Hey---I'm 30 now, a month away from 31, and I realized tonight just how close I am to closing up my "miracle" year...the first year of the rest of my life, for like the 7th time...ha ha ha

Anyway, the goal was to learn how to ride or at least sit in the FRONT seat of a bike (HD only) this year....sign up for the motorcycle class or something.  So ( Read more... )

The healing cuts on my wrists leave me depressed.  The normalcy of life leaves me deflated.  The rain of today and the shit going on at work and the lack of anything going on at home makes me want to be manic and create some excitement for myself.  I started lithium two or three days ago and feel better, but I suspect the reason  i stayed up all ( Read more... )

dammit, why can't I figure out how to write anyone?  Have I been gone that long?  I want to write to Neuproler.  and Tyrven.  And my friends, and I can't, and I think I did something bad when I got mad b/c now my wrist is bleeding like holy hell and arm is getting numb, dammit, might need to put a towel or ace bandage on or something to stop ( Read more... )

You know what cutting your wrists when you're not suicidal is?  It is representative of cutting your heart, or having your heart cut by someone or something else.  Your pulse, from your heart, beats visibly in your wrists.  That is tangible.  You can't cut your heart.  But by God you can fucking cut that annoying heart pulse in your wrist....just ( Read more... )

I just spent an hour writing about cutting and why and what I'm doing right now, and it all got erased, every fucking thing.  Fuck this stupid journal.  I'm going to go find a nice fat pulsing vein.  At least that will produce something, relieve some anxiety, not just erase an hour's worth of my heart being typed out....

Goddammit I'm too stupid to even remember how to copy and paste a fucking quiz...

MY EPITAPH SAYS:

VENUS IN WONDERLAND:

-DIG HERE.

-FRANKENSTEIN

That's all I want to do tonight.  And the only place I can write about it, the only people I can talk to, are here.  Everyone in my real-life glass globe with the fake falling snow and pretty sparkles doesn't get it; they are all mad at me.  "FUCK YOU" "YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL" "THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU" "YOU DONT EVEN CARE DO YOU ( Read more... )

Holy shit I can't believe this still works! I moved, and I am in Portland instead of Seattle now, and completely haven't logged in for months, and was sure my account would be closed or lost. But it opened. Everything looks different, though. Will have to come back tomorrow and check out all the new livejournal additions. I don't have internet ( Read more... )

"..everyone knows diaries are just full of shit!"
-Bridget Jones

How exciting, except for the fact that I have no friends on my Friend list and feel like a big loser. Today is not a great day so far, I slept like %^&*(! last night and can barely keep my head up and it is only 10am. My girlfriends is at home, sleeping peacefully b/c she doesn't have to work until 130pm. Very unfair, considering she gets off at ( Read more... )