Switch-Hitting Part 4
11. Katy Perry--Teenage Dream
From the first day of the New Year on, Jin and Kazuya become inseparable. Although they have to conceal their newfound affection for each other from the rest of the family (which they both find to be just about as difficult as they'd expected, which is very), they still spend as much time together as they feel they can get away with, whether it be leaving together for school in the morning, helping each other study for finals, or sitting close together in the evenings when the family gathers to watch TV. Eventually, though, Kazuya's mother notices that they're acting differently. When she comments on it, asking why they suddenly seem much closer with each other (there's no suspicion in her voice to suggest what she thinks they're doing is inappropriate, but the fact that they're being obvious enough about it for it to be noticeable is cause for concern in itself), Kazuya hastily tells her it's because he and Jin have become best friends. Thankfully, she believes him. Having dodged their first bullet, they're much more careful about about how much attention they pay to each other after that, because they're not best friends, and they probably couldn't pretend to be for very long if they had to.
In the first few weeks he and Jin are a couple, Kazuya thinks back a lot to their first kiss. He'd like to figure out who kissed whom, but he doesn't think that's something he'll be able to come up with an answer for, because, instead of one of them taking the initiative, the way they had kissed felt more like opposite sides of a magnet coming together. He feels that same pull whenever he and Jin are together, even when they're not alone and he has to do everything he can to make it appear as though the other's presence doesn't have any effect on him. At times like that, the bedroom they share starts to feel like a sanctuary.
So long as they remember to lock the door, they can be as close as they want. At night in particular, being alone together in the comforting darkness of their room makes it feel as though nothing else exists beyond those four walls. They share kisses that taste of toothpaste before getting into bed, where they lay facing each other and stay up late into the night, sharing secrets and talking about everything that crosses their minds until one of them falls asleep. Seeing Jin's warm eyes, his pupils wide in the darkness as he smiles at him quickly becomes Kazuya's favorite part of the day.
On one such night, he's the first to fall asleep (a fact he knows because he feels the gentle press of lips to his own just before he drifts into subconscious), but he doesn't stay that way for long. Not more than an hour after he dozes off, he's roused again by simultaneous chattering and rustling noises. A quick glance to his left reveals Jin to be the source of both sounds-his whole body shivers under the covers, and the clicking noise Kazuya hears is the sound of Jin's teeth chattering. He reaches a hand out of his own cocoon of blankets, and Jin starts at the sudden touch of a warm palm to the cold skin at his shoulder.
“You're freezing,” Kazuya murmurs, as if it isn't obvious, his voice scratchy with sleep and the chill in the air. He runs his hand over Jin's shoulder in an attempt to share heat before realizing there's an easier way. Wordlessly, he draws back the covers of his futon.
Recognizing the intent in his action, Jin looks at him for a moment as if to ask if it's really okay before scurrying across, making Kazuya hiss when he tries to warm himself by pressing his frigid limbs into all of the gaps he can find between his and Kazuya's body.
“How come you're so cold?” Kazuya asks, drawing the blankets up again and making sure they cover Jin's shoulders before shifting to get more comfortable against him.
“Because Japan's so cold,” Jin whines in response. “We don't even have a real winter in L.A., but our houses still have heat! What's up with that?”
Kazuya hums, the additional body heat provided by him and Jin curling around each other threatening to lull him back to sleep. “Energy conservation.”
Jin's lower lip juts forward in a pout, and he fidgets awkwardly, making it obvious he doesn't recognize the phrase. “In the morning, I'm going to have you write that down for me so I can look it up.”
While Jin pouts, Kazuya grins. Recently, he hasn't seen Jin go anywhere without his new favorite toy-an electronic dictionary he'd received from the family for Christmas. “If you remember in the morning, that is.”
“Oi, shut up~”
Kazuya chuckles, and Jin joins in a moment later, but in response to something else he'd suddenly remembered instead of Kazuya thinking himself clever at half-past three in the morning. “Ne, Kazuya.”
“Hm?”
“I thought of something a while back. You know how Tokyo Dome is sometimes called, 'The Big Egg,' right?”
Kazuya suddenly feels wide awake again at the mention of one of his favorite places in the entire world. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, when I heard that, I thought, 'What could be big enough to lay an egg that size?' and then I realized: Godzilla.”
Kazuya blinks at him, his eyes curious in the dark as he deadpans, “Godzilla.”
“Exactly. And since the Giants play there, that makes them the biggest, baddest, fiercest team in all of baseball!”
Jin can't help but think his patience in sharing that remark has paid off when he's rewarded for it with the sensation of Kazuya's body shaking with silent laughter as he tries to suppress his giggles by burying his face in his shoulder. A smile comes to Jin's face, and he draws his arms just a bit tighter around him. “You know it's true.”
Kazuya still can't stop laughing. “That's, you...you're absolutely right. The Giants are going to kick ass next year because they're the spawn of Godzilla!”
Jin hums and presses a kiss to the top of Kazuya's head. “Of course they are.” He's the one who starts giggling when something else suddenly comes to him. “Ne, so what does that make all of those idol singers who do all of their concerts at Tokyo Dome?” He yelps when Kazuya suddenly bangs his knee into his shin, but he quickly forgives him when he realizes it's because he's laughing too hard to contain it within his body.
He doesn't think he's ever seen Kazuya's eyes shine so brightly as they do when he pulls back a little to say that he's always thought there was something reptilian about Matsumoto Jun.
Jin quickly fires back, “So what does that make that Takki guy?”
“He's Mosura!”
They both dissolve into laughter again, and, perhaps because Mosura is one of the villains Godzilla has to do battle with, they somehow get on the topic of what would happen if all of the Johnny's had to fight each other.
“There'd be a bloodbath at Countdown!”
“Battle Royale: Idol Edition!”
They keep going on about the possibilities until Kazuya's father comes along and bangs on the door, telling them to knock it off and go to sleep. They share a few more (quieter) giggles, but then start to sober, the late hour finally starting to have an effect on them. For a moment or two, they just look at each other in the darkness, each silently conveying their happiness with how close they've become and marveling that it happened.
Kazuya yawns first, and Jin follows suit a few seconds later. Realizing that sleep is suddenly threatening to take them both away, they shift a little to get comfortable and share a few slow goodnight kisses.
When he pulls away, Kazuya finds a good pillow in Jin's shoulder, and he feels an arm snake around his waist to hold him close. “Sleep well,” he whispers, eyelids falling shut as lips press briefly to the crown of his head.
“You, too.”
They both do.
~*~*~*~
As January gives way to February, Jin's first semester of university comes to an end, and the sight of his boyfriend lounging about the house in sweatpants while he still dons his uniform jacket every day reminds Kazuya of the promise he'd made in the park that day they went to karaoke. He hasn't by any means forgotten about Jin's desire to track down his family, but the matter becomes much more pressing when he realizes Jin's now at the halfway point of his stay in Japan. Therefore, it weighs on his mind a bit more heavily, and he begins to wonder if the opportunity to follow through on his promise might come sooner as opposed to later.
One night, he thinks about it to the point where it prevents him from falling asleep, and that ends up being the night in which Jin's hope to discover more about his ancestry becomes more of a concrete plan than a far-off dream. Careful not to disturb Jin beside him, Kazuya crawls out of his futon and makes his way over to his computer desk. When he switches the machine on, the harsh glow of the monitor backlight makes him wince, and it takes a full minute of rapid blinking before the characters on the screen start to come into focus. Settling himself in his chair, he opens up a browser window and starts clacking at the keys to pull up genealogy websites, thinking that's probably the best place to start in digging up information about Jin's family. He's so focused on his task, he doesn't notice that Jin's light snoring has long since ceased until the sound of the other's voice cuts through the night.
“What're you doing?”
Kazuya jumps in his chair and turns to find Jin sitting up in his futon, blearily rubbing at his eyes and looking altogether adorable in his sleep-disheveled state. “Just some research,” he replies, quickly turning on the desk lamp when he realizes Jin's squinting at him because the blue glow of the screen over his shoulder hurts his eyes.
The other hums thoughtfully and shuffles across the room to stand at Kazuya's side. “About what?” he asks, but instead of waiting for an answer, he peers at the screen and quickly determines from the sepia-toned family portraits lining the sides of the page Kazuya's looking at what kind of information he's looking for. “Trying to figure out just how your name came to be 'Turtle Pear'?”
Kazuya glares. “I've told you not to do that.”
There's a grin in Jin's voice when he answers, “Do what?”
“You know what-confusing me by putting English words in Japanese sentences.”
“That shouldn't confuse you, Kazuya! Japanese uses thousands of English words!”
“That's completely different, and you know it!”
Instead of pushing the point further, Jin just trails off with a chuckle. “So what are you really doing?”
At that point, Kazuya scoots over a bit on the chair, making room for Jin to sit beside him. Teasing aside, he's kind of glad Jin woke up, because he's realized he won't get very far on this project without his help. “I'm trying to find out about your family.”
It's a struggle for them both to sit comfortably on the small swivel chair, but they manage pretty well after Jin wraps his arm around Kazuya's waist to keep him from falling off. “So what have you found out so far?” he asks, resting his head on his elbow propped up on the desk so he can easily see both the computer screen and Kazuya.
Kazuya sighs and mimics his pose. “Not much. I'm assuming your name at one point used kanji, but do you happen to know what they are?”
Jin purses his lips, which Kazuya takes to mean 'no,' even before he asks, “Is that something you think we can figure out?”
“Possibly,” he says, already clicking at the keys again. “'Akanishi' is easy enough.” He types in the kanji meaning 'red' and 'west'.
Taking a look at the screen, Jin regards the characters thoughtfully for a moment before asking, “So my name has something to do with the sunset?”
The question earns him a fond smile. “Could be.” It turns clever a moment later, though. “Or you're just named after akanishigai.”
Jin blinks at the unfamiliar word. “What?”
“Have you ever been to a conveyor belt sushi place? They serve it there.”
Jin's vocabulary isn't quite good enough to handle Kazuya's description of a certain type of snail, but he eventually catches on to the point where he figures he should be offended, and he smacks lightly at Kazuya's arm. “Oi, stop making bad jokes and get back to your research.”
The way Kazuya laughs at Jin's reaction suggests he hadn't thought it to be too bad of a joke. “Yeah, yeah, okay...”
'Jin' takes a bit longer. It's unlikely they'll find anything on him in the Japanese genealogy records, but they decide to give it a shot, anyway. Given the large number of different pronunciations for Chinese characters in Japanese, especially when it comes to names, Kazuya ends up scrolling through a list of all the ones that could possibly be read as 'Jin' until Jin's hand on his forearm makes him stop.
“That one,” he says, pointing at a character made up of four strokes with the attached meaning of 'benevolence,' arguably the most important of the five virtues in Classical Confucianism. Kazuya doubts Jin knows any of that, though, because the reason he gives for pointing out that specific kanji is, “It's the same as my great-grandfather's.”
Kazuya's eyebrows shoot towards his hairline when Jin suddenly gets up and starts rifling through his wallet, returning with a folded piece of paper that turns out to be a copy of a very old Japanese birth certificate.
“I don't know why my parents had this,” Jin explains, flattening the document on the surface of the desk in an attempt to get rid of the creases. “Maybe it was with my grandpa's papers when he died, and no one ever noticed. Anyway, I found it in my parents' desk while doing some investigating at home, and I didn't tell them I took it with me to Japan.”
Kazuya can't help but smile when he hears a hint of pride enter Jin's voice, and a quick skim of the paper reveals the kanji to be the same. “Well, that makes things easier,” he says as he types it in. “I wonder if his name was Jin, too.”
In the end, they don't find anything on another Akanishi Jin, but there's quite a bit on an Akanishi Hitoshi, who Jin confirms as his great-grandfather after comparing the dates on the website to the birth certificate and finding his grandfather's name listed among Hitoshi's children. Kazuya's hand finds Jin's shoulder when he stares at the screen and muses, “I never knew I had so many relatives.”
“Maybe we'll be able to find some of them,” Kazuya says, replacing his hand with his chin when it looks as though Jin would benefit from more closeness.
Jin hums and scrolls a bit further down the screen. “This says they lived in Kyushu, though. That's really far from here.”
“So we'll take a shinkansen and spend a night at a hotel. We can go in the middle of March, after graduation but before the start of the baseball season and your new semester of school. Not to mention, all the flowers will be blooming.” Kazuya blushes a little at the romantic turn his idea of their trip seems to take, but that doesn't seem like such a bad thing when Jin turns to him with a soft, vulnerable look in his eyes. In the end, he can't help but smile. “Leave it to me. I'll take care of everything.”
He's a bit surprised when the next thing Jin does is turn to cup his jaw and nibble gently at his lips, slipping his tongue between them when they automatically part. It's a kiss steeped with gratitude, which Kazuya returns in earnest, grasping at the fabric of Jin's pajama top and sighing into his mouth.
They're both panting a little when they pull apart, and Kazuya more feels than hears Jin's whisper of, “Thank you,” against his lips. He replies with another firm peck and turns in Jin's arms to print out what they've found so far before suggesting they go back to bed.
Buried deep in the covers of Kazuya's futon, they hold each other close and share a few more languid kisses while the printer whirs in the background.
~*~*~*~
Within a week, Kazuya convinces his parents it's a good idea for him and Jin to take a long weekend trip to Kyushu (involving an elaborate lie about how, as a guest in Japan, Jin should take advantage of any chance to see what the whole country has to offer), and once he clears that first hurdle, setting the exact dates and making the train reservations become much easier. One detail he leaves out of his explanation of their trip to his parents is the fact that he won't be able to make hotel reservations in advance, because, although he and Jin had been able to narrow down the most likely location of Jin's family to one of the rural areas of southern Kyushu, they'll have to consult the records at the local government office to pinpoint exactly where they live. The lack of a set plan for lodging adds a sense of adventure and even danger to their trip, but Kazuya figures it'll be all right. Should they find themselves miles from a hotel with a vacant room, chances are they'll be able to take advantage of Kyushu hospitality and someone will let them stay the night. Should that fail them, in the worst-case scenario, they'll take a train or a night bus back to Fukuoka, where they'll definitely be able to find somewhere to stay and try again the following morning.
While Kazuya makes the preparations, Jin seems to go about in a constant state of deep gratitude and disbelief, as though he never in his wildest dreams thought that he'd get the chance to do this, despite how long he'd thought about it. Ever one to express his feelings, most of this manifests as affection, which Kazuya quickly comes to find he appreciates. Therefore, it comes as a complete surprise when, after everything Kazuya's done, around the middle of the month, Jin suddenly turns cold towards him.
12. Avril Lavigne--Complicated
It's the first time since Jin started clubbing that he's expressed any form of serious anger or frustration, and while Kazuya had been concerned then, he's much more so now that he and Jin are dating. However, a much larger part of him is hurt by the sudden lack of, well, anything from Jin, and for that reason, he stubbornly refuses to confront him about it, thinking that if Jin has a problem with something, he should come talk to him about it instead of going through all the motions of what Kazuya likes to think of as passive-aggressive bullshit. So after the third night in a row where Jin turns away from him without a goodnight kiss, Kazuya stops expecting one and turns on his side so they face opposite walls instead of falling asleep within easy reach of each other.
Kazuya's content to let their mutual use of the silent treatment continue as long as it takes for Jin to come to his senses, but he finds he doesn't care anymore who's the first to break the stalemate between them when he hears Jin mumble a few choice words about Mayumi-chan, a sweet girl who's been a friend of Kazuya's since middle school and whose birthday party he'd recently attended. He'd found it odd that Jin had waited up for him after karaoke that night, only to roll over without a word and feign sleep after he'd slipped into their bedroom at half-past twelve in the morning, but things start to make sense with those remarks tinged with jealousy.
Anger swells up in him, and he makes use of every ounce of hidden strength in his sinewy limbs to forcefully shove Jin out the door. Gripping tightly onto his forearm, he drags him to a nearby park, where he can raise his voice as loudly as he wants without fear of anyone in the family overhearing. The baseball field in February is an ugly mix of wet dirt and slush (the first and only snowfall it's likely Tokyo will see that winter), and Kazuya feels just a hint of satisfaction when the heat in Jin's glare can't shield his chill-sensitive body from the cold and he quickly draws his arms around himself.
Jin's sneakers skid backwards a little in the snow as Kazuya shoves his shoulders. “What's your problem, Jin?! You've been an asshole lately, and you've got no right to talk about Mayumi-chan like that!”
His violence seems to catch Jin off-guard a little bit, but he quickly retaliates, pointing at Kazuya and firing back, “You! You're my problem! You're an insensitive bastard, you know that?!”
Kazuya could very easily push him again, but his surprise at Jin's answer keeps him rooted firmly in place. “The fuck are you talking about?”
Hurt starts to seep into Jin's eyes, replacing the fury that had been there a moment ago and making a vague feeling of guilt start to tug at Kazuya's heart, even though he doesn't know yet what he should be feeling guilty for. “Valentine's Day, you moron! Did you think I wouldn't notice that you didn't get me anything or take me anywhere or...anything?”
He doesn't look the slightest bit impressed when Kazuya suddenly starts laughing, and then it's his turn to get shoved, but Kazuya finds he doesn't really care all that much that he lands on his ass in the dirt and Jin calls him insensitive again. There's still a hint of amusement in his voice when he asks, “That's what this is about?”
Jin just crosses his arms over his chest and continues to glare.
Getting to his feet, Kazuya says, in a much gentler voice than he had used when they first came out there, “Jin, I didn't get you anything or expect anything from you because neither of us are girls. I don't know how it works in America, but Valentine's Day is a girls' holiday in Japan.”
Jin, too, sobers a bit when he hears this information. “Oh.”
Kazuya can't help but chuckle a bit at Jin's reaction. “Why? Did you get me something?”
Jin glares again, but it's more of a defensive look than an angry one. “Maybe. But I ate it when I realized you weren't going to do anything.” He makes a face. “Japanese store-bought chocolate is really crappy, huh?”
A peal of fond giggles escapes from Kazuya's throat before he can stop it. He stops laughing abruptly, though, when his brain processes the rest of what Jin said. “Wait a minute. You were going to give me store-bought chocolate?”
Jin looks affronted, and he moves his arms about in a manner that can only be described as 'defensive flailing' before he remembers the cold and wraps them tightly around his body once more. “They were chocolate turtles! It was supposed to be meaningful! Why do you look so offended? Would something else have been better? I did see a really nice gold chain at the department store when I went to get the chocolates, but I thought maybe we hadn't been going out long enough for something like that.”
Feeling warmer suddenly from Jin's admission and the revelation that the tension between them might be starting to thaw, Kazuya decides to share that warmth, and his embrace does much more to protect Jin from the cold than his own arms had. “The tradition is for girls to make homemade chocolates for the boys they really care about and give store-bought ones to everyone else. But you had no way of knowing that, and I didn't think to tell you because I was wrapped up in other stuff.”
Jin returns the embrace tightly when he realizes that the 'other stuff' that kept Kazuya busy was planning their trip to Kyushu. “I'm sorry, Kazuya,” he says quietly, sounding humble and a bit emotional with his realization.
Kazuya presses his nose to Jin's hair just behind his temple. “It's okay. I'm sorry, too.” He pulls away far enough to drop a kiss to Jin's cheek, but not to move from the circle of his arms. “So why did you say that about Mayumi-chan?”
Jin shifts a bit uncomfortably in his arms, apparently trying to look anywhere but at Kazuya, which proves difficult given their proximity. “Because on Valentine's Day you came back from school with all kinds of different chocolates, and then a couple days later you stayed out for hours with her at karaoke. I put two and two together.”
Bushy eyebrows furrow as Kazuya tries to work out how exactly that equates to him and Mayumi-chan carrying on a secret affair. “Jin, I went to karaoke with her because it was a surprise birthday party. Organized by her girlfriend.” He pauses for a moment to make sure Jin understands what he means by 'girlfriend,' only continuing when he sees his brown eyes widen and his chapped lips form a perfect 'o'. “Trust me, Mayumi-chan doesn't like me like that. The only reason I got homemade chocolates from her is because I'm the only male friend she's got, and she really likes to bake.”
Kazuya feels Jin's arms around his waist tighten a bit as he processes this information. “And what about the others?” he murmurs, dropping his head a little to press his cheek to Kazuya's.
“Standard stuff from the weird group of girls that gives gifts to everyone on all the different sports teams every year. I still have a lot of it left at home, but maybe I shouldn't share it with you if you're going to get jealous of every single girl in my year.” His tone is playful, but the look he gives Jin as he says that isn't, and Jin's response is to cast his eyes downward as he mumbles out a combined apology and explanation that it's just part of who he is.
Kazuya opens his mouth to ask Jin why it's never come up before, but before he can get the words out, he thinks back on it and realizes that Jin's jealous side has indeed surfaced at least once prior-that day just before New Year's when Jin had caught him daydreaming about how to confess and had sneered as he'd accused him of having a secret girlfriend. At the time, he'd been too angry at Jin for misunderstanding him to really think about what Jin's reaction had meant-he'd gotten upset enough to say something about it to him at the thought of his crush going out with a non-existent person convoluted by his imagination, while in reality, Kazuya had been escaping the house to go play baseball.
The realization that Jin is indeed jealous by nature, though, doesn't make his behavior in any way acceptable. It hurts Kazuya to know it's easier for Jin to believe he'd date a girl behind his back instead of honoring their relationship. Even though he knows that trust in a relationship is something that only comes with time and he and Jin haven't been dating all that long yet, he'd still like to think they should be able to have more faith in each other than that. He vocalizes that to Jin, and he hopes the disappointed tone in his voice registers with him.
From the way Jin's eyes seem to soften when he hears Kazuya's words, it does. “I'm sorry,” he says again, his own voice a bit more forlorn and broken-sounding than it had been before. “I don't know why I think like that. It doesn't make any sense, because you've never given me any reason not to trust you, and yet...my first reaction is always to get jealous. It's bad. I promise I'll work on it...”
Kazuya thinks it's lucky that particular aspect of Jin's personality manifested when it did, over something relatively unimportant-it's not like a misunderstanding over something like Valentine's Day is difficult to work through, after all. Although he feels like he should scold Jin a bit more for reacting so strongly, another part of him feels as though Jin's vow to try and change for him means he's entered a grown-up relationship, because adults work through their problems and make compromises instead of going their separate ways at the first sign of trouble. Feelings of affection for Jin start to flutter back, replacing the swell of anger that had earlier pushed them out. “That'd be good. And don't worry, I'll do my best to make up for this, too. On White Day, I'll show you you're the only one who's special to me.” He seals his own promise with a peck to Jin's lips.
Jin's cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink than they had been from just the cold from the sudden sweet turn of Kazuya's behavior, but what he said soon distracts him from it. “Wait...'White Day'?”
A chuckle shakes Kazuya's frame in response to both the situation and Jin's obvious confusion. “March 14th is essentially a second Valentine's Day, except the guys give instead of the girls. So if you want another shot at getting me a present...” He trails off suggestively and flashes a smile, which Jin quickly returns before kissing it off his lips.
“So about that chocolate you have left,” he says several minutes later, when the cold starts to seep through even their bodies pressed together, “feel like sharing now?”
Kazuya hums and buries his hands in the pockets of Jin's hoodie to provide some extra warmth. “Hot cocoa actually sounds a bit better, don't you think?”
When he sees Kazuya's frame start to tremble, Jin pulls his sweatshirt over his head and offers it to him; Kazuya only accepts when insisting Jin needs it more than he does only gets him several stubborn head-shakes in response. The sleeves of the hoodie fall over Kazuya's hands, and when he takes Jin's hand as they head for home, he pulls it inside the thick, heavy fabric with his own.
After they get back to the house, they each take their turn in the bath and lock themselves in their bedroom with enough chocolate and hot cocoa to make themselves sick.
Several hours later, Kazuya sprawls out on his futon to give his distended belly room to stretch, and it doesn't surprise him that Jin follows suit. They turn on their sides to face each other, resting their heads on their propped up elbows, and Kazuya rests his free hand over Jin's waist. “So how do people celebrate Valentine's Day in America?”
Jin grins. “We~ll, usually people in relationships buy each other presents, go out to dinner, and generally act all lovey-dovey.” At the word 'lovey-dovey,' he reaches over and delivers a few sharp jabs to Kazuya's side, which makes the younger shriek and clutch at his abused stomach. “And then they have sex.”
The look on Jin's face changes a little at the mention of sex, and Kazuya starts feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable when he sees it. There's not much by means of intent in Jin's gaze, but it's still a look that speaks of knowledge and experience, two things Kazuya can't say he has a lot of. “Ah, that's not all that different from here, I guess.”
The sudden change in Kazuya's body language doesn't go unnoticed, and Jin seems to know what it means, because he gets a certain look in his eyes as he shifts closer. Kazuya knows. He just knows the next thing out of Jin's mouth is going to be--
“Ne, Kazuya. Have you ever...you know, done it before?”
Suddenly it feels like all of the chocolate he ate before is trying to twist his stomach into knots. Very painful knots. His cheeks flaming, he tries to hide his face in his pillow, which makes his response of, “Haven't really gotten a chance yet,” to come out the slightest bit muffled. Unfortunately, though, it's still understandable, and Jin nods. “I mean, it's not that I'm a prude or anything, and I've dated people before,” he's quick to defend himself. “Just...haven't had a chance,” he ends up repeating lamely, and he decides to turn the question on Jin before the other can laugh at him. “What about you?”
The moment the words leave his mouth, he wishes he hadn't asked. He has a feeling he knows the answer, and hearing it confirmed only serves to embarrass him further. To his surprise, though, Jin isn't an ass about it. Instead, he shows soft, understanding eyes and starts tracing his fingertips over the warm skin just below the hem of Kazuya's shirt, saying, “I've only been with a guy a few times, if that helps put us on the same level.”
The look Kazuya gives him clearly says that it doesn't-not at all, and Jin backtracks a little. “In that case, we don't have to rush into anything...”
For the first time since the conversation began, some of the tension leaves Kazuya's frame, and he asks, “You mean you'll wait for me? I've not got anything against it-I just...” Need to feel comfortable is what he wants to say, but he can't seem to get the words out. Despite his trailing off into silence, Jin still nods again in understanding, and Kazuya doesn't need a verbal confirmation to feel relieved. Everyone was in his position once, so it's likely Jin knows how he feels..
At the very least, the fact that they're able to breach the topic makes him feel more at ease, and he scoots a bit closer to Jin, burying his head in the shoulder of his shirt. “Happy Valentine's Day,” he says at last, and Jin chuckles as he returns the sentiment, wrapping his arms around him.
~*~*~*~
Valentine's Day had been a bit of a fiasco, but Jin's well-prepared for Kazuya's birthday, having special-ordered his present weeks in advance so it would arrive from the States in plenty of time. The look that comes over Kazuya's face when he lifts the Los Angeles Dodgers jersey and matching cap out of the box is enough to let him know that he hit it out of the park (pun intended).
Kazuya's eyes go soft as he carefully holds the royal blue and white fabric in his hands, and Jin's cheeks start to hurt from smiling too much when he watches him run his fingers over the Major League Baseball patch on the sleeve and the tag attached to the collar that says it's authentic while the rest of his family oohs and aahs. Kazuya's mother shrieks at him when he bolts upstairs to his room without saying thank you, but Jin just laughs. He doesn't care, because he knows that right now Kazuya's pulling the jersey over his head and admiring his reflection in the mirror.
Sure enough, Kazuya comes back down a few minutes later to show off his present, fitting the cap on his head and folding the edges of the bill down towards his eyes. He turns a few times so they can see it from all angles, and when his father comments that he should get his name sewn on the back, Jin can't help but feel a bit prouder of his purchase. He'd bought a blank jersey not for that reason, but because at one point Kazuya had shown him his collection of baseball jerseys, and at that time, he'd lamented his bad luck in buying them-it's been the case almost every time he's gotten one, the following year the player he'd chosen got traded to another team. Well, Jin had found a way around that problem. And if Kazuya later decides he wants to have his name put on it, that'll only make the present even more special.
Kazuya's mother still looks cross. “What do you say, Kazuya?” she asks, her words punctuated with a disapproving motherly tone.
To Jin's surprise, Kazuya suddenly steps forward and wraps his arms around him. He says, “Thank you,” loud enough for his mother to hear, but Jin knows the subtle brush of Kazuya's cheek against his before the other pulls away is just for him. He remembers to return the hug before Kazuya moves completely beyond his reach, and he has to will himself not to keep him there in the circle of his arms long enough to raise suspicion.
Later that night, after the rest of Kazuya's presents and cake, Kazuya stands in front of the mirror in the bedroom again, staring down imaginary batters on the other side of the glass and going through the steps of his wind-up and delivery over and over again in slow-motion.
Jin stands at his side, more admiring Kazuya's figure as his body moves than watching for flaws in his form. “It looks good on you,” he offers. To that, he adds, “You look like Manny Ramirez,” because he's the only Dodgers player he can think of, and if Jin with his little knowledge of baseball knows who he is, he must be pretty famous.
Except instead of looking pleased, Kazuya responds to his comment with a blank look. “Manny Ramirez doesn't play for the Dodgers anymore,” he says, “and he's not a pitcher.” Turning back to his reflection, he mimes hurling a slow-motion fastball into the glass. “Plus, he's fat.”
Jin chokes. Immediately he starts to apologize, because the last thing he'd ever want Kazuya to think is that he thinks he's fat, but he stops when he sees a bright smile come over Kazuya's face, first reflected in the mirror and then directed at him.
There's a hint of shyness in his voice when he says, “Thank you,” and then, “I love it,” as he wraps his arms around Jin's shoulders once more.
“Oh...no problem.”
Kazuya smiles a bit wider and then leans in to thank him properly.
Part 5
From the first day of the New Year on, Jin and Kazuya become inseparable. Although they have to conceal their newfound affection for each other from the rest of the family (which they both find to be just about as difficult as they'd expected, which is very), they still spend as much time together as they feel they can get away with, whether it be leaving together for school in the morning, helping each other study for finals, or sitting close together in the evenings when the family gathers to watch TV. Eventually, though, Kazuya's mother notices that they're acting differently. When she comments on it, asking why they suddenly seem much closer with each other (there's no suspicion in her voice to suggest what she thinks they're doing is inappropriate, but the fact that they're being obvious enough about it for it to be noticeable is cause for concern in itself), Kazuya hastily tells her it's because he and Jin have become best friends. Thankfully, she believes him. Having dodged their first bullet, they're much more careful about about how much attention they pay to each other after that, because they're not best friends, and they probably couldn't pretend to be for very long if they had to.
In the first few weeks he and Jin are a couple, Kazuya thinks back a lot to their first kiss. He'd like to figure out who kissed whom, but he doesn't think that's something he'll be able to come up with an answer for, because, instead of one of them taking the initiative, the way they had kissed felt more like opposite sides of a magnet coming together. He feels that same pull whenever he and Jin are together, even when they're not alone and he has to do everything he can to make it appear as though the other's presence doesn't have any effect on him. At times like that, the bedroom they share starts to feel like a sanctuary.
So long as they remember to lock the door, they can be as close as they want. At night in particular, being alone together in the comforting darkness of their room makes it feel as though nothing else exists beyond those four walls. They share kisses that taste of toothpaste before getting into bed, where they lay facing each other and stay up late into the night, sharing secrets and talking about everything that crosses their minds until one of them falls asleep. Seeing Jin's warm eyes, his pupils wide in the darkness as he smiles at him quickly becomes Kazuya's favorite part of the day.
On one such night, he's the first to fall asleep (a fact he knows because he feels the gentle press of lips to his own just before he drifts into subconscious), but he doesn't stay that way for long. Not more than an hour after he dozes off, he's roused again by simultaneous chattering and rustling noises. A quick glance to his left reveals Jin to be the source of both sounds-his whole body shivers under the covers, and the clicking noise Kazuya hears is the sound of Jin's teeth chattering. He reaches a hand out of his own cocoon of blankets, and Jin starts at the sudden touch of a warm palm to the cold skin at his shoulder.
“You're freezing,” Kazuya murmurs, as if it isn't obvious, his voice scratchy with sleep and the chill in the air. He runs his hand over Jin's shoulder in an attempt to share heat before realizing there's an easier way. Wordlessly, he draws back the covers of his futon.
Recognizing the intent in his action, Jin looks at him for a moment as if to ask if it's really okay before scurrying across, making Kazuya hiss when he tries to warm himself by pressing his frigid limbs into all of the gaps he can find between his and Kazuya's body.
“How come you're so cold?” Kazuya asks, drawing the blankets up again and making sure they cover Jin's shoulders before shifting to get more comfortable against him.
“Because Japan's so cold,” Jin whines in response. “We don't even have a real winter in L.A., but our houses still have heat! What's up with that?”
Kazuya hums, the additional body heat provided by him and Jin curling around each other threatening to lull him back to sleep. “Energy conservation.”
Jin's lower lip juts forward in a pout, and he fidgets awkwardly, making it obvious he doesn't recognize the phrase. “In the morning, I'm going to have you write that down for me so I can look it up.”
While Jin pouts, Kazuya grins. Recently, he hasn't seen Jin go anywhere without his new favorite toy-an electronic dictionary he'd received from the family for Christmas. “If you remember in the morning, that is.”
“Oi, shut up~”
Kazuya chuckles, and Jin joins in a moment later, but in response to something else he'd suddenly remembered instead of Kazuya thinking himself clever at half-past three in the morning. “Ne, Kazuya.”
“Hm?”
“I thought of something a while back. You know how Tokyo Dome is sometimes called, 'The Big Egg,' right?”
Kazuya suddenly feels wide awake again at the mention of one of his favorite places in the entire world. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, when I heard that, I thought, 'What could be big enough to lay an egg that size?' and then I realized: Godzilla.”
Kazuya blinks at him, his eyes curious in the dark as he deadpans, “Godzilla.”
“Exactly. And since the Giants play there, that makes them the biggest, baddest, fiercest team in all of baseball!”
Jin can't help but think his patience in sharing that remark has paid off when he's rewarded for it with the sensation of Kazuya's body shaking with silent laughter as he tries to suppress his giggles by burying his face in his shoulder. A smile comes to Jin's face, and he draws his arms just a bit tighter around him. “You know it's true.”
Kazuya still can't stop laughing. “That's, you...you're absolutely right. The Giants are going to kick ass next year because they're the spawn of Godzilla!”
Jin hums and presses a kiss to the top of Kazuya's head. “Of course they are.” He's the one who starts giggling when something else suddenly comes to him. “Ne, so what does that make all of those idol singers who do all of their concerts at Tokyo Dome?” He yelps when Kazuya suddenly bangs his knee into his shin, but he quickly forgives him when he realizes it's because he's laughing too hard to contain it within his body.
He doesn't think he's ever seen Kazuya's eyes shine so brightly as they do when he pulls back a little to say that he's always thought there was something reptilian about Matsumoto Jun.
Jin quickly fires back, “So what does that make that Takki guy?”
“He's Mosura!”
They both dissolve into laughter again, and, perhaps because Mosura is one of the villains Godzilla has to do battle with, they somehow get on the topic of what would happen if all of the Johnny's had to fight each other.
“There'd be a bloodbath at Countdown!”
“Battle Royale: Idol Edition!”
They keep going on about the possibilities until Kazuya's father comes along and bangs on the door, telling them to knock it off and go to sleep. They share a few more (quieter) giggles, but then start to sober, the late hour finally starting to have an effect on them. For a moment or two, they just look at each other in the darkness, each silently conveying their happiness with how close they've become and marveling that it happened.
Kazuya yawns first, and Jin follows suit a few seconds later. Realizing that sleep is suddenly threatening to take them both away, they shift a little to get comfortable and share a few slow goodnight kisses.
When he pulls away, Kazuya finds a good pillow in Jin's shoulder, and he feels an arm snake around his waist to hold him close. “Sleep well,” he whispers, eyelids falling shut as lips press briefly to the crown of his head.
“You, too.”
They both do.
~*~*~*~
As January gives way to February, Jin's first semester of university comes to an end, and the sight of his boyfriend lounging about the house in sweatpants while he still dons his uniform jacket every day reminds Kazuya of the promise he'd made in the park that day they went to karaoke. He hasn't by any means forgotten about Jin's desire to track down his family, but the matter becomes much more pressing when he realizes Jin's now at the halfway point of his stay in Japan. Therefore, it weighs on his mind a bit more heavily, and he begins to wonder if the opportunity to follow through on his promise might come sooner as opposed to later.
One night, he thinks about it to the point where it prevents him from falling asleep, and that ends up being the night in which Jin's hope to discover more about his ancestry becomes more of a concrete plan than a far-off dream. Careful not to disturb Jin beside him, Kazuya crawls out of his futon and makes his way over to his computer desk. When he switches the machine on, the harsh glow of the monitor backlight makes him wince, and it takes a full minute of rapid blinking before the characters on the screen start to come into focus. Settling himself in his chair, he opens up a browser window and starts clacking at the keys to pull up genealogy websites, thinking that's probably the best place to start in digging up information about Jin's family. He's so focused on his task, he doesn't notice that Jin's light snoring has long since ceased until the sound of the other's voice cuts through the night.
“What're you doing?”
Kazuya jumps in his chair and turns to find Jin sitting up in his futon, blearily rubbing at his eyes and looking altogether adorable in his sleep-disheveled state. “Just some research,” he replies, quickly turning on the desk lamp when he realizes Jin's squinting at him because the blue glow of the screen over his shoulder hurts his eyes.
The other hums thoughtfully and shuffles across the room to stand at Kazuya's side. “About what?” he asks, but instead of waiting for an answer, he peers at the screen and quickly determines from the sepia-toned family portraits lining the sides of the page Kazuya's looking at what kind of information he's looking for. “Trying to figure out just how your name came to be 'Turtle Pear'?”
Kazuya glares. “I've told you not to do that.”
There's a grin in Jin's voice when he answers, “Do what?”
“You know what-confusing me by putting English words in Japanese sentences.”
“That shouldn't confuse you, Kazuya! Japanese uses thousands of English words!”
“That's completely different, and you know it!”
Instead of pushing the point further, Jin just trails off with a chuckle. “So what are you really doing?”
At that point, Kazuya scoots over a bit on the chair, making room for Jin to sit beside him. Teasing aside, he's kind of glad Jin woke up, because he's realized he won't get very far on this project without his help. “I'm trying to find out about your family.”
It's a struggle for them both to sit comfortably on the small swivel chair, but they manage pretty well after Jin wraps his arm around Kazuya's waist to keep him from falling off. “So what have you found out so far?” he asks, resting his head on his elbow propped up on the desk so he can easily see both the computer screen and Kazuya.
Kazuya sighs and mimics his pose. “Not much. I'm assuming your name at one point used kanji, but do you happen to know what they are?”
Jin purses his lips, which Kazuya takes to mean 'no,' even before he asks, “Is that something you think we can figure out?”
“Possibly,” he says, already clicking at the keys again. “'Akanishi' is easy enough.” He types in the kanji meaning 'red' and 'west'.
Taking a look at the screen, Jin regards the characters thoughtfully for a moment before asking, “So my name has something to do with the sunset?”
The question earns him a fond smile. “Could be.” It turns clever a moment later, though. “Or you're just named after akanishigai.”
Jin blinks at the unfamiliar word. “What?”
“Have you ever been to a conveyor belt sushi place? They serve it there.”
Jin's vocabulary isn't quite good enough to handle Kazuya's description of a certain type of snail, but he eventually catches on to the point where he figures he should be offended, and he smacks lightly at Kazuya's arm. “Oi, stop making bad jokes and get back to your research.”
The way Kazuya laughs at Jin's reaction suggests he hadn't thought it to be too bad of a joke. “Yeah, yeah, okay...”
'Jin' takes a bit longer. It's unlikely they'll find anything on him in the Japanese genealogy records, but they decide to give it a shot, anyway. Given the large number of different pronunciations for Chinese characters in Japanese, especially when it comes to names, Kazuya ends up scrolling through a list of all the ones that could possibly be read as 'Jin' until Jin's hand on his forearm makes him stop.
“That one,” he says, pointing at a character made up of four strokes with the attached meaning of 'benevolence,' arguably the most important of the five virtues in Classical Confucianism. Kazuya doubts Jin knows any of that, though, because the reason he gives for pointing out that specific kanji is, “It's the same as my great-grandfather's.”
Kazuya's eyebrows shoot towards his hairline when Jin suddenly gets up and starts rifling through his wallet, returning with a folded piece of paper that turns out to be a copy of a very old Japanese birth certificate.
“I don't know why my parents had this,” Jin explains, flattening the document on the surface of the desk in an attempt to get rid of the creases. “Maybe it was with my grandpa's papers when he died, and no one ever noticed. Anyway, I found it in my parents' desk while doing some investigating at home, and I didn't tell them I took it with me to Japan.”
Kazuya can't help but smile when he hears a hint of pride enter Jin's voice, and a quick skim of the paper reveals the kanji to be the same. “Well, that makes things easier,” he says as he types it in. “I wonder if his name was Jin, too.”
In the end, they don't find anything on another Akanishi Jin, but there's quite a bit on an Akanishi Hitoshi, who Jin confirms as his great-grandfather after comparing the dates on the website to the birth certificate and finding his grandfather's name listed among Hitoshi's children. Kazuya's hand finds Jin's shoulder when he stares at the screen and muses, “I never knew I had so many relatives.”
“Maybe we'll be able to find some of them,” Kazuya says, replacing his hand with his chin when it looks as though Jin would benefit from more closeness.
Jin hums and scrolls a bit further down the screen. “This says they lived in Kyushu, though. That's really far from here.”
“So we'll take a shinkansen and spend a night at a hotel. We can go in the middle of March, after graduation but before the start of the baseball season and your new semester of school. Not to mention, all the flowers will be blooming.” Kazuya blushes a little at the romantic turn his idea of their trip seems to take, but that doesn't seem like such a bad thing when Jin turns to him with a soft, vulnerable look in his eyes. In the end, he can't help but smile. “Leave it to me. I'll take care of everything.”
He's a bit surprised when the next thing Jin does is turn to cup his jaw and nibble gently at his lips, slipping his tongue between them when they automatically part. It's a kiss steeped with gratitude, which Kazuya returns in earnest, grasping at the fabric of Jin's pajama top and sighing into his mouth.
They're both panting a little when they pull apart, and Kazuya more feels than hears Jin's whisper of, “Thank you,” against his lips. He replies with another firm peck and turns in Jin's arms to print out what they've found so far before suggesting they go back to bed.
Buried deep in the covers of Kazuya's futon, they hold each other close and share a few more languid kisses while the printer whirs in the background.
~*~*~*~
Within a week, Kazuya convinces his parents it's a good idea for him and Jin to take a long weekend trip to Kyushu (involving an elaborate lie about how, as a guest in Japan, Jin should take advantage of any chance to see what the whole country has to offer), and once he clears that first hurdle, setting the exact dates and making the train reservations become much easier. One detail he leaves out of his explanation of their trip to his parents is the fact that he won't be able to make hotel reservations in advance, because, although he and Jin had been able to narrow down the most likely location of Jin's family to one of the rural areas of southern Kyushu, they'll have to consult the records at the local government office to pinpoint exactly where they live. The lack of a set plan for lodging adds a sense of adventure and even danger to their trip, but Kazuya figures it'll be all right. Should they find themselves miles from a hotel with a vacant room, chances are they'll be able to take advantage of Kyushu hospitality and someone will let them stay the night. Should that fail them, in the worst-case scenario, they'll take a train or a night bus back to Fukuoka, where they'll definitely be able to find somewhere to stay and try again the following morning.
While Kazuya makes the preparations, Jin seems to go about in a constant state of deep gratitude and disbelief, as though he never in his wildest dreams thought that he'd get the chance to do this, despite how long he'd thought about it. Ever one to express his feelings, most of this manifests as affection, which Kazuya quickly comes to find he appreciates. Therefore, it comes as a complete surprise when, after everything Kazuya's done, around the middle of the month, Jin suddenly turns cold towards him.
12. Avril Lavigne--Complicated
It's the first time since Jin started clubbing that he's expressed any form of serious anger or frustration, and while Kazuya had been concerned then, he's much more so now that he and Jin are dating. However, a much larger part of him is hurt by the sudden lack of, well, anything from Jin, and for that reason, he stubbornly refuses to confront him about it, thinking that if Jin has a problem with something, he should come talk to him about it instead of going through all the motions of what Kazuya likes to think of as passive-aggressive bullshit. So after the third night in a row where Jin turns away from him without a goodnight kiss, Kazuya stops expecting one and turns on his side so they face opposite walls instead of falling asleep within easy reach of each other.
Kazuya's content to let their mutual use of the silent treatment continue as long as it takes for Jin to come to his senses, but he finds he doesn't care anymore who's the first to break the stalemate between them when he hears Jin mumble a few choice words about Mayumi-chan, a sweet girl who's been a friend of Kazuya's since middle school and whose birthday party he'd recently attended. He'd found it odd that Jin had waited up for him after karaoke that night, only to roll over without a word and feign sleep after he'd slipped into their bedroom at half-past twelve in the morning, but things start to make sense with those remarks tinged with jealousy.
Anger swells up in him, and he makes use of every ounce of hidden strength in his sinewy limbs to forcefully shove Jin out the door. Gripping tightly onto his forearm, he drags him to a nearby park, where he can raise his voice as loudly as he wants without fear of anyone in the family overhearing. The baseball field in February is an ugly mix of wet dirt and slush (the first and only snowfall it's likely Tokyo will see that winter), and Kazuya feels just a hint of satisfaction when the heat in Jin's glare can't shield his chill-sensitive body from the cold and he quickly draws his arms around himself.
Jin's sneakers skid backwards a little in the snow as Kazuya shoves his shoulders. “What's your problem, Jin?! You've been an asshole lately, and you've got no right to talk about Mayumi-chan like that!”
His violence seems to catch Jin off-guard a little bit, but he quickly retaliates, pointing at Kazuya and firing back, “You! You're my problem! You're an insensitive bastard, you know that?!”
Kazuya could very easily push him again, but his surprise at Jin's answer keeps him rooted firmly in place. “The fuck are you talking about?”
Hurt starts to seep into Jin's eyes, replacing the fury that had been there a moment ago and making a vague feeling of guilt start to tug at Kazuya's heart, even though he doesn't know yet what he should be feeling guilty for. “Valentine's Day, you moron! Did you think I wouldn't notice that you didn't get me anything or take me anywhere or...anything?”
He doesn't look the slightest bit impressed when Kazuya suddenly starts laughing, and then it's his turn to get shoved, but Kazuya finds he doesn't really care all that much that he lands on his ass in the dirt and Jin calls him insensitive again. There's still a hint of amusement in his voice when he asks, “That's what this is about?”
Jin just crosses his arms over his chest and continues to glare.
Getting to his feet, Kazuya says, in a much gentler voice than he had used when they first came out there, “Jin, I didn't get you anything or expect anything from you because neither of us are girls. I don't know how it works in America, but Valentine's Day is a girls' holiday in Japan.”
Jin, too, sobers a bit when he hears this information. “Oh.”
Kazuya can't help but chuckle a bit at Jin's reaction. “Why? Did you get me something?”
Jin glares again, but it's more of a defensive look than an angry one. “Maybe. But I ate it when I realized you weren't going to do anything.” He makes a face. “Japanese store-bought chocolate is really crappy, huh?”
A peal of fond giggles escapes from Kazuya's throat before he can stop it. He stops laughing abruptly, though, when his brain processes the rest of what Jin said. “Wait a minute. You were going to give me store-bought chocolate?”
Jin looks affronted, and he moves his arms about in a manner that can only be described as 'defensive flailing' before he remembers the cold and wraps them tightly around his body once more. “They were chocolate turtles! It was supposed to be meaningful! Why do you look so offended? Would something else have been better? I did see a really nice gold chain at the department store when I went to get the chocolates, but I thought maybe we hadn't been going out long enough for something like that.”
Feeling warmer suddenly from Jin's admission and the revelation that the tension between them might be starting to thaw, Kazuya decides to share that warmth, and his embrace does much more to protect Jin from the cold than his own arms had. “The tradition is for girls to make homemade chocolates for the boys they really care about and give store-bought ones to everyone else. But you had no way of knowing that, and I didn't think to tell you because I was wrapped up in other stuff.”
Jin returns the embrace tightly when he realizes that the 'other stuff' that kept Kazuya busy was planning their trip to Kyushu. “I'm sorry, Kazuya,” he says quietly, sounding humble and a bit emotional with his realization.
Kazuya presses his nose to Jin's hair just behind his temple. “It's okay. I'm sorry, too.” He pulls away far enough to drop a kiss to Jin's cheek, but not to move from the circle of his arms. “So why did you say that about Mayumi-chan?”
Jin shifts a bit uncomfortably in his arms, apparently trying to look anywhere but at Kazuya, which proves difficult given their proximity. “Because on Valentine's Day you came back from school with all kinds of different chocolates, and then a couple days later you stayed out for hours with her at karaoke. I put two and two together.”
Bushy eyebrows furrow as Kazuya tries to work out how exactly that equates to him and Mayumi-chan carrying on a secret affair. “Jin, I went to karaoke with her because it was a surprise birthday party. Organized by her girlfriend.” He pauses for a moment to make sure Jin understands what he means by 'girlfriend,' only continuing when he sees his brown eyes widen and his chapped lips form a perfect 'o'. “Trust me, Mayumi-chan doesn't like me like that. The only reason I got homemade chocolates from her is because I'm the only male friend she's got, and she really likes to bake.”
Kazuya feels Jin's arms around his waist tighten a bit as he processes this information. “And what about the others?” he murmurs, dropping his head a little to press his cheek to Kazuya's.
“Standard stuff from the weird group of girls that gives gifts to everyone on all the different sports teams every year. I still have a lot of it left at home, but maybe I shouldn't share it with you if you're going to get jealous of every single girl in my year.” His tone is playful, but the look he gives Jin as he says that isn't, and Jin's response is to cast his eyes downward as he mumbles out a combined apology and explanation that it's just part of who he is.
Kazuya opens his mouth to ask Jin why it's never come up before, but before he can get the words out, he thinks back on it and realizes that Jin's jealous side has indeed surfaced at least once prior-that day just before New Year's when Jin had caught him daydreaming about how to confess and had sneered as he'd accused him of having a secret girlfriend. At the time, he'd been too angry at Jin for misunderstanding him to really think about what Jin's reaction had meant-he'd gotten upset enough to say something about it to him at the thought of his crush going out with a non-existent person convoluted by his imagination, while in reality, Kazuya had been escaping the house to go play baseball.
The realization that Jin is indeed jealous by nature, though, doesn't make his behavior in any way acceptable. It hurts Kazuya to know it's easier for Jin to believe he'd date a girl behind his back instead of honoring their relationship. Even though he knows that trust in a relationship is something that only comes with time and he and Jin haven't been dating all that long yet, he'd still like to think they should be able to have more faith in each other than that. He vocalizes that to Jin, and he hopes the disappointed tone in his voice registers with him.
From the way Jin's eyes seem to soften when he hears Kazuya's words, it does. “I'm sorry,” he says again, his own voice a bit more forlorn and broken-sounding than it had been before. “I don't know why I think like that. It doesn't make any sense, because you've never given me any reason not to trust you, and yet...my first reaction is always to get jealous. It's bad. I promise I'll work on it...”
Kazuya thinks it's lucky that particular aspect of Jin's personality manifested when it did, over something relatively unimportant-it's not like a misunderstanding over something like Valentine's Day is difficult to work through, after all. Although he feels like he should scold Jin a bit more for reacting so strongly, another part of him feels as though Jin's vow to try and change for him means he's entered a grown-up relationship, because adults work through their problems and make compromises instead of going their separate ways at the first sign of trouble. Feelings of affection for Jin start to flutter back, replacing the swell of anger that had earlier pushed them out. “That'd be good. And don't worry, I'll do my best to make up for this, too. On White Day, I'll show you you're the only one who's special to me.” He seals his own promise with a peck to Jin's lips.
Jin's cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink than they had been from just the cold from the sudden sweet turn of Kazuya's behavior, but what he said soon distracts him from it. “Wait...'White Day'?”
A chuckle shakes Kazuya's frame in response to both the situation and Jin's obvious confusion. “March 14th is essentially a second Valentine's Day, except the guys give instead of the girls. So if you want another shot at getting me a present...” He trails off suggestively and flashes a smile, which Jin quickly returns before kissing it off his lips.
“So about that chocolate you have left,” he says several minutes later, when the cold starts to seep through even their bodies pressed together, “feel like sharing now?”
Kazuya hums and buries his hands in the pockets of Jin's hoodie to provide some extra warmth. “Hot cocoa actually sounds a bit better, don't you think?”
When he sees Kazuya's frame start to tremble, Jin pulls his sweatshirt over his head and offers it to him; Kazuya only accepts when insisting Jin needs it more than he does only gets him several stubborn head-shakes in response. The sleeves of the hoodie fall over Kazuya's hands, and when he takes Jin's hand as they head for home, he pulls it inside the thick, heavy fabric with his own.
After they get back to the house, they each take their turn in the bath and lock themselves in their bedroom with enough chocolate and hot cocoa to make themselves sick.
Several hours later, Kazuya sprawls out on his futon to give his distended belly room to stretch, and it doesn't surprise him that Jin follows suit. They turn on their sides to face each other, resting their heads on their propped up elbows, and Kazuya rests his free hand over Jin's waist. “So how do people celebrate Valentine's Day in America?”
Jin grins. “We~ll, usually people in relationships buy each other presents, go out to dinner, and generally act all lovey-dovey.” At the word 'lovey-dovey,' he reaches over and delivers a few sharp jabs to Kazuya's side, which makes the younger shriek and clutch at his abused stomach. “And then they have sex.”
The look on Jin's face changes a little at the mention of sex, and Kazuya starts feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable when he sees it. There's not much by means of intent in Jin's gaze, but it's still a look that speaks of knowledge and experience, two things Kazuya can't say he has a lot of. “Ah, that's not all that different from here, I guess.”
The sudden change in Kazuya's body language doesn't go unnoticed, and Jin seems to know what it means, because he gets a certain look in his eyes as he shifts closer. Kazuya knows. He just knows the next thing out of Jin's mouth is going to be--
“Ne, Kazuya. Have you ever...you know, done it before?”
Suddenly it feels like all of the chocolate he ate before is trying to twist his stomach into knots. Very painful knots. His cheeks flaming, he tries to hide his face in his pillow, which makes his response of, “Haven't really gotten a chance yet,” to come out the slightest bit muffled. Unfortunately, though, it's still understandable, and Jin nods. “I mean, it's not that I'm a prude or anything, and I've dated people before,” he's quick to defend himself. “Just...haven't had a chance,” he ends up repeating lamely, and he decides to turn the question on Jin before the other can laugh at him. “What about you?”
The moment the words leave his mouth, he wishes he hadn't asked. He has a feeling he knows the answer, and hearing it confirmed only serves to embarrass him further. To his surprise, though, Jin isn't an ass about it. Instead, he shows soft, understanding eyes and starts tracing his fingertips over the warm skin just below the hem of Kazuya's shirt, saying, “I've only been with a guy a few times, if that helps put us on the same level.”
The look Kazuya gives him clearly says that it doesn't-not at all, and Jin backtracks a little. “In that case, we don't have to rush into anything...”
For the first time since the conversation began, some of the tension leaves Kazuya's frame, and he asks, “You mean you'll wait for me? I've not got anything against it-I just...” Need to feel comfortable is what he wants to say, but he can't seem to get the words out. Despite his trailing off into silence, Jin still nods again in understanding, and Kazuya doesn't need a verbal confirmation to feel relieved. Everyone was in his position once, so it's likely Jin knows how he feels..
At the very least, the fact that they're able to breach the topic makes him feel more at ease, and he scoots a bit closer to Jin, burying his head in the shoulder of his shirt. “Happy Valentine's Day,” he says at last, and Jin chuckles as he returns the sentiment, wrapping his arms around him.
~*~*~*~
Valentine's Day had been a bit of a fiasco, but Jin's well-prepared for Kazuya's birthday, having special-ordered his present weeks in advance so it would arrive from the States in plenty of time. The look that comes over Kazuya's face when he lifts the Los Angeles Dodgers jersey and matching cap out of the box is enough to let him know that he hit it out of the park (pun intended).
Kazuya's eyes go soft as he carefully holds the royal blue and white fabric in his hands, and Jin's cheeks start to hurt from smiling too much when he watches him run his fingers over the Major League Baseball patch on the sleeve and the tag attached to the collar that says it's authentic while the rest of his family oohs and aahs. Kazuya's mother shrieks at him when he bolts upstairs to his room without saying thank you, but Jin just laughs. He doesn't care, because he knows that right now Kazuya's pulling the jersey over his head and admiring his reflection in the mirror.
Sure enough, Kazuya comes back down a few minutes later to show off his present, fitting the cap on his head and folding the edges of the bill down towards his eyes. He turns a few times so they can see it from all angles, and when his father comments that he should get his name sewn on the back, Jin can't help but feel a bit prouder of his purchase. He'd bought a blank jersey not for that reason, but because at one point Kazuya had shown him his collection of baseball jerseys, and at that time, he'd lamented his bad luck in buying them-it's been the case almost every time he's gotten one, the following year the player he'd chosen got traded to another team. Well, Jin had found a way around that problem. And if Kazuya later decides he wants to have his name put on it, that'll only make the present even more special.
Kazuya's mother still looks cross. “What do you say, Kazuya?” she asks, her words punctuated with a disapproving motherly tone.
To Jin's surprise, Kazuya suddenly steps forward and wraps his arms around him. He says, “Thank you,” loud enough for his mother to hear, but Jin knows the subtle brush of Kazuya's cheek against his before the other pulls away is just for him. He remembers to return the hug before Kazuya moves completely beyond his reach, and he has to will himself not to keep him there in the circle of his arms long enough to raise suspicion.
Later that night, after the rest of Kazuya's presents and cake, Kazuya stands in front of the mirror in the bedroom again, staring down imaginary batters on the other side of the glass and going through the steps of his wind-up and delivery over and over again in slow-motion.
Jin stands at his side, more admiring Kazuya's figure as his body moves than watching for flaws in his form. “It looks good on you,” he offers. To that, he adds, “You look like Manny Ramirez,” because he's the only Dodgers player he can think of, and if Jin with his little knowledge of baseball knows who he is, he must be pretty famous.
Except instead of looking pleased, Kazuya responds to his comment with a blank look. “Manny Ramirez doesn't play for the Dodgers anymore,” he says, “and he's not a pitcher.” Turning back to his reflection, he mimes hurling a slow-motion fastball into the glass. “Plus, he's fat.”
Jin chokes. Immediately he starts to apologize, because the last thing he'd ever want Kazuya to think is that he thinks he's fat, but he stops when he sees a bright smile come over Kazuya's face, first reflected in the mirror and then directed at him.
There's a hint of shyness in his voice when he says, “Thank you,” and then, “I love it,” as he wraps his arms around Jin's shoulders once more.
“Oh...no problem.”
Kazuya smiles a bit wider and then leans in to thank him properly.
Part 5