super junior, various, his favorite {(2/6)}
Title: His Favorite (2/6)
Fandom: Super Junior
Main Pairings: Kangin/Sungmin, Siwon/Sungmin
Minor Pairings: Sungmin/OCs, Kangin/OCs, Kangin/Yesung, Kangin/Yoon-ji, Kangin/Yoon-ji/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Adult Content (character death, disturbing themes, dubious consent, strong sexual content, swearing, extreme violence)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance
Word Count: 7,404 (43,360 in total)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with SM Entertainment or Super Junior. This is all just for fun.
Summary: Because people like us don't get a happy ending.
Author's Note: Please, please, please heed the fic warnings.
Written for yinhyuk. <3
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If Sungmin just expects Youngwoon to shove a weapon in his hand and point him to the nearest person with the command to kill, then thankfully he's very wrong.
"You'll be trained." Youngwoon says and subsequently introduces him to his "trainers", a duo by the name of Heechul and Hankyung.
"Hey." Heechul sounds bored out of his mind and barely spares Sungmin a second glance. Meanwhile, Hankyung has a pinched look on his face as he takes in Sungmin's baggy jeans and baggy shirt. The tall, strange man probably has issue with the fact that Sungmin still looks like such a child.
"Say hey, Hankyung." Heechul orders, but Hankyung only flips the pretty man the bird and stalks away. Heechul gives a dramatic roll of his eyes before slinging an arm around Sungmin's shoulders. "Don't worry about him too much. He turns into a prissy little bitch when he feels his morals are being attacked."
"I see." Sungmin doesn't really have any idea what Heechul's going on about, but what else is he supposed to say?
"I have to say, I don't know what the boss is thinking - you don't look like a killer."
"Neither do you." Sungmin replies before he can stop himself.
Heechul laughs, throwing his head back. "What? Too pretty?"
"Yeah, I guess." Sungmin replies. He's smiling, relieved that he didn't offend the older man too much. Heechul really does look too pretty, and so not like Sungmin thought a professional killer would look like. But then he remembers that his dad was one, too and no one would ever have guessed that the unassuming man killed people for a living.
"I can say the same for you, kid. I guess now I can understand what the boss is thinking: with that pretty face of yours no one will think you're a threat until it's too late."
A blush spreads across Sungmin's cheeks. Heechul snorts.
"And he still blushes. How cute."
=+=
Heechul and Hankyung are damned good at what they do. Sungmin thinks he's lucky to have them as his trainers because Heechul always gives him the push he needs and Hankyung, it turns out, has the patience to calm Sungmin down when it all becomes a little too much.
They teach him everything they know: how to kill quickly without leaving too much mess behind. They teach him how to kill slowly and painfully, and how exactly to draw the pain out for as long as possible.
Hankyung continues with Sungmin's martial arts lessons and Sungmin loves sparring against the older man. He loses most of their matches, but he sees the pride in Hankyung's eyes the few times Sungmin manages to gain the upper hand.
Sungmin gains valuable friends in Heechul and Hankyung, even if they do drive him insane with frustration sometimes.
=+=
"Nice knives." Heechul says, but doesn't look like he means it when Sungmin shows him the collection he has built up over the years. Sungmin feels particular pride when he reveals the first one given to him, the one he has named Titan. "Me? I'm more of a gun person. Nothing beats the heavy feeling in your hand, the power you get when you aim and, bam, just like that, end a person's life."
It's typically Heechul to like something so showy; so obviously powerful.
Hankyung mutters something in Mandarin when he walks by and Sungmin can't stop himself from asking, "What kind of weapon does Hankyung prefer?"
Heechul snorts. "He's a whatever-the-fuck-gets-the-job-done kind of guy."
=+=
Eventually they decide he's ready enough to join them on a real mission. Only as an observer, of course, or so he thinks, but when they actually have to kill the target, Heechul turns to Sungmin, smirk on his face and says, "Well? Go for it."
Sungmin freezes.
"Oh, come on." Heechul rolls his eyes, grabs a fistful of their target's hair and raises his head. The man is tied to a chair and unconscious. It's the easiest first kill Sungmin could have asked for, but still Sungmin hesitates because there's no way he can be ready for this yet. "One slice of your knife and he's dead. Simple."
Trembling sets in. He feels cold and wonders if he's going to faint. It certainly feels like it - the whole room seems to be spinning a little. Then there's a comforting hand on the small of his back. When he looks up he sees Hankyung nodding at him, slowly pushing him forward.
"You can do it." Hankyung says in that beautifully calm way of his.
Somehow Sungmin does do it. Heechul holds the man's head up while Sungmin draws his knife over the skin of his neck, cutting through skin and deep into flesh. Blood quickly spills out of the new wound and covers everything in beautiful red. The man makes a gurgling sound and Sungmin watches, fascinated, as his life slips away.
"See? Not so hard." Heechul says with pride in his voice.
Then he rolls his eyes when Sungmin throws up.
"It's okay." Heechul says later when they're back at the base. "Hankyung here blew chunks for hours the first time he killed someone."
Hankyung rolls his eyes. "Shall I tell him how you cried like a girl the first time you did?"
"We're not talking about me." Heechul huffs.
It feels okay then. As if something clicks into place and laughing, Sungmin feels wonderful.
=+=
"I've been told you completed your first contract." Youngwoon looks proud, smiling so broadly as he lifts Sungmin's t-shirt to mouth at Sungmin's smooth stomach.
"Yes." Sungmin breathes. He feels more alive than he ever has before.
"Did you enjoy it?" Youngwoon peeks up at him. Dark eyes are beautiful, happy.
"Yes." Sungmin gasps as Youngwoon palms at his cock. "Yes, I did."
It's a freeing revelation.
=+=
Heechul and Hankyung take Sungmin with them more often. They even let him take the reins more than once. But before all that, Heechul decides Sungmin is in desperate need of a makeover.
Out of his baggy clothes and into outfits that are always a little tighter, something that hugs his body, a body that is steadily morphing out of the boy-like shape it's been stuck in for a number of years and into something more alluring, Sungmin turns into quite the piece of bait.
Sungmin quite enjoys playing with his targets. He loves making them believe they can have a piece of him, then watching the horror as they realize they've been played.
Sungmin really likes his job.
=+=
The first time he doesn't like it is a few months later, when Youngwoon hands him an envelope with his new targets. Photos of Hankyung and Heechul slide out of it and Sungmin drops them, feeling like they burn.
"They're going to try and leave." Youngwoon explains. "In the business we're in, you know that's not acceptable."
"How do you know?" Sungmin asks. He wants it to be a lie. Just a simple misunderstanding.
"I know everything that goes on in my company." Youngwoon replies with a simple shrug of his shoulders.
"But... they're..."
"Sungmin." Youngwoon interrupts, his voice is terribly cold again. "Their contracts have been terminated. You know what to do."
=+=
In the end, killing Heechul and Hankyung is easier than it probably should have been. Neither see it coming. They're too preoccupied with planning their escape, and they never think that it might be too late. They never consider that betrayal would come from the boy they've steadily and lovingly shaped into someone more lethal.
Sungmin makes sure it's quick and relatively painless.
Dinner has become a frequent thing for the three of them. It's a way to catch up and talk about what it is they actually do for a living. Sungmin laces the food with enough sleeping draught that will knock them out quickly.
They never catch on and it's really embarrassing that it works so well.
When they're asleep, Sungmin slits their throats and watches the life bleed out of them.
He feels nothing.
=+=
18 years
It takes time, but eventually Sungmin comes to the conclusion that Youngwoon is fucking other people. He doesn't know why it's taken him so long to realize it. It's not like Youngwoon is being very discreet about it. Still, it feels like his heart is being ripped open and Sungmin wants to scream and cry, maybe even die because it hurts so much.
Years into their relationship, and Sungmin still feels too strongly for the older man. It's no real surprise, Sungmin knows Youngwoon is the only one he'll ever want.
The proof of Youngwoon's indiscretions is turned into something more tangible during a charity banquet.
As he got older, as he steadily turned into a beautiful young man, Youngwoon's been more eager to parade Sungmin around in front of investors and business partners. Somewhere along the way they stopped hiding their relationship. Everyone knows the beautiful young man with the sinful lips and soulful eyes belongs to Youngwoon. Sungmin likes that everyone knows - he just wishes it would work both ways because Youngwoon doesn't belong to him and everyone knows that too.
=+=
Sungmin hates charity balls. He hates the pomp and the ceremony.
He also happens to be seconds away from killing someone. Specifically, he's seconds away from killing a foppish little waif of a girl who's hanging onto Youngwoon's arm and laughing at everything he says. Sungmin knows she's the daughter of someone important. He also knows that if Youngwoon gets his way, she'll be spreading her legs and screaming his name before the evening is over.
The pain that goes along with that thought makes Sungmin feel ill.
"You do know he's going to sleep with her." Jungsoo says too casually.
"Of course I know." Sungmin sneers at the older man. He's not an idiot and he dislikes anyone thinking otherwise.
Jungsoo works for Youngwoon. What exactly it is the older man does, Sungmin isn't sure, but Youngwoon values Jungsoo above all his other employees. Sungmin would be more jealous, but as far as he knows Jungsoo is married with plans to have children with his annoyingly pretty wife.
Still, Sungmin doesn't like Jungsoo. And he definitely doesn't like the way Jungsoo's always preaching to him.
"I know you think you love him." Jungsoo begins.
"I don't think I love him. I know I do." Sungmin turns towards the bartender and motions for a drink. He'll need to get seriously drunk if he's going to survive the rest of the evening.
"You're only a child." Jungsoo still sounds so awfully calm. Sungmin hates it. "And you're going to get hurt."
"You're annoying." Sungmin snatches his drink off the bar top and stalks away. Jungsoo has more sense than to follow him.
Sungmin spends the rest of the evening away from everyone else. He finds peace in the library and slowly the hours tick by. Eventually the noise in the ballroom quiets down as guests steadily begin leaving. When it's almost entirely quiet, Sungmin decides it's safe enough to head to Youngwoon's room.
When he steps inside, he finds Youngwoon sitting on the edge of the bed, completely naked. The girl from before is spread out across the bed, fast asleep. She, too, is completely naked.
"Sungmin." Youngwoon says, surprised.
Turning around, Sungmin leaves and heads to his own bedroom. He manages to hold it together until he reaches it. Youngwoon is right behind him, and grabs Sungmin's arm before Sungmin can slam the door shut in his face.
"I thought you'd fuck her in some closet or bathroom!" Sungmin gasps, feeling dizzy and sick. "Not in your, our, bedroom!" His voice becomes a little more hysterical with every word that falls from his lips.
Youngwoon pulls a struggling Sungmin to him. Sungmin knows if he wanted to he could break free, but he's hurting and he needs to feel Youngwoon's hands on him, even if it isn't entirely out of love like it usually is.
"It's not our bedroom." Youngwoon replies. "It's mine and I let you sleep there, but I can fuck whoever I want in there."
"I love you." Sungmin whispers. His voice breaks a little as the agony of the betrayal he has to endure really sets in. "Why don't you love me?"
Youngwoon's hard gaze softens ever so slightly. "I do love you." He pulls Sungmin towards him, envelops him in an embrace, and strokes Sungmin's hair. "You're my favorite."
=+=
Youngwoon won't stop fucking other people. He's made that quite clear. It's a power game, or so he says the few times Sungmin is brave enough to ask why Youngwoon would do this. He tries pressing Youngwoon for more answers, but all he gets is the silent treatment and Sungmin knows he's dangerously close to crossing a line he doesn't want to cross.
He knows he can't lose Youngwoon.
Sungmin will learn to share if he has to. He's been doing it unknowingly for years. Youngwoon always comes back to him, he's always Youngwoon's favorite. That's enough, or it has to be.
Besides, these girls aren't the real threat. The real threat is Kim Jongwoon, Youngwoon's oldest friend.
The first time Sungmin meets Jongwoon, he knows there was something between them. Jongwoon and Youngwoon share some kind of past that Sungmin will never be privy to.
The only saving grace is that Jongwoon is out of the country most of the time and can't really act on his position as Sungmin's greatest threat for Youngwoon's affections.
=+=
20 years
"You want me to do what?"
The music inside the club is impossibly loud and Sungmin hopes he only misheard Youngwoon. He can tell by the look on Youngwoon's face, however, that he hadn't.
There's too much noise. Sungmin feels claustrophobic, trapped, and now he knows why Youngwoon chose to have drinks with a business associate here instead of back at the house or somewhere more peaceful.
"You've seen the way he looks at you." Youngwoon leans over, places a kiss just below Sungmin's ear. He has a possessive hand on Sungmin's knee. Usually it would be enough to have Sungmin gasping, eager for more, but now he's a little too shocked by what Youngwoon is asking him to do.
"You want me to fuck someone else." Sungmin's voice is hollow.
"Hey," Youngwoon pulls away, "don't think of it like that."
Sungmin can't stand to look at Youngwoon. "I am not your whore to hand out to whoever you want."
Youngwoon grabbing Sungmin's face is expected, but Sungmin still winces. Youngwoon's grip on him is hard, painful, and his cheeks hurt by the way Youngwoon's fingers dig into his skin.
"This is a very important business deal, Sungmin," Youngwoon practically hisses, "and we all know men think with their dicks ninety percent of the time, business deals included. If you sucking him off in a back room somewhere means I get what I want, what our company needs, then so be it."
Hoping it will loosen Youngwoon's painful grip, he wraps his hand around Youngwoon's wrist and squeezes. "Please don't make me do this."
It's still amazing how Youngwoon's moods can turn. He lets Sungmin's face go, leans close and smoothes his lips over the red marks forming on his smooth skin. It's dark inside the club, but they both know the marks are there. Of course there won't be any lasting bruises, though. There are never any bruises.
"It's okay. I'm giving you permission." Youngwoon kisses Sungmin. It's slow, even a little romantic. It's the kind of kiss that always makes Sungmin's knees a little weak. "I know it's a difficult decision to make." Youngwoon whispers against his lips.
"It shouldn't even be a decision." Sungmin finds he's clinging to Youngwoon's leather jacket. If he's desperate enough maybe Youngwoon will relent and abandon his ludicrous idea.
"Sungmin--," Whatever Youngwoon wants to say is lost by the arrival of Youngwoon's business associate.
Park Gunwoo smiles at them, and Sungmin doesn't miss the way the man's eyes linger on him. The hunger in them is even more obvious. "Am I interrupting you love birds?"
"Not at all." Youngwoon replies with an easy smirk as he pulls away. "I see you got us drinks."
"Hm." Gunwoo motions for the waitress who'd followed him from the bar forward so she can set their drinks down on the low table.
"Youngwoon-sshi," He says, handing Youngwoon his own, "and for the lovely Sungminnie," he adds, handing Sungmin his.
Sungmin forces a smile and gracious nod of his head. Gunwoo's eyes never leave his face, and Sungmin can feel Youngwoon watching them. Sungmin finishes his drink in one go, ignoring the amused chuckles Gunwoo makes and the feeling of Youngwoon's hand on the small of his back.
Youngwoon hangs around for about an hour before making his excuses. Gunwoo is obviously disappointed, or he is until Youngwoon says, "Don't worry, I'm sure Sungmin will keep you entertained."
When Youngwoon kisses Sungmin's cheek, Sungmin grabs hold of his arm, squeezes his hand around Youngwoon's wrist. "Please," his eyes say as Youngwoon pulls away, but Youngwoon does nothing, says nothing, only turns around and disappears into the crowd.
=+=
A few drinks later and Sungmin finds himself in the club's backroom, his jeans around his ankles and Gunwoo thrusting into him with vigorous enthusiasm. It doesn't hurt, Sungmin having made sure the idiot prepped him enough, but it's still uncomfortable - Gunwoo lacks any kind of finesse, but they both know this moment isn't about Sungmin.
He bites his wrist, teeth sinking into his skin, as Gunwoo groans and moans behind him. He's not hard, he's too disgusted to be and Gunwoo is too unskilled to get him there. The man does try and wrap his hand around Sungmin's cock to jerk him off, but Sungmin pushes his hand away and thankfully Gunwoo doesn't try again.
Gunwoo comes with a terrible squeal that makes Sungmin's skin crawl with revulsion. When he does, Sungmin pushes him away, hears the man yelp as he trips back and falls over his own feet and the pants around his ankles. Gunwoo is obviously drunk anyway and Sungmin is too close to a panic attack to worry about him.
Pulling his jeans up, Sungmin sends a sneer Gunwoo's way, finds the man giggling like a moron and decides his bodyguards will have to make sure he gets home without incident.
Sungmin goes home.
The first thing he does is step into the shower to wash away the smell and feel of Gunwoo around him. His breathing is heavy and not even the loud sound of water hitting tiles and glass is enough to drown out how panicked he's becoming. He's holding back the tears while trying really hard not to feel so betrayed.
He loves Youngwoon and that means he would do anything for Youngwoon. He would do anything for this company. But Sungmin feels filthy, disgusting, like he's lost a part of himself, or like he's soiled, tainted, and he won't ever be able to clean again.
Sungmin manages to keep his feelings in check until he feels someone step up behind him. He knows it's Youngwoon, it wouldn't ever be anyone else, not in this house. When Youngwoon touches him, Sungmin finally loses it. He screams and he cries, it's the most terrible sound Sungmin thinks he's ever made - he can't even remember being so distraught when his parents were murdered.
Youngwoon shushes him, tries to get Sungmin to stop screaming and eventually forces them both to the shower's floor where he holds Sungmin tight, whispering, "I'm sorry," over and over into Sungmin's hair.
Youngwoon is still fully dressed. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's sopping wet shirt and clings to it - it's his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from losing his mind completely.
"Why would you give me away?" Sungmin asks, feeling so broken that Sungmin is sure he'll never be whole again.
"I never gave you away." Youngwoon insists, tightening his grip. "I would never give you away."
"You let someone else fuck me!"
Youngwoon kisses him. Sungmin tries to fight - he hits Youngwoon, hard, pounding his fists against Youngwoon's chest, but eventually the strength is just sapped out of Sungmin. His will to fight leaves him, and he gives in, letting Youngwoon kiss him. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's wet hair and pulls. He loves the sound Youngwoon makes - a pained groan that is caught up in pleasure and Sungmin wants to do more, he wants to hurt Youngwoon and make him bleed.
He somehow manages not to.
"Gunwoo won't touch you again." Youngwoon promises.
=+=
Gunwoo won't, but the same can't be said for others.
The second time Youngwoon asks him to sleep with someone, Sungmin is a little more prepared for it. He doesn't know if he sees regret in Youngwoon's eyes, or if it's only what he wants to see, but Sungmin manages to keep better control of his emotions when Youngwoon tells him what he'll have to do later that evening.
It's not any worse than the first time. It's not any better. It just is what it is.
It takes a couple more months for it to happen again. By the third time, Sungmin has desensitized himself to it enough that he doesn't even flinch anymore when Youngwoon comes to him.
None of the men he sleeps with try to hurt him. They know that, in the end, he still belongs to Youngwoon. Not that Sungmin needs Youngwoon to protect him. He's still perfectly capable of breaking anyone's face should they try and hurt him or get any frisky ideas.
Despite his new job description, Sungmin is still a trained killer.
Thankfully it comes to an end when one of Youngwoon's business associates try and get a little too close to Sungmin.
Jeong Jihun becomes enamored with Sungmin the first time he sees him and Sungmin knows he'll end up sleeping with the disgusting little man before it even happens.
"No touching and no kissing." Sungmin tells him when it happens, before sinking down on Jihun's cock. Jihun nods, licking his lips, and stares up at Sungmin. It's disgusting. The man makes Sungmin feel uncomfortable, filthy, they almost always do, but Sungmin resists a revolted sneer and settles for a roll of his eyes as he begins moving his hips.
It goes well enough. A few times Jihun will forget the rules and fold his hands over Sungmin's hips, but Sungmin hits hard and eventually Jihun stops trying.
"You're so beautiful." Jihun moans up at him.
"I know." Sungmin replies casually, as if he's not bouncing up and down the man's cock. "New rule - no talking."
"Okay," Jihun gasps, "whatever you want, baby."
It takes a while for Jihun to remember that rule, too. "Let me touch you, baby," he pleads, "I can make you feel so good."
Sungmin folds his hand over the man's throat and squeezes. "No. Talking." He hisses. The gurgling sounds Jihun makes as his air supply is cut off make Sungmin grin a little wildly.
Eventually Jihun comes. Sungmin doesn't stick around to make small talk.
That should be the end of it. None of the men Sungmin has slept with are ever allowed to touch him again, or even talk to him. Youngwoon's generosity only extends so far. Apparently Jihun didn't know about that rule, or he doesn't care.
The bouquet of flowers, two dozen red roses, showing up at the house is a little strange. It's even stranger when the delivery boy announces it's for a Lee Sungmin. He's never received flowers before. He knows it isn't from Youngwoon - his lover isn't really the flowers kind of guy and Sungmin wants to throw them out, but Sungjin is curious about it and tells Sungmin to at least look at the card.
Obviously Jihun has never heard about subtlety either. Written on the card is a romantic poem about starlight or moonlight, but Sungmin cringes and doesn't bother to read through it. He sighs, annoyed, when he sees Jihun's name written on the bottom of the card.
Of course Youngwoon finds out about the flowers. Nothing ever goes on in his house without him knowing about it. He doesn't suspect Sungmin of doing something to have encouraged Jihun's ridiculous obsession, for which Sungmin is grateful. He's obviously not pleased, though.
Youngwoon's eyes narrow when he sees the roses, his nostrils flare a bit when he breathes out. Then he sets them on fire; Sungmin and Youngwoon watch them burn for a few minutes before Youngwoon decides it's time to remind Sungmin of whom he belongs to by fucking him thoroughly.
Sungmin hasn't forgotten. He'll never forget. But he doesn't mind being reminded of it.
Jihun doesn't stop with his foolish attempt at courting Sungmin. There are more flowers and other gifts. Expensive gifts. Sungmin takes a spin in his new Mercedes SLK before dropping it off in a bad part of town with the keys still in the ignition.
The persistence of Jihun's desires are driving Youngwoon insane. While Sungmin hates the unwanted attention as much as Youngwoon does, it does make him feel good to know Youngwoon can still be jealous. And jealous he is - after Jihun's generous gift of the car, Youngwoon sees red, screaming at his employees to fix it.
That night he crawls into bed, folds himself around Sungmin, who gives him a sleepy welcome, and Youngwoon whispers, "Jihun-sshi won't bother you anymore."
Sungmin isn't sure what Youngwoon means or how he can guarantee that. He's too tired and too happy to have Youngwoon in bed with him to spoil the mood with talk of Jihun.
A week later Sungmin finds out Jihun has been killed. Sungmin doesn't need to ask any questions.
He would be angry, feeling like he let the idiot touch him only to have him end up dead, but it teaches Youngwoon a lesson - some will try to take Sungmin away. Youngwoon becomes even more possessive of his favorite, and never asks Sungmin to sleep with anyone else again. Now it becomes a game of they can look, but never, ever touch.
Everyone knows what will happen if they try.
=+=
22 years
Somewhere between now and his tenth birthday, Sungmin loses his little brother.
They're not close. They haven't been for years. Except for the fact that they share a few physical similarities, Sungmin sometimes wonders if Sungjin is really his brother at all. They have almost nothing in common. They can barely have a conversation without one or both of them getting annoyed and storming off.
It still comes as a surprise when Sungjin reveals he's leaving. He's going to go backpacking around the world with some of his friends, or so he says. Sungmin thinks he's going to wind up dead in some third world country with the little money he'll have stolen right out of his pocket. Or he'll be kidnapped and forced into some sort of prostitution ring. Sungjin is pretty, maybe not as pretty as Sungmin is, but he'll be a prime target.
Sungjin rolls his eyes and calls him ridiculous.
"You're out of your mind. You're just a child!" Sungmin says, hoping it will convince Sungjin to stay. It won't.
"Oh?" Sungjin replies. He unzips his last bag and drops it to the floor. "Why did that excuse never fly for you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Sungmin feels a little nervous. There are so many things Sungjin could be talking about - his job, the men he's had to fuck to make sure Youngwoon's company comes out on top. There are too many things Sungmin would rather not have Sungjin know about. His little brother already thinks so little of him, he doesn't want Sungjin to hate him completely.
"I'm not fucking stupid. I know you and Youngwoon-hyung started screwing around when you were just sixteen."
"Sungjin..."
"Save it." Sungjin grabs his bags and walks out the room with a casual, "I'll keep in touch, hyung," thrown over his shoulder. He won't.
"Don't worry." Youngwoon tries to soothe him. "I'll make sure there's always money in his back account."
Sungmin hugs Youngwoon close and wonders what he did to deserve having Youngwoon in his life.
=+=
Sungmin loses Sungjin, but he meets the two people he'll come to think of as his two closest friends. He's gone almost his whole life without ever having real friends, and Hankyung and Heechul... well, he doesn't like to think about them. He dreams about them a lot, though. Their ghosts join his parents in his dreams, and Sungmin will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, a scream lodged in his throat.
It's completely by accident that Sungmin stumbles upon Donghae and Hyukjae. It's late. The building is mostly devoid of life, but Sungmin's wandering the halls, waiting for Youngwoon to finish up a meeting so they can go home together. He has no real idea how long Youngwoon will be, or even if he'll go home tonight. Youngwoon's business associate brought along his pretty young secretary and Sungmin noticed the looks Youngwoon sent her way.
It's another thing Sungmin doesn't like to think about.
He hears two people talking and follows the voices to the cafeteria. It's empty, except for the two people talking. They must be employees, so Sungmin is happy to turn around and leave them alone, but they notice his presence pretty quickly.
"Hey!" The shorter of the two, the one who'll later introduce himself as Donghae with a charmingly boyish grin, cries. "You're the boss's--," the taller, but much slimmer man beside him elbows him hard, cutting off his sentence and reducing it to a pained, "ow!"
"What he means to say is..."
Sungmin crosses his arms over his chest. "I know what he means to say." Of course he does. Everyone in the company has formed some sort of opinion about his relationship with Youngwoon. "And you don't need to look so surprised to see me. I'm actually allowed to walk around on my own. I'm not his slave or anything."
"Oh yeah?" Donghae replies. He's either stupid or brave, or maybe even both. "Then why does he lock you away like you're some prized treasure or something?"
Hyukjae groans. "Fucking hell, Donghae. You gotta learn when to shut up."
"Hey!" Donghae cries, looking affronted. "I'm just saying it's a little creepy, that's all."
"One day your mouth is going to get you into serious trouble, and then I'm going to laugh at you."
Donghae grins. He wraps an arm around Hyukjae's shoulder. "You like my mouth."
"Sure," Hyukjae says, pushing Donghae away, "when it's doing something other than talking."
Sungmin decides now would be a good time to leave them to their bickering, but Donghae jumps up from his chair, grabs Sungmin's hand and pushes him down on an empty chair. "Join us!" He plops back down on his own and waves a hand at his cup of noodles. "The food is pretty shit, but the company is great. I promise."
Hyukjae rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "I'm Hyukjae, by the way. This dumbass is Donghae."
"You already know who I am." Sungmin says.
Donghae and Hyukjae share a look. "And boy do we."
They're a little strange. Donghae is weird. Hyukjae gives Sungmin funny glances that make him feel a little uncomfortable, but overall Sungmin decides he likes these two.
=+=
It turns out Donghae and Hyukjae are part of what's called the cleanup crew. They're the ones responsible for disposing of bodies and cleaning up the mess Sungmin might leave behind after dealing with a target.
"It's a shitty job." Hyukjae shrugs and takes sip of his coffee. They're in the cafeteria again. Once again it's late and no one else is around to interrupt their conversation. It's become something of a regular thing for them. Usually Donghae joins them and the three of them can waste away hours talking about silly things. Things Sungmin never thought he'd get to talk about. Other times, like now, the conversations are a little more serious. "But it pays well, and Donghae and I don't really have any other option." Hyukjae adds.
"What do you mean?" Sungmin asks.
"Donghae's parents are dead. His older brother had to take care of them both, but there's no money for school." Hyukjae explains. Sungmin feels a moment of pity for Donghae. There's a moment of empathy - they share something, but unlike Donghae, Sungmin was lucky enough to have Youngwoon in his life. "My parents couldn't afford to send me to university either, but I don't think I would have been accepted anyway. So we ended up hanging with a rough crowd, the usual slum dog story, and eventually ended up here."
"I'm glad you're here." Sungmin says, and means it. The grin Hyukjae gives him is adorable.
=+=
Donghae and Hyukjae turn out to be the saving grace Sungmin never knew he would one day need.
It all starts when Youngwoon takes a mistress.
Dealing with the fact that Youngwoon sleeps with other women has been hard, but Sungmin has always taken comfort in the fact that Youngwoon sleeps with these women once, maybe twice if they're really pretty, then discards them. They're a fling; a fleeting fancy and Youngwoon forgets about them almost as soon as he meets them. It hurts knowing he isn't good enough, but Sungmin is the one Youngwoon always goes home to. It has to be enough, because Sungmin loves Youngwoon. He'll do anything to make sure Youngwoon stays in his life, in his bed.
Then Youngwoon meets her. Lee Yoon-ji, like all the other women Youngwoon takes to bed, is the daughter of a wealthy business man, but unlike the others, she plays an active hand in her father's business and it's obvious she's more than a pretty face. Soon she'll be the head of her father's corporate empire.
Despite being a woman, Yoon-ji proves she can play with the big boys, and often shows she his more guts, more cunning, than her male peers.
It's her pretty face that draws Youngwoon in, but it's ultimately her mind that makes him stay.
Sungmin tries very hard not to think about it the first time Youngwoon sleeps with her. Even then he knows it's different than the other times - there's dinner involved. He's never been on one, but Sungmin recognizes a date when he sees it. Still, he foolishly hopes it doesn't mean anything.
One date follows another and one day Sungmin heads down to the breakfast table to find her sitting there, laughing with Youngwoon, as if she's the lady of the house. Sungmin knows if she has her way, she very well might end up being such.
She's wearing nothing but one of Youngwoon's dress shirts. One of her legs is propped up on the chair, revealing smooth skin and she continuously runs her hand lazily through her messy hair.
None of Youngwoon's lovers have ever spent the night. None of them have ever stayed to have breakfast. None of them have ever worn Youngwoon's clothes.
Sungmin is taken aback and stands in the doorway staring for a full minute before they notice him. She gives him a lovely smile when Youngwoon introduces them and murmurs a polite "good morning" when he joins them at the table.
Once Sungmin would have fled the room, but he's not that overly emotional teenage boy anymore. He's learned to swallow the pain, to keep it locked inside and ignore it even as it festers into something so much worse.
The same can't be said for when Sungmin is finally allowed to escape to his own bedroom. He wants to tear the room apart, somehow unleash all his sorrow and his rage, but he manages to keep his breaking down to just crying. It's the kind of crying he's seen little children do - the ugly, red faced sobbing and pathetic whimpering that makes Sungmin feel uncomfortable and weak.
Of course while he turns into an emotional wreck, Youngwoon decides to check up on him. It's a good hour into his crying, so Sungmin supposes Youngwoon decided to see Yoon-ji off first before checking up on him. It's something Sungmin is grateful for, despite knowing that Yoon-ji was Youngwoon's first priority, because by the time Youngwoon steps into his room, the worst of the crying has stopped and Sungmin's no longer shaking or heaving. Now there are only silent tears slipping down red and aching cheeks.
"Baby." Youngwoon murmurs when he sees Sungmin and it's almost enough to break Sungmin again.
"Why?" Sungmin asks, his voice cracks from the raw emotion. "Why are you doing this?"
Youngwoon sits beside him on the bed. As soon as he does, Sungmin gets up, trying to get away from Youngwoon. He knows if Youngwoon touches him, he'll lose the will he has to fight and he's aching for one, for the chance to hurt Youngwoon. Except Youngwoon has other ideas - he's up with Sungmin, grabs Sungmin's elbow to stop the younger man from escaping. He doesn't expect the punch Sungmin deals him - it's not a very hard one, more surprising than anything else, but it still angers Youngwoon.
Slamming Sungmin against the wall opposite the bed, Youngwoon presses close and snarls, "Don't ever do that again."
"Fuck you." Sungmin isn't sure where his sudden bravery has come from, but there's no way he's stepping down. He's not that scared sixteen-year-old kid anymore. Youngwoon has, over the years, tried to awaken some kind of monster within him, and Sungmin can feel that monster, the dark part of himself that just wants to hurt everything and everyone around him, clawing its way out of his insides.
Sungmin expects Youngwoon to hit back. He wants it so he can have a legitimate excuse to punch Youngwoon again. But instead of laying a hand on Sungmin, Youngwoon hits the wall beside him instead. It must hurt, Sungmin can see the smallest flicker of pain in Youngwoon's eyes, but they're both too far gone to care.
Then Youngwoon kisses him. Sungmin bites at Youngwoon's tongue, his lips, tastes blood in his mouth, but never tries to pull away or break the kiss. He doesn't want to. It's intoxicating the way Youngwoon's fingers dig into his hips, the way his nails claw into Youngwoon's skin. It's painful, but it's not nearly enough.
It doesn't hurt enough.
Youngwoon lifts him, Sungmin hooks his legs around Youngwoon's waist. The trip to the bed is a short one; they share a slow kiss on their way. It's a mockery of every loving kiss they've shared before this one.
Sungmin's dropped on the bed, bounces a little on the mattress, before Youngwoon's weight settles on top of him. The sweet respite from the insanity is destroyed, and sneering up at his lover, Sungmin flips their positions. For the smallest second he just stares at Youngwoon and wonders where the young man went, the one who'd drawn him a quick sketch, and who'd been the nicest person Sungmin had ever met.
Youngwoon is grinning now, but it's twisted. With his lips smeared with his own blood, his eyes so dark they almost look completely black, Youngwoon looks feral, like the monster he wants to create in Sungmin.
Sungmin hates him, almost as much as he loves him.
Youngwoon pulls him down again with a hand twisted in Sungmin's hair. While they kiss, Youngwoon flips them over again. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's expensive button down shirt, tightens his grip and pulls it open, buttons popping all over the place. Youngwoon chuckles darkly, which turns into a hiss of pain as Sungmin claws his nails down Youngwoon's chest. His nails are just sharp and long enough to break into skin, and the little red trails of blood Sungmin leaves behind have him grinning madly.
It's not long before Youngwoon decides it's time to turn the tables. He flips Sungmin over so that Sungmin's on his stomach, lifts Sungmin's hips and folds himself over the younger man's back. With his lips close to Sungmin's ear, he whispers, "I'm going to have you begging like the little whore you are."
Sungmin scowls, tries to ram his elbow in Youngwoon's gut, but Youngwoon sees it coming and manages to block it. Sungmin doesn't care - it was all just a distraction tactic anyway. With Youngwoon too busy dealing with Sungmin's elbow, Sungmin takes the opportunity to slam his head back into Youngwoon's face. He laughs hysterically when Youngwoon gives a startled cry of pain. It's all euphoric - the pained yelp, the traces of blood still lingering on his tongue.
His laughing morphs into a drawn out moan when Youngwoon turns his head so they can kiss again. It's chaotic, messy and with just enough traces of violence to excite Sungmin even more than he already is. His dick is aching, desperate for release from the pleasurable pain.
Sungmin doesn't put up too much of a fight when Youngwoon wrestles him out of his jeans, just enough to give Youngwoon a challenge, to make it all a little more exciting.
There's barely any preparation. Sungmin knew there wouldn't be; he didn't want it anyway. There's just enough to make sure Youngwoon won't be doing any real damage, but any kind of gentleness is completely missing as Youngwoon shoves a lubed finger, then two then three inside him. It's exactly what Sungmin wants, and he's moaning, gasping as he rides Youngwoon's fingers. Youngwoon pulls them out too soon for Sungmin's liking, but when he pushes his cock into Sungmin, all thought of complaining go away and Sungmin can barely think.
He's not stretched as much as he should be, and the slide of Youngwoon's cock is strange, different than usual. It burns a little, but the pain in his heart rejoices, loving the physicality of it. Everything hurts, and Sungmin basks in it.
Youngwoon slams into him. It's hard and fast, and with every inward thrust of Youngwoon's hips, Sungmin loses his breath. By the time he comes, Sungmin's so dizzy and he's sure he blacks out because when he opens his eyes again he's lying on the bed, on his back, with Youngwoon sitting beside him.
"I'm planning to marry her." Youngwoon says when he realizes Sungmin is awake.
The pain doesn't feel good anymore.
"Do you love her?" Sungmin isn't sure why he would even ask. He doesn't want to know; there's too much of a chance that the answer is yes.
But Youngwoon only chuckles dryly. "Nothing I do is about love." There's a terrible silence between them. "I admire her," Youngwoon adds, "she's a lot like me."
Sungmin isn't sure he sees the similarities, but he barely knows her so he knows he can't agree or disagree.
He doesn't want to talk about her anymore anyway.
He turns his face away, stares out the bedroom window as he says, "I want to leave."
"And go where?"
"I don't know." Maybe do what Sungjin did - escape and lose himself in the world. "I don't care where I go as long as it's far away from you."
A gentle hand on Sungmin's hip has him wincing. Youngwoon lies down next to him, presses close and urges Sungmin to look at him again. It's intimate, exactly what Sungmin would have wanted once, but now it hurts and Sungmin would look away again, but Youngwoon's hand on his cheek keeps his face in place.
"If you try to leave I will kill us both."
Sungmin doesn't know what to say. Somehow he knows Youngwoon is dead serious.
"You're my favorite, remember?" Youngwoon kisses him. "You can't escape me and I can't escape you."
< >
Fandom: Super Junior
Main Pairings: Kangin/Sungmin, Siwon/Sungmin
Minor Pairings: Sungmin/OCs, Kangin/OCs, Kangin/Yesung, Kangin/Yoon-ji, Kangin/Yoon-ji/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Adult Content (character death, disturbing themes, dubious consent, strong sexual content, swearing, extreme violence)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance
Word Count: 7,404 (43,360 in total)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with SM Entertainment or Super Junior. This is all just for fun.
Summary: Because people like us don't get a happy ending.
Author's Note: Please, please, please heed the fic warnings.
Written for yinhyuk. <3
<
>
If Sungmin just expects Youngwoon to shove a weapon in his hand and point him to the nearest person with the command to kill, then thankfully he's very wrong.
"You'll be trained." Youngwoon says and subsequently introduces him to his "trainers", a duo by the name of Heechul and Hankyung.
"Hey." Heechul sounds bored out of his mind and barely spares Sungmin a second glance. Meanwhile, Hankyung has a pinched look on his face as he takes in Sungmin's baggy jeans and baggy shirt. The tall, strange man probably has issue with the fact that Sungmin still looks like such a child.
"Say hey, Hankyung." Heechul orders, but Hankyung only flips the pretty man the bird and stalks away. Heechul gives a dramatic roll of his eyes before slinging an arm around Sungmin's shoulders. "Don't worry about him too much. He turns into a prissy little bitch when he feels his morals are being attacked."
"I see." Sungmin doesn't really have any idea what Heechul's going on about, but what else is he supposed to say?
"I have to say, I don't know what the boss is thinking - you don't look like a killer."
"Neither do you." Sungmin replies before he can stop himself.
Heechul laughs, throwing his head back. "What? Too pretty?"
"Yeah, I guess." Sungmin replies. He's smiling, relieved that he didn't offend the older man too much. Heechul really does look too pretty, and so not like Sungmin thought a professional killer would look like. But then he remembers that his dad was one, too and no one would ever have guessed that the unassuming man killed people for a living.
"I can say the same for you, kid. I guess now I can understand what the boss is thinking: with that pretty face of yours no one will think you're a threat until it's too late."
A blush spreads across Sungmin's cheeks. Heechul snorts.
"And he still blushes. How cute."
=+=
Heechul and Hankyung are damned good at what they do. Sungmin thinks he's lucky to have them as his trainers because Heechul always gives him the push he needs and Hankyung, it turns out, has the patience to calm Sungmin down when it all becomes a little too much.
They teach him everything they know: how to kill quickly without leaving too much mess behind. They teach him how to kill slowly and painfully, and how exactly to draw the pain out for as long as possible.
Hankyung continues with Sungmin's martial arts lessons and Sungmin loves sparring against the older man. He loses most of their matches, but he sees the pride in Hankyung's eyes the few times Sungmin manages to gain the upper hand.
Sungmin gains valuable friends in Heechul and Hankyung, even if they do drive him insane with frustration sometimes.
=+=
"Nice knives." Heechul says, but doesn't look like he means it when Sungmin shows him the collection he has built up over the years. Sungmin feels particular pride when he reveals the first one given to him, the one he has named Titan. "Me? I'm more of a gun person. Nothing beats the heavy feeling in your hand, the power you get when you aim and, bam, just like that, end a person's life."
It's typically Heechul to like something so showy; so obviously powerful.
Hankyung mutters something in Mandarin when he walks by and Sungmin can't stop himself from asking, "What kind of weapon does Hankyung prefer?"
Heechul snorts. "He's a whatever-the-fuck-gets-the-job-done kind of guy."
=+=
Eventually they decide he's ready enough to join them on a real mission. Only as an observer, of course, or so he thinks, but when they actually have to kill the target, Heechul turns to Sungmin, smirk on his face and says, "Well? Go for it."
Sungmin freezes.
"Oh, come on." Heechul rolls his eyes, grabs a fistful of their target's hair and raises his head. The man is tied to a chair and unconscious. It's the easiest first kill Sungmin could have asked for, but still Sungmin hesitates because there's no way he can be ready for this yet. "One slice of your knife and he's dead. Simple."
Trembling sets in. He feels cold and wonders if he's going to faint. It certainly feels like it - the whole room seems to be spinning a little. Then there's a comforting hand on the small of his back. When he looks up he sees Hankyung nodding at him, slowly pushing him forward.
"You can do it." Hankyung says in that beautifully calm way of his.
Somehow Sungmin does do it. Heechul holds the man's head up while Sungmin draws his knife over the skin of his neck, cutting through skin and deep into flesh. Blood quickly spills out of the new wound and covers everything in beautiful red. The man makes a gurgling sound and Sungmin watches, fascinated, as his life slips away.
"See? Not so hard." Heechul says with pride in his voice.
Then he rolls his eyes when Sungmin throws up.
"It's okay." Heechul says later when they're back at the base. "Hankyung here blew chunks for hours the first time he killed someone."
Hankyung rolls his eyes. "Shall I tell him how you cried like a girl the first time you did?"
"We're not talking about me." Heechul huffs.
It feels okay then. As if something clicks into place and laughing, Sungmin feels wonderful.
=+=
"I've been told you completed your first contract." Youngwoon looks proud, smiling so broadly as he lifts Sungmin's t-shirt to mouth at Sungmin's smooth stomach.
"Yes." Sungmin breathes. He feels more alive than he ever has before.
"Did you enjoy it?" Youngwoon peeks up at him. Dark eyes are beautiful, happy.
"Yes." Sungmin gasps as Youngwoon palms at his cock. "Yes, I did."
It's a freeing revelation.
=+=
Heechul and Hankyung take Sungmin with them more often. They even let him take the reins more than once. But before all that, Heechul decides Sungmin is in desperate need of a makeover.
Out of his baggy clothes and into outfits that are always a little tighter, something that hugs his body, a body that is steadily morphing out of the boy-like shape it's been stuck in for a number of years and into something more alluring, Sungmin turns into quite the piece of bait.
Sungmin quite enjoys playing with his targets. He loves making them believe they can have a piece of him, then watching the horror as they realize they've been played.
Sungmin really likes his job.
=+=
The first time he doesn't like it is a few months later, when Youngwoon hands him an envelope with his new targets. Photos of Hankyung and Heechul slide out of it and Sungmin drops them, feeling like they burn.
"They're going to try and leave." Youngwoon explains. "In the business we're in, you know that's not acceptable."
"How do you know?" Sungmin asks. He wants it to be a lie. Just a simple misunderstanding.
"I know everything that goes on in my company." Youngwoon replies with a simple shrug of his shoulders.
"But... they're..."
"Sungmin." Youngwoon interrupts, his voice is terribly cold again. "Their contracts have been terminated. You know what to do."
=+=
In the end, killing Heechul and Hankyung is easier than it probably should have been. Neither see it coming. They're too preoccupied with planning their escape, and they never think that it might be too late. They never consider that betrayal would come from the boy they've steadily and lovingly shaped into someone more lethal.
Sungmin makes sure it's quick and relatively painless.
Dinner has become a frequent thing for the three of them. It's a way to catch up and talk about what it is they actually do for a living. Sungmin laces the food with enough sleeping draught that will knock them out quickly.
They never catch on and it's really embarrassing that it works so well.
When they're asleep, Sungmin slits their throats and watches the life bleed out of them.
He feels nothing.
=+=
18 years
It takes time, but eventually Sungmin comes to the conclusion that Youngwoon is fucking other people. He doesn't know why it's taken him so long to realize it. It's not like Youngwoon is being very discreet about it. Still, it feels like his heart is being ripped open and Sungmin wants to scream and cry, maybe even die because it hurts so much.
Years into their relationship, and Sungmin still feels too strongly for the older man. It's no real surprise, Sungmin knows Youngwoon is the only one he'll ever want.
The proof of Youngwoon's indiscretions is turned into something more tangible during a charity banquet.
As he got older, as he steadily turned into a beautiful young man, Youngwoon's been more eager to parade Sungmin around in front of investors and business partners. Somewhere along the way they stopped hiding their relationship. Everyone knows the beautiful young man with the sinful lips and soulful eyes belongs to Youngwoon. Sungmin likes that everyone knows - he just wishes it would work both ways because Youngwoon doesn't belong to him and everyone knows that too.
=+=
Sungmin hates charity balls. He hates the pomp and the ceremony.
He also happens to be seconds away from killing someone. Specifically, he's seconds away from killing a foppish little waif of a girl who's hanging onto Youngwoon's arm and laughing at everything he says. Sungmin knows she's the daughter of someone important. He also knows that if Youngwoon gets his way, she'll be spreading her legs and screaming his name before the evening is over.
The pain that goes along with that thought makes Sungmin feel ill.
"You do know he's going to sleep with her." Jungsoo says too casually.
"Of course I know." Sungmin sneers at the older man. He's not an idiot and he dislikes anyone thinking otherwise.
Jungsoo works for Youngwoon. What exactly it is the older man does, Sungmin isn't sure, but Youngwoon values Jungsoo above all his other employees. Sungmin would be more jealous, but as far as he knows Jungsoo is married with plans to have children with his annoyingly pretty wife.
Still, Sungmin doesn't like Jungsoo. And he definitely doesn't like the way Jungsoo's always preaching to him.
"I know you think you love him." Jungsoo begins.
"I don't think I love him. I know I do." Sungmin turns towards the bartender and motions for a drink. He'll need to get seriously drunk if he's going to survive the rest of the evening.
"You're only a child." Jungsoo still sounds so awfully calm. Sungmin hates it. "And you're going to get hurt."
"You're annoying." Sungmin snatches his drink off the bar top and stalks away. Jungsoo has more sense than to follow him.
Sungmin spends the rest of the evening away from everyone else. He finds peace in the library and slowly the hours tick by. Eventually the noise in the ballroom quiets down as guests steadily begin leaving. When it's almost entirely quiet, Sungmin decides it's safe enough to head to Youngwoon's room.
When he steps inside, he finds Youngwoon sitting on the edge of the bed, completely naked. The girl from before is spread out across the bed, fast asleep. She, too, is completely naked.
"Sungmin." Youngwoon says, surprised.
Turning around, Sungmin leaves and heads to his own bedroom. He manages to hold it together until he reaches it. Youngwoon is right behind him, and grabs Sungmin's arm before Sungmin can slam the door shut in his face.
"I thought you'd fuck her in some closet or bathroom!" Sungmin gasps, feeling dizzy and sick. "Not in your, our, bedroom!" His voice becomes a little more hysterical with every word that falls from his lips.
Youngwoon pulls a struggling Sungmin to him. Sungmin knows if he wanted to he could break free, but he's hurting and he needs to feel Youngwoon's hands on him, even if it isn't entirely out of love like it usually is.
"It's not our bedroom." Youngwoon replies. "It's mine and I let you sleep there, but I can fuck whoever I want in there."
"I love you." Sungmin whispers. His voice breaks a little as the agony of the betrayal he has to endure really sets in. "Why don't you love me?"
Youngwoon's hard gaze softens ever so slightly. "I do love you." He pulls Sungmin towards him, envelops him in an embrace, and strokes Sungmin's hair. "You're my favorite."
=+=
Youngwoon won't stop fucking other people. He's made that quite clear. It's a power game, or so he says the few times Sungmin is brave enough to ask why Youngwoon would do this. He tries pressing Youngwoon for more answers, but all he gets is the silent treatment and Sungmin knows he's dangerously close to crossing a line he doesn't want to cross.
He knows he can't lose Youngwoon.
Sungmin will learn to share if he has to. He's been doing it unknowingly for years. Youngwoon always comes back to him, he's always Youngwoon's favorite. That's enough, or it has to be.
Besides, these girls aren't the real threat. The real threat is Kim Jongwoon, Youngwoon's oldest friend.
The first time Sungmin meets Jongwoon, he knows there was something between them. Jongwoon and Youngwoon share some kind of past that Sungmin will never be privy to.
The only saving grace is that Jongwoon is out of the country most of the time and can't really act on his position as Sungmin's greatest threat for Youngwoon's affections.
=+=
20 years
"You want me to do what?"
The music inside the club is impossibly loud and Sungmin hopes he only misheard Youngwoon. He can tell by the look on Youngwoon's face, however, that he hadn't.
There's too much noise. Sungmin feels claustrophobic, trapped, and now he knows why Youngwoon chose to have drinks with a business associate here instead of back at the house or somewhere more peaceful.
"You've seen the way he looks at you." Youngwoon leans over, places a kiss just below Sungmin's ear. He has a possessive hand on Sungmin's knee. Usually it would be enough to have Sungmin gasping, eager for more, but now he's a little too shocked by what Youngwoon is asking him to do.
"You want me to fuck someone else." Sungmin's voice is hollow.
"Hey," Youngwoon pulls away, "don't think of it like that."
Sungmin can't stand to look at Youngwoon. "I am not your whore to hand out to whoever you want."
Youngwoon grabbing Sungmin's face is expected, but Sungmin still winces. Youngwoon's grip on him is hard, painful, and his cheeks hurt by the way Youngwoon's fingers dig into his skin.
"This is a very important business deal, Sungmin," Youngwoon practically hisses, "and we all know men think with their dicks ninety percent of the time, business deals included. If you sucking him off in a back room somewhere means I get what I want, what our company needs, then so be it."
Hoping it will loosen Youngwoon's painful grip, he wraps his hand around Youngwoon's wrist and squeezes. "Please don't make me do this."
It's still amazing how Youngwoon's moods can turn. He lets Sungmin's face go, leans close and smoothes his lips over the red marks forming on his smooth skin. It's dark inside the club, but they both know the marks are there. Of course there won't be any lasting bruises, though. There are never any bruises.
"It's okay. I'm giving you permission." Youngwoon kisses Sungmin. It's slow, even a little romantic. It's the kind of kiss that always makes Sungmin's knees a little weak. "I know it's a difficult decision to make." Youngwoon whispers against his lips.
"It shouldn't even be a decision." Sungmin finds he's clinging to Youngwoon's leather jacket. If he's desperate enough maybe Youngwoon will relent and abandon his ludicrous idea.
"Sungmin--," Whatever Youngwoon wants to say is lost by the arrival of Youngwoon's business associate.
Park Gunwoo smiles at them, and Sungmin doesn't miss the way the man's eyes linger on him. The hunger in them is even more obvious. "Am I interrupting you love birds?"
"Not at all." Youngwoon replies with an easy smirk as he pulls away. "I see you got us drinks."
"Hm." Gunwoo motions for the waitress who'd followed him from the bar forward so she can set their drinks down on the low table.
"Youngwoon-sshi," He says, handing Youngwoon his own, "and for the lovely Sungminnie," he adds, handing Sungmin his.
Sungmin forces a smile and gracious nod of his head. Gunwoo's eyes never leave his face, and Sungmin can feel Youngwoon watching them. Sungmin finishes his drink in one go, ignoring the amused chuckles Gunwoo makes and the feeling of Youngwoon's hand on the small of his back.
Youngwoon hangs around for about an hour before making his excuses. Gunwoo is obviously disappointed, or he is until Youngwoon says, "Don't worry, I'm sure Sungmin will keep you entertained."
When Youngwoon kisses Sungmin's cheek, Sungmin grabs hold of his arm, squeezes his hand around Youngwoon's wrist. "Please," his eyes say as Youngwoon pulls away, but Youngwoon does nothing, says nothing, only turns around and disappears into the crowd.
=+=
A few drinks later and Sungmin finds himself in the club's backroom, his jeans around his ankles and Gunwoo thrusting into him with vigorous enthusiasm. It doesn't hurt, Sungmin having made sure the idiot prepped him enough, but it's still uncomfortable - Gunwoo lacks any kind of finesse, but they both know this moment isn't about Sungmin.
He bites his wrist, teeth sinking into his skin, as Gunwoo groans and moans behind him. He's not hard, he's too disgusted to be and Gunwoo is too unskilled to get him there. The man does try and wrap his hand around Sungmin's cock to jerk him off, but Sungmin pushes his hand away and thankfully Gunwoo doesn't try again.
Gunwoo comes with a terrible squeal that makes Sungmin's skin crawl with revulsion. When he does, Sungmin pushes him away, hears the man yelp as he trips back and falls over his own feet and the pants around his ankles. Gunwoo is obviously drunk anyway and Sungmin is too close to a panic attack to worry about him.
Pulling his jeans up, Sungmin sends a sneer Gunwoo's way, finds the man giggling like a moron and decides his bodyguards will have to make sure he gets home without incident.
Sungmin goes home.
The first thing he does is step into the shower to wash away the smell and feel of Gunwoo around him. His breathing is heavy and not even the loud sound of water hitting tiles and glass is enough to drown out how panicked he's becoming. He's holding back the tears while trying really hard not to feel so betrayed.
He loves Youngwoon and that means he would do anything for Youngwoon. He would do anything for this company. But Sungmin feels filthy, disgusting, like he's lost a part of himself, or like he's soiled, tainted, and he won't ever be able to clean again.
Sungmin manages to keep his feelings in check until he feels someone step up behind him. He knows it's Youngwoon, it wouldn't ever be anyone else, not in this house. When Youngwoon touches him, Sungmin finally loses it. He screams and he cries, it's the most terrible sound Sungmin thinks he's ever made - he can't even remember being so distraught when his parents were murdered.
Youngwoon shushes him, tries to get Sungmin to stop screaming and eventually forces them both to the shower's floor where he holds Sungmin tight, whispering, "I'm sorry," over and over into Sungmin's hair.
Youngwoon is still fully dressed. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's sopping wet shirt and clings to it - it's his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from losing his mind completely.
"Why would you give me away?" Sungmin asks, feeling so broken that Sungmin is sure he'll never be whole again.
"I never gave you away." Youngwoon insists, tightening his grip. "I would never give you away."
"You let someone else fuck me!"
Youngwoon kisses him. Sungmin tries to fight - he hits Youngwoon, hard, pounding his fists against Youngwoon's chest, but eventually the strength is just sapped out of Sungmin. His will to fight leaves him, and he gives in, letting Youngwoon kiss him. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's wet hair and pulls. He loves the sound Youngwoon makes - a pained groan that is caught up in pleasure and Sungmin wants to do more, he wants to hurt Youngwoon and make him bleed.
He somehow manages not to.
"Gunwoo won't touch you again." Youngwoon promises.
=+=
Gunwoo won't, but the same can't be said for others.
The second time Youngwoon asks him to sleep with someone, Sungmin is a little more prepared for it. He doesn't know if he sees regret in Youngwoon's eyes, or if it's only what he wants to see, but Sungmin manages to keep better control of his emotions when Youngwoon tells him what he'll have to do later that evening.
It's not any worse than the first time. It's not any better. It just is what it is.
It takes a couple more months for it to happen again. By the third time, Sungmin has desensitized himself to it enough that he doesn't even flinch anymore when Youngwoon comes to him.
None of the men he sleeps with try to hurt him. They know that, in the end, he still belongs to Youngwoon. Not that Sungmin needs Youngwoon to protect him. He's still perfectly capable of breaking anyone's face should they try and hurt him or get any frisky ideas.
Despite his new job description, Sungmin is still a trained killer.
Thankfully it comes to an end when one of Youngwoon's business associates try and get a little too close to Sungmin.
Jeong Jihun becomes enamored with Sungmin the first time he sees him and Sungmin knows he'll end up sleeping with the disgusting little man before it even happens.
"No touching and no kissing." Sungmin tells him when it happens, before sinking down on Jihun's cock. Jihun nods, licking his lips, and stares up at Sungmin. It's disgusting. The man makes Sungmin feel uncomfortable, filthy, they almost always do, but Sungmin resists a revolted sneer and settles for a roll of his eyes as he begins moving his hips.
It goes well enough. A few times Jihun will forget the rules and fold his hands over Sungmin's hips, but Sungmin hits hard and eventually Jihun stops trying.
"You're so beautiful." Jihun moans up at him.
"I know." Sungmin replies casually, as if he's not bouncing up and down the man's cock. "New rule - no talking."
"Okay," Jihun gasps, "whatever you want, baby."
It takes a while for Jihun to remember that rule, too. "Let me touch you, baby," he pleads, "I can make you feel so good."
Sungmin folds his hand over the man's throat and squeezes. "No. Talking." He hisses. The gurgling sounds Jihun makes as his air supply is cut off make Sungmin grin a little wildly.
Eventually Jihun comes. Sungmin doesn't stick around to make small talk.
That should be the end of it. None of the men Sungmin has slept with are ever allowed to touch him again, or even talk to him. Youngwoon's generosity only extends so far. Apparently Jihun didn't know about that rule, or he doesn't care.
The bouquet of flowers, two dozen red roses, showing up at the house is a little strange. It's even stranger when the delivery boy announces it's for a Lee Sungmin. He's never received flowers before. He knows it isn't from Youngwoon - his lover isn't really the flowers kind of guy and Sungmin wants to throw them out, but Sungjin is curious about it and tells Sungmin to at least look at the card.
Obviously Jihun has never heard about subtlety either. Written on the card is a romantic poem about starlight or moonlight, but Sungmin cringes and doesn't bother to read through it. He sighs, annoyed, when he sees Jihun's name written on the bottom of the card.
Of course Youngwoon finds out about the flowers. Nothing ever goes on in his house without him knowing about it. He doesn't suspect Sungmin of doing something to have encouraged Jihun's ridiculous obsession, for which Sungmin is grateful. He's obviously not pleased, though.
Youngwoon's eyes narrow when he sees the roses, his nostrils flare a bit when he breathes out. Then he sets them on fire; Sungmin and Youngwoon watch them burn for a few minutes before Youngwoon decides it's time to remind Sungmin of whom he belongs to by fucking him thoroughly.
Sungmin hasn't forgotten. He'll never forget. But he doesn't mind being reminded of it.
Jihun doesn't stop with his foolish attempt at courting Sungmin. There are more flowers and other gifts. Expensive gifts. Sungmin takes a spin in his new Mercedes SLK before dropping it off in a bad part of town with the keys still in the ignition.
The persistence of Jihun's desires are driving Youngwoon insane. While Sungmin hates the unwanted attention as much as Youngwoon does, it does make him feel good to know Youngwoon can still be jealous. And jealous he is - after Jihun's generous gift of the car, Youngwoon sees red, screaming at his employees to fix it.
That night he crawls into bed, folds himself around Sungmin, who gives him a sleepy welcome, and Youngwoon whispers, "Jihun-sshi won't bother you anymore."
Sungmin isn't sure what Youngwoon means or how he can guarantee that. He's too tired and too happy to have Youngwoon in bed with him to spoil the mood with talk of Jihun.
A week later Sungmin finds out Jihun has been killed. Sungmin doesn't need to ask any questions.
He would be angry, feeling like he let the idiot touch him only to have him end up dead, but it teaches Youngwoon a lesson - some will try to take Sungmin away. Youngwoon becomes even more possessive of his favorite, and never asks Sungmin to sleep with anyone else again. Now it becomes a game of they can look, but never, ever touch.
Everyone knows what will happen if they try.
=+=
22 years
Somewhere between now and his tenth birthday, Sungmin loses his little brother.
They're not close. They haven't been for years. Except for the fact that they share a few physical similarities, Sungmin sometimes wonders if Sungjin is really his brother at all. They have almost nothing in common. They can barely have a conversation without one or both of them getting annoyed and storming off.
It still comes as a surprise when Sungjin reveals he's leaving. He's going to go backpacking around the world with some of his friends, or so he says. Sungmin thinks he's going to wind up dead in some third world country with the little money he'll have stolen right out of his pocket. Or he'll be kidnapped and forced into some sort of prostitution ring. Sungjin is pretty, maybe not as pretty as Sungmin is, but he'll be a prime target.
Sungjin rolls his eyes and calls him ridiculous.
"You're out of your mind. You're just a child!" Sungmin says, hoping it will convince Sungjin to stay. It won't.
"Oh?" Sungjin replies. He unzips his last bag and drops it to the floor. "Why did that excuse never fly for you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Sungmin feels a little nervous. There are so many things Sungjin could be talking about - his job, the men he's had to fuck to make sure Youngwoon's company comes out on top. There are too many things Sungmin would rather not have Sungjin know about. His little brother already thinks so little of him, he doesn't want Sungjin to hate him completely.
"I'm not fucking stupid. I know you and Youngwoon-hyung started screwing around when you were just sixteen."
"Sungjin..."
"Save it." Sungjin grabs his bags and walks out the room with a casual, "I'll keep in touch, hyung," thrown over his shoulder. He won't.
"Don't worry." Youngwoon tries to soothe him. "I'll make sure there's always money in his back account."
Sungmin hugs Youngwoon close and wonders what he did to deserve having Youngwoon in his life.
=+=
Sungmin loses Sungjin, but he meets the two people he'll come to think of as his two closest friends. He's gone almost his whole life without ever having real friends, and Hankyung and Heechul... well, he doesn't like to think about them. He dreams about them a lot, though. Their ghosts join his parents in his dreams, and Sungmin will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, a scream lodged in his throat.
It's completely by accident that Sungmin stumbles upon Donghae and Hyukjae. It's late. The building is mostly devoid of life, but Sungmin's wandering the halls, waiting for Youngwoon to finish up a meeting so they can go home together. He has no real idea how long Youngwoon will be, or even if he'll go home tonight. Youngwoon's business associate brought along his pretty young secretary and Sungmin noticed the looks Youngwoon sent her way.
It's another thing Sungmin doesn't like to think about.
He hears two people talking and follows the voices to the cafeteria. It's empty, except for the two people talking. They must be employees, so Sungmin is happy to turn around and leave them alone, but they notice his presence pretty quickly.
"Hey!" The shorter of the two, the one who'll later introduce himself as Donghae with a charmingly boyish grin, cries. "You're the boss's--," the taller, but much slimmer man beside him elbows him hard, cutting off his sentence and reducing it to a pained, "ow!"
"What he means to say is..."
Sungmin crosses his arms over his chest. "I know what he means to say." Of course he does. Everyone in the company has formed some sort of opinion about his relationship with Youngwoon. "And you don't need to look so surprised to see me. I'm actually allowed to walk around on my own. I'm not his slave or anything."
"Oh yeah?" Donghae replies. He's either stupid or brave, or maybe even both. "Then why does he lock you away like you're some prized treasure or something?"
Hyukjae groans. "Fucking hell, Donghae. You gotta learn when to shut up."
"Hey!" Donghae cries, looking affronted. "I'm just saying it's a little creepy, that's all."
"One day your mouth is going to get you into serious trouble, and then I'm going to laugh at you."
Donghae grins. He wraps an arm around Hyukjae's shoulder. "You like my mouth."
"Sure," Hyukjae says, pushing Donghae away, "when it's doing something other than talking."
Sungmin decides now would be a good time to leave them to their bickering, but Donghae jumps up from his chair, grabs Sungmin's hand and pushes him down on an empty chair. "Join us!" He plops back down on his own and waves a hand at his cup of noodles. "The food is pretty shit, but the company is great. I promise."
Hyukjae rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "I'm Hyukjae, by the way. This dumbass is Donghae."
"You already know who I am." Sungmin says.
Donghae and Hyukjae share a look. "And boy do we."
They're a little strange. Donghae is weird. Hyukjae gives Sungmin funny glances that make him feel a little uncomfortable, but overall Sungmin decides he likes these two.
=+=
It turns out Donghae and Hyukjae are part of what's called the cleanup crew. They're the ones responsible for disposing of bodies and cleaning up the mess Sungmin might leave behind after dealing with a target.
"It's a shitty job." Hyukjae shrugs and takes sip of his coffee. They're in the cafeteria again. Once again it's late and no one else is around to interrupt their conversation. It's become something of a regular thing for them. Usually Donghae joins them and the three of them can waste away hours talking about silly things. Things Sungmin never thought he'd get to talk about. Other times, like now, the conversations are a little more serious. "But it pays well, and Donghae and I don't really have any other option." Hyukjae adds.
"What do you mean?" Sungmin asks.
"Donghae's parents are dead. His older brother had to take care of them both, but there's no money for school." Hyukjae explains. Sungmin feels a moment of pity for Donghae. There's a moment of empathy - they share something, but unlike Donghae, Sungmin was lucky enough to have Youngwoon in his life. "My parents couldn't afford to send me to university either, but I don't think I would have been accepted anyway. So we ended up hanging with a rough crowd, the usual slum dog story, and eventually ended up here."
"I'm glad you're here." Sungmin says, and means it. The grin Hyukjae gives him is adorable.
=+=
Donghae and Hyukjae turn out to be the saving grace Sungmin never knew he would one day need.
It all starts when Youngwoon takes a mistress.
Dealing with the fact that Youngwoon sleeps with other women has been hard, but Sungmin has always taken comfort in the fact that Youngwoon sleeps with these women once, maybe twice if they're really pretty, then discards them. They're a fling; a fleeting fancy and Youngwoon forgets about them almost as soon as he meets them. It hurts knowing he isn't good enough, but Sungmin is the one Youngwoon always goes home to. It has to be enough, because Sungmin loves Youngwoon. He'll do anything to make sure Youngwoon stays in his life, in his bed.
Then Youngwoon meets her. Lee Yoon-ji, like all the other women Youngwoon takes to bed, is the daughter of a wealthy business man, but unlike the others, she plays an active hand in her father's business and it's obvious she's more than a pretty face. Soon she'll be the head of her father's corporate empire.
Despite being a woman, Yoon-ji proves she can play with the big boys, and often shows she his more guts, more cunning, than her male peers.
It's her pretty face that draws Youngwoon in, but it's ultimately her mind that makes him stay.
Sungmin tries very hard not to think about it the first time Youngwoon sleeps with her. Even then he knows it's different than the other times - there's dinner involved. He's never been on one, but Sungmin recognizes a date when he sees it. Still, he foolishly hopes it doesn't mean anything.
One date follows another and one day Sungmin heads down to the breakfast table to find her sitting there, laughing with Youngwoon, as if she's the lady of the house. Sungmin knows if she has her way, she very well might end up being such.
She's wearing nothing but one of Youngwoon's dress shirts. One of her legs is propped up on the chair, revealing smooth skin and she continuously runs her hand lazily through her messy hair.
None of Youngwoon's lovers have ever spent the night. None of them have ever stayed to have breakfast. None of them have ever worn Youngwoon's clothes.
Sungmin is taken aback and stands in the doorway staring for a full minute before they notice him. She gives him a lovely smile when Youngwoon introduces them and murmurs a polite "good morning" when he joins them at the table.
Once Sungmin would have fled the room, but he's not that overly emotional teenage boy anymore. He's learned to swallow the pain, to keep it locked inside and ignore it even as it festers into something so much worse.
The same can't be said for when Sungmin is finally allowed to escape to his own bedroom. He wants to tear the room apart, somehow unleash all his sorrow and his rage, but he manages to keep his breaking down to just crying. It's the kind of crying he's seen little children do - the ugly, red faced sobbing and pathetic whimpering that makes Sungmin feel uncomfortable and weak.
Of course while he turns into an emotional wreck, Youngwoon decides to check up on him. It's a good hour into his crying, so Sungmin supposes Youngwoon decided to see Yoon-ji off first before checking up on him. It's something Sungmin is grateful for, despite knowing that Yoon-ji was Youngwoon's first priority, because by the time Youngwoon steps into his room, the worst of the crying has stopped and Sungmin's no longer shaking or heaving. Now there are only silent tears slipping down red and aching cheeks.
"Baby." Youngwoon murmurs when he sees Sungmin and it's almost enough to break Sungmin again.
"Why?" Sungmin asks, his voice cracks from the raw emotion. "Why are you doing this?"
Youngwoon sits beside him on the bed. As soon as he does, Sungmin gets up, trying to get away from Youngwoon. He knows if Youngwoon touches him, he'll lose the will he has to fight and he's aching for one, for the chance to hurt Youngwoon. Except Youngwoon has other ideas - he's up with Sungmin, grabs Sungmin's elbow to stop the younger man from escaping. He doesn't expect the punch Sungmin deals him - it's not a very hard one, more surprising than anything else, but it still angers Youngwoon.
Slamming Sungmin against the wall opposite the bed, Youngwoon presses close and snarls, "Don't ever do that again."
"Fuck you." Sungmin isn't sure where his sudden bravery has come from, but there's no way he's stepping down. He's not that scared sixteen-year-old kid anymore. Youngwoon has, over the years, tried to awaken some kind of monster within him, and Sungmin can feel that monster, the dark part of himself that just wants to hurt everything and everyone around him, clawing its way out of his insides.
Sungmin expects Youngwoon to hit back. He wants it so he can have a legitimate excuse to punch Youngwoon again. But instead of laying a hand on Sungmin, Youngwoon hits the wall beside him instead. It must hurt, Sungmin can see the smallest flicker of pain in Youngwoon's eyes, but they're both too far gone to care.
Then Youngwoon kisses him. Sungmin bites at Youngwoon's tongue, his lips, tastes blood in his mouth, but never tries to pull away or break the kiss. He doesn't want to. It's intoxicating the way Youngwoon's fingers dig into his hips, the way his nails claw into Youngwoon's skin. It's painful, but it's not nearly enough.
It doesn't hurt enough.
Youngwoon lifts him, Sungmin hooks his legs around Youngwoon's waist. The trip to the bed is a short one; they share a slow kiss on their way. It's a mockery of every loving kiss they've shared before this one.
Sungmin's dropped on the bed, bounces a little on the mattress, before Youngwoon's weight settles on top of him. The sweet respite from the insanity is destroyed, and sneering up at his lover, Sungmin flips their positions. For the smallest second he just stares at Youngwoon and wonders where the young man went, the one who'd drawn him a quick sketch, and who'd been the nicest person Sungmin had ever met.
Youngwoon is grinning now, but it's twisted. With his lips smeared with his own blood, his eyes so dark they almost look completely black, Youngwoon looks feral, like the monster he wants to create in Sungmin.
Sungmin hates him, almost as much as he loves him.
Youngwoon pulls him down again with a hand twisted in Sungmin's hair. While they kiss, Youngwoon flips them over again. Sungmin folds his hands into Youngwoon's expensive button down shirt, tightens his grip and pulls it open, buttons popping all over the place. Youngwoon chuckles darkly, which turns into a hiss of pain as Sungmin claws his nails down Youngwoon's chest. His nails are just sharp and long enough to break into skin, and the little red trails of blood Sungmin leaves behind have him grinning madly.
It's not long before Youngwoon decides it's time to turn the tables. He flips Sungmin over so that Sungmin's on his stomach, lifts Sungmin's hips and folds himself over the younger man's back. With his lips close to Sungmin's ear, he whispers, "I'm going to have you begging like the little whore you are."
Sungmin scowls, tries to ram his elbow in Youngwoon's gut, but Youngwoon sees it coming and manages to block it. Sungmin doesn't care - it was all just a distraction tactic anyway. With Youngwoon too busy dealing with Sungmin's elbow, Sungmin takes the opportunity to slam his head back into Youngwoon's face. He laughs hysterically when Youngwoon gives a startled cry of pain. It's all euphoric - the pained yelp, the traces of blood still lingering on his tongue.
His laughing morphs into a drawn out moan when Youngwoon turns his head so they can kiss again. It's chaotic, messy and with just enough traces of violence to excite Sungmin even more than he already is. His dick is aching, desperate for release from the pleasurable pain.
Sungmin doesn't put up too much of a fight when Youngwoon wrestles him out of his jeans, just enough to give Youngwoon a challenge, to make it all a little more exciting.
There's barely any preparation. Sungmin knew there wouldn't be; he didn't want it anyway. There's just enough to make sure Youngwoon won't be doing any real damage, but any kind of gentleness is completely missing as Youngwoon shoves a lubed finger, then two then three inside him. It's exactly what Sungmin wants, and he's moaning, gasping as he rides Youngwoon's fingers. Youngwoon pulls them out too soon for Sungmin's liking, but when he pushes his cock into Sungmin, all thought of complaining go away and Sungmin can barely think.
He's not stretched as much as he should be, and the slide of Youngwoon's cock is strange, different than usual. It burns a little, but the pain in his heart rejoices, loving the physicality of it. Everything hurts, and Sungmin basks in it.
Youngwoon slams into him. It's hard and fast, and with every inward thrust of Youngwoon's hips, Sungmin loses his breath. By the time he comes, Sungmin's so dizzy and he's sure he blacks out because when he opens his eyes again he's lying on the bed, on his back, with Youngwoon sitting beside him.
"I'm planning to marry her." Youngwoon says when he realizes Sungmin is awake.
The pain doesn't feel good anymore.
"Do you love her?" Sungmin isn't sure why he would even ask. He doesn't want to know; there's too much of a chance that the answer is yes.
But Youngwoon only chuckles dryly. "Nothing I do is about love." There's a terrible silence between them. "I admire her," Youngwoon adds, "she's a lot like me."
Sungmin isn't sure he sees the similarities, but he barely knows her so he knows he can't agree or disagree.
He doesn't want to talk about her anymore anyway.
He turns his face away, stares out the bedroom window as he says, "I want to leave."
"And go where?"
"I don't know." Maybe do what Sungjin did - escape and lose himself in the world. "I don't care where I go as long as it's far away from you."
A gentle hand on Sungmin's hip has him wincing. Youngwoon lies down next to him, presses close and urges Sungmin to look at him again. It's intimate, exactly what Sungmin would have wanted once, but now it hurts and Sungmin would look away again, but Youngwoon's hand on his cheek keeps his face in place.
"If you try to leave I will kill us both."
Sungmin doesn't know what to say. Somehow he knows Youngwoon is dead serious.
"You're my favorite, remember?" Youngwoon kisses him. "You can't escape me and I can't escape you."
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