CRITICS NEEDED!!

[blondejesuschik]

EVERYONE MUST READ THIS!!

This is my first draft for a "voice of democracy" essay contest my mom entered me in. She wants me to win a scholarship...lol...shes totally convinced that im going to. Which kinda sux, cuz it puts SO much pressure on me.

But anyhow. I wrote this in about 20 min last week, and haven't looked at it again since. But yeh, im

Comments

[radishmatriarch]

I like it! A lot! I think it's really, really good.

[blondejesuschik]

*blushes* thanks...any criticism?

[thefamoustiy]

Hehe... Saudi-Bashing, anyone?? :P

You make this place sound horrible. Good for you, the judges will eat it up. :P

I'll look it over once more, and have Mom look at it, too. It's nice. I'm not sure if there's too much description in it or not -- see, these judges have to read about a billion of these a day, so you need to grab them from the beginning. I'm not sure if they'll want to sit around, reading about autumn (as you, yourself said - they probably take it for granted anyway).

Are there any specific rules for this contest, regarding style/content? Or is it just "here's the theme - have at it"?

I think it's a really good essay, on the whole. *nods* especially for a first draft, written in... *looks* 20 minutes!!! :P
Keep it up. :)
Cheers,
Me!

[blondejesuschik]

Yeh its a 20 minute wonder :P but anyhow, id really appreciate ur and ur mom's input, thatd be awesome if you cud give me ur comments.

And do i really make it sound THAT bad? I guess i shud be a little nicer. =P but yeh....

"BUT I DID HAVE THIS ONE REALLY AWESOME FRIEND WHO WUD ALWAYS GO SWIMMING AND WE WOULD ALWAYS EAT SPAGHETTI!!"

Yeh that works! =)