super junior, various, his favorite {(1/6)}
Title: His Favorite (1/6)
Fandom: Super Junior
Main Pairings: Kangin/Sungmin, Siwon/Sungmin
Minor Pairings: Sungmin/OCs, Kangin/OCs, Kangin/Yesung, Kangin/Yoon-ji, Kangin/Yoon-ji/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Adult Content (character death, disturbing themes, dubious consent, strong sexual content, swearing, extreme violence)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance
Word Count: 9,227 (43,360 in total)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with SM Entertainment or Super Junior. This is all just for fun.
Summary: Because people like us don't get a happy ending.
Author's Note: Please, please, please heed the fic warnings.
Written for yinhyuk. <3
8 years
His parents are worried.
His mom smiles as she scurries around while making sure the house is immaculate in every way possible, but Sungmin still notices how her hands shake as she cleans, cooks and then cleans some more. He catches the many concerned glances she sends the dainty gold watch strapped around her delicate wrist, as if it's slowly counting down to her doom.
When the evening finally draws near, her trembling becomes so bad that she has to apply her makeup more than once. Anxious and irritated, she'll groan low in the back of her throat as her lipstick smears and her eyeliner is smudged by an uncontrollable wrench of her small hand. Meanwhile, a confused, but worried Sungmin watches quietly as she struggles with something she would normally have no trouble doing.
Like his mom, his dad is a nervous wreck too. His dad is dressed in the nicest looking suit Sungmin has ever seen and while there are absolutely no visible lines or creases, his dad fiddles with his tie and smoothes his hands down the expensive material more than once. When he notices Sungmin staring, the older man forces a smile and says, "it's a very big day for us, kiddo," before affectionately ruffling Sungmin's short hair.
It really is. His dad's boss is coming over for dinner.
At the time, Sungmin is still far too young to understand why his parents are making such a big deal out of everything. To him it's just dinner; it's something they have every night and thus really not that special at all. Besides, his mom is a really good cook, so Sungmin knows she'll be able to impress the people she needs to impress.
A few years down the line, though, Sungmin will realize it was this evening that set everything into motion.
A little while before his parents' very important guests arrive, Sungmin is sent upstairs with firm instructions to remain in his bedroom for the rest of the evening. Having always been an obedient little boy, Sungmin really does plan to follow his parents' commands. However, when he hears the ringing of the doorbell reverberate throughout the house, Sungmin begins to feel the smallest hint of curiosity.
It's not long before that hint gets the better of him. When the pleasing sound of light laughter, which he's learned almost always accompanies polite conversation, drifts up to his bedroom, Sungmin can no longer resist the urge to take a peek.
Keeping as quiet as he possibly can, Sungmin slowly pushes his bedroom door open. Holding his breath, Sungmin hopes it will stop the door from creaking like it usually does. It doesn't and Sungmin winces when the door squeals embarrassingly loudly, but thankfully the conversation going on down below blocks the noise he's making.
Painfully carefully, Sungmin lowers himself onto his stomach and shuffles forward towards the staircase's banister. It's quickly become something of a game, a secret mission like in those movies about spies, and Sungmin bites his lip to keep himself from giggling from excitement.
Wrapping his small hands around the wooden railing, Sungmin pulls himself forward so he can peek down at the floor below. The man Sungmin will only ever know as Mr. Kim is an imposing man. He's broad shouldered and mean faced. He's someone Sungmin is instinctively afraid of. It makes Sungmin a little uneasy, knowing his dad is working for someone who looks so frightening.
In stark contrast, his wife in her fine looking dress and terribly expensive jewels that shine brightly when the light falls on them, is probably the prettiest woman Sungmin has ever seen. When she laughs, her head thrown back and her creamy neck exposed, Sungmin smiles and feels a little happier himself.
However, Sungmin quickly loses all interest in the two adults when he notices the young man standing politely off to the side. The boy, or young man, can't be very old. He's still dressed in his school uniform. The dark material and high collar give the young man a sophisticated look, and Sungmin remembers all the stories his mom has told him over the years. Stories about dashing heroes with kind eyes and charming smiles.
Sungmin wants to believe all those dashing heroes in all the different stories he's been told look exactly like the young man standing down below.
The young man eventually looks up, as if he can feel eyes on him, and Sungmin has to slap his hand over his mouth before he can give his position away to the rest with an embarrassingly high pitched yelp. Sungmin expects the young man to tell on him, to reveal that he's spying, but the young man only smiles and instead turns to Sungmin's mother to compliment her on her lovely home.
Knowing he's been given a chance to sneak off again before he can land himself in trouble, Sungmin hurries back to his bedroom without any kind of backwards glance.
The rest of the evening remains uneventful for the most part. Sungmin keeps himself busy with various activities while the adults down below mingle and speak about things Sungmin won't be able to understand. While drawing in his coloring book, or stacking up his Lego to create all sorts of things, Sungmin even manages to somewhat forget about the handsome young man. It only changes near the end, when he looks up and finds that teenage boy standing in his doorway.
Sungmin would normally be startled, maybe a little afraid, but the man is smiling at Sungmin, looking as friendly as he did earlier and steps inside the room. It's hard not to feel relaxed around him.
"What are you doing?" He asks. His voice is a little husky, but gentle.
"Drawing." Sungmin replies with a shrug. He isn't sure why anyone else would be interested in his activities.
"Oh. May I see?" The floorboards creak beneath his weight as he steps into the room. He comes to kneel before Sungmin and holds out his hand expectantly.
Sungmin hesitates before handing the picture over. He's never been very good at drawing. His mom likes to put his pictures on the fridge, but Sungmin knows that she only does so because he's her oldest son and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Anyone else would probably throw his drawings into the trash without a second thought. Like Sungmin's mom, however, the young man chooses not to comment on how terrible Sungmin's stick figures are and smiles instead.
"What's your name?"
"Sungmin."
"I'm Youngwoon." Youngwoon replies. He flips the piece of paper over and grabs one of the crayons and says, "you can call me hyung," as he begins drawing a picture of his own.
"How old are you?" Sungmin asks. It's rude and both his parents would be horrified, but Youngwoon only chuckles before he says, "eighteen."
Youngwoon spends a few more minutes with Sungmin, even finishing his sketch. It's a rough sketch of a bird; much better than anything Sungmin could have come up with and when Youngwoon hands it over, Sungmin smiles, charmed by the older boy. Youngwoon is nice.
They're interrupted when Sungmin's dad shows up. He looks a little nervous as he bows and says Youngwoon's parents are waiting for him downstairs. Sungmin has to wonder why his dad is bowing to someone so much younger than him. His thoughts are interrupted, however, when Youngwoon pats his head affectionately before leaving. When his dad is sure they're alone, he kneels next to Sungmin, looks at the picture and says, "that's Kim Youngwoon, son. One day he's going to be my boss... one day's he's going to be yours."
=+=
It takes a year for Sungmin to hear the name Youngwoon again.
He's in the living room, watching cartoons with Sungjin while their mom knits quietly. She's humming to herself as she does so. Sungmin loves the sound of her voice, just loud enough to be heard over the fake explosions and other odd sounds going on in the cartoon they're watching. It always, without fail, makes him feel a little safer.
The peace is spoiled when his dad bursts into the house. He's so excited, so wild and full of life, that he forgets to take his shoes off at the front door and Sungmin giggles inwardly because that's going to land him in trouble. His mom hates it when they don't take their shoes off.
Except she doesn't give his dad an exasperated look like Sungmin expects her to. Instead she stares, wide eyed, as his dad pulls her to her feet and says, "He's done it! Youngwoon's done it!"
The cartoon playing on the television turn into background noise. Sungmin perks up, remembering the older boy and how nice he'd been, and tries to listen in on their conversation while not looking too interested in what's going on.
Sungjin is still only babbling at the screen.
"He..." His mom's voice trails off. She touches her throat, stares up at his dad like she can't believe what he's trying to tell her.
"Yes!" His dad laughs joyously. "He's ousted his father. Youngwoon is now the head of the company!"
Sungmin isn't entirely sure what his dad means with ousted, but he's glad Youngwoon is the head of the company now. Sungmin likes Youngwoon a lot more than he liked Mr. Kim. He'll never forget how uncomfortable, how nervous, a mere glimpse of the man made him.
His mom pushes his dad away and takes a moment to think about things. She rests her knitting needles next to the ball of yarn on the couch and sends a look at Sungmin and Sungjin. Sungmin quickly looks away, hoping that she'll think he's not interested in the conversation, but she still seems uneasy and quietly asks Sungmin to take Sungjin upstairs and play with him. Sungmin thinks about complaining, but he can see by the look in her eyes that she's in no mood to take any cheek from him. He sighs, loudly, picks Sungjin up, thinks his little brother's getting too fat and heavy, and sullenly makes his way upstairs.
Sungmin makes sure Sungjin has settled down with a few toys before he tries listening in on his parents downstairs. They still haven't learned that sound travels in their little house.
"And you helped him?" He hears his mom asking.
"Of course I did. Anyone who refused... well... let's just say their contracts have been terminated."
Sungmin isn't sure what his dad means, but he's glad his dad decided to help Youngwoon-hyung.
=+=
After that day, his mom and dad begin fighting a lot.
There are too many screaming matches that inevitably end up with his dad storming out of the house and his mom locking herself in their bedroom. Sungmin can hear her crying and while he wants to comfort her, to give her a hug and tell her that he loves her, he has no idea how to do that because every time he knocks on her door or calls for her, she screams at him to leave her alone.
Sungmin does leave her alone even though he feels terrible and tries to help the one person he can - Sungjin. When the arguments begin, he'll huddle a bewildered and close to crying Sungjin into his room, put on a cassette tape and play music to his baby brother with the hopes that the cheery music will drown out the yelling from downstairs.
Getting Sungjin away from them is harder than one would think and sometimes Sungmin isn't fast enough. While they'll scream at each other, Sungjin will cry and it will make the situation worse. Calming his brother down afterwards is difficult, and while Sungmin cradles his brother close, he'll fight his own tears and feel like a failure.
A few days his dad will come home, covered in what looks like red paint (and Sungmin has to wonder why his dad would be covered in red paint) and his mom will freak out.
Sungmin hears the words, "you knew what you were getting into when you married me," more than a few times as his dad tries to wash the red paint off of his hands.
Later, when Sungmin is older, he'll realize the red on his dad's hands was never something as innocent as paint.
=+=
"I'm going to leave him." His mom tells him a few times. Her words are slurred; it's the wine she's been drinking. There are rows of empty bottles in the kitchen. She likes to put them on display because her new found love seems to annoy his dad. She'll do anything to annoy her husband.
Her eyes are red. Bloodshot from drinking and crying, and she looks absolutely dreadful. Even the makeup she puts on doesn't disguise how broken she is. The layers of foundation, lipstick and eyeliner doesn't last long enough to hide the damage married life has caused.
"I'm going to leave him and I'll take you and your brother far away." Sungmin's mom smiles through her anguish. "No court in the world would give him custody when they find out who he works for."
Sungmin is young, but he's not stupid. He knows what divorce is. More than a few kids in his class have divorced parents. He isn't sure he likes the idea of his parents being separated. What Sungmin is definitely sure of, however, is that he doesn't like the idea of never seeing his dad again.
"I'm going to leave him." She'll tells him and laughs so hard her crying starts anew.
She never does get the chance, though. She's murdered before she can even try.
=+=
It's his tenth birthday and Sungmin is pretty excited. So far the day has gone well. His parents aren't arguing; they even go so far as to smile at each other occasionally, and Sungmin can almost believe things are slowly going back to the way they used to be. Even his presents are pretty cool this year - a few toy robots and a skateboard he can't wait to show off to the neighborhood kids. And Sungjin, usually obnoxious on Sungmin's birthday because the attention isn't on him, isn't as annoying as he usually is.
All in all, it's the perfect birthday.
Or it should be.
It all goes downhill when strangers show up at their door. They're not invited in, but that doesn't seem to stop them and when they break down the door, Sungmin's mom pushes Sungjin into his arms and screams at them to hide. Sungmin is frozen; he can see his dad fighting them, and he wants to help, but he knows he'll be of no use, so when his legs can actually move again, Sungmin runs up the stairs and locks himself and a sobbing, hysterical Sungjin in his bedroom.
There isn't any real place to hide, so Sungmin does what he can and forces the two of them under his bed. He has to cover Sungjin's mouth with his hand to muffle his little brother's sobbing. He has to squeeze his eyes shut as his parents are murdered. He doesn't hear his dad anymore, but he can hear his mother screaming, begging for mercy. Instead of being spared like she pleads, her screams become louder, worse, and it's the most terrible sound Sungmin has ever heard.
Then it all goes quiet, and Sungmin's breathing feels so loud to his own ears that he has to hold his breath. Sungjin's whimpering is loud too. Even with both hands over Sungjin's mouth, it doesn't seem to be enough to stop the dreadful sounds his little brother is making.
Sungmin can hear the creaking of the floorboards as the strange men look for them. The rattling of his door's doorknob makes him jerk. He bites his lip to stop himself from squeaking; he bites it so hard he draws blood. Sungjin is gnawing on Sungmin's fingers so hard it pierces skin and those little sharp teeth bite into flesh, but Sungmin's too afraid to make a sound.
Then there's a sound of a scuffle, followed by a loud bang and then nothing. Sungmin thinks they might be safe, but when the doorknob turns again, Sungmin knows they're doomed and he failed his mom and his dad and he's a terrible son.
The door is kicked down, but instead of the strange men Sungmin has never seen stepping into the room, it's Youngwoon.
"Sungmin-ah?"
Sungmin is so surprised, so relieved, he can't stop himself from making a sound. He won't crawl out from underneath the bed, though, and Youngwoon has to kneel on all fours, smile at him and coax him out with the promise that everything is going to be okay.
Sungmin likes Youngwoon. He trusts him. When Youngwoon asks Sungmin, gently, to hand Sungjin over, he does so, albeit a little reluctantly, and watches as Sungjin screams and flails as he's handed over to one of Youngwoon's friend, a guy Sungmin has never met, but trusts because if Youngwoon trusts him then so will Sungmin. When Sungjin is taken away, Youngwoon takes Sungmin's hand and pulls him out from underneath the safety of his bed and into Youngwoon's arms.
"You're okay." Youngwoon smiles weakly as he cradles Sungmin's face in his large hands.
Sungmin's not okay. They both know that.
=+=
It's after his parents' funeral that Youngwoon tries to explain why his parents were killed.
"A rival company..." Youngwoon begins, but he sighs, giving up when he realizes Sungmin isn't really paying attention. Sungmin has been in a daze for most of the day, almost completely unaware of the things happening around him.
It's hard to focus on reality, because it hurts so much then and Sungmin doesn't think he'll survive if he has to acknowledge the pain in his heart. Instead he tries not to think about it, but it's not an easy thing to do because wherever he goes, people give him pitying looks and ask if he's going to be alright. Sungmin never bothers to answer their stupid questions.
"You and your brother won't be abandoned." Youngwoon promises and finally Sungmin looks at him. It's heartbreaking, the devastation in Sungmin's eyes, and Youngwoon puts an arm around Sungmin's shoulders, hoping it will ease the ache taking root in the little boy's soul. "I'm currently talking to my lawyers about becoming your legal guardian... would you like that?"
Sungmin and Sungjin have no other family. It's either that or be shoved into the foster care system. Sungmin nods and knows Youngwoon really is something of a hero. He's definitely Sungmin's even if he's no one else's.
With Youngwoon's arms around him, Sungmin finally sobs like the little boy he is.
=+=
13 years
Life as Kim Youngwoon's ward isn't too bad. Sungmin's enrolled into a private school, a really nice one, and sure it's a little hard making friends in the beginning, but eventually Sungmin finds his place and even begins to like the school. He and Sungjin don't live with Youngwoon, like Sungmin had hoped they would. They do live in a really nice house, one that belongs to Youngwoon, and the old lady and old man who take care of them are really very nice. They're the grandparents Sungmin thinks he and Sungjin should have had.
Youngwoon comes to visit them often, so Sungmin isn't too sad about not living with the older man. He always brings gifts; various expensive and imported candies, or other toys, but it's not the gifts that Sungmin likes the most about Youngwoon's visits. It's the look of pride in his eyes when Sungmin's grades are revealed. Youngwoon is paying for his tuition, so Sungmin feels a particular duty to being the best in his class. He feels he should do everything in his power to make Youngwoon as proud as possible.
He owes everything to Youngwoon. Sungmin will never forget that.
"Your teachers tell me you've taken up a martial arts class for your extracurricular activity." Youngwoon says one day when he comes to visit.
"Yes." Sungmin blushes a little when he finds Youngwoon smiling at him. He's realized, quite a while ago, that he likes it when Youngwoon smiles. He likes the way the older man's eyes narrow into adorable slits, the way his whole face just lights up.
Sungmin has heard the girls in his class talk about having crushes, and wonders if this is what they mean. He knows convention would prefer that he have some sort of crush on a girl - the one who keeps bugging him in history comes to mind. She's pretty enough, sure, but she's not Youngwoon. Sungmin decides he doesn't care what convention wants because Youngwoon is perfect and no one will ever be able to compare.
"How would you like it if I hired a special trainer for you? One who could teach you more than a school teacher ever could."
Sungmin's so excited he forgets about protocol. With an excited squeal, he throws his arms around Youngwoon. He's so happy when Youngwoon laughs and hugs him back, and Sungmin thinks this is the best day in the world and nothing can ever get better than this moment.
It does get better because that's the first time Youngwoon says, "You're my favorite, Sungmin."
Sungmin's heart soars. He feels euphoric; like he can touch the sky. He's Youngwoon's favorite and that is the best thing to happen to him in years.
Youngwoon pulls away just enough to stare into Sungmin's eyes. "You're my favorite." He says again. "Am I yours?"
"Yes." Sungmin says, nodding enthusiastically.
Youngwoon's smile is unlike his others. It's small and there's something to it that Sungmin can't place, but he's too happy to dwell on it.
"Good."
=+=
Sungmin's martial arts teacher is tough as nails and doesn't accept any kind of failure. The training sessions are hard and Sungmin feels like quitting more than a few times, but when it almost becomes too much, he remembers Youngwoon's face when he made the offer and Sungmin knows he'll accept the pain of training just to make Youngwoon happy.
Along with martial arts, his master teaches him how to fight with various types of knives. It's the knife fighting that Sungmin takes a particular liking to. When his master presents his first set of knives to him, small little things that are more lethal than they look with curved blades and sharp edges, Sungmin feels a rush unlike anything he's ever felt before. When he takes them in hand, when he runs his hand down the blade and cuts his finger on the tip, he smiles and feels like he's made a brand new friend.
His blood is the first the knife will ever draw. It connects them in a painfully intimate way.
Sungmin's knife will become a part of him. One day, it will feel like a fraction of his soul lives in that beautifully lethal weapon.
=+=
16 years
The cupcake is banana and vanilla flavored. The candle stuck in the middle of it burns happily. Sungmin gives a weak smile, flickers his eyes towards Youngwoon, who's watching him closely, and takes a deep breath before blowing it out.
It's Sungmin's birthday. He doesn't like his birthdays.
Of course Youngwoon knows that and of course he understands why, but every year he tries to distract Sungmin from the fact that his birthday also happens to be the anniversary of his parents' murder.
"It's not too late to have a wild birthday party, you know." Youngwoon jokes when Sungmin opens his eyes after making his wish.
He didn't really make a wish - he knows better than to wish for impossible things - but Youngwoon likes to see him doing stupid things like that, and who is he to deny Youngwoon? Sungmin knows he won't ever be able to say no to the older man; he doesn't even want to try.
When Sungmin shakes his head, Youngwoon drops the idea and scoops a bit of the cupcake's vanilla frosting off with his finger before licking it off. He hums around his finger, giving Sungmin a wide grin and Sungmin tries his best not the be affected by the older man.
Over the years, his childlike crush, the hero worship, has morphed into something altogether more potent. Youngwoon is an attractive man and sometimes Sungmin is a little ashamed to admit that he's fantasized about Youngwoon more than once. He tries to keep it a secret; Sungmin tries so hard not to let his emotions get the better of him, but sometimes he finds Youngwoon staring at him and knows that he's probably given himself away.
"You still haven't said what you want for your birthday." Youngwoon says. He's eating up most of the cupcake's frosting. Sungmin doesn't mind.
Sungmin knows exactly what he wants for his birthday. He has no idea how to ask and so he ultimately chooses not to. He's pretty sure Youngwoon would say no, anyway.
"You don't have to get me anything." Sungmin plays with his drink's straw while looking everywhere except at Youngwoon. He knows his eyes will give his hopeless desires away.
Fingers fold underneath his chin and lift, and Sungmin finds Youngwoon's face close to his own. "I want to." Youngwoon insists. "You're my favorite," and even now, years after Youngwoon began saying it, Sungmin still feels the thrill, the rush of excitement that follows the uttering of those words, "and I want to make you happy."
Unsure of where his sudden courage has come from, Sungmin swallows and decides to just go for it. "I want you to kiss me."
If Youngwoon is surprised then he doesn't show it. In fact, the longer Sungmin stares at him, the less surprised Youngwoon seems. The smirk on Youngwoon's face says a thousand things, one of them being finally, and Sungmin flushes with acute embarrassment as he wonders if he's really been that obvious with his feelings.
"Are you sure?" Youngwoon asks. He's already leaning close, his elbow propped on Sungmin's chair and his fingers millimeters away from Sungmin's cheek.
"Yes." There's no way Sungmin can change his mind. Especially not when he seems so close to actually getting what he wants.
"Alright then."
It starts off a little weird because Sungmin has never kissed anyone before and he has no idea what to do. Watching films and other people kissing isn't enough to know what's supposed to happen. Youngwoon is wonderfully patient, though. He takes it slow, starting off by touching their lips together and he smiles, ever so slightly, when Sungmin gasps a little. Sungmin's reaction obviously amuses him, and Sungmin would be embarrassed if he actually had the time to worry about it.
A hand folds over Sungmin's cheek, keeping his head in place as Youngwoon presses their lips closer together. Youngwoon's other hand wraps around his neck, gently, and his thumb strokes over Sungmin's jumping pulse. He whispers a soft, "relax," against Sungmin's lips, and Sungmin tries but only succeeds a little.
Sungmin eventually begins to feel a little brave and covers the hand touching his cheek with his own. Youngwoon coaxes his mouth open with gentle words and it's a little strange when Youngwoon's tongue dips into mouth, but the strangeness of it is outweighed with how incredible it soon begins to feel.
Sungmin tries his best to follow Youngwoon's lead. It's not as intense as the kisses Sungmin has seen on those movies he's probably not supposed to watch, but it's a learning experience and for a first kiss, it's an incredible one because it's Youngwoon. No matter how many times he's thought of this moment, Sungmin never actually believed it would happen.
There's no doubt that Youngwoon has kissed and been kissed many times before, but he seems pleased, even going so far as to say, "a little more practice, and you'll be one hell of a kisser one day," when he pulls away.
Laughing breathlessly, Sungmin wonders if this is what being in love feels like.
=+=
They share more kisses after the first one.
Sungmin isn't sure why Youngwoon would want someone like him when he can literally have anyone he wants, but he's not complaining. Obviously he likes kissing Youngwoon; he loves feeling Youngwoon's hands on him and as Sungmin becomes more experienced, as they become more comfortable with what's happening between them, they get closer and closer to doing more than kissing.
They do finally have sex one night. It happens faster than Sungmin expected, taking place a little more than a month after Sungmin's birthday.
It's illegal. Sungmin knows in the eyes of the law he's considered too young and if anyone found out, Youngwoon could end up in serious trouble. He knows he's in love with Youngwoon, however, and he wants his first time to be with the older man.
When Sungmin finds himself on Youngwoon's bed with Youngwoon's tongue in his mouth and his hand down his pants, Sungmin knows there's no way he's going to let Youngwoon stop them from crossing over that line. It seems he won't have to, because Youngwoon shows no sign of stopping. He wraps his hand around Sungmin's cock and strokes the palm of his hand over the head. It's not the first time that Youngwoon has touched him, but it still feels a little weird. The first few seconds are a little surreal, like Sungmin's mind can't quite believe what's happening, before pleasure chases away any clear thought.
The breathless little moans Sungmin sighs into Youngwoon's mouth are loud, intoxicating to listen to. When Youngwoon slides his hand up the shaft, over the head, Sungmin whines. He digs his nails into Youngwoon's skin, squeezes his legs around Youngwoon's waist and somehow, through the haze clouding his mind, Sungmin manages to beg for more. The position becomes a little awkward, and when Youngwoon pulls away to sit up and look down at Sungmin, Sungmin sighs. He tries to pull Youngwoon back on top of him and when he fails, he whines a little more.
"Fuck." Youngwoon breathes. His eyes are impossibly dark. His hair is a mess from the way Sungmin's hands have run through it. His shirt is halfway unbuttoned, showing just enough skin to drive Sungmin wild, but hiding too much at the same time. "Look at you." Youngwoon grabs hold of Sungmin's t-shirt and pulls it over his head, exposing his smooth chest and flat stomach. Sungmin is still young, he still needs to grow and fill out, but Youngwoon must like what he sees because he tries to swallow a moan, fails and just slides his fingers down Sungmin's body. "You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen."
Sungmin grins.
Youngwoon wastes no time stripping Sungmin completely. Sungmin wants Youngwoon to be naked, too, but every attempt he makes is met with resistance and a shake of Youngwoon's head. While he does want to see Youngwoon completely naked, there's something thrilling about being fucked by a fully clothed Youngwoon. It's the idea that this will probably be the first time of many that eventually has Sungmin abandoning his attempts to strip Youngwoon.
"This will probably be easier on your hands and knees." Youngwoon says when he pulls a bottle of lube from bedside table.
It's a little disappointing that he won't be able to look at Youngwoon as the older man takes him, but Sungmin supposes now is the time to trust Youngwoon.
He quietly rolls onto his stomach and doesn't resist when Youngwoon's hands fold around his hips. He doesn't make a sound when Youngwoon lifts his ass into the air. It feels weird - it's embarrassing, but Sungmin pushes away the thoughts of any discomfort and waits. As if sensing what Sungmin's thinking, Youngwoon folds himself over Sungmin's back and buries his face in Sungmin's neck to kiss his creamy skin. Sungmin gasps, leans his head to the side so Youngwoon can have better access and grins when he feels Youngwoon's hard cock against his hip.
Youngwoon kisses him. It does the trick - most of the embarrassment Sungmin feels vanishes.
"It's going to feel a little weird in the beginning." Youngwoon murmurs as he trails little kisses down Sungmin's spine. "But I promise it will eventually feel good."
And Youngwoon's right, it does feel weird. The first slick finger that slides into him startles Sungmin enough that he yelps. Youngwoon pauses, slides his tongue over the base of Sungmin's spine to soothe his nerves and waits a few seconds for Sungmin to adjust to the intrusion before sliding a second finger in.
It still feels strange. There's a moment when Sungmin wonders why anyone would want to do this, because while it's not excruciatingly painful, not with enough lube anyway, it almost feels too wrong. He does trust Youngwoon, though, and if Youngwoon says it's worth it then Sungmin is willing to endure the discomfort.
A third finger slips inside him. Sungmin's arms are quaking, his fingers are clenched around the bed sheets beneath him. He's breathing hard - distantly Sungmin can hear Youngwoon's voice telling him to relax, that it will be worse if he tenses up, and he tries, but it's harder than he thought it would be.
Sungmin temporarily flirts with the idea of asking Youngwoon to stop. He ultimately decides not to, though, only making a surprised sound in the back of his throat when Youngwoon starts fucking him with his fingers.
After what feels like an eternity, Sungmin begins feeling some semblance of pleasure. His mouth falls open, his eyes slip shut and he gasps as he pushes himself onto Youngwoon's fingers. He's grinning when he hears Youngwoon say, "that's it, baby, just like that."
When Youngwoon's fingers rub against his prostrate, and a hot flare of pleasure shoots through him, Sungmin knows there's no way he ever wants Youngwoon to stop doing that.
Youngwoon is a tease. Using his fingers, he fucks Sungmin, pulling loud whimpers, moans and cries from him.
It's when Sungmin's dick is straining painfully hard against his belly, that Youngwoon finally decides to move things along. Having a cock push into him is different than fingers, and Sungmin once again feels a brief moment of panic when his body instinctively tries to resist. However, Youngwoon hands on his hips keep in place. His lips on Sungmin's back, the spot right between his shoulder blades, manages to calm him down.
Like with Youngwoon's fingers, the feeling of Youngwoon's cock moving inside him, eventually turns into something more pleasurable. The initial pace Youngwoon sets is slow, but hard enough that with every inward push of his hips, Sungmin feels his breath slam against the back of his teeth in startled, but pleased gasps. As time wears on, as Sungmin becomes more comfortable with what's happening, Youngwoon's pace quickens.
Soon enough Youngwoon finds the correct angle, hitting Sungmin's prostrate in short, but quick jabs. Sungmin loses himself to the motions, to the feeling of being wonderfully full, and cheek pressed against the pillow and ass in the air is no longer embarrassing, but incredibly amazing.
Sungmin's yelps, screams and gasps meld beautifully with Youngwoon's own eager grunts. Those delicious sounds combine with the sound of skin slapping against skin, and Sungmin is sure he's never heard anything more beautiful in his life.
Sungmin doesn't want it to end, but it does. With Youngwoon's hand sliding up and down his cock coupled with Youngwoon's dick brushing against that spot inside him, it doesn't take Sungmin long to come. It's probably embarrassingly soon, but he's still inexperienced, hasn't built up any kind of stamina, and Youngwoon doesn't seem too disappointed when, while screaming, beautifully high pitched, Sungmin comes all over his hand and the sheets beneath him.
Undeterred by how quickly Sungmin's orgasm has snuck up on him, Youngwoon continues fucking him through the little tremors shooting through Sungmin's body.
It takes a few more hard thrusts before Youngwoon reaches his own peak. He comes with a groan swallowed by a growl, and it's the most primal, sexiest sound Sungmin has ever heard. He knows he wants to hear it again. He wants to hear it as many times as he possibly can.
Youngwoon slips out, falls on the bed next to Sungmin and chuckles breathlessly. He grins at Sungmin, looking quite pleased and Sungmin feels a thrill knowing he's the reason Youngwoon is so happy.
He sneaks closer, feels Youngwoon's arms wrap around him.
Youngwoon whispers, "you're my favorite," into his ear right before he falls asleep.
=+=
Sungmin settles into his role as Youngwoon's, well, lover, easy enough.
The first year of their relationship is honestly the best time of his life. Youngwoon is attentive, sweet and everything Sungmin could ever want in a boyfriend. It's a little weird thinking of Youngwoon as his boyfriend, but Sungmin has no idea what other term to use (lover always feels a little strange to him).
It's not always easy, though. As the head of his company, Youngwoon has to work hard and travel frequently, but Sungmin learns to deal with the long hours and forced separation.
He'll do anything if it means he gets to have Youngwoon for just a little longer.
It becomes a little easier when Youngwoon insists Sungmin and Sungjin move into his house.
"It's big enough for all of us." Youngwoon says one evening. He's trailing his fingers down Sungmin's naked side and grinning at the way Sungmin's overly pleasured body twitches in response. "And I want to have you near me."
Sungmin is so happy that there's no way he would refuse.
Unlike Sungmin, Sungjin is anything but happy.
He sulks for days about moving, and on the day he's supposed to pack all his things, he's miserable and moody. Sungmin's taken to watching his little brother pack his things, hoping to calm Sungjin down enough so he can see the benefits of living with Youngwoon.
"I don't want to." Sungjin says for the hundredth time that evening. He's busy packing and Sungmin winces when he watches Sungjin casually roll up the clothes and shove them into his bags. The creases will be an absolute nightmare to get out. Sungmin's tempted to take over the packing, but Sungjin hates being treated like a child.
"Living with Youngwoon-hyung will be fun."
"No, it won't." Sungjin argues. "I don't like him."
Taken by surprise, Sungmin has no idea how to respond to Sungjin's statement. How can anyone not like Youngwoon? He's kind, thoughtful and he's done more for the two of them than anyone ever has.
"I don't like him." Sungjin repeats stubbornly. "And I don't like the way he looks at you."
"How does he look at me?" Sungmin's heart is racing. He feels a mix of panic and exhilaration. He doesn't want anyone to know about the relationship he has with Youngwoon, especially not Sungjin, he's far too young to understand, but the idea of Youngwoon looking at him in a certain way is thrilling.
"I don't know." Sungjin shrugs. "It's creepy, okay? Youngwoon is creepy."
"He's not creepy." Sungmin snaps, angry at Sungjin's disrespectful behavior. "He's taken care of us when he didn't have to."
"Sure, but even I know that no one does anything nice without expecting something in return."
Sungmin storms out of Sungjin's room and refuses to speak to his little brother for the rest of the week. He hates that Sungjin is so ungrateful.
He hates the niggling feeling of uncertainty in his gut even more.
Thankfully he manages to forget all about his argument with Sungjin when they move in. Sungmin is a little sad when he realizes he'll be given his own room. He knows he can't really share Youngwoon's, they still have to be discreet in front of Sungjin, but he did entertain the idea of sleeping with Youngwoon every night.
Youngwoon must notice the disappointed flicker in his eyes. That night, when Sungmin is unpacking his things in a room that is really too big for him, Youngwoon comes in and settles his arms around Sungmin, bringing a quick halt to the unpacking.
"It's all just for show." Youngwoon whispers in his ear. "You'll be spending most nights with me, anyway."
Sungmin smiles.
=+=
Moving into Youngwoon's house isn't the only change that will take place. At first Sungmin isn't sure what to make of it when Youngwoon announces he'll be pulling Sungmin out of his nice, very expensive private school so he can be homeschooled instead.
It's disappointing. Sungmin's finally begun settling into his life there and, sure, he still doesn't have many friends, but he doesn't feel like such a complete outsider anymore. He wants to tell Youngwoon that he doesn't like the idea of being homeschooled, but Youngwoon isn't interested in listening and any kind of conversation is quickly cut short with the words, "I've made up my mind, Sungmin."
Eventually the reason for Youngwoon's sudden decision is revealed. It's even more surprising than the actual decision.
"You're old enough to know the truth now." Youngwoon tells him one evening. They're having dinner in Youngwoon's room. It's romantic, a very pleasant evening so far, and Sungmin might be a little tipsy. Youngwoon let him have a glass of wine - the taste was strange, a little bitter mixed with hints of sour, but it was nice and Sungmin likes it.
"Know the truth about what?"
Youngwoon sets his fork down on his plate and gives Sungmin a look the younger man doesn't like. "Why your parents were murdered."
It feels like the breath has been knocked out of him. They never speak about his parents or the events that took place that horrible night.
Sungmin never wants to speak about it - he still gets nightmares, still freezes up when he thinks he can hear his mother screaming and no amount of therapy has been able to fix how broken he still feels. Sungjin has the luxury of having been too young to remember anything. Sungjin isn't haunted by the ghosts of their parents, he doesn't miss something he can't remember, and sometimes Sungmin does feel bad that all Sungjin has of them are faded photographs, but Sungmin would do anything to forget they ever existed at all. Then the pain would go away, too.
"Your parents were murdered because of a man named Choi Kiho."
The name isn't familiar to Sungmin. "I... who's that?"
Youngwoon sees how pale he is. He makes a sympathetic face, pours a bit more wine in Sungmin's glass and gives it to Sungmin with the order to drink it slowly.
"He's the head of a company. A rival company." Youngwoon explains as Sungmin takes a large gulp. "Min, baby, the first thing you need to understand is that the company I run isn't like a normal company."
Sungmin swallows another mouthful of red wine. He doesn't really taste it, but it helps to take the edge off of the conversation they're having. "What do you mean?"
"We do the things other companies don't feel comfortable doing."
Sungmin still isn't sure he understands, but he nods like he does. "Okay."
"Your dad did very special kind of work for me."
The part of his mind that isn't ready for things to change is begging him to tell Youngwoon to stop. Somehow he knows if the conversation continues, his life will be different and nothing will ever be the same again. The bubble of naivety will have been burst, quite cruelly, and there will be no getting it back. But he can't stop Youngwoon; he's morbidly curious.
"What kind of work?"
Turns out his dad was a hired gun. A hit man. It sounds so bizarre that Sungmin giggles a little hysterically when Youngwoon tells him. But there is no sign on Youngwoon's face to say that he's just making a really bad joke. All strength leaves Sungmin; he feels numb, unable to react fast enough as the glass of wine slips from his hand and falls, shattering into pieces, spilling red everywhere.
Youngwoon doesn't react, he doesn't even flinch when the sound of breaking glass echoes throughout the suddenly jarringly quiet room. Sungmin has never seen Youngwoon look so serious; so cold. It's unnerving, and Sungmin doesn't like it. He wants the smiling Youngwoon back. The one who would tease him and make him feel like the most important person in the world.
"My... my dad wouldn't... have done that. You're lying."
Youngwoon sighs. He shifts his chair closer, takes Sungmin's hand in his own. The touch is unwelcome and Sungmin tries to pull away, but Youngwoon's grip on his hand tightens to the point where it's almost painful, and Sungmin stops trying to break away when he realizes it's no use.
"The people your dad killed were all bad people, Sungmin. He made the world a better place by making sure these people wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else ever again."
It's something Sungmin desperately wants to believe. It's stupid and deep down Sungmin knows Youngwoon isn't telling him everything; that the circumstances weren't as black and white as Youngwoon would make it seem, but it's what Sungmin needs to believe.
"The reason I'm telling you this now is because I want you to continue where your father left off."
"What?" Sungmin is once again reacquainted with the feeling of having all breath stripped from him. "No... I can't. I don't want to."
"Sungmin," Youngwoon leans close, runs his hand over Sungmin's hair like he usually does, "your training has been going very well. I'm told you're exceptionally good, and the company could use someone like you. You could continue your father's work. You could make him proud. I know he would want you to."
"No." Sungmin shakes his head again. He feels dizzy. The buzz from the wine is no longer pleasant, but nauseating. He's going to be sick, he knows he will and he needs to escape before that happens.
The explosive sigh Youngwoon breathes, one full of frustration and anger, surprises Sungmin and he winces, feeling terrible. Youngwoon finally lets go of his hand and gets up. The shame, guilt in Sungmin worsens and he feels absolutely dreadful. He watches Youngwoon carefully and wants to apologize, but he can't. He doesn't know what Youngwoon's reasoning is, or why his dad did what he did, but he knows he doesn't have it in him to hurt someone else for whatever reason.
"I'm very disappointed, Sungmin." Youngwoon says after a few minutes of agonizing silence.
It's like someone shoved a knife into his chest. It hurts. Tears spring to his eyes, he rubs at them, but they won't go away no matter how hard he tries.
"I think you should go to your room now." Youngwoon sees the tears, but makes no move to comfort Sungmin. There's a kind of distance between them that has never been there before and it's so awful that Sungmin feels like he can't breathe.
"Youngwoon." Sungmin's voice cracks as he pleads for Youngwoon to understand, to let him stay, but Youngwoon's no longer looking at him.
"Go."
Sungmin goes. That night he falls asleep crying. He wakes up the next morning feeling sick.
=+=
Youngwoon refuses to speak to him or even see him for a week. Sungmin tries to talk to him, but Youngwoon is hardly home and the few times he is, he locks himself away in his bedroom or study and won't let Sungmin in.
The time apart gives Sungmin the opportunity to think about what he's been told. He's afraid. He's terrified Youngwoon will abandon him.
It's a fear not only brought on by the fact that Sungmin has no idea where he and Sungjin would go should Youngwoon kick them out and take away his generosity, but because Sungmin knows he loves Youngwoon in a way he'll never love anyone else. Youngwoon is the only constant in his life, the only person Sungmin has been able to rely on since his parents were murdered. Sungmin knows he owes Youngwoon everything; if Youngwoon asked for his soul, it would be the least he could give the older man.
Sungmin knows he's been ungrateful. Still, the idea of becoming, well, an assassin is surreal and leaves Sungmin a little shaky. It's something that should only happen in movies; not in real life. It's definitely something that should never happen in his life.
But saying no and hurting Youngwoon is an even more unbearable idea.
=+=
It takes sneaking and planning to get into Youngwoon's study.
Sungmin had overheard the maids saying that Youngwoon would be home that night, and would probably spend most of his time in his study. The decision to hide in there before Youngwoon would get the opportunity to lock him out. Staying in there for a couple of hours is boring, but Sungmin foresaw that he would have to wait a while and brought in some of his school work to keep himself busy. It can only distract him for so long, though, and by the time night crawls over the city, Sungmin is so tired of staring at pages and pages of information. He gives up and decides spinning around in Youngwoon's chair will have to distract him from how bored he is.
When Youngwoon finally gets home, Sungmin quickly hides underneath Youngwoon's desk. It's big and there's more than enough room to hide even when Youngwoon sits down. Sungmin has a plan, a perfect way to show Youngwoon how sorry he is and that he would do anything to make him happy.
Sungmin's a little nervous, but he knows he can do this - he's done it before. Sure, things were different during his other attempts. Youngwoon didn't hate him back then.
Ignoring the way his heart is pounding in his chest, Sungmin crawls forward and when he slides a hand over Youngwoon's knee, the older man jerks in surprise, and pushes the chair away so he can peak underneath the desk. When Youngwoon's face appears, Sungmin gives him a teasing smile.
"Sungmin," Youngwoon frowns, "what are you--,"
"Shh." Sungmin presses a finger to his lips. It does the trick, which is a little surprising because he was sure Youngwoon would put up more of a fight, but Sungmin won't let that distract him from doing what he needs to do.
Hands reach for Youngwoon's belt to quickly undo it. Soon Youngwoon catches up with what Sungmin's going to do and even relaxes a little. He leans his head against his chair's back rest and simply watches.
Sungmin ever so slowly lowers the zipper of Youngwoon's dress pants. He bites his lip, smiles when he hears Youngwoon groan in appreciation of the sight before him. He pulls Youngwoon's pants open, revealing boxer shorts beneath, and murmurs a quiet, "lift up," so he can lower both the pants and boxers down far enough to comfortably get to what he wants most.
Youngwoon isn't fully hard yet, but Sungmin doesn't let that deter him. He wraps a hand around Youngwoon's cock, careful to keep his grip light, and slides his hand up, over the head, and back down again.
Youngwoon's breathing loudly through his nose. His lips are set in a firm line. He's obviously trying not to make any kind of sound, but Sungmin has learned over their months together how to make Youngwoon come undone.
It starts with Sungmin folding his lips over the head. He slides his tongue around it, over the slit and tastes pre-come on his tongue. It's never been unpleasant to Sungmin. It tastes like nothing, really, but knowing it's a part of Youngwoon, an intimate part of him, always excites Sungmin. When he sucks, Youngwoon finally loses his battle with keeping quiet, and moans, loudly. The sound is beautiful, and Sungmin groans a little in response, feeling heat settle in his belly.
Slowly, Sungmin takes more of Youngwoon into his mouth. He still can't get very far, he's not that experienced yet, but it's more than before and it still does the trick. Sungmin uses his hands to tease the places his mouth and tongue can't get to.
"Fuck, baby." Youngwoon whines when Sungmin bobs his head up and down quickly. Glancing up, staring at Youngwoon through thick lashes, rips another groan from the older man. Sungmin pulls away again until his lips are once again only covering the head. He licks, sucks and kisses the head, drawing out many little moans that make Sungmin's toes curl.
"Shit," Youngwoon swallows, licks at his lips just as Sungmin licks at the slit again, "you look like something out of a porn movie."
A hand weaves into Sungmin's hair. It clenches around thick strands of black as Sungmin resumes working his mouth and up and down Youngwoon's cock. The hand squeezes and pulls, and it's a little painful. Sungmin can feel his eyes stinging, but it's also exciting - Youngwoon is losing more and more of his control.
When Youngwoon comes, it takes Sungmin a little by surprise. There's no warning, there's only a sharp gasp, followed by a drawn out moan and the hand in his hair holds Sungmin in place, keeping him from pulling away if he should want to. Sungmin doesn't want to. He swallows around the dick in his mouth. He swallows as much of the come as he can and there is a second where it feels like he's choking, but Sungmin has learned to relax and just go with it.
Youngwoon's hand eventually relaxes its tight grip. Exhausted and sated, Youngwoon rides through the aftershocks of his orgasm with a lazy little grin on his face.
Sungmin pulls away completely, gives Youngwoon's twitching cock a light kiss before licking at his lips.
"You're getting good at this." Youngwoon says as he pulls Sungmin out from underneath and into his lap.
"I have a good teacher." Sungmin replies which earns him a pleased hum. "And I might have practiced a little."
Sungmin can feel Youngwoon tense beneath him. "With who?"
"No one." Sungmin says quickly. He buries his face in Youngwoon's neck, feeling embarrassed as he adds, "I've been practicing with a dildo. It's not really the same as the real thing, but I figured it would help."
Youngwoon chuckles. With Youngwoon's arms wound tight around Sungmin, he feels safe again.
"I've changed my mind." Sungmin murmurs after a few seconds of pleasant silence.
"Changed your mind?"
"I want to help you." Sungmin turns his head so his nose is pressed against Youngwoon's cheek. "I'll do anything you want me to."
More silence. When Youngwoon says nothing, Sungmin panics, wondering if he's said the wrong thing. Then Youngwoon turns his head so he can press his lips against Sungmin's. Sungmin melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Youngwoon's shoulders.
"You're my favorite." Youngwoon whispers against his mouth.
Everything is alright again.
<< Next>>
Fandom: Super Junior
Main Pairings: Kangin/Sungmin, Siwon/Sungmin
Minor Pairings: Sungmin/OCs, Kangin/OCs, Kangin/Yesung, Kangin/Yoon-ji, Kangin/Yoon-ji/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Adult Content (character death, disturbing themes, dubious consent, strong sexual content, swearing, extreme violence)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance
Word Count: 9,227 (43,360 in total)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with SM Entertainment or Super Junior. This is all just for fun.
Summary: Because people like us don't get a happy ending.
Author's Note: Please, please, please heed the fic warnings.
Written for yinhyuk. <3
8 years
His parents are worried.
His mom smiles as she scurries around while making sure the house is immaculate in every way possible, but Sungmin still notices how her hands shake as she cleans, cooks and then cleans some more. He catches the many concerned glances she sends the dainty gold watch strapped around her delicate wrist, as if it's slowly counting down to her doom.
When the evening finally draws near, her trembling becomes so bad that she has to apply her makeup more than once. Anxious and irritated, she'll groan low in the back of her throat as her lipstick smears and her eyeliner is smudged by an uncontrollable wrench of her small hand. Meanwhile, a confused, but worried Sungmin watches quietly as she struggles with something she would normally have no trouble doing.
Like his mom, his dad is a nervous wreck too. His dad is dressed in the nicest looking suit Sungmin has ever seen and while there are absolutely no visible lines or creases, his dad fiddles with his tie and smoothes his hands down the expensive material more than once. When he notices Sungmin staring, the older man forces a smile and says, "it's a very big day for us, kiddo," before affectionately ruffling Sungmin's short hair.
It really is. His dad's boss is coming over for dinner.
At the time, Sungmin is still far too young to understand why his parents are making such a big deal out of everything. To him it's just dinner; it's something they have every night and thus really not that special at all. Besides, his mom is a really good cook, so Sungmin knows she'll be able to impress the people she needs to impress.
A few years down the line, though, Sungmin will realize it was this evening that set everything into motion.
A little while before his parents' very important guests arrive, Sungmin is sent upstairs with firm instructions to remain in his bedroom for the rest of the evening. Having always been an obedient little boy, Sungmin really does plan to follow his parents' commands. However, when he hears the ringing of the doorbell reverberate throughout the house, Sungmin begins to feel the smallest hint of curiosity.
It's not long before that hint gets the better of him. When the pleasing sound of light laughter, which he's learned almost always accompanies polite conversation, drifts up to his bedroom, Sungmin can no longer resist the urge to take a peek.
Keeping as quiet as he possibly can, Sungmin slowly pushes his bedroom door open. Holding his breath, Sungmin hopes it will stop the door from creaking like it usually does. It doesn't and Sungmin winces when the door squeals embarrassingly loudly, but thankfully the conversation going on down below blocks the noise he's making.
Painfully carefully, Sungmin lowers himself onto his stomach and shuffles forward towards the staircase's banister. It's quickly become something of a game, a secret mission like in those movies about spies, and Sungmin bites his lip to keep himself from giggling from excitement.
Wrapping his small hands around the wooden railing, Sungmin pulls himself forward so he can peek down at the floor below. The man Sungmin will only ever know as Mr. Kim is an imposing man. He's broad shouldered and mean faced. He's someone Sungmin is instinctively afraid of. It makes Sungmin a little uneasy, knowing his dad is working for someone who looks so frightening.
In stark contrast, his wife in her fine looking dress and terribly expensive jewels that shine brightly when the light falls on them, is probably the prettiest woman Sungmin has ever seen. When she laughs, her head thrown back and her creamy neck exposed, Sungmin smiles and feels a little happier himself.
However, Sungmin quickly loses all interest in the two adults when he notices the young man standing politely off to the side. The boy, or young man, can't be very old. He's still dressed in his school uniform. The dark material and high collar give the young man a sophisticated look, and Sungmin remembers all the stories his mom has told him over the years. Stories about dashing heroes with kind eyes and charming smiles.
Sungmin wants to believe all those dashing heroes in all the different stories he's been told look exactly like the young man standing down below.
The young man eventually looks up, as if he can feel eyes on him, and Sungmin has to slap his hand over his mouth before he can give his position away to the rest with an embarrassingly high pitched yelp. Sungmin expects the young man to tell on him, to reveal that he's spying, but the young man only smiles and instead turns to Sungmin's mother to compliment her on her lovely home.
Knowing he's been given a chance to sneak off again before he can land himself in trouble, Sungmin hurries back to his bedroom without any kind of backwards glance.
The rest of the evening remains uneventful for the most part. Sungmin keeps himself busy with various activities while the adults down below mingle and speak about things Sungmin won't be able to understand. While drawing in his coloring book, or stacking up his Lego to create all sorts of things, Sungmin even manages to somewhat forget about the handsome young man. It only changes near the end, when he looks up and finds that teenage boy standing in his doorway.
Sungmin would normally be startled, maybe a little afraid, but the man is smiling at Sungmin, looking as friendly as he did earlier and steps inside the room. It's hard not to feel relaxed around him.
"What are you doing?" He asks. His voice is a little husky, but gentle.
"Drawing." Sungmin replies with a shrug. He isn't sure why anyone else would be interested in his activities.
"Oh. May I see?" The floorboards creak beneath his weight as he steps into the room. He comes to kneel before Sungmin and holds out his hand expectantly.
Sungmin hesitates before handing the picture over. He's never been very good at drawing. His mom likes to put his pictures on the fridge, but Sungmin knows that she only does so because he's her oldest son and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Anyone else would probably throw his drawings into the trash without a second thought. Like Sungmin's mom, however, the young man chooses not to comment on how terrible Sungmin's stick figures are and smiles instead.
"What's your name?"
"Sungmin."
"I'm Youngwoon." Youngwoon replies. He flips the piece of paper over and grabs one of the crayons and says, "you can call me hyung," as he begins drawing a picture of his own.
"How old are you?" Sungmin asks. It's rude and both his parents would be horrified, but Youngwoon only chuckles before he says, "eighteen."
Youngwoon spends a few more minutes with Sungmin, even finishing his sketch. It's a rough sketch of a bird; much better than anything Sungmin could have come up with and when Youngwoon hands it over, Sungmin smiles, charmed by the older boy. Youngwoon is nice.
They're interrupted when Sungmin's dad shows up. He looks a little nervous as he bows and says Youngwoon's parents are waiting for him downstairs. Sungmin has to wonder why his dad is bowing to someone so much younger than him. His thoughts are interrupted, however, when Youngwoon pats his head affectionately before leaving. When his dad is sure they're alone, he kneels next to Sungmin, looks at the picture and says, "that's Kim Youngwoon, son. One day he's going to be my boss... one day's he's going to be yours."
=+=
It takes a year for Sungmin to hear the name Youngwoon again.
He's in the living room, watching cartoons with Sungjin while their mom knits quietly. She's humming to herself as she does so. Sungmin loves the sound of her voice, just loud enough to be heard over the fake explosions and other odd sounds going on in the cartoon they're watching. It always, without fail, makes him feel a little safer.
The peace is spoiled when his dad bursts into the house. He's so excited, so wild and full of life, that he forgets to take his shoes off at the front door and Sungmin giggles inwardly because that's going to land him in trouble. His mom hates it when they don't take their shoes off.
Except she doesn't give his dad an exasperated look like Sungmin expects her to. Instead she stares, wide eyed, as his dad pulls her to her feet and says, "He's done it! Youngwoon's done it!"
The cartoon playing on the television turn into background noise. Sungmin perks up, remembering the older boy and how nice he'd been, and tries to listen in on their conversation while not looking too interested in what's going on.
Sungjin is still only babbling at the screen.
"He..." His mom's voice trails off. She touches her throat, stares up at his dad like she can't believe what he's trying to tell her.
"Yes!" His dad laughs joyously. "He's ousted his father. Youngwoon is now the head of the company!"
Sungmin isn't entirely sure what his dad means with ousted, but he's glad Youngwoon is the head of the company now. Sungmin likes Youngwoon a lot more than he liked Mr. Kim. He'll never forget how uncomfortable, how nervous, a mere glimpse of the man made him.
His mom pushes his dad away and takes a moment to think about things. She rests her knitting needles next to the ball of yarn on the couch and sends a look at Sungmin and Sungjin. Sungmin quickly looks away, hoping that she'll think he's not interested in the conversation, but she still seems uneasy and quietly asks Sungmin to take Sungjin upstairs and play with him. Sungmin thinks about complaining, but he can see by the look in her eyes that she's in no mood to take any cheek from him. He sighs, loudly, picks Sungjin up, thinks his little brother's getting too fat and heavy, and sullenly makes his way upstairs.
Sungmin makes sure Sungjin has settled down with a few toys before he tries listening in on his parents downstairs. They still haven't learned that sound travels in their little house.
"And you helped him?" He hears his mom asking.
"Of course I did. Anyone who refused... well... let's just say their contracts have been terminated."
Sungmin isn't sure what his dad means, but he's glad his dad decided to help Youngwoon-hyung.
=+=
After that day, his mom and dad begin fighting a lot.
There are too many screaming matches that inevitably end up with his dad storming out of the house and his mom locking herself in their bedroom. Sungmin can hear her crying and while he wants to comfort her, to give her a hug and tell her that he loves her, he has no idea how to do that because every time he knocks on her door or calls for her, she screams at him to leave her alone.
Sungmin does leave her alone even though he feels terrible and tries to help the one person he can - Sungjin. When the arguments begin, he'll huddle a bewildered and close to crying Sungjin into his room, put on a cassette tape and play music to his baby brother with the hopes that the cheery music will drown out the yelling from downstairs.
Getting Sungjin away from them is harder than one would think and sometimes Sungmin isn't fast enough. While they'll scream at each other, Sungjin will cry and it will make the situation worse. Calming his brother down afterwards is difficult, and while Sungmin cradles his brother close, he'll fight his own tears and feel like a failure.
A few days his dad will come home, covered in what looks like red paint (and Sungmin has to wonder why his dad would be covered in red paint) and his mom will freak out.
Sungmin hears the words, "you knew what you were getting into when you married me," more than a few times as his dad tries to wash the red paint off of his hands.
Later, when Sungmin is older, he'll realize the red on his dad's hands was never something as innocent as paint.
=+=
"I'm going to leave him." His mom tells him a few times. Her words are slurred; it's the wine she's been drinking. There are rows of empty bottles in the kitchen. She likes to put them on display because her new found love seems to annoy his dad. She'll do anything to annoy her husband.
Her eyes are red. Bloodshot from drinking and crying, and she looks absolutely dreadful. Even the makeup she puts on doesn't disguise how broken she is. The layers of foundation, lipstick and eyeliner doesn't last long enough to hide the damage married life has caused.
"I'm going to leave him and I'll take you and your brother far away." Sungmin's mom smiles through her anguish. "No court in the world would give him custody when they find out who he works for."
Sungmin is young, but he's not stupid. He knows what divorce is. More than a few kids in his class have divorced parents. He isn't sure he likes the idea of his parents being separated. What Sungmin is definitely sure of, however, is that he doesn't like the idea of never seeing his dad again.
"I'm going to leave him." She'll tells him and laughs so hard her crying starts anew.
She never does get the chance, though. She's murdered before she can even try.
=+=
It's his tenth birthday and Sungmin is pretty excited. So far the day has gone well. His parents aren't arguing; they even go so far as to smile at each other occasionally, and Sungmin can almost believe things are slowly going back to the way they used to be. Even his presents are pretty cool this year - a few toy robots and a skateboard he can't wait to show off to the neighborhood kids. And Sungjin, usually obnoxious on Sungmin's birthday because the attention isn't on him, isn't as annoying as he usually is.
All in all, it's the perfect birthday.
Or it should be.
It all goes downhill when strangers show up at their door. They're not invited in, but that doesn't seem to stop them and when they break down the door, Sungmin's mom pushes Sungjin into his arms and screams at them to hide. Sungmin is frozen; he can see his dad fighting them, and he wants to help, but he knows he'll be of no use, so when his legs can actually move again, Sungmin runs up the stairs and locks himself and a sobbing, hysterical Sungjin in his bedroom.
There isn't any real place to hide, so Sungmin does what he can and forces the two of them under his bed. He has to cover Sungjin's mouth with his hand to muffle his little brother's sobbing. He has to squeeze his eyes shut as his parents are murdered. He doesn't hear his dad anymore, but he can hear his mother screaming, begging for mercy. Instead of being spared like she pleads, her screams become louder, worse, and it's the most terrible sound Sungmin has ever heard.
Then it all goes quiet, and Sungmin's breathing feels so loud to his own ears that he has to hold his breath. Sungjin's whimpering is loud too. Even with both hands over Sungjin's mouth, it doesn't seem to be enough to stop the dreadful sounds his little brother is making.
Sungmin can hear the creaking of the floorboards as the strange men look for them. The rattling of his door's doorknob makes him jerk. He bites his lip to stop himself from squeaking; he bites it so hard he draws blood. Sungjin is gnawing on Sungmin's fingers so hard it pierces skin and those little sharp teeth bite into flesh, but Sungmin's too afraid to make a sound.
Then there's a sound of a scuffle, followed by a loud bang and then nothing. Sungmin thinks they might be safe, but when the doorknob turns again, Sungmin knows they're doomed and he failed his mom and his dad and he's a terrible son.
The door is kicked down, but instead of the strange men Sungmin has never seen stepping into the room, it's Youngwoon.
"Sungmin-ah?"
Sungmin is so surprised, so relieved, he can't stop himself from making a sound. He won't crawl out from underneath the bed, though, and Youngwoon has to kneel on all fours, smile at him and coax him out with the promise that everything is going to be okay.
Sungmin likes Youngwoon. He trusts him. When Youngwoon asks Sungmin, gently, to hand Sungjin over, he does so, albeit a little reluctantly, and watches as Sungjin screams and flails as he's handed over to one of Youngwoon's friend, a guy Sungmin has never met, but trusts because if Youngwoon trusts him then so will Sungmin. When Sungjin is taken away, Youngwoon takes Sungmin's hand and pulls him out from underneath the safety of his bed and into Youngwoon's arms.
"You're okay." Youngwoon smiles weakly as he cradles Sungmin's face in his large hands.
Sungmin's not okay. They both know that.
=+=
It's after his parents' funeral that Youngwoon tries to explain why his parents were killed.
"A rival company..." Youngwoon begins, but he sighs, giving up when he realizes Sungmin isn't really paying attention. Sungmin has been in a daze for most of the day, almost completely unaware of the things happening around him.
It's hard to focus on reality, because it hurts so much then and Sungmin doesn't think he'll survive if he has to acknowledge the pain in his heart. Instead he tries not to think about it, but it's not an easy thing to do because wherever he goes, people give him pitying looks and ask if he's going to be alright. Sungmin never bothers to answer their stupid questions.
"You and your brother won't be abandoned." Youngwoon promises and finally Sungmin looks at him. It's heartbreaking, the devastation in Sungmin's eyes, and Youngwoon puts an arm around Sungmin's shoulders, hoping it will ease the ache taking root in the little boy's soul. "I'm currently talking to my lawyers about becoming your legal guardian... would you like that?"
Sungmin and Sungjin have no other family. It's either that or be shoved into the foster care system. Sungmin nods and knows Youngwoon really is something of a hero. He's definitely Sungmin's even if he's no one else's.
With Youngwoon's arms around him, Sungmin finally sobs like the little boy he is.
=+=
13 years
Life as Kim Youngwoon's ward isn't too bad. Sungmin's enrolled into a private school, a really nice one, and sure it's a little hard making friends in the beginning, but eventually Sungmin finds his place and even begins to like the school. He and Sungjin don't live with Youngwoon, like Sungmin had hoped they would. They do live in a really nice house, one that belongs to Youngwoon, and the old lady and old man who take care of them are really very nice. They're the grandparents Sungmin thinks he and Sungjin should have had.
Youngwoon comes to visit them often, so Sungmin isn't too sad about not living with the older man. He always brings gifts; various expensive and imported candies, or other toys, but it's not the gifts that Sungmin likes the most about Youngwoon's visits. It's the look of pride in his eyes when Sungmin's grades are revealed. Youngwoon is paying for his tuition, so Sungmin feels a particular duty to being the best in his class. He feels he should do everything in his power to make Youngwoon as proud as possible.
He owes everything to Youngwoon. Sungmin will never forget that.
"Your teachers tell me you've taken up a martial arts class for your extracurricular activity." Youngwoon says one day when he comes to visit.
"Yes." Sungmin blushes a little when he finds Youngwoon smiling at him. He's realized, quite a while ago, that he likes it when Youngwoon smiles. He likes the way the older man's eyes narrow into adorable slits, the way his whole face just lights up.
Sungmin has heard the girls in his class talk about having crushes, and wonders if this is what they mean. He knows convention would prefer that he have some sort of crush on a girl - the one who keeps bugging him in history comes to mind. She's pretty enough, sure, but she's not Youngwoon. Sungmin decides he doesn't care what convention wants because Youngwoon is perfect and no one will ever be able to compare.
"How would you like it if I hired a special trainer for you? One who could teach you more than a school teacher ever could."
Sungmin's so excited he forgets about protocol. With an excited squeal, he throws his arms around Youngwoon. He's so happy when Youngwoon laughs and hugs him back, and Sungmin thinks this is the best day in the world and nothing can ever get better than this moment.
It does get better because that's the first time Youngwoon says, "You're my favorite, Sungmin."
Sungmin's heart soars. He feels euphoric; like he can touch the sky. He's Youngwoon's favorite and that is the best thing to happen to him in years.
Youngwoon pulls away just enough to stare into Sungmin's eyes. "You're my favorite." He says again. "Am I yours?"
"Yes." Sungmin says, nodding enthusiastically.
Youngwoon's smile is unlike his others. It's small and there's something to it that Sungmin can't place, but he's too happy to dwell on it.
"Good."
=+=
Sungmin's martial arts teacher is tough as nails and doesn't accept any kind of failure. The training sessions are hard and Sungmin feels like quitting more than a few times, but when it almost becomes too much, he remembers Youngwoon's face when he made the offer and Sungmin knows he'll accept the pain of training just to make Youngwoon happy.
Along with martial arts, his master teaches him how to fight with various types of knives. It's the knife fighting that Sungmin takes a particular liking to. When his master presents his first set of knives to him, small little things that are more lethal than they look with curved blades and sharp edges, Sungmin feels a rush unlike anything he's ever felt before. When he takes them in hand, when he runs his hand down the blade and cuts his finger on the tip, he smiles and feels like he's made a brand new friend.
His blood is the first the knife will ever draw. It connects them in a painfully intimate way.
Sungmin's knife will become a part of him. One day, it will feel like a fraction of his soul lives in that beautifully lethal weapon.
=+=
16 years
The cupcake is banana and vanilla flavored. The candle stuck in the middle of it burns happily. Sungmin gives a weak smile, flickers his eyes towards Youngwoon, who's watching him closely, and takes a deep breath before blowing it out.
It's Sungmin's birthday. He doesn't like his birthdays.
Of course Youngwoon knows that and of course he understands why, but every year he tries to distract Sungmin from the fact that his birthday also happens to be the anniversary of his parents' murder.
"It's not too late to have a wild birthday party, you know." Youngwoon jokes when Sungmin opens his eyes after making his wish.
He didn't really make a wish - he knows better than to wish for impossible things - but Youngwoon likes to see him doing stupid things like that, and who is he to deny Youngwoon? Sungmin knows he won't ever be able to say no to the older man; he doesn't even want to try.
When Sungmin shakes his head, Youngwoon drops the idea and scoops a bit of the cupcake's vanilla frosting off with his finger before licking it off. He hums around his finger, giving Sungmin a wide grin and Sungmin tries his best not the be affected by the older man.
Over the years, his childlike crush, the hero worship, has morphed into something altogether more potent. Youngwoon is an attractive man and sometimes Sungmin is a little ashamed to admit that he's fantasized about Youngwoon more than once. He tries to keep it a secret; Sungmin tries so hard not to let his emotions get the better of him, but sometimes he finds Youngwoon staring at him and knows that he's probably given himself away.
"You still haven't said what you want for your birthday." Youngwoon says. He's eating up most of the cupcake's frosting. Sungmin doesn't mind.
Sungmin knows exactly what he wants for his birthday. He has no idea how to ask and so he ultimately chooses not to. He's pretty sure Youngwoon would say no, anyway.
"You don't have to get me anything." Sungmin plays with his drink's straw while looking everywhere except at Youngwoon. He knows his eyes will give his hopeless desires away.
Fingers fold underneath his chin and lift, and Sungmin finds Youngwoon's face close to his own. "I want to." Youngwoon insists. "You're my favorite," and even now, years after Youngwoon began saying it, Sungmin still feels the thrill, the rush of excitement that follows the uttering of those words, "and I want to make you happy."
Unsure of where his sudden courage has come from, Sungmin swallows and decides to just go for it. "I want you to kiss me."
If Youngwoon is surprised then he doesn't show it. In fact, the longer Sungmin stares at him, the less surprised Youngwoon seems. The smirk on Youngwoon's face says a thousand things, one of them being finally, and Sungmin flushes with acute embarrassment as he wonders if he's really been that obvious with his feelings.
"Are you sure?" Youngwoon asks. He's already leaning close, his elbow propped on Sungmin's chair and his fingers millimeters away from Sungmin's cheek.
"Yes." There's no way Sungmin can change his mind. Especially not when he seems so close to actually getting what he wants.
"Alright then."
It starts off a little weird because Sungmin has never kissed anyone before and he has no idea what to do. Watching films and other people kissing isn't enough to know what's supposed to happen. Youngwoon is wonderfully patient, though. He takes it slow, starting off by touching their lips together and he smiles, ever so slightly, when Sungmin gasps a little. Sungmin's reaction obviously amuses him, and Sungmin would be embarrassed if he actually had the time to worry about it.
A hand folds over Sungmin's cheek, keeping his head in place as Youngwoon presses their lips closer together. Youngwoon's other hand wraps around his neck, gently, and his thumb strokes over Sungmin's jumping pulse. He whispers a soft, "relax," against Sungmin's lips, and Sungmin tries but only succeeds a little.
Sungmin eventually begins to feel a little brave and covers the hand touching his cheek with his own. Youngwoon coaxes his mouth open with gentle words and it's a little strange when Youngwoon's tongue dips into mouth, but the strangeness of it is outweighed with how incredible it soon begins to feel.
Sungmin tries his best to follow Youngwoon's lead. It's not as intense as the kisses Sungmin has seen on those movies he's probably not supposed to watch, but it's a learning experience and for a first kiss, it's an incredible one because it's Youngwoon. No matter how many times he's thought of this moment, Sungmin never actually believed it would happen.
There's no doubt that Youngwoon has kissed and been kissed many times before, but he seems pleased, even going so far as to say, "a little more practice, and you'll be one hell of a kisser one day," when he pulls away.
Laughing breathlessly, Sungmin wonders if this is what being in love feels like.
=+=
They share more kisses after the first one.
Sungmin isn't sure why Youngwoon would want someone like him when he can literally have anyone he wants, but he's not complaining. Obviously he likes kissing Youngwoon; he loves feeling Youngwoon's hands on him and as Sungmin becomes more experienced, as they become more comfortable with what's happening between them, they get closer and closer to doing more than kissing.
They do finally have sex one night. It happens faster than Sungmin expected, taking place a little more than a month after Sungmin's birthday.
It's illegal. Sungmin knows in the eyes of the law he's considered too young and if anyone found out, Youngwoon could end up in serious trouble. He knows he's in love with Youngwoon, however, and he wants his first time to be with the older man.
When Sungmin finds himself on Youngwoon's bed with Youngwoon's tongue in his mouth and his hand down his pants, Sungmin knows there's no way he's going to let Youngwoon stop them from crossing over that line. It seems he won't have to, because Youngwoon shows no sign of stopping. He wraps his hand around Sungmin's cock and strokes the palm of his hand over the head. It's not the first time that Youngwoon has touched him, but it still feels a little weird. The first few seconds are a little surreal, like Sungmin's mind can't quite believe what's happening, before pleasure chases away any clear thought.
The breathless little moans Sungmin sighs into Youngwoon's mouth are loud, intoxicating to listen to. When Youngwoon slides his hand up the shaft, over the head, Sungmin whines. He digs his nails into Youngwoon's skin, squeezes his legs around Youngwoon's waist and somehow, through the haze clouding his mind, Sungmin manages to beg for more. The position becomes a little awkward, and when Youngwoon pulls away to sit up and look down at Sungmin, Sungmin sighs. He tries to pull Youngwoon back on top of him and when he fails, he whines a little more.
"Fuck." Youngwoon breathes. His eyes are impossibly dark. His hair is a mess from the way Sungmin's hands have run through it. His shirt is halfway unbuttoned, showing just enough skin to drive Sungmin wild, but hiding too much at the same time. "Look at you." Youngwoon grabs hold of Sungmin's t-shirt and pulls it over his head, exposing his smooth chest and flat stomach. Sungmin is still young, he still needs to grow and fill out, but Youngwoon must like what he sees because he tries to swallow a moan, fails and just slides his fingers down Sungmin's body. "You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen."
Sungmin grins.
Youngwoon wastes no time stripping Sungmin completely. Sungmin wants Youngwoon to be naked, too, but every attempt he makes is met with resistance and a shake of Youngwoon's head. While he does want to see Youngwoon completely naked, there's something thrilling about being fucked by a fully clothed Youngwoon. It's the idea that this will probably be the first time of many that eventually has Sungmin abandoning his attempts to strip Youngwoon.
"This will probably be easier on your hands and knees." Youngwoon says when he pulls a bottle of lube from bedside table.
It's a little disappointing that he won't be able to look at Youngwoon as the older man takes him, but Sungmin supposes now is the time to trust Youngwoon.
He quietly rolls onto his stomach and doesn't resist when Youngwoon's hands fold around his hips. He doesn't make a sound when Youngwoon lifts his ass into the air. It feels weird - it's embarrassing, but Sungmin pushes away the thoughts of any discomfort and waits. As if sensing what Sungmin's thinking, Youngwoon folds himself over Sungmin's back and buries his face in Sungmin's neck to kiss his creamy skin. Sungmin gasps, leans his head to the side so Youngwoon can have better access and grins when he feels Youngwoon's hard cock against his hip.
Youngwoon kisses him. It does the trick - most of the embarrassment Sungmin feels vanishes.
"It's going to feel a little weird in the beginning." Youngwoon murmurs as he trails little kisses down Sungmin's spine. "But I promise it will eventually feel good."
And Youngwoon's right, it does feel weird. The first slick finger that slides into him startles Sungmin enough that he yelps. Youngwoon pauses, slides his tongue over the base of Sungmin's spine to soothe his nerves and waits a few seconds for Sungmin to adjust to the intrusion before sliding a second finger in.
It still feels strange. There's a moment when Sungmin wonders why anyone would want to do this, because while it's not excruciatingly painful, not with enough lube anyway, it almost feels too wrong. He does trust Youngwoon, though, and if Youngwoon says it's worth it then Sungmin is willing to endure the discomfort.
A third finger slips inside him. Sungmin's arms are quaking, his fingers are clenched around the bed sheets beneath him. He's breathing hard - distantly Sungmin can hear Youngwoon's voice telling him to relax, that it will be worse if he tenses up, and he tries, but it's harder than he thought it would be.
Sungmin temporarily flirts with the idea of asking Youngwoon to stop. He ultimately decides not to, though, only making a surprised sound in the back of his throat when Youngwoon starts fucking him with his fingers.
After what feels like an eternity, Sungmin begins feeling some semblance of pleasure. His mouth falls open, his eyes slip shut and he gasps as he pushes himself onto Youngwoon's fingers. He's grinning when he hears Youngwoon say, "that's it, baby, just like that."
When Youngwoon's fingers rub against his prostrate, and a hot flare of pleasure shoots through him, Sungmin knows there's no way he ever wants Youngwoon to stop doing that.
Youngwoon is a tease. Using his fingers, he fucks Sungmin, pulling loud whimpers, moans and cries from him.
It's when Sungmin's dick is straining painfully hard against his belly, that Youngwoon finally decides to move things along. Having a cock push into him is different than fingers, and Sungmin once again feels a brief moment of panic when his body instinctively tries to resist. However, Youngwoon hands on his hips keep in place. His lips on Sungmin's back, the spot right between his shoulder blades, manages to calm him down.
Like with Youngwoon's fingers, the feeling of Youngwoon's cock moving inside him, eventually turns into something more pleasurable. The initial pace Youngwoon sets is slow, but hard enough that with every inward push of his hips, Sungmin feels his breath slam against the back of his teeth in startled, but pleased gasps. As time wears on, as Sungmin becomes more comfortable with what's happening, Youngwoon's pace quickens.
Soon enough Youngwoon finds the correct angle, hitting Sungmin's prostrate in short, but quick jabs. Sungmin loses himself to the motions, to the feeling of being wonderfully full, and cheek pressed against the pillow and ass in the air is no longer embarrassing, but incredibly amazing.
Sungmin's yelps, screams and gasps meld beautifully with Youngwoon's own eager grunts. Those delicious sounds combine with the sound of skin slapping against skin, and Sungmin is sure he's never heard anything more beautiful in his life.
Sungmin doesn't want it to end, but it does. With Youngwoon's hand sliding up and down his cock coupled with Youngwoon's dick brushing against that spot inside him, it doesn't take Sungmin long to come. It's probably embarrassingly soon, but he's still inexperienced, hasn't built up any kind of stamina, and Youngwoon doesn't seem too disappointed when, while screaming, beautifully high pitched, Sungmin comes all over his hand and the sheets beneath him.
Undeterred by how quickly Sungmin's orgasm has snuck up on him, Youngwoon continues fucking him through the little tremors shooting through Sungmin's body.
It takes a few more hard thrusts before Youngwoon reaches his own peak. He comes with a groan swallowed by a growl, and it's the most primal, sexiest sound Sungmin has ever heard. He knows he wants to hear it again. He wants to hear it as many times as he possibly can.
Youngwoon slips out, falls on the bed next to Sungmin and chuckles breathlessly. He grins at Sungmin, looking quite pleased and Sungmin feels a thrill knowing he's the reason Youngwoon is so happy.
He sneaks closer, feels Youngwoon's arms wrap around him.
Youngwoon whispers, "you're my favorite," into his ear right before he falls asleep.
=+=
Sungmin settles into his role as Youngwoon's, well, lover, easy enough.
The first year of their relationship is honestly the best time of his life. Youngwoon is attentive, sweet and everything Sungmin could ever want in a boyfriend. It's a little weird thinking of Youngwoon as his boyfriend, but Sungmin has no idea what other term to use (lover always feels a little strange to him).
It's not always easy, though. As the head of his company, Youngwoon has to work hard and travel frequently, but Sungmin learns to deal with the long hours and forced separation.
He'll do anything if it means he gets to have Youngwoon for just a little longer.
It becomes a little easier when Youngwoon insists Sungmin and Sungjin move into his house.
"It's big enough for all of us." Youngwoon says one evening. He's trailing his fingers down Sungmin's naked side and grinning at the way Sungmin's overly pleasured body twitches in response. "And I want to have you near me."
Sungmin is so happy that there's no way he would refuse.
Unlike Sungmin, Sungjin is anything but happy.
He sulks for days about moving, and on the day he's supposed to pack all his things, he's miserable and moody. Sungmin's taken to watching his little brother pack his things, hoping to calm Sungjin down enough so he can see the benefits of living with Youngwoon.
"I don't want to." Sungjin says for the hundredth time that evening. He's busy packing and Sungmin winces when he watches Sungjin casually roll up the clothes and shove them into his bags. The creases will be an absolute nightmare to get out. Sungmin's tempted to take over the packing, but Sungjin hates being treated like a child.
"Living with Youngwoon-hyung will be fun."
"No, it won't." Sungjin argues. "I don't like him."
Taken by surprise, Sungmin has no idea how to respond to Sungjin's statement. How can anyone not like Youngwoon? He's kind, thoughtful and he's done more for the two of them than anyone ever has.
"I don't like him." Sungjin repeats stubbornly. "And I don't like the way he looks at you."
"How does he look at me?" Sungmin's heart is racing. He feels a mix of panic and exhilaration. He doesn't want anyone to know about the relationship he has with Youngwoon, especially not Sungjin, he's far too young to understand, but the idea of Youngwoon looking at him in a certain way is thrilling.
"I don't know." Sungjin shrugs. "It's creepy, okay? Youngwoon is creepy."
"He's not creepy." Sungmin snaps, angry at Sungjin's disrespectful behavior. "He's taken care of us when he didn't have to."
"Sure, but even I know that no one does anything nice without expecting something in return."
Sungmin storms out of Sungjin's room and refuses to speak to his little brother for the rest of the week. He hates that Sungjin is so ungrateful.
He hates the niggling feeling of uncertainty in his gut even more.
Thankfully he manages to forget all about his argument with Sungjin when they move in. Sungmin is a little sad when he realizes he'll be given his own room. He knows he can't really share Youngwoon's, they still have to be discreet in front of Sungjin, but he did entertain the idea of sleeping with Youngwoon every night.
Youngwoon must notice the disappointed flicker in his eyes. That night, when Sungmin is unpacking his things in a room that is really too big for him, Youngwoon comes in and settles his arms around Sungmin, bringing a quick halt to the unpacking.
"It's all just for show." Youngwoon whispers in his ear. "You'll be spending most nights with me, anyway."
Sungmin smiles.
=+=
Moving into Youngwoon's house isn't the only change that will take place. At first Sungmin isn't sure what to make of it when Youngwoon announces he'll be pulling Sungmin out of his nice, very expensive private school so he can be homeschooled instead.
It's disappointing. Sungmin's finally begun settling into his life there and, sure, he still doesn't have many friends, but he doesn't feel like such a complete outsider anymore. He wants to tell Youngwoon that he doesn't like the idea of being homeschooled, but Youngwoon isn't interested in listening and any kind of conversation is quickly cut short with the words, "I've made up my mind, Sungmin."
Eventually the reason for Youngwoon's sudden decision is revealed. It's even more surprising than the actual decision.
"You're old enough to know the truth now." Youngwoon tells him one evening. They're having dinner in Youngwoon's room. It's romantic, a very pleasant evening so far, and Sungmin might be a little tipsy. Youngwoon let him have a glass of wine - the taste was strange, a little bitter mixed with hints of sour, but it was nice and Sungmin likes it.
"Know the truth about what?"
Youngwoon sets his fork down on his plate and gives Sungmin a look the younger man doesn't like. "Why your parents were murdered."
It feels like the breath has been knocked out of him. They never speak about his parents or the events that took place that horrible night.
Sungmin never wants to speak about it - he still gets nightmares, still freezes up when he thinks he can hear his mother screaming and no amount of therapy has been able to fix how broken he still feels. Sungjin has the luxury of having been too young to remember anything. Sungjin isn't haunted by the ghosts of their parents, he doesn't miss something he can't remember, and sometimes Sungmin does feel bad that all Sungjin has of them are faded photographs, but Sungmin would do anything to forget they ever existed at all. Then the pain would go away, too.
"Your parents were murdered because of a man named Choi Kiho."
The name isn't familiar to Sungmin. "I... who's that?"
Youngwoon sees how pale he is. He makes a sympathetic face, pours a bit more wine in Sungmin's glass and gives it to Sungmin with the order to drink it slowly.
"He's the head of a company. A rival company." Youngwoon explains as Sungmin takes a large gulp. "Min, baby, the first thing you need to understand is that the company I run isn't like a normal company."
Sungmin swallows another mouthful of red wine. He doesn't really taste it, but it helps to take the edge off of the conversation they're having. "What do you mean?"
"We do the things other companies don't feel comfortable doing."
Sungmin still isn't sure he understands, but he nods like he does. "Okay."
"Your dad did very special kind of work for me."
The part of his mind that isn't ready for things to change is begging him to tell Youngwoon to stop. Somehow he knows if the conversation continues, his life will be different and nothing will ever be the same again. The bubble of naivety will have been burst, quite cruelly, and there will be no getting it back. But he can't stop Youngwoon; he's morbidly curious.
"What kind of work?"
Turns out his dad was a hired gun. A hit man. It sounds so bizarre that Sungmin giggles a little hysterically when Youngwoon tells him. But there is no sign on Youngwoon's face to say that he's just making a really bad joke. All strength leaves Sungmin; he feels numb, unable to react fast enough as the glass of wine slips from his hand and falls, shattering into pieces, spilling red everywhere.
Youngwoon doesn't react, he doesn't even flinch when the sound of breaking glass echoes throughout the suddenly jarringly quiet room. Sungmin has never seen Youngwoon look so serious; so cold. It's unnerving, and Sungmin doesn't like it. He wants the smiling Youngwoon back. The one who would tease him and make him feel like the most important person in the world.
"My... my dad wouldn't... have done that. You're lying."
Youngwoon sighs. He shifts his chair closer, takes Sungmin's hand in his own. The touch is unwelcome and Sungmin tries to pull away, but Youngwoon's grip on his hand tightens to the point where it's almost painful, and Sungmin stops trying to break away when he realizes it's no use.
"The people your dad killed were all bad people, Sungmin. He made the world a better place by making sure these people wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else ever again."
It's something Sungmin desperately wants to believe. It's stupid and deep down Sungmin knows Youngwoon isn't telling him everything; that the circumstances weren't as black and white as Youngwoon would make it seem, but it's what Sungmin needs to believe.
"The reason I'm telling you this now is because I want you to continue where your father left off."
"What?" Sungmin is once again reacquainted with the feeling of having all breath stripped from him. "No... I can't. I don't want to."
"Sungmin," Youngwoon leans close, runs his hand over Sungmin's hair like he usually does, "your training has been going very well. I'm told you're exceptionally good, and the company could use someone like you. You could continue your father's work. You could make him proud. I know he would want you to."
"No." Sungmin shakes his head again. He feels dizzy. The buzz from the wine is no longer pleasant, but nauseating. He's going to be sick, he knows he will and he needs to escape before that happens.
The explosive sigh Youngwoon breathes, one full of frustration and anger, surprises Sungmin and he winces, feeling terrible. Youngwoon finally lets go of his hand and gets up. The shame, guilt in Sungmin worsens and he feels absolutely dreadful. He watches Youngwoon carefully and wants to apologize, but he can't. He doesn't know what Youngwoon's reasoning is, or why his dad did what he did, but he knows he doesn't have it in him to hurt someone else for whatever reason.
"I'm very disappointed, Sungmin." Youngwoon says after a few minutes of agonizing silence.
It's like someone shoved a knife into his chest. It hurts. Tears spring to his eyes, he rubs at them, but they won't go away no matter how hard he tries.
"I think you should go to your room now." Youngwoon sees the tears, but makes no move to comfort Sungmin. There's a kind of distance between them that has never been there before and it's so awful that Sungmin feels like he can't breathe.
"Youngwoon." Sungmin's voice cracks as he pleads for Youngwoon to understand, to let him stay, but Youngwoon's no longer looking at him.
"Go."
Sungmin goes. That night he falls asleep crying. He wakes up the next morning feeling sick.
=+=
Youngwoon refuses to speak to him or even see him for a week. Sungmin tries to talk to him, but Youngwoon is hardly home and the few times he is, he locks himself away in his bedroom or study and won't let Sungmin in.
The time apart gives Sungmin the opportunity to think about what he's been told. He's afraid. He's terrified Youngwoon will abandon him.
It's a fear not only brought on by the fact that Sungmin has no idea where he and Sungjin would go should Youngwoon kick them out and take away his generosity, but because Sungmin knows he loves Youngwoon in a way he'll never love anyone else. Youngwoon is the only constant in his life, the only person Sungmin has been able to rely on since his parents were murdered. Sungmin knows he owes Youngwoon everything; if Youngwoon asked for his soul, it would be the least he could give the older man.
Sungmin knows he's been ungrateful. Still, the idea of becoming, well, an assassin is surreal and leaves Sungmin a little shaky. It's something that should only happen in movies; not in real life. It's definitely something that should never happen in his life.
But saying no and hurting Youngwoon is an even more unbearable idea.
=+=
It takes sneaking and planning to get into Youngwoon's study.
Sungmin had overheard the maids saying that Youngwoon would be home that night, and would probably spend most of his time in his study. The decision to hide in there before Youngwoon would get the opportunity to lock him out. Staying in there for a couple of hours is boring, but Sungmin foresaw that he would have to wait a while and brought in some of his school work to keep himself busy. It can only distract him for so long, though, and by the time night crawls over the city, Sungmin is so tired of staring at pages and pages of information. He gives up and decides spinning around in Youngwoon's chair will have to distract him from how bored he is.
When Youngwoon finally gets home, Sungmin quickly hides underneath Youngwoon's desk. It's big and there's more than enough room to hide even when Youngwoon sits down. Sungmin has a plan, a perfect way to show Youngwoon how sorry he is and that he would do anything to make him happy.
Sungmin's a little nervous, but he knows he can do this - he's done it before. Sure, things were different during his other attempts. Youngwoon didn't hate him back then.
Ignoring the way his heart is pounding in his chest, Sungmin crawls forward and when he slides a hand over Youngwoon's knee, the older man jerks in surprise, and pushes the chair away so he can peak underneath the desk. When Youngwoon's face appears, Sungmin gives him a teasing smile.
"Sungmin," Youngwoon frowns, "what are you--,"
"Shh." Sungmin presses a finger to his lips. It does the trick, which is a little surprising because he was sure Youngwoon would put up more of a fight, but Sungmin won't let that distract him from doing what he needs to do.
Hands reach for Youngwoon's belt to quickly undo it. Soon Youngwoon catches up with what Sungmin's going to do and even relaxes a little. He leans his head against his chair's back rest and simply watches.
Sungmin ever so slowly lowers the zipper of Youngwoon's dress pants. He bites his lip, smiles when he hears Youngwoon groan in appreciation of the sight before him. He pulls Youngwoon's pants open, revealing boxer shorts beneath, and murmurs a quiet, "lift up," so he can lower both the pants and boxers down far enough to comfortably get to what he wants most.
Youngwoon isn't fully hard yet, but Sungmin doesn't let that deter him. He wraps a hand around Youngwoon's cock, careful to keep his grip light, and slides his hand up, over the head, and back down again.
Youngwoon's breathing loudly through his nose. His lips are set in a firm line. He's obviously trying not to make any kind of sound, but Sungmin has learned over their months together how to make Youngwoon come undone.
It starts with Sungmin folding his lips over the head. He slides his tongue around it, over the slit and tastes pre-come on his tongue. It's never been unpleasant to Sungmin. It tastes like nothing, really, but knowing it's a part of Youngwoon, an intimate part of him, always excites Sungmin. When he sucks, Youngwoon finally loses his battle with keeping quiet, and moans, loudly. The sound is beautiful, and Sungmin groans a little in response, feeling heat settle in his belly.
Slowly, Sungmin takes more of Youngwoon into his mouth. He still can't get very far, he's not that experienced yet, but it's more than before and it still does the trick. Sungmin uses his hands to tease the places his mouth and tongue can't get to.
"Fuck, baby." Youngwoon whines when Sungmin bobs his head up and down quickly. Glancing up, staring at Youngwoon through thick lashes, rips another groan from the older man. Sungmin pulls away again until his lips are once again only covering the head. He licks, sucks and kisses the head, drawing out many little moans that make Sungmin's toes curl.
"Shit," Youngwoon swallows, licks at his lips just as Sungmin licks at the slit again, "you look like something out of a porn movie."
A hand weaves into Sungmin's hair. It clenches around thick strands of black as Sungmin resumes working his mouth and up and down Youngwoon's cock. The hand squeezes and pulls, and it's a little painful. Sungmin can feel his eyes stinging, but it's also exciting - Youngwoon is losing more and more of his control.
When Youngwoon comes, it takes Sungmin a little by surprise. There's no warning, there's only a sharp gasp, followed by a drawn out moan and the hand in his hair holds Sungmin in place, keeping him from pulling away if he should want to. Sungmin doesn't want to. He swallows around the dick in his mouth. He swallows as much of the come as he can and there is a second where it feels like he's choking, but Sungmin has learned to relax and just go with it.
Youngwoon's hand eventually relaxes its tight grip. Exhausted and sated, Youngwoon rides through the aftershocks of his orgasm with a lazy little grin on his face.
Sungmin pulls away completely, gives Youngwoon's twitching cock a light kiss before licking at his lips.
"You're getting good at this." Youngwoon says as he pulls Sungmin out from underneath and into his lap.
"I have a good teacher." Sungmin replies which earns him a pleased hum. "And I might have practiced a little."
Sungmin can feel Youngwoon tense beneath him. "With who?"
"No one." Sungmin says quickly. He buries his face in Youngwoon's neck, feeling embarrassed as he adds, "I've been practicing with a dildo. It's not really the same as the real thing, but I figured it would help."
Youngwoon chuckles. With Youngwoon's arms wound tight around Sungmin, he feels safe again.
"I've changed my mind." Sungmin murmurs after a few seconds of pleasant silence.
"Changed your mind?"
"I want to help you." Sungmin turns his head so his nose is pressed against Youngwoon's cheek. "I'll do anything you want me to."
More silence. When Youngwoon says nothing, Sungmin panics, wondering if he's said the wrong thing. Then Youngwoon turns his head so he can press his lips against Sungmin's. Sungmin melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Youngwoon's shoulders.
"You're my favorite." Youngwoon whispers against his mouth.
Everything is alright again.
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