Some days the question becomes how to protect myself from the overwhelming sadness that comes suddenly. Days go by and then without warning it strikes. Tears well up in my eyes before my mind can comprehend their reason for existence and once those neurons catch up the heaviness settles in my chest. I miss you more than I thought I would. The ( Read more... )

I went driving today. Driving down winding roads, past little homes that had been demolished and replaced by larger ones that barely fit on their plots. The street signs were familiar, and that was about it. I wound my way to a place I had once called home, drove up and down the block 3 times. The neighbors were different now, more children ( Read more... )

It appears as though I can't help but search for a stand in, rather than approach others with an openmind. At times I'm proud to know just what I want, and at others I realize that I will never find anyone who meets standards so high. I'll never be brave enough to find the words to tell you that I can't move forward because of you. I'll never be ( Read more... )

Evening finds me, pinks and purples fading towards the familiar navy of night as miles of road stretch out before me. The lights of Hartford fade into blackness until Springfield and then it's darkness all the way home. My brights lick at the reflectors on either side. Hours of dark, wrapped up in all the sad songs I can find. Singing along as ( Read more... )

you are something different than everything i've ever tried before and i can't help but wonder if i'm digging my own grave these days. i've spent so much time convincing myself that i love my solitude that it's difficult to let go of it. it's difficult for me to risk this slide into something like an us or a we. so perhaps we're best staying ( Read more... )

I had a dream last night ( Read more... )

I used to write until I felt ( Read more... )

I woke up hysterically crying this morning.... it felt pretty fucking strange.. waking up fucking crying. I dreamt I was dying of cancer... I was stuck in this stadium sized theater and there was this really bitchy lady (okay.. she was the really fat judge from Iron Chef America).. and she kept giving me shit.. and we were putting together a ( Read more... )

Brain stops dead. These are your nerves, give us a call when you're up for confronting us.
Lungs convulse. This is your blood, I know you asked not to be bothered but...
Screening calls.
Beep This is...
Beep This is...
Beep Howdy...
Delete.
My fingers find the button automatically
no need to
think
about it anymore.
Just a few more minutes alone
with
the ( Read more... )

I hate everyone and everything.. I'm so sick of life being sad that it's disgusting... I just want to vomit this all out and be done with it.. i want to drink until it doesn't hurt anymore.. until it doesn't feel anymore.. until i don't miss anyone or anything because i've forgotten what it is that they mean... i hate feeling like this...