this is bitter sweet

manipulation used to be my game... and now i have no stomach for it....
how many casualties?
i am not sure i want to know....

if i do not catch myself i might fall hard.

i am awake and i should be sleep, but things need to be moved out. oi this is a pain.
i need and want many a things right now and i fairly sure i will not get the one i desire the most...
hope today gets better

so today i must traverse the plains of concrete to reach the wellness center. i am nervous and i am not looking forward to divulging those secrets that i keep so close to heart. ughh... i hate this.

Thoughts fade in and out like lighting in an old black and white film. the cue to move on was called out ten minutes ago, but moving on just seems like it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Life speeds by without you and no one notices your tear stained cheeks, or the ghost-like frame that you have required. However fraility is not ( Read more... )

THIS JOURNAL IS FRIEND'S ONLY... LEAVE A MESSAGE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED....

i am beginning to hate him, why? he makes me feel like shit, and this is not my bf. i did not see him this week and even on the phone he makes me feel like this. he called me why he was shooting up. when he is on heroine, he is a complete asshole. i do not even feel like dealing with him. aghh!!! sometimes i just want to kick the shit out of him. ( Read more... )

i still feel bad, i stayed up most of the night, trying not to do it, i gave in, did it. finally went to bed. i woke up, didn't even want to move. i was pissed, i did it more this morning, my mom yelled at me, afraid that i was going to miss the bus, *tear* i would have really been upset about that. so i made it out, in time to spare. ughh!!!! i ( Read more... )

i am so confused. yeah he is acting weird and i am confused, but who cares, he has changed and i don't know how mush longer we will be friends but, i have no control over that, at this point i don't even think he does. ahh he keeps calling me and we say nothing. he knows i feel weird around,or he at least senses something. he plays the guitar when ( Read more... )