Writerverse challenge #10a: Title This (Part 1)

[blueabsinthe]

Word Count: 140
Rating: PG
Original/Fandom: Original
Pairings (if any): n/a
Warnings (Non-Con/Dub-Con/etc): n/a
Summary: Marilee receives a letter
Notes: Done for writerverse, where we had to write a story, but not title it.

Comments

[llblckraincloud]

:( aww that's so sad and sweet.

[blueabsinthe]

Thank you! :)

[et_tu_lj]

Nice misdirect. I love that you started with the more innocuous letter, showing the tears before I really know why. The deliberateness of her actions, along with that tear, suggest something is very wrong. But it doesn't state why until the very end. It makes the emotional impact hold even more of a punch, both because the box of letters suggests such a long history, and because her dazed avoidance shows the impact on her.

Getting the reveal at the end also makes me look back and reread, and see her actions in another light. It's a very emotional scene, and I think the reactions were very well thought out to work before the reveal and on the reread.

For the next to last paragraph, it seems odd to be in past tense, when the rest was in present. Isn't she rereading it in the present, instead of flashing back to her first read? Or maybe I'm reading it wrong.

Good piece, with strong emotions. :)

[blueabsinthe]

Thank you for the comment! I'm glad you liked the way I approached this situation.

Also, thanks for pointing out that bit with the paragraphs. I think I might have missed that when I was editing. I'll go back and look at it.

[blueabsinthe]

Thanks! Glad you liked this! :)

[blueabsinthe]

Thank you!

[mimithemuse]

Beautiful. Painful, sad, but beautiful. I like how it started and you think he's just a traveling lover, but as the story continues, you begin to realize that something is very wrong. Than the last line, like a punch to the solar plexus. Well done!

[blueabsinthe]

Thank you! Glad you liked it :)