i'm scared that he's going to hurt me, but i can't tell her yet, because i feel like i'm being selfish by telling her that i want her to get rid of what she loves most.
I'm afraid of admitting that he's hurting me more than he's helping me. I'm afraid of the possibility, I'm afraid of letting anyone else know about my problems, but I don't know how to talk to him the way I used to, or maybe I never knew and just imagined it, but I know I love him and I know I need him. I just wish he would let me know he actively cares. I wish I didn't have to cry to get his attention. I wish he'd ask me how I'm feeling sometimes or continue a conversation from the night before. I wish he'd take some extra time for me like I do for him. I wish I weren't so jealous, I wish I could figure out how to stop myself, I wish I could help myself without hurting myself. I wish I could live life for me, I wish I could make myself happy. I don't know when I became so startlingly codependent. I don't know how to remedy it. I don't know what to do.
i broke my boyfriends heart and im now putting it back together, but the worst thing is thinking about how i went around breaking it to begin with. im just glad we have eachother now. he may never realize how wonderful he is. but i sure do.
i am severely, seriously bulimic and it is destroying my life, which on the surface is impressively in order. i am fairly sure i am bipolar. my family is an enormous fucking mess. for the past two months i have been battling suicidal thoughts; i'm afraid to get behind the wheel of my car because all i can think about is driving it into a tree, even though i know that's dumb and i never will. i just want someone to take care of me but i'm so good at faking like the strong, smart one that i wouldn't even know how to begin admitting how weak i actually am.
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