A rhetorical question (don't answer)

[bluebloodbeast]

All I want to do is be decent, trustworthy, honorable, and noble. Why is that such a FUCKING hard thing to do?

--mark

Comments

[rainhappy]

what did you do?
or not do, or whatever?

(that's not an answer, it's a question...)

[bluebloodbeast]

I'm not sure if I should reply to such a backhanded, sneaky question as that (he said in jest!), but the answer is...nothing in particular. I just fail at avoiding being a two-faced dishonest fuck. Constantly. Every single time that I ever interact with anyone.

--mark

[bluebloodbeast]

Allow me, in fact, to be more precise:

I'm tired of half-assing my way through life. I'm tired of getting by with my relationships with others on lies and half-truths. I'm tired of, in school, doing just enough to pass rather than enough to excel. I'm tired of always taking the easiest path through life rather than the best path. I'm tired of my unspoken arrogance and condescension. I'm tired of my lack of involvement with so much of life. I'm tired of being the sort of person that you can trust or depend on sometimes, y'know, if I'm in the right kind of mood. I'm tired of prefering my own fucking comfort to any degree of morality. I'm tired of being insincere. I'm tired of not thinking rationally.

I'm tired of the fact that I vow to change this every two hours and haven't succeeded yet.

I need to be pumped full of fucking lead for betraying my own self so heinously. It is my own self's law, and I might as well follow it this once.

--mark