Im listening to "yellow" on repeat. its thanksgiving eve. the big one. the way this day lands is very....too many words... maw maws birthday. happens to land on thanksgiving this year. also the day my mom died. its hard for me not to associate thanksgiving with her... her actual day of death was november 28th. not the 26th. like this year. but she ( Read more... )

if it weren't for my friends accomplishments i wouldn't be motivated.

i have a nerve injury in my neck-back-shoulder-arm.

i want to be a teacher. i want to be a philosopher. how 2 B philosophy?
i feel people want to listen to me?
how to fable?
i am an empath. philosopher.

I remember I was eating somas and most likely drinking whiskey and smoking pot(the usual). And I started talking to the somas like they were my only friends....the somas inspired this poem. but now looking at it 9/11/15.... 7 years in the future....I was obviously covering up another kind of pain...but I remember acting out this poem... it took a ( Read more... )

http://www.playbuzz.com/shayc/what-is-your-true-personalityRead more... )

i can't help it. i want to cry. it took all of my energy in me to pretend that i love dogs in front of timmys mom. when i noticed i wasn't smiling i forcibly made one and cracked a joke or reassurance that I'm not going to hurt this animal. i feel like i just adopted a kid. his mom was cracking jokes about her peeing on the rugs and stuff and how ( Read more... )

i feel like people say they can read people. and yes it seems i may have been "wrong" about someone. but i don't know how many people would stick around with murderers knowing they are good people just troubled... maybe people who think they read people well... just give up easily. like don't have trouble distinguishing what they know and what they ( Read more... )

Its weird how much the human eye doesn't see ( Read more... )

everyone is so fake and everything is dying. i don't want anything from anyone. everything feels so painful. as much as anyone says that they understand, it all goes back to being alone, dying alone. i don't want to feel ( Read more... )

forgiveness doesn't just come out of nowhere ( Read more... )

It's so weird that drug addiction is real. I can't believe I never thought I had it.... man, it's so weird that I had it for 10 years...still have it, always will. Amazing how blind you can be. I had fun for a long time. I don't want it to go away but it is... fucking growing up. Forcing me to not be a drug addict. Things can't stay the same ( Read more... )