robot wrist.
Also: You can't grin and bite your lip at the same time. You can't have your eyes fly wide open as you blink rapidly. You can't simultaneously pull out your earbuds and freeze.
"Oh my," "holy shit," "oh shit," "holy fuck." This book is like the world's worst villanelle. George Takei is now voicing all the oh mys in my head; once my brain made the connection, I couldn't un-hear him. …This means George Takei is joining us every three pages.
There is constant blushing and lip biting on Ana's part and gasping from both of them.
Characterization is inconsistent and/or Christian Grey has a mood disorder. More on that later.
So many LOLWTF moments:
- "You're very beautiful, Anastasia Steele. I can't wait to be inside you."
Holy shit. His words. He's so seductive. - Amy Studt is singing in my ear about misfits. This song used to mean so much to me; that's because I'm a misfit.
- My lips are parted to accommodate my breathing…
- "The Submissive shall not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit."
- Christian Grey emails his kink mistress from his work account and uses a CEO signature line.
There's still no substantial justification for their relationship:
"Then why me? I really don't understand."
"Anastasia, I've told you. There's something about you. I can't leave you alone."
The anthropomorphized subconscious and inner goddess continue to baffle this reader and undermine the rest of the story by being so ridiculous. Just a few for reference:
I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious-she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his.
My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.
My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word "ho."
My subconscious glares at me, wagging her long, skinny finger, then morphs into the scales of justice to remind me he could sue if I disclose too much.
And there are many moments of ew:
- She likes his sweat and compares it to a margarita
- He sits naked on a piano bench (I have a thing about sitting naked on furniture, whatever)… and half a scene after Ana says this, she "notices" that actually he's wearing pajama pants. ?
- Christian's controlling behavior-he doesn't want her talking to anyone but him about sex or their relationship
- Ugh, it's not good enough consent if she signs a submission contract without knowing what her limits are or needs will be
But here's the thing. There is INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT.
Like the occasional legitimate LOL:
It's a beautiful May morning, Seattle at my feet. Wow, what a view. Christian Grey is fast asleep. Wow, what a view.
Like moments of effective sexiness (IMO):
"I like this harness." (When Christian straps Ana into a helicopter seat, before she learns what he's thinking about.)
Sudden elevator kiss with body pressure against the wall.
When Christian asks permission for each thrust the first time they have sex: "More?" "Yes." "Again?" "Yes."
"He gently pulls my pigtail. 'I love these,' he whispers. '[But] they won't protect you.'"
The idea of now-no-longer-a-virgin-sexcapades as "basic training."
Like how Christian (briefly, sigh) backs away from the rule-setting and consent-seeking when he finds out exactly how inexperienced Ana is.
I have, BTW, added 15 years to Christian's age because it better suits my tastes and his comportment. Which, whoops, keeps throwing me off because I'm like, oh God, your father is going to freak out when he meets your new boyfriend because he's so much older than y-oh wait, no he's not.
Speaking of Christian Grey. Random Darfur reference in Chapter 5. Shady business dealings? No, second Darfur reference a few chapters later, combine with his hangups about not wasting food, reach conclusion: humanitarian aid. Page 237: Ana finally makes the connection when Christian discusses hunger and a global hunger-eradication mission he's been working on. ANA HAS APPARENTLY STILL NOT GOOGLED CHRISTIAN GREY.
All right, so then there was the first sex scene.
I have feelings about first-time sex scenes in fic. (As in, the first time one of the characters has had sex.) There is a mix of sexiness, nervousness, realism, sense of discovery and eventual satisfaction that I like best in such a scene. (When it's a consensual act, that is.) Less with the spoofing, everything-goes-wrong type, and less with the overwrought "after my maidenhead was breached, the most wonderful ache began to build deep inside my most private blah blah" stuff. This scene... did not do well.- Virgin shaming, awesome. "I just don't understand. You're twenty-one, nearly twenty-two. […] How have you avoided sex? Tell me, please." DEAR AMERICA, NOT EVERYONE [WHO WENT TO COLLEGE] HAS HAD SEX BY THE END OF COLLEGE.
- Aaaand, apparently they don't care about STDs.
- He thrusts in all at once without stretching her beyond one finger. After saying he was going to make an exception and "make love" instead of "fuck" on account of Ana being a virgin.
- This does not detract from her enjoyment of the night.
- He goes slow for the second round.
- More disappointment from a reality check perspective: She comes three times, easily, once while only having her breasts touched.
- See above re: Christian has a robot hand.
+/- At least there is only one "my sex." The flowery language is instead in the exaggerated arousal and climaxing. Then all the usual long-fingered, long-legged, apex of my thighs, etc. etc., coming-on-command glory.
+ This is the only example I can recall where someone else describes early-experience penetration as feeling like a pinch.
I had to go re-read the third part of "Bend It" (Arthur/Eames gymnast AU) afterward; one of my favorite first-time sex scenes in fic.
As for the arrangement being negotiated between them, I can't seem to get a grasp on it yet, but I think it's maybe not as bad as I'd feared. It doesn't help that Ana's opinions on the situation change every two paragraphs and Christian can't hold onto the same mood for more than a few lines of conversation.
Not good: There's kink shaming/boundary policing in the portrayal of Ana's discovery of Christian's sexual preferences. He likes dominance, bondage and whips, but like any "sane person," he wants nothing to do with electricity play, breathplay, piercing, gynecological instruments or watersports.
Good: The contract he sends her is thorough, however embarrassing it is to read. Could be a lot worse way to introduce mainstream readers to dom/sub lifestyle and BDSM. Still, would rather Ana better know herself and Christian before agreeing to submit to him totally for three months.
Not Good: Appendix 3 (Soft Limits). Checking yes or no to a list of kinks is not a fair arrangement in this particular case. You can't ask Ana to define her likes and dislikes and plan to stick with that for three months when she hasn't tried anything on the list. Also, it doesn't seem like a bright idea to put "other" on a limits checklist. Twice.
Good: Ana replies to the proposed contract with thoroughness and a healthy dose of hesitance/skepticism/push-back.
Not Good: I just, I don't get the impression that Ana's curious about bondage, pain or submission. She's going along with it because she wants Christian. That is sad.
Teachable Moment: 'I feel a familiar faint stab of envy. Kate has found herself a normal man, and she looks so happy.' Ana, the word you're looking for is not "normal," it's "compatible."
Not Good: "God, I'd like to give you a good hiding. You'd feel a lot better, and so would I." How the hell do you know she'd feel better?! You barely know her. She's never tried it.
Okay, I'm going to quote a lot now, because it was like watching a tennis match for a couple of chapters trying to figure out if this negotiation was being depicted responsibly.
Good: "Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust," he continues. "If you don't trust me-trust me to know how I'm affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you-if you can't be honest with me, then we really can't do this." YES. Thank you for finally making this point. So, obviously what you need to do before finalizing and signing a three-month contract is to get to know each other better and earn that trust.
Two lines later: "So it's quite simple, Anastasia. Do you trust me or not?" UGH. YOU DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER.
Good or Not Good? "Did you have similar discussions with, um… the [other] fifteen [women with whom you've done this]?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because they were all established submissives. They knew what they wanted out of a relationship with me and generally what I expected. With them, it was just a question of fine-tuning the soft limits, details like that."
Ana is not an established submissive. She doesn't know if she's at all a submissive. You can't enter into a three-month contract with defined limits, hard or soft, with someone who's never tried anything before and expect it to end well if this is supposed to at all reflect the real world. Why can't you just carry on with a less structured experimental period first and draft a contract once you have a better sense of each other and Ana's desires? I don't get it. I don't get whether this exchange is supposed to be showing that Christian is being responsible because he knows Ana needs to have a more in-depth conversation or if it's supposed to make us want to smack him because he's taking an arrangement that worked with experienced women and trying to foist it on someone totally naïve because it's something he wants.
Along the same lines (this power & knowledge imbalance): "It's a calculated guess based on years of experience. I'm right, aren't I?"
I flush and stare down at my hands. That's what I'm hindered by in this game of seduction. He's the only one who knows and understands the rules. I'm just too naïve and inexperienced. My only sphere of reference is Kate, and she doesn't take any shit from men. My other references are all fictional…
How will this lead to informed consent?
Good: Ana rightfully leaves dinner after talking through her desired contract revisions to think everything over, and she doesn't know what she wants to do. She seems fairly self-aware.
'What if I do say yes, and in three months' time he says no, he's had enough of trying to mold me into something I'm not? How will I feel? I'll have emotionally invested three months, doing things I'm not sure I want to do. And if he then says no, agreement over, how could I cope with that level of rejection? Perhaps it's best to back away now…'
Good or Not Good? "I could make you stay," he threatens.
"Yes, you could easily, but I don't want you to."
[…] "You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all 'yes, sir,' 'no, sir.' I thought you were a natural-born submissive. But quite frankly, Anastasia, I'm not sure you have a submissive bone in your delectable body." […]
"You may be right," I breathe.
"I want the chance to explore the possibility that you do," he murmurs […] "I don't know any other way, Anastasia. This is who I am."
…I just don't know. I may not know until the whole book is over.
For now, their relationship seems summed up in this cute little exchange:
"You don't know much," he murmurs.
"You know all the wrong things."
Also:
"If I do this thing… will he be my boyfriend? Go out to bars, the cinema, bowling even, with him?" No, Ana. He will not. And that's not because he likes dominance; it's because he is a billionaire and you are a college student.
IN CONCLUSION
This is going to go one of two ways: Ana will learn she loves being submissive and masochistic, exploding inner goddess climaxes everywhere; or, as friends have hinted will occur, she'll tolerate Christian's whims until she convinces him to be "normal" and "vanilla" and to make love instead of "fuck… hard," to have a relationship instead of a sex contract, to teach him to accept affection, the poor wounded soul. An interesting third path would have been if they tried it and she didn't like it and he didn't care to be anything other than what he is and that was that, failed mistress #16; Ana then goes on with her life understanding more about herself and what she wants, and she applies that to future partners, should she seek future partners. Something tells me that is not the story we are in for.
...Something tells me future updates won't be this in-depth.
ETA: part three (of three) here